the governess-第14节
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but rather commended my ingenuity。 And I thought myself so wise； that I could thus get off the blame from myself； that I every day improved in new inventions to save myself； and have others punished in my place。
'This life of endeavouring to deceive I led till I came to school。 But here I found that I could not so well carry on my little schemes； for I was found out and punished for my own faults； and this created in me a hatred to my companions。 For whatever Miss I had a mind to serve as I used to serve our foot…boy； in laying the blame falsely upon her； if she could justify herself； and prove me in the wrong； I was very angry with her； for daring to contradict me； and not submitting as quietly to be punished wrongfully； as the foot…boy was forced to do。
'This is all I know of my life hitherto。'
Thus ended Miss Lucy Sly： and Miss Jenny Peace commended Miss Lucy for her free confession of her faults； and said； 'She doubted not but she would find the advantage of amending； and endeavouring to change a disposition so very pernicious to her own peace and quiet； as well as to that of all her friends；' but they now obeyed the summons of the supper…bell； and soon after retired to rest。
THURSDAY。 THE FOURTH DAY。
Our little company； as soon as the morning school…hours were over； hastened to their arbour； and were attentive to what Miss Jenny Peace should propose to them for their amusement till dinner…time； when Miss Jenny； looking round upon them； said； 'that she had not at present any story to read； but that she hoped； from Miss Dolly Friendly's example yesterday； some of the rest might endeavour sometimes to furnish out the entertainment of the day。' Upon which Miss Sukey Jennett said； 'that though she could not promise them such an agreeable story as Miss Dolly's； yet she would read them a letter she had received the evening before from her Cousin Peggy Smith； who lived at York； in which there was a story that she thought very strange and remarkable。 They were all very desirous of it； when Miss Sukey read as follows：
'Dear cousin；I promised； you know； to write to you when I had anything to tell you； and as I think the following story very extraordinary； I was willing to keep my word。
'Some time ago there came to settle in this city； a lady； whose name was Dison。 We all visited her： but she had so deep a melancholy； arising； as it appeared； from a settled state of ill health； that nothing we could do could afford her the least relief； or make her cheerful。 In this condition she languished amongst us five years； still continuing to grow worse and worse。
'We all grieved at her fate。 Her flesh was withered away； her appetite decayed by degrees； till all food became nauseous to her sight； her strength failed her； her feet could not support her tottering body； lean and worn away as it was； and we hourly expected her death。 When； at last； she one day called her most intimate friends to her bedside； and； as well as she could； spoke to the following purpose： 'I know you all pity me； but； alas！ I am not so much the object of your pity； as your contempt； for all my misery is of my own seeking； and owing to the wickedness of my own mind。 I had two sisters； with whom I was bred up； and I have all my lifetime been unhappy； for no other cause but for their success in the world。 When we were young； I could neither eat nor sleep in peace； when they had either praise or pleasure。 When we grew up to be women； they were both soon married much to their advantage and satisfaction。 This galled me to the heart； and； though I had several good offers； yet as I did not think them in all respects equal to my sisters； I would not accept them； and yet was inwardly vexed to refuse them； for fear I would get no better。 I generally deliberated so long that I lost my lovers； and then I pined for that loss。 I never wanted for anything； and was in a situation in which I might have been happy； if I pleased。 My sisters loved me very well； for I concealed as much as possible from them my odious envy； and yet never did any poor wretch lead so miserable a life as I have done； for every blessing they enjoyed was as so many daggers to my heart。 'Tis this envy that has caused all my ill health； has preyed upon my very vitals； and will now bring me to my Grave。〃
'In a few days after this confession she died； and her words and death made such a strong impression on my mind； that I could not help sending you this relation； and begging you； my dear Sukey； to remember how careful we ought to be to curb in our minds the very first risings of a passion so detestable； and so fatal； as this proved to poor Mrs。 Dison。 I know I have no particular reason for giving you this caution； for I never saw anything in you； but what deserved the love and esteem of
'Your very affectionate cousin； 'M。 SMITH。'
As soon as Miss Sukey had finished her letter； Miss Patty Lockit rose up； and； flying to Miss Jenny Peace； embraced her； and said； 'What thanks can I give you； my dear friend； for having put me into a way of examining my heart； and reflecting on my own actions； by which you have saved me； perhaps； from a life as miserable as that of the poor woman in Miss Sukey's letter！' Miss Jenny did not thoroughly understand her meaning； but imagining it might be something relating to her past life； desired her to explain herself； which she said she would do； telling now； in her turn； all that had hitherto happened to her。
THE DESCRIPTION OF MISS PATTY LOCKIT。
Miss Patty Lockit was but ten years old； tall； inclined to fat。 Her neck was short； and she was not in the least genteel。 Her face was very handsome； for all her features were extremely good。 She had large blue eyes； was exceeding fair； and had a great bloom on her cheeks。 Her hair was the very first degree of light brown； was bright and shining； and hung in ringlets half way down her back。 Her mouth was rather too large； but she had such fine teeth； and looked so agreeably when she smiled； that you was not sensible of any fault in it。
This was the person of Miss Patty Lockit； who was slow to relate her past life； which she did； in the following manner：
THE LIFE OF MISS PATTY LOCKIT。
I lived； till I was six years old； in a very large family； for I had four sisters； all older than myself； and three brothers。 We played together； and passed our time much in the common way： sometimes we quarrelled； and sometimes agreed； just as accident would have it。 Our parents had no partiality to any of us； so we had no cause to envy one another on that account； and we lived tolerably well together。
'When I was six years old； my grandmother by my father's side （and who was also my godmother） offering to take me to live with her； and promising to look upon me as her own child； and entirely to provide for me； my father and mother； as they had a large family； very readily accepted her offer； and sent me directly to her house。
'About half a year before this； she had taken another goddaughter； the only child of my Aunt Bradly； who was lately dead； and whose husband was gone to the West Indies。 My cousin； Molly Bradly； was four years older than I； and her mother had taken such pains in her education； that the understood more than most girls of her age； and had so much liveliness； good humour； and ingenuity； that everybody was fond of her； and wherever we went together； all the notice was taken of my cousin； and I was very little regarded。
'Though I had all my life before lived in a family where every one in it was older； and knew more than myself； yet I was very easy； for we were generally together in the nursery； and nobody took much notice of us； whether we knew anything； or whether we did not。 But now； as I lived in the house with only one companion； who was so much more admired than myself； the comparison began to vex me； and I found a strong hatred and aversion for my cousin arising in my mind； and yet； I verily believe I should have got the better of it； and been willing to have learnt of my cousin； and should have loved her for teaching me； if any one had told me it was right； and if it had not been that Betty； the maid who took care of us； used to be for ever teasing me about the preference that was shown to my cousin； and the neglect I always met with。 She used to tell me； that she wondered how I could bear to see Miss Molly so caressed； and that it was want of spirit not to think myself as good as she was； and； if she was in my place； she would not submit to be taught by a child； for my Cousin Molly frequently offered to instruct me in anything she knew； but I used to say （as Betty had taught me） that I would not learn of her； for she was but a child； though she was a little older； and that I was not put under her care； but that of my grandmamma。 But she； poor woman； was so old and unhealthy； that she never troubled her head much about us； but only to take care that we wanted for nothing。 I lived in this manner three years； fretting and vexing myself that I did not know so much； nor was not so much liked； as my Cousin Molly； and yet resolving not to learn anything she could teach me； when my grandmamma was advised to send me to school； but； as soon as I came here；
