the ninth vibration-第15节

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I'm　not　worth　that；　God　knows。　And　you　will　take　nothing　I　could　give　you　in　return。〃

She　spoke　very　quietly。

〃That　does　not　trouble　me。　…　It　would　only　trouble　me　if　you　asked　what　I　have　not　to　give。　For　two　months　I　would　travel　with　you　as　a　friend；　if；　like　a　friend；　I　paid　my　own　expenses…〃

I　would　have　interrupted；　but　she　brushed　that　firmly　aside。　〃No；　I　must　do　as　I　say；　and　I　am　quite　able　to　or　I　should　not　suggest　it。　I　would　go　on　no　other　terms。　It　would　be　hard　if　because　we　are　man　and　woman　I　might　not　do　one　act　of　friendship　for　you　before　we　part。　For　though　I　refuse　your　offer　utterly；　I　appreciate　it；　and　I　would　make　what　little　return　I　can。　It　would　be　a　sharp　pain　to　me　to　distress　you。〃

Her　gentleness　and　calm；　the　magnitude　of　the　offer　she　was　making　stunned　me　so　that　I　could　scarcely　speak。　There　was　such　an　extraordinary　simplicity　and　generosity　in　her　manner　that　it　appeared　to　me　more　enthralling　and　bewildering　than　the　most　finished　coquetry　I　had　ever　known。　She　gave　me　opportunities　that　the　most　ardent　lover　could　in　his　wildest　dream　desire；　and　with　the　remoteness　in　her　eyes　and　her　still　voice　she　deprived　them　of　all　hope。　It　kindled　in　me　a　flame　that　made　my　throat　dry　when　I　tried　to　speak。

〃Vanna；　is　it　a　promise？　You　mean　it？〃

〃If　you　wish　it；　yes。　But　I　warn　you　I　think　it　will　not　make　it　easier　for　you　when　the　time　is　over。

〃Why　two　months？〃

〃Partly　because　I　can　afford　no　more。　No！　I　know　what　you　would　say。　Partly　because　I　can　spare　no　more　time。　But　I　will　give　you　that；　if　you　wish；　though；　honestly；　I　had　very　much　rather　not。　I　think　it　unwise　for　you。　I　would　protect　you　if　I　could　…　indeed　I　would！〃

It　was　my　turn　to　hesitate　now。　Every　moment　revealed　to　me　some　new　sweetness；　some　charm　that　I　saw　would　weave　itself　into　the　very　fibre　of　my　I　had　been！　Was　I　not　now　a　fool？　Would　it　not　being　if　the　opportunity　were　given。　Oh；　fool　that　be　better　to　let　her　go　before　she　had　become　a　part　of　my　daily　experience？　I　began　to　fear　I　was　courting　my　own　shipwreck。　She　read　my　thoughts　clearly。

〃Indeed　you　would　be　wise　to　decide　against　it。　Release　me　from　my　promise。　It　was　a　mad　scheme。〃

The　superiority　…　or　so　I　felt　it　…　of　her　gentleness　maddened　me。　It　might　have　been　I　who　needed　protection；　who　was　running　the　risk　of　misjudgment　…　not　she；　a　lonely　woman。　She　looked　at　me；　waiting　…　trying　to　be　wise　for　me；　never　for　one　instant　thinking　of　herself。　I　felt　utterly　exiled　from　the　real　purpose　of　her　life。

〃I　will　never　release　you。　I　claim　your　promise。　I　hold　to　it。〃

〃Very　well　then　…　I　will　write；　and　tell　you　where　I　shall　be。　Good…bye；　and　if　you　change　your　mind；　as　I　hope　you　will；　tell　me。〃

She　extended　her　hand　cool　as　a　snowflake；　and　was　gone；　walking　swiftly　up　the　road。　Ah；　let　a　man　beware　when　his　wishes　fulfilled；　rain　down　upon　him！

To　what　had　I　committed　myself？　She　knew　her　strength　and　had　no　fears。　I　could　scarcely　realize　that　she　had　liking　enough　for　me　to　make　the　offer。　That　it　meant　no　shade　more　than　she　had　said　I　knew　well。　She　was　safe；　but　what　was　to　be　the　result　for　me？　I　knew　nothing　…　she　was　a　beloved　mystery。

　〃Strange　she　is　and　secret；　　Strange　her　eyes；　her　cheeks　are　cold　as　cold　sea…shells。〃

Yet　I　would　risk　it；　for　I　knew　there　was　no　hope　if　I　let　her　go　now；　and　if　I　saw　her　again；　some　glimmer　might　fall　upon　my　dark。

Next　day　this　reached　me：…　Dear　Mr。　Clifden；…

I　am　going　to　some　Indian　friends　for　a　time。　On　the　15th　of　June　I　shall　he　at　Srinagar　in　Kashmir。　A　friend　has　allowed　me　to　take　her　little　houseboat；　the　〃Kedarnath。〃　If　you　like　this　plan　we　will　share　the　cost　for　two　months。　I　warn　you　it　is　not　luxurious；　but　I　think　you　will　like　it。　I　shall　do　this　whether　you　come　or　no；　for　I　want　a　quiet　time　before　I　take　up　my　nursing　in　Lahore。　In　thinking　of　all　this　will　you　remember　that　I　am　not　a　girl　but　a　woman。　I　shall　he　twenty…nine　my　next　birthday。　Sincerely　yours；　VANNA　LORING。

P。S。　But　I　still　think　you　would　be　wiser　not　to　come。　I　hope　to　hear　you　will　not。

I　replied　only　this　：…　Dear　Miss　Loring；…　I　think　I　understand　the　position　fully。　I　will　be　there。　I　thank　you　with　all　my　heart。　Gratefully　yours；　STEPHEN　CLIFDEN。



IV　


Three　days　later　I　met　Lady　Meryon；　and　was　swept　in　to　tea。　Her　manner　was　distinctly　more　cordial　as　she　mentioned　casually　that　Vanna　had　left　…　she　understood　to　take　up　missionary　work　…　〃which　is　odd；〃　she　added　with　a　woman's　acrimony；　〃for　she　had　no　more　in　common　with　missionaries　than　I　have；　and　that　is　saying　a　good　deal。　Of　course　she　speaks　Hindustani　perfectly；　and　could　be　useful；　but　I　haven't　grasped　the　point　of　it　yet〃　I　saw　she　counted　on　my　knowing　nothing　of　the　real　reason　of　Vanna's　going　and　left　it；　of　course；　at　that。　The　talk　drifted　away　under　my　guidance。　Vanna　evidently　puzzled　her。　She　half　feared；　and　wholly　misunderstood　her。

No　message　came　to　me；　as　time　went　by；　and　for　the　time　she　had　vanished　completely；　but　I　held　fast　to　her　promise　and　lived　on　that　only。

I　take　up　my　life　where　it　ceased　to　be　a　mere　suspense　and　became　life　once　more。

On　the　15th　of　June；　I　found　myself　riding　into　Srinagar　in　Kashmir；　through　the　pure　tremulous　green　of　the　mighty　poplars　that　hedge　the　road　into　the　city。　The　beauty　of　the　country　had　half　stunned　me　when　I　entered　the　mountain　barrier　of　Baramula　and　saw　the　snowy　peaks　that　guard　the　Happy　Valley；　with　the　Jhelum　flowing　through　its　tranquil　loveliness。　The　flush　of　the　almond　blossom　was　over；　but　the　iris；　like　a　blue　sea　of　peace　had　overflowed　the　world　…　the　azure　meadows　smiled　back　at　the　radiant　sky。　Such　blossom！　the　blue　shading　into　clear　violet；　like　a　shoaling　sea。　The　earth；　like　a　cup　held　in　the　hand　of　a　god；　brimmed　with　the　draught　of　youth　and　summer　and　…　love？　But　no；　for　me　the　very　word　was　sinister。　Vanna's　face；　immutably　calm；　confronted　it。

That　night　I　slept　in　a　boat　at　Sopor；　and　I　remember　that；　waking　at　midnight；　I　looked　out　and　saw　a　mountain　with　a　gloriole　of　hazy　silver　about　it；　misty　and　faint　as　a　cobweb　threaded　with　dew。　The　river；　there　spreading　into　a　lake；　was　dark　under　it；　flowing　in　a　deep　smooth　blackness　of　shadow；　and　everything　awaited　…　what？　And　even　while　I　looked；　the　moon　floated　serenely　above　the　peak；　and　all　was　bathed　in　pure　light；　the　water　rippling　and　shining　in　broken　silver　and　pearl。　So　had　Vanna　floated　into　my　sky；　luminous；　sweet；　remote。　I　did　not　question　my　heart　any　more。　I　knew　I　loved　her。

Two　days　later　I　rode　into　Srinagar；　and　could　scarcely　see　the　wild　beauty　of　that　strange　Venice。　of　the　East；　my　heart　was　so　beating　in　my　eyes。　I　rode　past　the　lovely　wooden　bridges　where　the　balconied　houses　totter　to　each　other　across　the　canals　in　dim　splendour　of　carving　and　age；　where　the　many…coloured　native　life　crowds　down　to　the　river　steps　and　cleanses　its　flower…bright　robes；　its　gold…bright　brass　vessels　in　the　shining　stream；　and　my　heart　said　only　…　Vanna；　Vanna！

One　day；　one　thought；　of　her　absence　had　taught　me　what　she　was　to　me；　and　if　humility　and　patient　endeavor　could　raise　me　to　her　feet；　I　was　resolved　that　I　would　spend　my　life　in　labor　and　think　it　well　spent。

My　servant　dismounted　and　led　his　horse；　asking　from　every　one　where　the　〃Kedarnath〃　could　be　found；　and　eager　black　eyes　sparkled　and　two　little　bronze　images　detached　themselves　from　the　crowd　of　boys；　and　ran；　fleet　as　fauns；　before　us。

Above　the　last　bridge　the　Jhelum　broadens　out　into　a　stately　river；　controlled　at　one　side　by　the　banked　walk　known　as　the　Bund；　with　the　Club　House　upon　it　and　the　line　of　houseboats　beneath。　Here　the　visitors　flutter　up　and　down　and　exchange　the　gossip；　the　bridge　appointments；　the　little　dinners　that　sit　so　incongruously　on　the　pure　Orient　that　is　Kashmir。

She　would　not　be　here。　My　heart　told　me　that；　and　sure　enough　the　boys　were　leading　across　the　bridge　and　by　a　quiet　shady　way　to　one　of　the　many　backwaters　that　the　great　river　makes　in　the　enchanting　city。　There　is　one　waterway　stretching　on　afar　to　the　Dal　Lake。　It　looks　like　a　river　…　it　is　the　very　haunt　of　peace。　Under　those　mighty　chenar；　or　plane　trees；　that　are　the　glory　of　Kashmir；　clouding　the　water　with　deep　green　shadows；　the　sun　can　scarcely　pierce；　save　in　a　dipping　sparkle　here　and　there　to　intensify　the　green　gloom。　The　murmur　of　the　city；　the　chatter　of　the　club；　are　hundreds　of　miles　away。　We　rode　downward　under　the　towering　trees；　and　dismounting；　saw　a　little　houseboat　tethered　to　the　bank。　It　was　not　of　the　richer　sort　that　haunts　the　Bund；　where　the　native　servants　follow　in　a　separate　boat；　and　even　the　electric　light　is　turned　on　as　part　of　the　luxury。　This　was　a　long　low　craft；　very　broad；　thatched　like　a　country　cottage　afloat。　In　the　forepart　lived　the　native　owner；　and　his　family；　their　crew；　our　cooks　and　servants；　for　they　played　many　parts　in　our　service。　And　in　the　afterpart；　room　for　a　life；　a　dream；　the　joy　or　curse　&　many　days　to　be。

But　then；　I　saw　only　one　thing　…　Vanna　sat　under　the　trees；　reading；　or　looking　at　the　cool　dim　watery　vista；　with　a　single　boat；　loaded　to　the　river's　edge　with　melons　and　scarlet　t