the notch on the ax and on being found out-第69节

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clear…cut　features；　the　delicate；　sensitive　lips；　close　shaven　now；
as　they　had　been　hairless　then；all　were　as　I　remembered　them。
But　the　face　was　paler　and　thinner　than　it　had　been；　and　there　were
lines　round　the　eyes　and　at　the　corners　of　the　mouth　which　were　no
more　natural　to　twenty…five　than　they　would　have　been　to　twenty。
The　old　charm　indeedthe　sweet　friendliness　of　manner；　which　was
his　own　peculiar　possessionwas　still　there。　　He　talked　and
laughed　almost　as　much　as　formerly；　but　the　talk　was　manufactured
for　our　entertainment；　and　the　laughter　came　from　his　head　and　not
from　his　heart。　　And　it　was　when　he　was　taking　no　part　in　the
conversation　that　the　change　showed　most。　　Then　the　face；　on　which
in　the　old　time　every　passing　emotion　had　expressed　itself　in　a
constant；　living　current；　became　cold　and　impassivewithout
interest；　and　without　desire。　　It　was　at　such　times　that　I　knew
most　certainly　that　here　was　something　which　had　been　living　and
was　dead。　　Was　it　only　his　boyhood？　　This　question　I　was　unable　to
answer。

Still；　in　spite　of　all；　that　week　was　one　of　the　happiest　in　my
life。　　The　brothers　were　both　men　of　enough　ability　and　cultivation
to　be　pleasant　talkers；　and　Lucy　could　perform　adequately　the　part
of　conversational　accompanist；　which；　socially　speaking；　is　all
that　is　required　of　a　woman。　　The　meals　and　evenings　passed　quickly
and　agreeably；　the　mornings　I　spent　in　unending　gossips　with　Lucy；
or　in　games　with　the　children；　two　bright　boys　of　five　and　six
years　old。　　But　the　afternoons　were　the　best　part　of　the　day。
George　was　a　thorough　squire　in　all　his　tastes　and　habits；　and
every　afternoon　his　wife　dutifully　accompanied　him　round　farms　and
coverts；　inspecting　new　buildings；　trudging　along　half…made　roads；
or　marking　unoffending　trees　for　destruction。　　Then　Alan　and　I
would　ride　by　the　hour　together　over　moor　and　meadowland；　often
picking　our　way　homewards　down　the　glen…side　long　after　the　autumn
evenings　had　closed　in。　　During　these　rides　I　had　glimpses　many　a
time　into　depths　in　Alan's　nature　of　which　I　doubt　whether　in　the
old　days　he　had　himself　been　aware。　　To　me　certainly　they　were　as　a
revelation。　　A　prevailing　sadness；　occasionally　a　painful　tone　of
bitterness；　characterized　these　more　serious　moods　of　his；　but　I　do
not　think　that；　at　the　end　of　that　week；　I　would；　if　I　could；　have
changed　the　man；　whom　I　was　learning　to　revere　and　to　pity；　for　the
light…hearted　playmate　whom　I　felt　was　lost　to　me　for　ever。


II


The　only　feature　of　the　family　life　which　jarred　on　me　was　the
attitude　of　the　two　brothers　towards　the　children。　　I　did　not
notice　this　much　at　first；　and　at　all　times　it　was　a　thing　to　be
felt　rather　than　to　be　seen。　　George　himself　never　seemed　quite　at
ease　with　them。　　The　boys　were　strong　and　well　grown；　healthy　in
mind　and　body；　and　one　would　have　thought　that　the　existence　of　two
such　representatives　to　carry　on　his　name　and　inherit　his　fortune
would　have　been　the　very　crown　of　pride　and　happiness　to　their
father。　　But　it　was　not　so。　　Lucy　indeed　was　devoted　to　them；　and
in　all　practical　matters　no　one　could　have　been　kinder　to　them　than
was　George。　　They　were　free　of　the　whole　house；　and　every
indulgence　that　money　could　buy　for　them　they　had。　　I　never　heard
him　give　them　a　harsh　word。　　But　there　was　something　wrong。　　A
constraint　in　their　presence；　a　relief　in　their　absence；　an　evident
dislike　of　discussing　them　and　their　affairs；　a　total　want　of　that
enjoyment　of　love　and　possession　which　in　such　a　case　one　might
have　expected　to　find。　　Alan's　state　of　mind　was　even　more　marked。
Never　did　I　hear　him　willingly　address　his　nephews；　or　in　any　way
allude　to　their　existence。　　I　should　have　said　that　he　simply
ignored　it；　but　for　the　heavy　gloom　which　always　overspread　his
spirits　in　their　company；　and　for　the　glances　which　he　would　now
and　again　cast　in　their　directionglances　full　of　some　hidden
painful　emotion；　though　of　what　nature　it　would　have　been　hard　to
define。　　Indeed；　Alan's　attitude　towards　her　children　I　soon　found
to　be　the　only　source　of　friction　between　Lucy　and　this　otherwise
much…loved　member　of　her　husband's　family。　　I　asked　her　one　day　why
the　boys　never　appeared　at　luncheon。

〃Oh；　they　come　when　Alan　is　away；〃　she　answered；　〃but　they　seem　to
annoy　him　so　much　that　George　thinks　it　is　better　to　keep　them　out
of　sight　when　he　is　here。　　It　is　very　tiresome。　　I　know　that　it　is
the　fashion　to　say　that　George　has　got　the　temper　of　the　family；
but　I　assure　you　that　Alan's　nervous　moods　and　fancies　are　much
more　difficult　to　live　with。〃

That　was　on　the　morninga　Friday　it　wasof　the　last　day　which　we
were　to　spend　alone。　　The　guests　were　to　arrive　soon　after　tea；　and
I　think　that　with　the　knowledge　of　their　approach　Alan　and　I
prolonged　our　ride　that　afternoon　beyond　its　usual　limits。　　We　were
on　our　way　home；　and　it　was　already　dusk；　when　a　turn　of　the　path
brought　us　face　to　face　with　the　old　ruined　tower；　of　which　I　have
already　spoken　as　standing　at　the　head　of　the　valley。　　I　had　not
been　close　up　to　it　yet　during　this　visit　at　Mervyn。　　It　had　been　a
very　favorite　haunt　of　ours　as　children；　and　partly　on　that
account；　partly　perhaps　in　order　to　defer　the　dreaded　close　of　our
ride　to　the　last　possible　moment；　I　proposed　an　inspection　of　it。
The　only　portion　of　the　old　building　left　standing　in　any　kind　of
entirety　was　two　rooms；　one　above　the　other。　　The　tower　room；　level
with　the　bottom　of　the　moat；　was　dark　and　damp；　and　it　was　the
upper　one；　reached　by　a　little　outside　staircase；　which　had　been
our　rendezvous　of　old。　　Alan　showed　no　disposition　to　enter；　and
said　that　he　would　stay　outside　and　hold　my　horse；　so　I　dismounted
and　ran　up　alone。

The　room　seemed　in　no　way　changed。　　A　mere　stone　shell；　littered
with　fragments　of　wood　and　mortar。　　There　was　the　rough　wooden
block　on　which　Alan　used　to　sit　while　he　first　frightened　us　with
bogey…stories；　and　then　calmed　our　excited　nerves　by　rapid　sallies
of　wild　nonsense。　　There　was　the　plank　from　behind　which；　erected
as　a　barrier　across　the　doorway；　he　would　defend　the　castle　against
our　united　assault；　pelting　us　with　fir…cones　and　sods　of　earth。
This　and　many　a　bygone　scene　thronged　on　me　as　I　stood　there；　and
the　room　filled　again　with　the　memories　of　childish　mirth。　　And
following　close　came　those　of　childish　terrors。　　Horrors　which　had
oppressed　me　then；　wholly　imagined　or　dimly　apprehended　from　half…
heard　traditions；　and　never　thought　of　since；　flitted　around　me　in
the　gathering　dusk。　　And　with　them　it　seemed　to　me　as　if　there　came
other　memories　too；memories　which　had　never　been　my　own；　of
scenes　whose　actors　had　long　been　with　the　dead；　but　which；
immortal　as　the　spirit　before　whose　eyes　they　had　dwelt；　still
lingered　in　the　spot　where　their　victim　had　first　learnt　to　shudder
at　their　presence。　　Once　the　ghastly　notion　came　to　me；　it　seized
on　my　imagination　with　irresistible　force。　　It　seemed　as　if　from
the　darkened　corners　of　the　room　vague；　ill…defined　shapes　were
actually　peering　out　at　me。　　When　night　came　they　would　show
themselves　in　that　form；　livid　and　terrible；　in　which　they　had　been
burnt　into　the　brain　and　heart　of　the　long　ago　dead。

I　turned　and　glanced　towards　where　I　had　left　Alan。　　I　could　see
his　figure　framed　in　by　the　window；　a　black　shadow　against　the　gray
twilight　of　the　sky　behind。　　Erect　and　perfectly　motionless　he　sat；
so　motionless　as　to　look　almost　lifeless；　gazing　before　him　down
the　valley　into　the　illimitable　distance　beyond。　　There　was
something　in　that　stern　immobility　of　look　and　attitude　which
struck　me　with　a　curious　sense　of　congruity。　　It　was　right　that　he
should　be　thusright　that　he　should　be　no　longer　the　laughing　boy
who　a　moment　before　had　been　in　my　memory。　　The　haunting　horrors　of
that　place　seemed　to　demand　it；　and　for　the　first　time　I　felt　that
I　understood　the　change。　　With　an　effort　I　shook　myself　free　from
these　fancies；　and　turned　to　go。　　As　I　did　so；　my　eye　fell　upon　a
queer…shaped　painted　board；　leaning　up　against　the　wall；　which　I
well　recollected　in　old　times。　　Many　a　discussion　had　we　had　about
the　legend　inscribed　upon　it；　which　in　our　wisdom　we　had　finally
pronounced　to　be　German；　chiefly　because　it　was　illegible。　　Though
I　had　loudly　professed　my　faith　in　this　theory　at　the　time；　I　had
always　had　uneasy　doubts　on　the　subject；　and　now　half　smiling　I
bent　down　to　verify　or　remove　them。　　The　language　was　English；　not
German；　but　the　badly　painted；　faded　Gothic　letters　in　which　it　was
written　made　the　mistake　excusable。　　In　the　dim　light　I　had
difficulty　even　now　in　deciphering　the　words；　and　felt　when　I　had
done　so　that　neither　the　information　conveyed　nor　the　style　of　the
composition　was　sufficient　reward　for　the　trouble　I　had　taken。
This　is　what　I　read：


　　　　　〃Where　the　woman　sinned　the　maid　shall　win；
　　　　　　But　God　help　the　maid　that　sleeps　within。〃


What　the　lines　could　refer　to　I　neither　had　any　notion　nor　did　I
pause　then　even　in　my　own　mind　to　inquire。　　I　only　remember　vaguely
wondering　whether　they　were　intended　for　a　tombstone　or　for　a
doorway。　　Then；　continuing　my　way；　I　rapidly　descended　the　steps