catherine-a story(凯瑟琳的故事)-第38节
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〃Ah！〃 said the Count； bursting out with some energy； 〃I was thinking
who the fellow could be； ever since he robbed me on the Heath。 I recollect
the scoundrel now： he was a second in a duel I had here in the year six。〃
〃Along with Major Wood； behind Montague House；〃 said Mr。 Billings。
〃I'VE heard on it。〃 And here he looked more knowing than ever。
〃YOU！〃 cried the Count； more and more surprised。 〃And pray who the
devil ARE you？〃
〃My name's Billings。〃
〃Billings？〃 said the Count。
〃I come out of Warwickshire；〃 said Mr。 Billings。
〃Indeed！〃
〃I was born at Birmingham town。〃
〃Were you； really！〃
〃My mother's name was Hayes；〃 continued Billings； in a solemn voice。
〃I was put out to a nurse along with John Billings； a blacksmith； and my
father run away。 NOW do you know who I am？〃
〃Why； upon honour； now；〃 said the Count； who was amused；〃upon
honour； Mr。 Billings； I have not that advantage。〃
〃Well； then； my Lord； YOU'RE MY FATHER！〃
Mr。 Billings when he said this came forward to the Count with a
theatrical air； and； flinging down the breeches of which he was the bearer；
held out his arms and stared； having very little doubt but that his Lordship
would forthwith spring out of bed and hug him to his heart。 A similar piece
of naivete many fathers of families have； I have no doubt； remarked in
their children； who； not caring for their parents a single doit； conceive；
nevertheless； that the latter are bound to show all sorts of affection for
them。 His lordship did move； but backwards towards the wall； and began
pulling at the bell…rope with an expression of the most intense alarm。
〃Keep back； sirrah！keep back！ Suppose I AM your father； do you
want to murder me？ Good heavens！ how the boy smells of gin and tobacco！
Don't turn away； my lad； sit down there at a proper distance。 And； La Rose；
give him some eau…de…Cologne； and get a cup of coffee。 Well； now； go on
with your story。 Egad； my dear Abbe； I think it is very likely that what the
lad says is true。〃
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〃If it is a family conversation；〃 said the Abbe； 〃I had better leave you。〃
〃Oh； for Heaven's sake； no！ I could not stand the boy alone。 Now；
Mister ah！What's…your…name？ Have the goodness to tell your story。〃
Mr。 Billings was woefully disconcerted； for his mother and he had
agreed that as soon as his father saw him he would be recognised at once；
and； mayhap； made heir to the estates and title； in which being
disappointed； he very sulkily went on with his narrative； and detailed
many of those events with which the reader has already been made
acquainted。 The Count asked the boy's mother's Christian name； and being
told it； his memory at once returned to him。
〃What！ are you little Cat's son？〃 said his Excellency。 〃By heavens；
mon cher Abbe； a charming creature； but a tigresspositively a tigress。 I
recollect the whole affair now。 She's a little fresh black…haired woman；
a'n't she？ with a sharp nose and thick eyebrows； ay？ Ah yes； yes！〃 went on
my Lord； 〃I recollect her； I recollect her。 It was at Birmingham I first met
her： she was my Lady Trippet's woman； wasn't she？〃
〃She was no such thing；〃 said Mr。 Billings； hotly。 〃Her aunt kept the
'Bugle Inn' on Waltham Green； and your Lordship seduced her。〃
〃Seduced her！ Oh； 'gad； so I did。 Stap me； now； I did。 Yes； I made her
jump on my black horse； and bore her off likelike Aeneas bore his wife
away from the siege of Rome！ hey； l'Abbe？〃
〃The events were precisely similar；〃 said the Abbe。 〃It is wonderful
what a memory you have！〃
〃I was always remarkable for it；〃 continued his Excellency。 〃Well；
where was I；at the black horse？ Yes； at the black horse。 Well； I mounted
her on the black horse； and rode her en croupe； egadha； ha！to
Birmingham； and there we billed and cooed together like a pair of turtle…
doves： yesha！that we did！〃
〃And this； I suppose； is the end of some of the BILLINGS？〃 said the
Abbe； pointing to Mr。 Tom。
〃Billings！ what do you mean？ Yesohaha pun； a calembourg。 Fi
donc； M。 l'Abbe。〃 And then； after the wont of very stupid people； M。 de
Galgenstein went on to explain to the Abbe his own pun。 〃Well； but to
proceed；〃 cries he。 〃We lived together at Birmingham； and I was going to
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be married to a rich heiress； egad！ when what do you think this little Cat
does？ She murders me； egad！ and makes me manquer the marriage。
Twenty thousand； I think it was； and I wanted the money in those days。
Now； wasn't she an abominable monster； that mother of yours； hey； Mr。 a
What's…your…name？〃
〃She served you right！〃 said Mr。 Billings； with a great oath； starting up
out of all patience。
〃Fellow！〃 said his Excellency； quite aghast； 〃do you know to whom
you speak？to a nobleman of seventy…eight descents； a count of the Holy
Roman Empire； a representative of a sovereign？ Ha； egad！ Don't stamp；
fellow； if you hope for my protection。〃
〃Dn your protection！〃 said Mr。 Billings； in a fury。 〃Curse you and
your protection too！ I'm a free…born Briton； and no French Papist！ And
any man who insults my motheray； or calls me feller had better look to
himself and the two eyes in his head； I can tell him！〃 And with this Mr。
Billings put himself into the most approved attitude of the Cockpit； and
invited his father； the reverend gentleman； and Monsieur la Rose the valet；
to engage with him in a pugilistic encounter。 The two latter； the Abbe
especially； seemed dreadfully frightened； but the Count now looked on
with much interest； and； giving utterance to a feeble kind of chuckle；
which lasted for about half a minute； said；
〃Paws off； Pompey！ You young hangdog； youegad； yes； aha！ 'pon
honour； you're a lad of spirit； some of your father's spunk in you； hey？ I
know him by that oath。 Why； sir； when I was sixteen； I used to swearto
swear； egad； like a Thames waterman； and exactly in this fellow's way！
Buss me； my lad； no； kiss my hand。 That will do〃and he held out a very
lean yellow hand； peering from a pair of yellow ruffles。 It shook very
much； and the shaking made all the rings upon it shine only the more。
〃Well；〃 says Mr。 Billings； 〃if you wasn't a…going to abuse me nor
mother； I don't care if I shake hands with you。 I ain't proud！〃
The Abbe laughed with great glee； and that very evening sent off to his
Court a most ludicrous spicy description of the whole scene of meeting
between this amiable father and child； in which he said that young Billings
was the eleve favori of M。 Kitch； Ecuyer； le bourreau de Londres； and
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which made the Duke's mistress laugh so much that she vowed that the
Abbe should have a bishopric on his return： for； with such store of wisdom；
look you； my son； was the world governed in those days。
The Count and his offspring meanwhile conversed with some
cordiality。 The former informed the latter of all the diseases to which he
was subject； his manner of curing them； his great consideration as
chamberlain to the Duke of Bavaria； how he wore his Court suits； and of a
particular powder which he had invented for the hair； how； when he was
seventeen； he had run away with a canoness； egad！ who was afterwards
locked up in a convent； and grew to be sixteen stone in weight； how he
remembered the time when ladies did not wear patches； and how the
Duchess of Marlborough boxed his ears when he was so high； because he
wanted to kiss her。
All these important anecdotes took some time in the telling； and were
accompanied by many profound moral remarks； such as； 〃I can't abide
garlic； nor white…wine； stap me！ nor Sauerkraut； though his Highness eats
half a bus
