napoleon bonaparte, v12-第9节

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After　the　arrival　of　the　commissioners　of　the　allied　powers；　the　Emperor
seemed　by　degrees　to　acclimate　himself；　so　to　speak；　to　their　presence；
and　the　chief　occupation　of　the　whole　household　consisted　of　duties
relating　to　our　preparations　for　departure。　　One　day；　as　I　was　dressing
his　Majesty；　he　said　to　me　smiling；　〃Ah；　well；　my　son；　prepare　your　cart；
we　will　go　and　plant　our　cabbages。〃　　Alas！　　I　was　very　far　from　thinking；
as　I　heard　these　familiar　words　of　his　Majesty；　that　by　an　inconceivable
concurrence　of　events；　I　should　be　forced　to　yield　to　an　inexplicable
fatality；　which　did　not　will　that　in　spite　of　my　ardent　desire　I　should
accompany　the　Emperor　to　his　place　of　exile。

The　evening　before　the　day　fixed　for　our　departure　the　grand　marshal　of
the　palace　had　me　called。　　After　giving　me　some　orders　relative　to　the
voyage；　he　said　to　me　that　the　Emperor　wished　to　know　what　was　the　sum　of
money　I　had　in　charge　for　him。　　I　immediately　gave　an　account　to　the
grand　marshal；　and　he　saw　that　the　sum　total　was　about　three　hundred
thousand　francs；　including　the　gold　in　a　bog　which　Baron　Fain　had　sent
me；　since　he　would　not　be　on　the　journey。　　The　grand　marshal　said　he
would　present　the　account　to　the　Emperor。　　An　hour　after　he　again
summoned　me；　and　said　that　his　Majesty　thought　he　had　one　hundred
thousand　francs　more。　　I　replied　that　I　had　in　my　possession　one　hundred
thousand　francs；　which　the　Emperor　had　presented　to　me；　telling　me　to
bury　it　in　my　garden；　in　fact；　I　related　to　him　all　the　particulars　I
have　described　above；　and　begged　him　to　inquire　of　the　Emperor　if　it　was
these　one　hundred　thousand　francs　to　which　his　Majesty　referred。　　Count
Bertrand　promised　to　do　this；　and　I　then　made　the　great　mistake　of　not
addressing　myself　directly　to　the　Emperor。　　Nothing　would　have　been
easier　in　my　position；　and　I　had　often　found　that　it　was　always　better；
when　possible；　to　go　directly　to　him　than　to　have　recourse　to　any
intermediate　person　whatever。　　It　would　have　been　much　better　for　me　to
act　thus；　since；　if　the　Emperor　had　demanded　the　one　hundred　thousand
francs　which　he　had　given　me；　which；　after　all；　was　hardly　possible；　I
was　more　than　disposed　to　restore　them　to　him　without　a　moment's
hesitation。　　My　astonishment　may　be　imagined　when　the　grand　marshal
reported　to　me　that　the　Emperor　did　not　remember　having　given　me　the　sum
in　question。　　I　instantly　became　crimson　with　anger。　　What！　　the　Emperor
had　allowed　it　to　be　believed　by　Count　Bertrand　that　I　had　attempted
I；　his　faithful　servantto　appropriate　a　sum　which　he　had　given　me　under
all　the　circumstances　I　have　related！　　I　was　beside　myself　at　this
thought。　　I　left　in　a　state　impossible　to　be　described；　assuring　the
grand　marshal　that　in　an　hour　at　most　I　would　restore　to　him　the　fatal
present　of　his　Majesty。

While　rapidly　crossing　the　court　of　the　palace　I　met　M。　de　Turenne；　to
whom　I　related　all　that　had　occurred。　　〃That　does　not　astonish　me；〃　he
replied；　〃and　we　will　see　many　other　similar　cases。〃　　A　prey　to　a　sort　of
moral　fever；　my　head　distracted；　my　heart　oppressed；　I　sought　Denis；　the
wardrobe　boy；　of　whom　I　have　spoken　previously；　I　found　him　most
fortunately；　and　hastened　with　him　to　my　country　place；　and　God　is　my
witness　that　the　loss　of　the　hundred　thousand　francs　was　not　the　cause　of
my　distress；　and　I　hardly　thought　of　it。　　As　on　the　first　occasion；　we
passed　along　the　side　of　the　woods　in　order　not　to　be　seen；　and　began　to
dig　up　the　earth　to　find　the　money　we　had　placed　there；　and　in　the
eagerness　with　which　I　hunted　for　this　miserable　gold；　in　order　to
restore　it　to　the　grand　marshal；　I　dug　up　more　than　was　necessary。　　I
cannot　describe　my　despair　when　I　saw　that　we　had　found　nothing；　I
thought　that　some　one　had　seen　and　followed　us；　in　fact；　that　I　had　been
robbed。　　This　was　a　more　crushing　blow　to　me　than　the　first；　and　I
foresaw　the　consequences　with　horror；　what　would　be　said；　what　would　be
thought；　of　me？　　Would　my　word　be　taken？　　The　grand　marshal；　already
prejudiced　by　the　inexplicable　reply　of　the　Emperor；　would　consider　me　a
person　totally　devoid　of　honor。　　I　was　overwhelmed　by　these　fatal
thoughts　when　Denis　suggested　to　me　that　we　had　not　dug　in　the　right
spot；　and　had　made　a　mistake　of　some　feet。　　I　eagerly　embraced　this　ray
of　hope；　we　began　again　to　dig　up　the　earth　with　more　eagerness　than
ever；　and　I　can　say　without　exaggeration　that　my　joy　bordered　almost　on
delirium　when　I　saw　the　first　of　the　bags。　　We　drew　out　in　succession　all
the　five；　and　with　the　assistance　of　Denis　I　carried　them　to　the　palace；
and　placed　them　without　delay　in　the　hands　of　the　grand　marshal；　with　the
keys　of　the　Emperor's　trunk；　and　the　casket　which　M。　Fain　had　committed
to　me。　　I　said　to　him　as　I　left；　〃Monseigneur；　be　good　enough　to　say　to
his　Majesty　that　I　will　not　accompany　him。〃〃I　will　tell　him。〃

After　this　cold　and　laconic　reply　I　immediately　left　the　palace；　and　was
soon　after　in　Rue　du　Coq…Gris；　with　M。　Clement；　a　bailiff；　who　for　a　long
time　had　been　charged　with　my　small　affairs；　and　had　given　the　necessary
attention　to　my　farm　during　the　long　absences　which　the　journeys　and
campaigns　of　the　Emperor　necessitated。　　Then　I　gave　full　vent　to　my
despair。　　I　was　choking　with　rage　as　I　remembered　that　my　honesty　had
been　suspected；I；　who　for　fourteen　years　had　served　the　Emperor　with　a
disinterestedness　which　was　so　scrupulous；　and　even　carried　to　such　a
point　that　many　persons　called　it　silliness；　I；　who　had　never　demanded
anything　of　the　Emperor；　either　for　myself　or　my　people！　　My　brain　reeled
as　I　tried　to　explain　to　myself　how　the　Emperor；　who　knew　all　this　so
well；　could　have　allowed　me　to　appear　to　a　third　person　as　a　dishonorable
man；　the　more　I　thought　of　it　the　more　extreme　became　my　irritation；　and
yet　it　was　not　possible　to　find　the　shadow　of　a　motive　for　the　blow　aimed
at　me。　　My　despair　was　at　its　height；　when　M。　Hubert；　ordinary　valet　de
chambre　of　the　Emperor；　came　to　tell　me　that　his　Majesty　would　give　me
all　I　wished　if　I　would　follow　him；　and　that　three　hundred　thousand
francs　would　be　immediately　handed　me。　　In　these　circumstances；　I　ask　of
all　honest　men；　what　could　I　do；　and　what　would　they　have　done　in　my
place？　　I　replied　that　when　I　had　resolved　to　consecrate　my　whole　life　to
the　service　of　the　unfortunate　Emperor；　it　was　not　from　views　of　vile
interest；　but　I　was　in　despair　at　the　thought　that　he　should　have　made　me
appear　before　Count　Bertrand　as　an　impostor　and　a　dishonest　man。　　Ah！
how　happy　would　it　then　have　been　for　me　had　the　Emperor　never　thought　of
giving　me　those　accursed　one　hundred　thousand　francs！　　These　ideas
tortured　me。　　Ah！　if　I　could　only　have　taken　twenty…four　hours　for
reflection；　however　just　might　have　been　my　resentment；　how　gladly　would
I　have　sacrificed　it！　　I　would　have　thought　of　the　Emperor　alone；　and
would　have　followed　him；　but　a　sad　and　inexplicable　fatality　had　not
decreed　this。

This　took　place　on　the　19th　of　April；　the　most　miserable　day　of　my　life。
What　an　evening；　what　a　night　I　passed！　　What　was　my　grief　on　learning
the　next　day　that　the　Emperor　had　departed　at　noon；　after　making　his
adieux　to　his　guard！　　When　I　awoke　that　morning；　all　my　resentment　had
been　appeased　in　thinking　of　the　Emperor。　　Twenty　times　I　wished　to
return　to　the　palace；　twenty　times　after　his　departure　I　wished　to　take
post　horses　and　overtake　him；　but　I　was　deterred　by　the　offer　he　had　made
me　through　M。　Hubert。　　〃Perhaps；〃　I　thought；　〃he　will　think　it　is　the
money　which　influences　me；　this　will；　doubtless；　be　said　by　those　around
him；　and　what　an　opinion　he　will　have　of　me！〃　　In　this　cruel　perplexity　I
did　not　dare　to　decide。　　I　suffered　all　that　it　is　possible　for　a　man　to
suffer；　and；　at　times；　that　which　was　only　too　true　seemed　like　a　dream
to　me；　so　impossible　did　it　seem　that　I　could　be　where　the　Emperor　was
not。　　Everything　in　this　terrible　situation　contributed　to　aggravate　my
distress。　　I　knew　the　Emperor　well　enough　to　be　aware　that　even　had　I
returned　to　him　then；　he　would　never　have　forgotten　that　I　had　wished　to
leave　him；　I　felt　that　I　had　not　the　strength　to　bear　this　reproach　from
his　lips。　　On　the　other　side；　the　physical　suffering　caused　by　my　disease
had　greatly　increased；　and　I　was　compelled　to　remain　in　bed　a　long　while。
I　could；　indeed；　have　triumphed　over　these　physical　sufferings　however
cruel　they　might　have　been；　but　in　the　frightful　complications　of　my
position　I　was　reduced　to　a　condition　of　idiocy；　I　saw　nothing　of　what
was　around　me；　I　heard　nothing　of　what　was　said；　and　after　this　statement
the　reader　will　surely　not　expect　that　I　shall　have　anything　to　say　about
the　farewell　of　the　Emperor　to　his　old　and　faithful　guard；　an　account　of
which；　moreover；　has　been　often　enough　published　for　the　facts　to　be　well
known　concerning　this　event；　which；　besides；　took　place　in　public。　　Here
my　Memoirs　might　well　close；　but　the　reader；　I　well　believe；　cannot
refuse　me　his　attention　a　few　moments　longer；　that　I　may　recall　some
facts　which　I　have　a　right　to　explain；　and　to　relate　some　incidents
concerning　the　return　from　the　Island　of　Elba。　　I；　therefore；　now
continue　my　remark