the law and the lady-第81节

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me　to　your　room。'

〃I　said；　'How　can　I　give　you　the　opportunity？　What　do　you　mean？'

'He　pointed　to　the　key　in　the　door　of　communication　between　my
room　and　the　little　study。

〃He　said；　'With　my　infirmity；　I　may　not　be　able　to　profit　by　the
first　opportunity　of　visiting　you　here　unobserved。　I　must　be　able
to　choose　my　own　time　and　my　own　way　of　getting　to　you　secretly。
Let　me　take　this　key；　leaving　the　door　locked。　When　the　key　is
missed；　if　_you_　say　it　doesn't　matterif　_you_　point　out　that
the　door　is　locked；　and　tell　the　servants　not　to　trouble
themselves　about　finding　the　keythere　will　be　no　disturbance　in
the　house；　and　I　shall　be　in　secure　possession　of　a　means　of
communication　with　you　which　no　one　will　suspect。　Will　you　do
this？'

〃I　have　done　it。

〃Yes！　I　have　become　the　accomplice　of　this　double…faced　villain。
I　have　degraded　myself　and　outraged　you　by　making　an　appointment
to　pry　into　your　Diary。　I　know　how　base　my　conduct　is。　I　can　make
no　excuse。　I　can　only　repeat　that　I　love　you；　and　that　I　am
sorely　afraid　you　don't　love　me。　And　Miserrimus　Dexter　offers　to
end　my　doubts　by　showing　me　the　most　secret　thoughts　of　your
heart；　in　your　own　writing。

〃He　is　to　be　with　me；　for　this　purpose　（while　you　are　out）；　some
time　in　the　course　of　the　next　two　hours　I　shall　decline　to　be
satisfied　with　only　once　looking　at　your　Diary；　and　I　shall　make
an　appointment　with　him　to　bring　it　to　me　again　at　the　same　time
to…morrow。　Before　then　you　will　receive　these　lines　by　the　hand
of　my　nurse。　Go　out　as　usual　after　reading　them；　but　return
privately；　and　unlock　the　table…drawer　in　which　you　keep　your
book。　You　will　find　it　gone。　Post　yourself　quietly　in　the　little
study；　and　you　will　discover　the　Diary　（when　Miserrimus　Dexter
leaves　me）　in　the　hands　of　your　friend。*

…
　*　Note　by　Mr。　Playmore：

The　greatest　difficulties　of　reconstruction　occurred　in　this
first　portion　of　the　torn　letter。　In　the　fourth　paragraph　from
the　beginning　we　have　been　obliged　to　supply　lost　words　in　no
less　than　three　places。　In　the　ninth；　tenth；　and　seventeenth
paragraphs　the　same　proceeding　was；　in　a　greater　or　less　degree；
found　to　be　necessary。　In　all　these　cases　the　utmost　pains　have
been　taken　to　supply　the　deficiency　in　exact　accordance　with　what
appeared　to　be　the　meaning　of　the　writer；　as　indicated　in　the
existing　pieces　of　the　manuscript。
…

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃October　20。

〃I　have　read　your　Diary。

〃At　last　I　know　what　you　really　think　of　me。　I　have　read　what
Miserrimus　Dexter　promised　I　should　readthe　confession　of　your
loathing　for　me；　in　your　own　handwriting。

〃You　will　not　receive　what　I　wrote　to　you　yesterday　at　the　time
or　in　the　manner　which　I　had　proposed。　Long　as　my　letter　is；　I
have　still　（after　reading　your　Diary）　some　more　words　to　add。
After　I　have　closed　and　sealed　the　envelope；　and　addressed　it　to
you；　I　shall　put　it　under　my　pillow。　It　will　be　found　there　when
I　am　laid　out　for　the　graveand　then；　Eustace　（when　it　is　too
late　for　hope　or　help）；　my　letter　will　be　given　to　you。

〃Yes：　I　have　had　enough　of　my　life。　Yes：　I　mean　to　die。

〃I　have　already　sacrificed　everything　but　my　life　to　my　love　for
you。　Now　I　know　that　my　love　is　not　returned；　the　last　sacrifice
left　is　easy。　My　death　will　set　you　free　to　marry　Mrs。　Beauly。

〃You　don't　know　what　it　cost　me　to　control　my　hatred　of　her；　and
to　beg　her　to　pay　her　visit　here；　without　minding　my　illness。　I
could　never　have　done　it　if　I　had　not　been　so　fond　of　you；　and　so
fearful　of　irritating　you　against　me　by　showing　my　jealousy。　And
how　did　you　reward　me？　Let　your　Diary　answer：　'I　tenderly
embraced　her　this　very　morning；　and　I　hope；　poor　soul；　she　did
not　discover　the　effort　that　it　cost　me。'

〃Well；　I　have　discovered　it　now。　I　know　that　you　privately　think
your　life　with　me　'a　purgatory。'　I　know　that　you　have
compassionately　hidden　from　me　the　'sense　of　shrinking　that　comes
over　you　when　you　are　obliged　to　submit　to　my　caresses。'　I　am
nothing　but　an　obstaclean　'utterly　distasteful'
obstaclebetween　you　and　the　woman　whom　you　love　so　dearly　that
you　'adore　the　earth　which　she　touches　with　her　foot。'　Be　it　so！
I　will　stand　in　your　way　no　longer。　It　is　no　sacrifice　and　no
merit　on　my　part。　Life　is　unendurable　to　me；　now　I　know　that　the
man　whom　I　love　with　all　my　heart　and　soul　secretly　shrinks　from
me　whenever　I　touch　him。

〃I　have　got　the　means　of　death　close　at　hand。

〃The　arsenic　that　I　twice　asked　you　to　buy　for　me　is　in　my
dressing…case。　I　deceived　you　when　I　mentioned　some　commonplace
domestic　reasons　for　wanting　it。　My　true　reason　was　to　try　if　I
could　not　improve　my　ugly　complexionnot　from　any　vain　feeling
of　mine：　only　to　make　myself　look　better　and　more　lovable　in　your
eyes。　I　have　taken　some　of　it　for　that　purpose；　but　I　have　got
plenty　left　to　kill　myself　with。　The　poison　will　have　its　use　at
last。　It　might　have　failed　to　improve　my　complexionit　will　not
fail　to　relieve　you　of　your　ugly　wife。

〃Don't　let　me　be　examined　after　death。　Show　this　letter　to　the
doctor　who　attends　me。　It　will　tell　him　that　I　have　committed
suicide；　it　will　prevent　any　innocent　persons　from　being
suspected　of　poisoning　me。　I　want　nobody　to　be　blamed　or
punished。　I　shall　remove　the　chemist's　label；　and　carefully　empty
the　bottle　containing　the　poison；　so　that　he　may　not　suffer　on　my
account。

〃I　must　wait　here；　and　rest　a　little　whilethen　take　up　my
letter　again。　It　is　far　too　long　already。　But　these　are　my
farewell　words。　I　may　surely　dwell　a　little　on　my　last　talk　with
you！

〃October　21。　Two　o'clock　in　the　morning。

〃I　sent　you　out　of　the　room　yesterday　when　you　came　in　to　ask　how
I　had　passed　the　night。　And　I　spoke　of　you　shamefully；　Eustace；
after　you　had　gone；　to　the　hired　nurse　who　attends　on　me。　Forgive
me。　I　am　almost　beside　myself　now。　You　know　why。

　〃Half…past　three。

〃Oh；　my　husband；　I　have　done　the　deed　which　will　relieve　you　of
the　wife　whom　you　hate！　I　have　taken　the　poisonall　of　it　that
was　left　in　the　paper　packet；　which　was　the　first　that　I　found。
If　this　is　not　enough　to　kill　me；　I　have　more　left　in　the　bottle。

〃Ten　minutes　past　five。

〃You　have　just　gone；　after　giving　me　my　composing　draught。　My
courage　failed　me　at　the　sight　of　you。　I　thought　to　myself；　'If
he　look　at　me　kindly；　I　will　confess　what　I　have　done；　and　let
him　save　my　life。'　You　never　looked　at　me　at　all。　You　only　looked
at　the　medicine。　I　let　you　go　without　saying　a　word。

〃Half…past　five。

〃I　begin　to　feel　the　first　effects　of　the　poison。　The　nurse　is
asleep　at　the　foot　of　my　bed。　I　won't　call　for　assistance；　I
won't　wake　her。　I　will　die。

〃Half…past　nine。

〃The　agony　was　beyond　my　enduranceI　awoke　the　nurse。　I　have
seen　the　doctor。

〃Nobody　suspects　anything。　Strange　to　say；　the　pain　has　left　me；
I　have　evidently　taken　too　little　of　the　poison。　I　must　open　the
bottle　which　contains　the　larger　quantity。　Fortunately；　you　are
not　near　memy　resolution　to　die；　or；　rather；　my　loathing　of
life；　remains　as　bitterly　unaltered　as　ever。　To　make　sure　of　my
courage；　I　have　forbidden　the　nurse　to　send　for　you。　She　has　just
gone　downstairs　by　my　orders。　I　am　free　to　get　the　poison　out　of
my　dressing…case。

〃Ten　minutes　to　ten。

〃I　had　just　time　to　hide　the　bottle　（after　the　nurse　had　left　me）
when　you　came　into　my　room。

〃I　had　another　moment　of　weakness　when　I　saw　you。　I　determined　to
give　myself　a　last　chance　of　life。　That　is　to　say；　I　determined
to　offer　you　a　last　opportunity　of　treating　me　kindly。　I　asked
you　to　get　me　a　cup　of　tea。　If；　in　paying　me　this　little
attention；　you　only　encouraged　me　by　one　fond　word　or　one　fond
look；　I　resolved　not　to　take　the　second　dose　of　poison。

〃You　obeyed　my　wishes；　but　you　were　not　kind。　You　gave　me　my　tea；
Eustace；　as　if　you　were　giving　a　drink　to　your　dog。　And　then　you
wondered　in　a　languid　way　（thinking；　I　suppose；　of　Mrs。　Beauly
all　the　time）；　at　my　dropping　the　cup　in　handing　it　back　to　you。
I　really　could　not　help　it；　my　hand　_would_　tremble。　In　my　place；
your　hand　might　have　trembled　toowith　the　arsenic　under　the
bedclothes。　You　politely　hoped；　before　you　went　away？　that　the
tea　would　do　me　goodand；　oh　God；　you　could　not　even　look　at　me
when　you　said　that！　You　looked　at　the　broken　bits　of　the　tea…cup。

〃The　instant　you　were　out　of　the　room　I　took　the　poisona　double
dose　this　time。

〃I　have　a　little　request　to　make　here；　while　I　think　of　it。

〃After　removing　the　label　from　the　bottle；　and　putting　it　back；
clean；　in　my　dressing…case；　it　struck　me　that　I　had　failed　to
take　the　same　precaution　（in　the　early　morning）　with　the　empty
paper…packet；　bearing　on　it　the　name　of　the　other　chemist。　I
threw　it　aside　on　the　counterpane　of　the　bed；　among　some　other
loose　papers。　my　ill…tempered　nurse　complained　of　the　litter；　and
crumpled　them　all　up　and　put　them　away　somewhere。　I　hope　the
chemist　will　not　suffer　through　my　carelessness。　Pray　bear　it　in
mind　to　say　that　he　is　not　to　blame。

〃Dextersomething　reminds　me　of　Miserrimus　Dexter。　He　has　put
your　Diary　back　again　in　the　drawer；　and　he　presses　me　for　an
answer　to　his　proposals。　Has　this　false　wretch　any　conscience？　If
he　has；　even　he　wil