the law and the lady-第23节

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mind。　It　will　also　reveal　the　motives　that　sustained　me；　the
hopes　that　animated　me；　in　the　new　and　strange　life　which　my　next
chapters　must　describe。

　I　was　removed　from　the　hotel　in　the　care　of　my　fatherly　old
friend；　Benjamin。　A　bedroom　was　prepared　for　me　in　his　little
villa。　There　I　passed　the　first　night　of　my　separation　from　my
husband。　Toward　the　morning　my　weary　brain　got　some　restI
slept。

At　breakfast…time　Major　Fitz…David　called　to　inquire　about　me。　He
had　kindly　volunteered　to　go　and　speak　for　me　to　my　husband's
lawyers　on　the　preceding　day。　They　had　admitted　that　they　knew
where　Eustace　had　gone；　but　they　declared　at　the　same　time　that
they　were　positively　forbidden　to　communicate　his　address　to　any
one。　In　other　respects　their　〃instructions〃　in　relation　to　the
wife　of　their　client　were　（as　they　were　pleased　to　express　it）
〃generous　to　a　fault。〃　I　had　only　to　write　to　them；　and　they
would　furnish　me　with　a　copy　by　return　of　post。

This　was　the　Major's　news。　He　refrained；　with　the　tact　that
distinguished　him；　from　putting　any　questions　to　me　beyond
questions　relating　to　the　state　of　my　health。　These　answered；　he
took　his　leave　of　me　for　that　day。　He　and　Benjamin　had　a　long
talk　together　afterward　in　the　garden　of　the　villa。

I　retired　to　my　room　and　wrote　to　my　uncle　Starkweather；　telling
him　exactly　what　had　happened；　and　inclosing　him　a　copy　of　my
husband's　letter。　This　done；　I　went　out　for　a　little　while　to
breathe　the　fresh　air　and　to　think。　I　was　soon　weary；　and　went
back　again　to　my　room　to　rest。　My　kind　old　Benjamin　left　me　at
perfect　liberty　to　be　alone　as　long　as　I　pleased。　Toward　the
afternoon　I　began　to　feel　a　little　more　like　my　old　self　again。　I
mean　by　this　that　I　could　think　of　Eustace　without　bursting　out
crying；　and　could　speak　to　Benjamin　without　distressing　and
frightening　the　dear　old　man。

That　night　I　had　a　little　more　sleep。　The　next　morning　I　was
strong　enough　to　confront　the　first　and　foremost　duty　that　I　now
owed　to　myselfthe　duty　of　answering　my　husband's　letter。

I　wrote　to　him　in　these　words：

　〃I　am　still　too　weak　and　weary；　Eustace；　to　write　to　you　at　any
length。　But　my　mind　is　clear。　I　have　formed　my　own　opinion　of　you
and　your　letter；　and　I　know　what　I　mean　to　do　now　you　have　left
me。　Some　women；　in　my　situation；　might　think　that　you　had
forfeited　all　right　to　their　confidence。　I　don't　think　that。　So　I
write　and　tell　you　what　is　in　my　mind　in　the　plainest　and　fewest
words　that　I　can　use。

〃You　say　you　love　meand　you　leave　me。　I　don't　understand　loving
a　woman　and　leaving　her。　For　my　part；　in　spite　of　the　hard　things
you　have　said　and　written　to　me；　and　in　spite　of　the　cruel　manner
in　which　you　have　left　me；　I　love　youand　I　won't　give　you　up。
No！　As　long　as　I　live　I　mean　to　live　your　wife。

〃Does　this　surprise　you？　It　surprises　_me。_　If　another　woman
wrote　in　this　manner　to　a　man　who　had　behaved　to　her　as　you　have
behaved；　I　should　be　quite　at　a　loss　to　account　for　her　conduct。
I　am　quite　at　a　loss　to　account　for　my　own　conduct。　I　ought　to
hate　you；　and　yet　I　can't　help　loving　you。　I　am　ashamed　of
myself；　but　so　it　is。

〃You　need　feel　no　fear　of　my　attempting　to　find　out　where　you
are；　and　of　my　trying　to　persuade　you　to　return　to　me。　I　am　not
quite　foolish　enough　to　do　that。　You　are　not　in　a　fit　state　of
mind　to　return　to　me。　You　are　all　wrong；　all　over；　from　head　to
foot。　When　you　get　right　again；　I　am　vain　enough　to　think　that
you　will　return　to　me　of　your　own　accord。　And　shall　I　be　weak
enough　to　forgive　you？　Yes！　I　shall　certainly　be　weak　enough　to
forgive　you。

〃But　how　are　you　to　get　right　again？

〃I　have　puzzled　my　brains　over　this　question　by　night　and　by　day；
and　my　opinion　is　that　you　will　never　get　right　again　unless　I
help　you。

〃How　am　I　to　help　you？

〃That　question　is　easily　answered。　What　the　Law　has　failed　to　do
for　you；　your　Wife　must　do　for　you。　Do　you　remember　what　I　said
when　we　were　together　in　the　back　room　at　Major　Fitz…David's
house？　I　told　you　that　the　first　thought　that　came　to　me；　when　I
heard　what　the　Scotch　jury　had　done；　was　the　thought　of　setting
their　vile　Verdict　right。　Well！　Your　letter　has　fixed　this　idea
more　firmly　in　my　mind　than　ever。　The　only　chance　that　I　can　see
of　winning　you　back　to　me；　in　the　character　of　a　penitent　and
loving　husband；　is　to　change　that　underhand　Scotch　Verdict　of　Not
Proven　into　an　honest　English　Verdict　of　Not　Guilty。

〃Are　you　surprised　at　the　knowledge　of　the　law　which　this　way　of
writing　betrays　in　an　ignorant　woman？　I　have　been　learning；　my
dear：　the　Law　and　the　Lady　have　begun　by　understanding　one
another。　In　plain　English；　I　have　looked　into　Ogilvie's　'Imperial
Dictionary；'　and　Ogilvie　tells　me；　'A　verdict　of　Not　Proven　only
indicates　that；　in　the　opinion　of　the　jury；　there　is　a　deficiency
in　the　evidence　to　convict　the　prisoner。　A　verdict　of　Not　Guilty
imports　the　jury's　opinion　that　the　prisoner　is　innocent。'
Eustace；　that　shall　be　the　opinion　of　the　world　in　general；　and
of　the　Scotch　jury　in　particular；　in　your　case。　To　that　one
object　I　dedicate　my　life　to　come；　if　God　spare　me！

〃Who　will　help　me；　when　I　need　help；　is　more　than　I　yet　know。
There　was　a　time　when　I　had　hoped　that　we　should　go　hand　in　hand
together　in　doing　this　good　work。　That　hope　is　at　an　end。　I　no
longer　expect　you；　or　ask　you；　to　help　me。　A　man　who　thinks　as
you　think　can　give　no　help　to　anybodyit　is　his　miserable
condition　to　have　no　hope。　So　be　it！　I　will　hope　for　two；　and
will　work　for　two；　and　I　shall　find　some　one　to　help　menever
fearif　I　deserve　it。

〃I　will　say　nothing　about　my　plansI　have　not　read　the　Trial
yet。　It　is　quite　enough　for　me　that　I　know　you　are　i　nnocent。
When　a　man　is　innocent；　there　_must_　be　a　way　of　proving　it：　the
one　thing　needful　is　to　find　the　way。　Sooner　or　later；　with　or
without　assistance；　I　shall　find　it。　Yes！　before　I　know　any
single　particular　of　the　Case；　I　tell　you　positivelyI　shall
find　it！

〃You　may　laugh　over　this　blind　confidence　on　my　part；　or　you　may
cry　over　it。　I　don't　pretend　to　know　whether　I　am　an　object　for
ridicule　or　an　object　for　pity。　Of　one　thing　only　I　am　certain：　I
mean　to　win　you　back；　a　man　vindicated　before　the　world；　without
a　stain　on　his　character　or　his　namethanks　to　his　wife。

〃Write　to　me；　sometimes；　Eustace；　and　believe　me；　through　all　the
bitterness　of　this　bitter　business；　your　faithful　and　loving

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃VALERIA。〃

There　was　my　reply！　Poor　enough　as　a　composition　（I　could　write　a
much　better　letter　now）；　it　had；　if　I　may　presume　to　say　so；　one
merit。　It　was　the　honest　expression　of　what　I　really　meant　and
felt。

I　read　it　to　Benjamin。　He　held　up　his　hands　with　his　customary
gesture　when　he　was　thoroughly　bewildered　and　dismayed。　〃It　seems
the　rashest　letter　that　ever　was　written；〃　said　the　dear　old　man。
〃I　never　heard；　Valeria；　of　a　woman　doing　what　you　propose　to　do。
Lord　help　us！　the　new　generation　is　beyond　my　fathoming。　I　wish
your　uncle　Starkweather　was　here：　I　wonder　what　he　would　say？　Oh；
dear　me；　what　a　letter　from　a　wife　to　a　husband！　Do　you　really
mean　to　send　it　to　him？〃

I　added　immeasurably　to　my　old　friend's　surprise　by　not　even
employing　the　post…office。　I　wished　to　see　the　〃instructions〃
which　my　husband　had　left　behind　him。　So　I　took　the　letter　to　his
lawyers　myself。

The　firm　consisted　of　two　partners。　They　both　received　me
together。　One　was　a　soft；　lean　man；　with　a　sour　smile。　The　other
was　a　hard；　fat　man；　with　ill…tempered　eyebrows。　I　took　a　great
dislike　to　both　of　them。　On　their　side；　they　appeared　to　feel　a
strong　distrust　of　me。　We　began　by　disagreeing。　They　showed　me　my
husband's　〃instructions；〃　providing；　among　other　things；　for　the
payment　of　one　clear　half　of　his　income　as　long　as　he　lived　to
his　wife。　I　positively　refused　to　touch　a　farthing　of　his　money。

The　lawyers　were　unaffectedly　shocked　and　astonished　at　this
decision。　Nothing　of　the　sort　had　ever　happened　before　in　the
whole　course　of　their　experience。　They　argued　and　remonstrated
with　me。　The　partner　with　the　ill…tempered　eyebrows　wanted　to
know　what　my　reasons　were。　The　partner　with　the　sour　smile
reminded　his　colleague　satirically　that　I　was　a　lady；　and　had
therefore　no　reasons　to　give。　I　only　answered；　〃Be　so　good　as　to
forward　my　letter；　gentlemen；〃　and　left　them。

I　have　no　wish　to　claim　any　credit　to　myself　in　these　pages　which
I　do　not　honestly　deserve。　The　truth　is　that　my　pride　forbade　me
to　accept　help　from　Eustace；　now　that　he　had　left　me。　My　own
little　fortune　（eight　hundred　a　year）　had　been　settled　on　myself
when　I　married。　It　had　been　more　than　I　wanted　as　a　single　woman；
and　I　was　resolved　that　it　should　be　enough　for　me　now。　Benjamin
had　insisted　on　my　considering　his　cottage　as　my　home。　Under
these　circumstances；　the　expenses　in　which　my　determination　to
clear　my　husband's　character　might　involve　me　were　the　only
expenses　for　which　I　had　to　provide。　I　could　afford　to　be
independent；　and　independent　I　resolved　that　I　would　be。

While　I　am　occupied　in　confessing　my　weakness　and　my　errors；　it
is　only　right　to　add　that；　dearly　as　I　still　loved　my　unhappy；
misguided　husband；　th