the lion and the unicorn(狮子与独角兽)-第7节
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this； she reminded herself。 She stood holding his possessions； one in
each hand； and looking at the young woman blankly。 She had no doubt
in her mind that at least part of the money he had received for them had
paid for the flowers he had sent to her in Scotland。 The certainty of this
left her no choice。 She laid the ring and watch down and pulled the only
ring she possessed from her own finger。 It was a gift from Lady Gower。
She had no doubt that it was of great value。
〃Can you lend me some money on that？〃 she asked。 It was the first
time she had conducted a business transaction of this nature； and she felt
as though she were engaging in a burglary。
〃We don't lend money； miss；〃 the girl said； 〃we buy outright。 I can
give you twenty…eight shillings for this；〃 she added。
〃Twenty…eight shillings；〃 Helen gasped； 〃why； it is worthoh； ever so
much more than that！〃
〃That is all it is worth to us；〃 the girl answered。 She regarded the
ring indifferently and laid it away from her on the counter。 The action
was final。
Helen's hands rose slowly to her breast； where a pretty watch dangled
from a bowknot of crushed diamonds。 It was her only possession； and
she was very fond of it。 It also was the gift of one of the several great
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ladies who had adopted her since her residence in London。 Helen had
painted a miniature of this particular great lady which had looked so
beautiful that the pleasure which the original of the portrait derived from
the thought that she still really looked as she did in the miniature was
worth more to her than many diamonds。
But it was different with Helen； and no one could count what it cost
her to tear away her one proud possession。
〃What will you give me for this？〃 she asked defiantly。
The girl's eyes showed greater interest。 〃I can give you twenty
pounds for that；〃 she said。
〃Take it； please；〃 Helen begged； as though she feared if she kept it a
moment longer she might not be able to make the sacrifice。
〃That will be enough now；〃 she went on； taking out her ten…pound note。
She put Lady Gower's ring back upon her finger and picked up Philip's
ring and watch with the pleasure of one who has come into a great fortune。
She turned back at the door。
〃Oh；〃 she stammered； 〃in case any one should inquire； you are not to
say who bought these。〃
〃No； miss； certainly not；〃 said the woman。 Helen gave the direction
to the cabman and； closing the doors of the hansom； sat looking down at
the watch and the ring； as they lay in her lap。 The thought that they had
been his most valued possessions； which he had abandoned forever； and
that they were now entirely hers； to do with as she liked； filled her with
most intense delight and pleasure。 She took up the heavy gold ring and
placed it on the little finger of her left hand； it was much too large； and she
removed it and balanced it for a moment doubtfully in the palm of her
right hand。 She was smiling； and her face was lit with shy and tender
thoughts。 She cast a quick glance to the left and right as though fearful
that people passing in the street would observe her； and then slipped the
ring over the fourth finger of her left hand。 She gazed at it with a guilty
smile and then； covering it hastily with her other hand； leaned back；
clasping it closely； and sat frowning far out before her with puzzled eyes。
To Carroll all roads led past Helen's studio； and during the summer；
while she had been absent in Scotland it was one of his sad pleasures to
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make a pilgrimage to her street and to pause opposite the house and look
up at the empty windows of her rooms。
It was during this daily exercise that he learned； through the arrival of
her luggage； of her return to London； and when day followed day without
her having shown any desire to see him or to tell him of her return he
denounced himself most bitterly as a fatuous fool。
At the end of the week he sat down and considered his case quite
calmly。 For three years he had loved this girl； deeply and tenderly。 He
had been lover； brother； friend； and guardian。 During that time； even
though she had accepted him in every capacity except as that of the
prospective husband； she had never given him any real affection； nor
sympathy； nor help； all she had done for him had been done without her
knowledge or intent。 To know her； to love her； and to scheme to give her
pleasure had been its own reward； and the only one。 For the last few
months he had been living like a crossing…sweeper in order to be able to
stay in London until she came back to it； and that he might still send her
the gifts he had always laid on her altar。 He had not seen her in three
months。 Three months that had been to him a blank； except for his work…
…which like all else that he did； was inspired and carried on for her。 Now
at last she had returned and had shown that； even as a friend； he was of so
little account in her thoughts； of so little consequence in her life； that after
this long absence she had no desire to learn of his welfare or to see him
she did not even give him the chance to see her。 And so； placing these
facts before him for the first time since he had loved her； he considered
what was due to himself。 〃Was it good enough？〃 he asked。 〃Was it just
that he should continue to wear out his soul and body for this girl who did
not want what he had to give； who treated him less considerately than a
man whom she met for the first time at dinner？ He felt he had reached
the breaking…point； that the time had come when he must consider what he
owed to himself。 There could never be any other woman save Helen； but
as it was not to be Helen； he could no longer； with self…respect； continue to
proffer his love only to see it slighted and neglected。 He was humble
enough concerning himself； but of his love he was very proud。 Other
men could give her more in wealth or position； but no one could ever love
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her as he did。 〃He that hath more let him give；〃 he had often quoted to
her defiantly； as though he were challenging the world； and now he felt he
must evolve a make…shift world of his owna world in which she was not
his only spring of acts； he must begin all over again and keep his love
secret and sacred until she understood it and wanted it。 And if she should
never want it he would at least have saved it from many rebuffs and
insults。
With this determination strong in him； the note Helen had left for him
after her talk with Marion； and the flowers； and the note with them； saying
she was coming to take tea on the morrow； failed to move him except to
make him more bitter。 He saw in them only a tardy recognition of her
neglectan effort to make up to him for thoughtlessness which； from her；
hurt him worse than studied slight。
A new regime had begun； and he was determined to establish it firmly
and to make it impossible for himself to retreat from it； and in the note in
which he thanked Helen for the flowers and welcomed her to tea； he
declared his ultimatum。
〃You know how terribly I feel；〃 he wrote； 〃I don't have to tell you that；
but I cannot always go on dragging out my love and holding it up to excite
your pity as beggars show their sores。 I cannot always go on praying
before your altar； cutting myself with knives and calling upon you to listen
to me。 You know that there is no one else but you； and that there never
can be any one but you； and that nothing is changed except that after this I
am not going to urge and torment you。 I shall wait
