the diary of a man of fifty-第5节

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to　such　a　charge。　　〃Your　state　of　mind　brings　back　my　own　so　

completely；〃　I　said　presently。　　〃You　admire　heryou　adore　her；　and　

yet；　secretly；　you　mistrust　her。　　You　are　enchanted　with　her　personal　

charm；　her　grace；　her　wit；　her　everything；　and　yet　in　your　private　

heart　you　are　afraid　of　her。〃



〃Afraid　of　her？〃



〃Your　mistrust　keeps　rising　to　the　surface；　you　can't　rid　yourself　of　

the　suspicion　that　at　the　bottom　of　all　things　she　is　hard　and　cruel；　

and　you　would　be　immensely　relieved　if　some　one　should　persuade　you　

that　your　suspicion　is　right。〃



Stanmer　made　no　direct　reply　to　this；　but　before　we　reached　the　hotel　

he　said〃What　did　you　ever　know　about　the　mother？〃



〃It's　a　terrible　story；〃　I　answered。



He　looked　at　me　askance。　　〃What　did　she　do？〃



〃Come　to　my　rooms　this　evening　and　I　will　tell　you。〃



He　declared　he　would；　but　he　never　came。　　Exactly　the　way　I　should　

have　acted！



14th。I　went　again；　last　evening；　to　Casa　Salvi；　where　I　found　the　

same　little　circle；　with　the　addition　of　a　couple　of　ladies。　　Stanmer　

was　there；　trying　hard　to　talk　to　one　of　them；　but　making；　I　am　sure；　

a　very　poor　business　of　it。　　The　Countesswell；　the　Countess　was　

admirable。　　She　greeted　me　like　a　friend　of　ten　years；　toward　whom　

familiarity　should　not　have　engendered　a　want　of　ceremony；　she　made　

me　sit　near　her；　and　she　asked　me　a　dozen　questions　about　my　health　

and　my　occupations。



〃I　live　in　the　past；〃　I　said。　　〃I　go　into　the　galleries；　into　the　old　

palaces　and　the　churches。　　Today　I　spent　an　hour　in　Michael　Angelo's　

chapel　at　San　Loreozo。〃



〃Ah　yes；　that's　the　past；〃　said　the　Countess。　　〃Those　things　are　very　

old。〃



〃Twenty…seven　years　old；〃　I　answered。



〃Twenty…seven？　　Altro！〃



〃I　mean　my　own　past；〃　I　said。　　〃I　went　to　a　great　many　of　those　

places　with　your　mother。〃



〃Ah；　the　pictures　are　beautiful；〃　murmured　the　Countess；　glancing　at　

Stanmer。



〃Have　you　lately　looked　at　any　of　them？〃　I　asked。　　〃Have　you　gone　to　

the　galleries　with　HIM？〃



She　hesitated　a　moment；　smiling。　　〃It　seems　to　me　that　your　question　

is　a　little　impertinent。　　But　I　think　you　are　like　that。〃



〃A　little　impertinent？　　Never。　　As　I　say；　your　mother　did　me　the　

honour；　more　than　once；　to　accompany　me　to　the　Uffizzi。〃



〃My　mother　must　have　been　very　kind　to　you。〃



〃So　it　seemed　to　me　at　the　time。〃



〃At　the　time　only？〃



〃Well；　if　you　prefer；　so　it　seems　to　me　now。〃



〃Eh；〃　said　the　Countess；　〃she　made　sacrifices。〃



〃To　what；　cara　Signora？　　She　was　perfectly　free。　　Your　lamented　

father　was　deadand　she　had　not　yet　contracted　her　second　marriage。〃



〃If　she　was　intending　to　marry　again；　it　was　all　the　more　reason　she　

should　have　been　careful。〃



I　looked　at　her　a　moment；　she　met　my　eyes　gravely；　over　the　top　of　

her　fan。　　〃Are　YOU　very　careful？〃　I　said。



She　dropped　her　fan　with　a　certain　violence。　　〃Ah；　yes；　you　are　

impertinent！〃



〃Ah　no；〃　I　said。　　〃Remember　that　I　am　old　enough　to　be　your　father；　

that　I　knew　you　when　you　were　three　years　old。　　I　may　surely　ask　such　

questions。　　But　you　are　right；　one　must　do　your　mother　justice。　　She　

was　certainly　thinking　of　her　second　marriage。〃



〃You　have　not　forgiven　her　that！〃　said　the　Countess；　very　gravely。



〃Have　you？〃　I　asked；　more　lightly。



〃I　don't　judge　my　mother。　　That　is　a　mortal　sin。　　My　stepfather　was　

very　kind　to　me。〃



〃I　remember　him；〃　I　said；　〃I　saw　him　a　great　many　timesyour　mother　

already　received　him。〃



My　hostess　sat　with　lowered　eyes；　saying　nothing；　but　she　presently　

looked　up。



〃She　was　very　unhappy　with　my　father。〃



〃That　I　can　easily　believe。　　And　your　stepfatheris　he　still　

living？〃



〃He　diedbefore　my　mother。〃



〃Did　he　fight　any　more　duels？〃



〃He　was　killed　in　a　duel；〃　said　the　Countess；　discreetly。



It　seems　almost　monstrous；　especially　as　I　can　give　no　reason　for　it…

…but　this　announcement；　instead　of　shocking　me；　caused　me　to　feel　a　

strange　exhilaration。　　Most　assuredly；　after　all　these　years；　I　bear　

the　poor　man　no　resentment。　　Of　course　I　controlled　my　manner；　and　

simply　remarked　to　the　Countess　that　as　his　fault　had　been　so　was　his　

punishment。　　I　think；　however；　that　the　feeling　of　which　I　speak　was　

at　the　bottom　of　my　saying　to　her　that　I　hoped　that；　unlike　her　

mother's；　her　own　brief　married　life　had　been　happy。



〃If　it　was　not；〃　she　said；　〃I　have　forgotten　it　now。〃I　wonder　if　

the　late　Count　Scarabelli　was　also　killed　in　a　duel；　and　if　his　

adversary　。　。　。　Is　it　on　the　books　that　his　adversary；　as　well；　shall　

perish　by　the　pistol？　　Which　of　those　gentlemen　is　he；　I　wonder？　　Is　

it　reserved　for　poor　little　Stanmer　to　put　a　bullet　into　him？　　No；　

poor　little　Stanmer；　I　trust；　will　do　as　I　did。　　And　yet；　

unfortunately　for　him；　that　woman　is　consummately　plausible。　　She　was　

wonderfully　nice　last　evening；　she　was　really　irresistible。　　Such　

frankness　and　freedom；　and　yet　something　so　soft　and　womanly；　such　

graceful　gaiety；　so　much　of　the　brightness；　without　any　of　the　

stiffness；　of　good　breeding；　and　over　it　all　something　so　

picturesquely　simple　and　southern。　　She　is　a　perfect　Italian。　　But　

she　comes　honestly　by　it。　　After　the　talk　I　have　just　jotted　down　she　

changed　her　place；　and　the　conversation　for　half　an　hour　was　general。　　

Stanmer　indeed　said　very　little；　partly；　I　suppose；　because　he　is　shy　

of　talking　a　foreign　tongue。　　Was　I　like　thatwas　I　so　constantly　

silent？　　I　suspect　I　was　when　I　was　perplexed；　and　Heaven　knows　that　

very　often　my　perplexity　was　extreme。　　Before　I　went　away　I　had　a　few　

more　words　tete…a…tete　with　the　Countess。



〃I　hope　you　are　not　leaving　Florence　yet；〃　she　said；　〃you　will　stay　a　

while　longer？〃



I　answered　that　I　came　only　for　a　week；　and　that　my　week　was　over。



〃I　stay　on　from　day　to　day；　I　am　so　much　interested。〃



〃Eh；　it's　the　beautiful　moment。　　I'm　glad　our　city　pleases　you！〃



〃Florence　pleases　meand　I　take　a　paternal　interest　to　our　young　

friend；〃　I　added；　glancing　at　Stanmer。　　〃I　have　become　very　fond　of　

him。〃



〃Bel　tipo　inglese；〃　said　my　hostess。　　〃And　he　is　very　intelligent；　he　

has　a　beautiful　mind。〃



She　stood　there　resting　her　smile　and　her　clear；　expressive　eyes　upon　

me。



〃I　don't　like　to　praise　him　too　much；〃　I　rejoined；　〃lest　I　should　

appear　to　praise　myself；　he　reminds　me　so　much　of　what　I　was　at　his　

age。　　If　your　beautiful　mother　were　to　come　to　life　for　an　hour　she　

would　see　the　resemblance。〃



She　gave　me　a　little　amused　stare。



〃And　yet　you　don't　look　at　all　like　him！〃



〃Ah；　you　didn't　know　me　when　I　was　twenty…five。　　I　was　very　handsome！　　

And；　moreover；　it　isn't　that；　it's　the　mental　resemblance。　　I　was　

ingenuous；　candid；　trusting；　like　him。〃



〃Trusting？　　I　remember　my　mother　once　telling　me　that　you　were　the　

most　suspicious　and　jealous　of　men！〃



〃I　fell　into　a　suspicious　mood；　but　I　was；　fundamentally；　not　in　the　

least　addicted　to　thinking　evil。　　I　couldn't　easily　imagine　any　harm　

of　any　one。〃



〃And　so　you　mean　that　Mr。　Stanmer　is　in　a　suspicions　mood？〃



〃Well；　I　mean　that　his　situation　is　the　same　as　mine。〃



The　Countess　gave　me　one　of　her　serious　looks。　　〃Come；〃　she　said；　

〃what　was　itthis　famous　situation　of　yours？　　I　have　heard　you　

mention　it　before。〃



〃Your　mother　might　have　told　you；　since　she　occasionally　did　me　the　

honour　to　speak　of　me。〃



〃All　my　mother　ever　told　me　was　that　you　werea　sad　puzzle　to　her。〃



At　this；　of　course；　I　laughed　outI　laugh　still　as　I　write　it。



〃Well；　then；　that　was　my　situationI　was　a　sad　puzzle　to　a　very　

clever　woman。〃



〃And　you　mean；　therefore；　that　I　am　a　puzzle　to　poor　Mr。　Stanmer？〃



〃He　is　racking　his　brains　to　make　you　out。　　Remember　it　was　you　who　

said　he　was　intelligent。〃



She　looked　round　at　him；　and　as　fortune　would　have　it；　his　appearance　

at　that　moment　quite　confirmed　my　assertion。　　He　was　lounging　back　in　

his　chair　with　an　air　of　indolence　rather　too　marked　for　a　drawing…

room；　and　staring　at　the　ceiling　with　the　expression　of　a　man　who　has　

just　been　asked　a　conundrum。　　Madame　Scarabelli　seemed　struck　with　

his　attitude。



〃Don't　you　see；〃　I　said；　〃he　can't　read　the　riddle？〃



〃You　yourself；〃　she　answered；　〃said　he　was　incapable　of　thinking　

evil。　　I　should　be　sorry　to　have　him　think　any　evil　of　ME。〃



And　she　looked　straight　at　meseriously；　appealinglywith　her　

beautiful　candid　brow。



I　inclined　myself；　smiling；　in　a　manner　which　might　have　meant〃How　

could　that　be　possible？〃



〃I　have　a　great　esteem　for　him；〃　she　went　on；　〃I　want　him　to　think　

well　of　me。　　If　I　am　a　puzzle　to　him；　do　me　a　little　service。　　

Explain　me　to　him。〃



〃Explain　you；　dear　lady？〃



〃You　are　older　and　wiser　than　he。　　Make　him　understand　me。〃



She　looked　deep　into　my　eyes　for　a　moment；　and　then　she　turned　away。



26th。I　h