east lynne-第123节

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　sin　was　great；　but　my　punishment　was　greater。　It　has　been　as　one　long　scene　of　mortal　agony。〃

〃Why　did　you　go？〃　asked　Mr。　Carlyle。

〃Did　you　not　know？〃

〃No。　It　has　always　been　a　mystery　to　me。〃

〃I　went　out　of　love　for　you。〃

A　shade　of　disdain　crossed　his　lips。　She　was　equivocating　to　him　on　her　death…bed。

〃Do　not　look　in　that　way；〃　she　panted。　〃My　strength　is　nearly　gone　you　must　perceive　that　it　isand　I　do　not；　perhaps；　express　myself　clearly。　I　loved　you　dearly；　and　I　grew　suspicious　of　you。　I　thought　you　were　false　and　deceitful　to　me；　that　your　love　was　all　given　to　another；　and　in　my　sore　jealousy；　I　listened　to　the　temptings　of　that　bad　man；　who　whispered　to　me　of　revenge。　It　was　not　so；　was　it？〃

Mr。　Carlyle　had　regained　his　calmness；　outwardly；　at　any　rate。　He　stood　by　the　side　of　the　bed；　looking　down　upon　her；　his　arms　crossed　upon　his　chest；　and　his　noble　form　raised　to　its　full　height。

〃Was　it　so？〃　she　feverishly　repeated。

〃Can　you　ask　it；　knowing　me　as　you　did　then；　as　you　must　have　known　me　since？　I　never　was　false　to　you　in　thought；　in　word；　or　in　deed。〃

〃Oh；　Archibald；　I　was　madI　was　mad！　I　could　not　have　done　it　in　anything　but　madness。　Surely　you　will　forget　and　forgive！〃

〃I　cannot　forget。　I　have　already　forgiven！〃

〃Try　and　forget　the　dreadful　time　that　has　passed　since　that　night！〃　she　continued；　the　tears　falling　on　her　cheeks；　as　she　held　up　to　him　one　of　her　poor　hot　hands。　〃Let　your　thoughts　go　back　to　the　days　when　you　first　knew　me；　when　I　was　here；　Isabel　Vane；　a　happy　girl　with　my　father。　At　times　I　have　lost　myself　in　a　moment's　happiness　in　thinking　of　it。　Do　you　remember　how　you　grew　to　love　me；　though　you　thought　you　might　not　tell　it　to　meand　how　gentle　you　were　with　me；　when　papa　diedand　the　hundred　pound　note？　Do　you　remember　coming　to　Castle　Marling？and　my　promise　to　be　your　wifeand　the　first　kiss　you　left　upon　my　lips？　And；　oh；　Archibald！　Do　you　remember　the　loving　days　after　I　was　your　wifehow　happy　we　were　with　each　other？　Do　you　remember　when　Lucy　was　born；　we　thought　I　should　have　died；　and　your　joy；　your　thankfulness　that　God　restored　me？　Do　you　remember　all　this？

Aye。　He　did　remember　it。　He　took　the　poor　hand　into　his；　and　unconsciously　played　with　its　wasted　fingers。

〃Have　you　any　reproach　to　cast　to　me？〃　he　gently　said；　bending　his　head　a　little。

〃Reproach　to　you！　To　you；　who　must　be　almost　without　reproach　in　the　sight　of　Heaven！　You；　who　were　everlasting　to　meever　anxious　for　my　welfare！　When　I　think　of　what　you　were；　and　are；　and　how　I　quitted　you；　I　could　sink　into　the　earth　with　remorse　and　shame。　My　own　sin；　I　have　surely　expiated；　I　cannot　expiate　the　shame　I　entailed　upon　you；　and　upon　our　children。〃

Never。　He　felt　it　as　keenly　now　as　he　had　felt　it　then。

〃Think　what　it　has　been　for　me！〃　she　resumed；　and　he　was　obliged　to　bend　his　ear　to　catch　her　gradually　weakening　tones。　〃To　live　in　this　house　with　your　wifeto　see　your　love　for　herto　watch　the　envied　caresses　that　once　were　mine！　I　never　loved　you　so　passionately　as　I　have　done　since　I　lost　you。　Think　what　it　was　to　watch　William's　decaying　strength；　to　be　alone　with　him　in　his　dying　hour；　and　not　to　be　able　to　say　he　is　my　child　as　well　as　yours！　When　he　lay　dead；　and　the　news　went　forth　to　the　household；　it　was　/her/　petty　grief　you　soothed；　not　mine；　his　mother's。　God　alone　knows　how　I　have　lived　through　it　all；　it　as　been　to　me　as　the　bitterness　of　death。〃

〃Why　did　you　come　back？〃　was　the　response　of　Mr。　Carlyle。

〃I　have　told　you。　I　could　not　live；　wanting　you　and　my　children。〃

〃It　was　wrong；　wrong　in　all　ways。〃

〃Wickedly　wrong。　You　cannot　think　worse　of　it　than　I　have　done。　But　the　consequences　and　the　punishment　would　be　mine　alone；　as　long　as　I　guarded　against　discovery。　I　never　thought　to　stop　here　to　die；　but　death　seems　to　have　come　on　me　with　a　leap；　like　it　came　to　my　mother。〃

A　pause　of　labored　hard　breathing。　Mr。　Carlyle　did　not　interrupt　it。

〃All　wrong；　all　wrong；〃　she　resumed；　〃this　interview　with　you；　among　the　rest。　And　yetI　hardly　know；　it　cannot　hurt　the　new　ties　you　have　formed；　for　I　am　as　one　dead　now　to　this　world；　hovering　on　the　brink　of　the　next。　But　you　/were/　my　husband；　Archibald；　and；　the　last　few　days；　I　have　longed　for　your　forgiveness　with　a　fevered　longing。　Oh！　that　the　past　could　be　blotted　out！　That　I　could　wake　up　and　find　it　but　a　hideous　dream；　that　I　were　here　as　in　old　days；　in　health　and　happiness；　your　ever　loving　wife。　Do　you　wish　it；　that　the　dark　past　had　never　had　place？〃

She　put　the　question　in　a　sharp；　eager　tone；　gazing　up　to　him　with　an　anxious　gaze；　as　though　the　answer　must　be　one　of　life　or　death。

〃For　your　sake　I　wish　it。〃　Calm　enough　were　the　words　spoken；　and　her　eyes　fell　again；　and　a　deep　sigh　came　forth。

〃I　am　going　to　William。　But　Lucy　and　Archibald　will　be　left。　Oh；　do　you　never　be　unkind　to　them！　I　pray　you；　visit　not　their　mother's　sin　upon　their　heads！　Do　not　in　your　love　for　your　later　children；　lose　your　love　for　them！〃

〃Have　you　seen　anything　in　my　conduct　that　could　give　rise　to　fears　of　this？〃　he　returned；　reproach　mingled　in　his　sad　tone。　〃The　children　are　dear　to　me；　as　you　once　were。〃

〃As　I　once　was。　Aye；　and　as　I　might　have　been　now。〃

〃Indeed　you　might；〃　he　answered；　with　emotion。　〃The　fault　was　not　mine。〃

〃Archibald；　I　am　on　the　very　threshold　of　the　next　world。　Will　you　not　bless　mewill　you　not　say　a　word　of　love　to　me　before　I　pass　it！　Let　what　I　am；　I　say；　be　blotted　for　the　moment　from　your　memory；　think　of　me；　if　you　can；　as　the　innocent；　timid　child　whom　you　made　your　wife。　Only　a　word　of　love。　My　heart　is　breaking　for　it。〃

He　leaned　over　her；　he　pushed　aside　the　hair　from　her　brow　with　his　gentle　hand；　his　tears　dropping　on　her　face。　〃You　nearly　broke　mine；　when　you　left　me；　Isabel；〃　he　whispered。

〃May　God　bless　you；　and　take　you　to　His　rest　in　Heaven！　May　He　so　deal　with　me；　as　I　now　fully　and　freely　forgive　you。〃

What　was　he　about　to　do？　Lower　and　lower　bent　his　head；　until　his　breath　nearly　mingled　with　hers。　To　kiss　her？　He　best　knew。　But；　suddenly；　his　face　grew　red　with　a　scarlet　flush；　and　he　lifted　it　again。　Did　the　form　of　one；　then　in　a　felon's　cell　at　Lynneborough；　thrust　itself　before　him；　or　that　of　his　absent　and　unconscious　wife？

〃To　His　rest　in　Heaven；〃　she　murmured；　in　the　hollow　tones　of　the　departing。　〃Yes；　yes　I　know　that　God　had　forgiven　me。　Oh；　what　a　struggle　it　has　been！　Nothing　but　bad　feelings；　rebellion；　and　sorrow；　and　repining；　for　a　long　while　after　I　came　back　here；　but　Jesus　prayed　for　me；　and　helped　me；　and　you　know　how　merciful　He　is　to　the　weary　and　heavy…laden。　We　shall　meet　again；　Archibald；　and　live　together　forever　and　ever。　But　for　that　great　hope　I　could　hardly　die。　William　said　mamma　would　be　on　the　banks　of　the　river；　looking　out　for　him；　but　it　is　William　who　is　looking　for　me。〃

Mr。　Carlyle　released　one　of　his　hands；　she　had　taken　them　both；　and　with　his　own　white　handkerchief；　wiped　the　death…dew　from　her　forehead。

〃It　is　no　sin　to　anticipate　it；　Archibald；　for　there　will　be　no　marrying　or　giving　in　marriage　in　Heaven：　Christ　said　so。　Though　we　do　not　know　how　it　will　be；　my　sin　will　be　remembered　no　more　there；　and　we　shall　be　together　with　our　children　forever　and　forever。　Keep　a　little　corner　in　your　heart　for　your　poor　lost　Isabel。〃

〃Yes；　yes；〃　he　whispered。

〃Are　you　leaving　me？〃　she　uttered；　in　a　wild　tone　of　pain。

〃You　are　growing　faint；　I　perceive；　I　must　call　assistance。〃

〃Farewell；　then；　farewell；　until　eternity；〃　she　sighed；　the　tears　raining　from　her　eyes。　〃It　is　death；　I　think；　not　faintness。　Oh！　but　it　is　hard　to　part！　Farewell；　farewell　my　once　dear　husband！〃

She　raised　her　head　from　the　pillow；　excitement　giving　her　strength；　she　clung　to　his　arm；　she　lifted　her　face　in　its　sad　yearning。　Mr。　Carlyle　laid　her　tenderly　down　again；　and　suffered　his　wet　cheek　to　rest　upon　hers。

〃Until　eternity。〃

She　followed　him　with　her　eyes　as　he　retreated；　and　watched　him　from　the　room：　then　turned　her　face　to　the　wall。　〃It　is　over。　Only　God　now。〃

Mr。　Carlyle　took　an　instant's　counsel　with　himself；　stopping　at　the　head　of　the　stairs　to　do　it。　Joyce；　in　obedience　to　a　sign　from　him；　had　already　gone　into　the　sick…chamber：　his　sister　was　standing　at　the　door。

〃Cornelia。〃

She　followed　him　down　to　the　dining…room。

〃You　will　remain　here　to…night？　With　/her/？〃

〃Do　you　suppose　I　shouldn't？〃　crossly　responded　Miss　Corny；　〃where　are　you　off　to　now？〃

〃To　the　telegraph　office；　at　present。　To　send　for　Lord　Mount　Severn。〃

〃What　good　can　he　do？〃

〃None。　But　I　shall　send　for　him。〃

〃Can't　one　of　the　servants　go　just　as　well　as　you？　You　have　not　finished　your　dinner；　hardly　begun　it。〃

He　turned　his　eyes　on　the　dinner…table　in　a　mechanical　sort　of　way；　his　mind　wholly　preoccupied；　made　some　remark　in　answer；　which　Miss　Corny　did　not　catch；　and　went　out。

On　his　return　his　sister　met　him　in　the　hall；　drew　him　inside　the　nearest　room；　and　closed　the　door。　Lady　Isabel　was　dead。　Had　been　dead　about　ten　minutes。

〃She　never　spoke　after　you　left　her；　Archibald。　There　was　a　slight　struggle　at　the　last；　a　fighting　for　breath；　otherwise　she　went　off　quite　peacefully。　I　felt　sure；