count bunker-第6节

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ubt　about　it。　　You；　Baron；　must　play　the　part　of　peer；　I　of　friend。〃

The　Baron　gasped。

〃Impossible！〃

〃Quite　simple；　my　dear　fellow。〃

〃Youyou　don't　mean　so？〃

〃I　do　indeed。〃

〃Bot　I　shall　not　do　it　so　vell　as　you。〃

〃A　hundred　times　better。〃

〃Bot　vy　did　you　not　say　so　before？〃

〃Tulliwuddle　might　not　have　agreed　with　me。〃

〃Bot　vould　he　like　it　now？〃

〃It　is　not　what　he　likes　that　we　should　consider；　it's　what　is　good　for　his　interests。〃

〃Bot　if　I　should　fail？〃

〃He　will　be　no　worse　off　than　before。　　Left　to　himself；　he　certainly　won't　marry　the　lady。　　You　give　him　his　only　chance。〃

〃Bot　more　zan　you　vould；　really　and　truthfully？〃

〃My　dear　Baron；　you　are　admitted　by　all　to　be　an　ideal　German　nobleman。　　Therefore　you　will　certainly　make　an　ideal　British　peer。　　You　have　the　true　Grand…Seigneur　air。　　No　one　would　mistake　you　for　anything　but　a　great　aristocrat；　if　they　merely　saw　you　in　bathing　pants；　whereas　I　have　something　a　little　different　about　my　manner。　　I'm　not　so　impressive　not　so　hall…marked；　in　fact。〃

His　friend's　omniscient　air　and　candidly　eloquent　tone　impressed　the　Baron　considerably。　　His　ingrained　conviction　of　his　own　importance　accorded　admirably　with　these　arguments。　　His　thirst　for　〃life〃　craved　this　lion's　share。　　His　sanguine　spirit　leaped　at　the　appeal。　　Yet　his　well…regulated　conscience　could　not　but　state　one　or　two　patent　objections。

〃Bot　I　have　not　read　so　moch　of　the　Tollyvoddles　as　you。　　I　do　not　know　ze　strings　so　vell。〃

〃I　have　told　you　nearly　everything　I　know。　　You　will　find　the　rest　here。〃

Essington　handed　him　the　note…book　containing　his　succinct　digest。　　In　intelligent　anticipation　of　this　contingency　it　was　written　in　his　clearest　handwriting。

〃You　should　have　been　a　German；〃　said　the　Baron　admiringly。

He　glanced　with　sparkling　eyes　at　the　note…book；　and　then　with　a　distinctly　greater　effort　the　Teutonic　conscience　advanced　another　objection。

〃Bot　you　have　bought　ze　kilt；　ze　Highland　hat；　ze　brogue　shoes。〃

〃I　had　them　made　to　your　measurements。〃

The　Baron　impetuously　embraced　his　thoughtful　friend。　　Then　again　his　smile　died　away。

〃Bot；　Bonker；　my　voice！　　Zey　tell　me　I　haf　nozing　zat　you　vould　call　qvite　an　accent；　bot　a　foreigner　one　does　regognize　him；　eh？〃

〃I　shall　explain　that　in　a　sentence。　　The　romantic　tincture　ofwell；　not　quite　accent；　is　a　pleasant　little　piece　of　affectation　adopted　by　the　young　bloods　about　the　Court　in　compliment　to　the　German　connections　of　the　Royal　family。〃

The　Baron　raised　no　more　objections。

〃Bonker；　I　agree！　　Tollyvoddle　I　shall　be；　by　Jove　and　all！〃

He　beamed　his　satisfaction；　and　then　in　an　eager　voice　asked

〃You　haf　not　ze　kilt　in　zat　hat…box？〃

Unfortunately；　however；　the　kilt　was　in　the　van。

Now　the　journey；　propitiously　begun；　became　more　exhilarating；　more　exciting　with　each　mile　flung　by。　　The　Baron；　egged　on　by　his　friend's　high　spirits　and　his　own　imagination　to　anticipate　pleasure　upon　pleasure；　watched　with　rapture　the　summer　landscape　whiz　past　the　windows。　　Through　the　flat　midlands　of　England　they　sped；　field　after　field；　hedgerow　after　hedgerow；　trees　by　the　dozen；　by　the　hundred；　by　the　thousand；　spinning　by　in　one　continuous　green　vista。　　Red　brick　towns；　sluggish　rivers；　thatched　villages　and　ancient　churches　dark　with　yews；　the　shining　web　of　junctions；　and　a　whisking　glimpse　of　wayside　stations　leaped　towards　them；　past　them；　and　leagues　away　behind。　　But　swiftly　as　they　sped；　it　was　all　too　slowly　for　the　fresh…created　Lord　Tulliwuddle。

〃Are　we　not　nearly　to　Scotland　yet？〃　he　inquired　some　fifty　times。

〃　'My　heart's　in　the　Highlands　a…chasing　the　dears！'　〃　hummed　the　abdicated　nobleman；　whose　hilarity　had　actually　increased　（if　that　were　possible）　since　his　descent　into　the　herd　again。

All　the　travellers'　familiar　landmarks　were　hailed　by　the　gleeful　diplomatist　with　encouraging　comments。

〃Ach；　look！　　Beauteeful　view！　　How　quickly　it　is　gone！　　Hurray！　　Ve　must　be　nearly　to　Scotland。〃

A　panegyric　on　the　rough　sky…line　of　the　north　country　fells　was　interrupted　by　the　entrance　of　the　dining…car　attendant。　　Learning　that　they　would　dine；　he　politely　inquired　in　what　names　he　should　engage　their　seats。　　Then；　for　an　instant；　a　horrible　confusion　nearly　overcame　the　Baron。　　Hea　von　Blitzenberg　to　give　a　false　name！　　His　color　rose；　he　stammered；　and　only　in　the　nick　of　time　caught　his　companion's　eye。

〃Ze　Lord　Tollyvoddle；〃　he　announced；　with　an　effort　as　heroic　as　any　of　his　ancestors'　most　warlike　enterprises。

Too　impressed　to　inquire　how　this　remarkable　title　should　be　spelled；　the　man　turned　to　the　other　distinguished…looking　passenger。

〃Bunker；〃　said　that　gentleman；　with　smiling　assurance。

The　man　went　out。

〃Now　are　ve　named！〃　cried　the　Baron；　his　courage　rising　the　higher　for　the　shock　it　had　sustained。　　〃And　you　vunce　more　vill　be　Bonker？　　Goot！〃

〃That　satisfies　you？〃

The　Baron　hesitated。

〃My　dear　friend；　I　have　a　splendid　idea！　　Do　you　know　I　did　disgover　zere　used　to　be　a　nobleman　in　Austria　really　called　Count　Bonker？　　He　vas　a　famous　man；　you　need　not　be　ashamed　to　take　his　name。　　Vy　should　not　you　be　Count　Bonker？〃

〃You　prefer　to　travel　in　titled　company？　　Well；　be　hangedwhy　not！　　When　one　comes　to　think　of　it；　it　seems　a　pity　that　my　sins　should　always　be　attributed　to　the　middle　classes。〃

Accordingly　this　history　has　now　the　honorable　task　of　chronicling　the　exploits　of　no　fewer　than　two　noblemen。



CHAPTER　VII

Late　that　evening　they　reached　a　city　which　the　home…coming　chieftain　in　an　outburst　of　Celtic　fervor　dubbed　〃mine　own　bonny　Edinburg！〃　and　there　they　repaired　for　the　night　to　a　hotel。　　Once　more　the　Baron　（we　may　still　style　him　so　since　the　peerage　of　Tulliwuddle　was　of　that　standing　also）　showed　a　certain　diffidence　when　it　came　to　answering　to　his　new　title　in　public；　but　in　the　seclusion　of　their　private　sitting…room　he　was　careful　to　assure　his　friend　that　this　did　not　arise　from　any　lack　of　nerve　or　qualms　zof　conscience；　but　merely　through　a　species　of　headachethe　result　of　railway　travelling。

〃Do　not　fear　for　me；〃　he　declared　as　he　stirred　the　sugar　in　his　glass；　〃I　have　ze　heart　of　a　lion。〃

The　liquid　he　was　sipping　being　nothing　less　potent　than　a　brew　of　whisky　punch；　which　he　had　ordered　（or　rather　requested　Bunker　to　order）　as　the　most　romantically　national　compound　he　could　think　of；　produced；　indeed；　a　fervor　of　foolhardiness。　　He　insisted　upon　opening　the　door　wide；　and　getting　Bunker　to　address　him　as　〃Tollyvoddle；〃　in　a　strident　voice；　〃so　zat　zey　all　may　hear；〃　and　then　answering　in　a　firm　〃Yes；　Count　Bonker；　vat　vould　you　say　to　me？〃

It　is　true　that　he　instantly　closed　the　door　again；　and　even　bolted　it；　but　his　display　seemed　to　make　a　vast　impression　upon　himself。

〃Many　men　vould　not　dare　so　to　go　mit　anozzer　name；〃　he　announced；　〃bot　I　have　my　nerves　onder　a　good　gontrol。〃

〃You　astonish　me；〃　said　the　Count。

〃I　do　even　surprise　myself；〃　admitted　the　Baron。

In　truth　the　ordeal　of　carelessly　carrying　off　an　alias　is　said　by　those　who　have　undergone　it　（and　the　report　is　confirmed　by　an　experienced　class　of　public　officials）　to　require　a　species　of　hardihood　which；　fortunately　for　society；　is　somewhat　rare。　　The　most　daring　Smith　will　sometimes　stammer　when　it　comes　to　merely　answering　〃Yes〃　to　a　cry　of　〃Brown！〃　and　Count　Bunker；　whose　knowledge　of　human　nature　was　profound　and　remarkably　accurate；　was　careful　to　fortify　his　friend　by　example　and　praise；　till　by　the　time　they　went　to　bed　the　Baron　could　scarcely　be　withheld　from　seeking　out　the　manager　and　airing　his　assurance　upon　him。　　Or；　at　least；　he　declared　he　would　have　done　this　had　he　been　sure　that　the　manager　was　not　already　in　bed　himself。

Unfortunately　at　this　juncture　the　Count　committed　one　of　those　indiscretions　to　which　a　gay　spirit　is　always　prone；　but　which；　to　do　him　justice；　seldom　sullied　his　own　record　as　a　successful　adventurer。　　At　an　hour　considerably　past　midnight；　hearing　an　excited　summons　from　the　Baron's　bedroom；　he　laid　down　his　toothbrush　and　hastened　across　the　passage；　to　find　the　new　peer　in　a　crimson　dressing…gown　of　quilted　silk　gazing　enthusiastically　at　a　lithograph　that　hung　upon　the　wall。

〃See！〃　he　cried　gleefully；　〃here　is　my　own　ancestor。　　Bonker；　I　feel　I　am　Tollyvoddle　indeed。〃

The　print　which　had　inspired　this　enthusiasm　depicted　a　historical　but　treasonable　Lord　Tulliwuddle　preparing　to　have　his　head　removed。

Giving　it　a　droll　look；　the　Count　observed

〃Well；　if　it　inspires　you；　my　dear　Baron；　that's　all　right。　　The　omen　would　have　struck　me　differently。〃

〃Ze　omen！〃　murmured　the　Baron　with　a　start。

It　required　all　Bunker's　tact　to　revive　his　ally's　damped　enthusiasm；　and　even　at　breakfast　next　morning　he　referred　in　a　gloomy　voice　to　various　premonitions　recorded　in　the　history　of　his　family；　and　the　horrible　consequences　of　disregarding　them。

But　by　the　time　they　had　started　upon　their　journey　north；　his　spirits　rose　a　trifle；　and　when　at　length　all　lowland　landscapes　were　left　far　behind　them；　and　they　had　come　into　a　province　of　peat　streams　and　granite　pinnacles；　with　the　gloom　of　pines　and　the　freshness　of　the　birch　blended　like