the alkahest-第20节
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the laughter of little Jean or the chatter of his girls; with the air
of a man absorbed in secret thoughts; but she shuddered when she saw
him shake off his melancholy and try; with generous intent; to seem
cheerful; that he might not distress others。 The little coquetries of
the father with his daughters; or his games with little Jean;
moistened the eyes of the poor wife; who often left the room to hide
the feelings that heroic effort caused her;a heroism the cost of
which is well understood by women; a generosity that well…nigh breaks
their heart。 At such times Madame Claes longed to say; 〃Kill me; and
do what you will!〃
Little by little Balthazar's eyes lost their fire and took the
glaucous opaque tint which overspreads the eyes of old men。 His
attentions to his wife; his manner of speaking; his whole bearing;
grew heavy and inert。 These symptoms became more marked towards the
end of April; terrifying Madame Claes; to whom the sight was now
intolerable; and who had all along reproached herself a thousand times
while she admired the Flemish loyalty which kept her husband faithful
to his promise。
At last; one day when Balthazar seemed more depressed than ever; she
hesitated no longer; she resolved to sacrifice everything and bring
him back to life。
〃Dear friend;〃 she said; 〃I release you from your promise。〃
Balthazar looked at her in amazement。
〃You are thinking of your researches; are you not?〃 she continued。
He answered by a gesture of startling eagerness。 Far from
remonstrating; Madame Claes; who had had leisure to sound the abyss
into which they were about to fall together; took his hand and pressed
it; smiling。
〃Thank you;〃 she said; 〃now I am sure of my power。 You sacrificed more
than your life to me。 In future; be the sacrifices mine。 Though I have
sold some of my diamonds; enough are left; with those my brother gave
me; to get the necessary money for your experiments。 I intended those
jewels for my daughters; but your glory shall sparkle in their stead;
and; besides; you will some day replace them with other and finer
diamonds。〃
The joy that suddenly lighted her husband's face was like a death…
knell to the wife: she saw; with anguish; that the man's passion was
stronger than himself。 Claes had faith in his work which enabled him
to walk without faltering on a path which; to his wife; was the edge
of a precipice。 For him faith; for her doubt;for her the heavier
burden: does not the woman ever suffer for the two? At this moment she
chose to believe in his success; that she might justify to herself her
connivance in the probable wreck of their fortunes。
〃The love of all my life can be no recompense for your devotion;
Pepita;〃 said Claes; deeply moved。
He had scarcely uttered the words when Marguerite and Felicie entered
the room and wished him good…morning。 Madame Claes lowered her eyes
and remained for a moment speechless in presence of her children;
whose future she had just sacrificed to a delusion; her husband; on
the contrary; took them on his knees; and talked to them gaily;
delighted to give vent to the joy that choked him。
From this day Madame Claes shared the impassioned life of her husband。
The future of her children; their father's credit; were two motives as
powerful to her as glory and science were to Claes。 After the diamonds
were sold in Paris; and the purchase of chemicals was again begun; the
unhappy woman never knew another hour's peace of mind。 The demon of
Science and the frenzy of research which consumed her husband now
agitated her own mind; she lived in a state of continual expectation;
and sat half…lifeless for days together in the deep armchair;
paralyzed by the very violence of her wishes; which; finding no food;
like those of Balthazar; in the daily hopes of the laboratory;
tormented her spirit and aggravated her doubts and fears。 Sometimes;
blaming herself for compliance with a passion whose object was futile
and condemned by the Church; she would rise; go to the window on the
courtyard and gaze with terror at the chimney of the laboratory。 If
the smoke were rising; an expression of despair came into her face; a
conflict of thoughts and feelings raged in her heart and mind。 She
beheld her children's future fleeing in that smoke; butwas she not
saving their father's life? was it not her first duty to make him
happy? This last thought calmed her for a moment。
She obtained the right to enter the laboratory and remain there; but
even this melancholy satisfaction was soon renounced。 Her sufferings
were too keen when she saw that Balthazar took no notice of her; or
seemed at times annoyed by her presence; in that fatal place she went
through paroxysms of jealous impatience; angry desires to destroy the
building;a living death of untold miseries。 Lemulquinier became to
her a species of barometer: if she heard him whistle as he laid the
breakfast…table or the dinner…table; she guessed that Balthazar's
experiments were satisfactory; and there were prospects of a coming
success; if; on the other hand; the man were morose and gloomy; she
looked at him and trembled;Balthazar must surely be dissatisfied。
Mistress and valet ended by understanding each other; notwithstanding
the proud reserve of the one and the reluctant submission of the
other。
Feeble and defenceless against the terrible prostrations of thought;
the poor woman at last gave way under the alternations of hope and
despair which increased the distress of the loving wife; and the
anxieties of the mother trembling for her children。 She now practised
the doleful silence which formerly chilled her heart; not observing
the gloom that pervaded the house; where whole days went by in that
melancholy parlor without a smile; often without a word。 Led by sad
maternal foresight; she trained her daughters to household work; and
tried to make them skilful in womanly employments; that they might
have the means of living if destitution came。 The outward calm of this
quiet home covered terrible agitations。 Towards the end of the summer
Balthazar had used the money derived from the diamonds; and was twenty
thousand francs in debt to Messieurs Protez and Chiffreville。
In August; 1813; about a year after the scene with which this history
begins; although Claes had made a few valuable experiments; for which;
unfortunately; he cared but little; his efforts had been without
result as to the real object of his researches。 There came a day when
he ended the whole series of experiments; and the sense of his
impotence crushed him; the certainty of having fruitlessly wasted
enormous sums of money drove him to despair。 It was a frightful
catastrophe。 He left the garret; descended slowly to the parlor; and
threw himself into a chair in the midst of his children; remaining
motionless for some minutes as though dead; making no answer to the
questions his wife pressed upon him。 Tears came at last to his relief;
and he rushed to his own chamber that no one might witness his
despair。
Josephine followed him and drew him into her own room; where; alone
with her; Balthazar gave vent to his anguish。 These tears of a man;
these broken words of the hopeless toiler; these bitter regrets of the
husband and father; did Madame Claes more harm than all her past
sufferings。 The victim consoled the executioner。 When Balthazar said
to her in a tone of dreadful conviction: 〃I am a wretch; I have
gambled away the lives of my children; and your life; you can have no
happiness unless I kill myself;〃the words struck home to her heart;
she knew her husband's nature enough to fear he might at once act out
the despairing wish: an inward convulsion; disturbing the very sources
of life itself; seized her; and was all the more dangerous because she
controlled its violent effects beneath a deceptive calm of manner。
〃My friend;〃 she said; 〃I have consulted; not Pierquin; whose
friendship does not hinder him from feeling some secret satisfaction
at our ruin; but an old man who has been as good to me as a father。
The Abbe de Solis; my confessor; has shown me how we can still save
ourselves from ruin。 He came to see the pictures。 The value of those
in the gallery is enough to pay the sums you have borrowed on your
property; and also all that you owe to Messieurs Protez and
Chiffreville; who have no doubt an account against you。〃
Claes made an affirmative sign and bowed his head; the hair of which
was now white。
〃Monsieur de Solis knows the Happe and Duncker families of Amsterdam;
they have a mania for pictures; and are anxious; like all parvenus; to
display a luxury which ought to belong only to the old families: he
thinks they will pay the full value of ours。 By this means we can
recover our independence; and out of the purchase money; which will
amount to over one hundred thousand ducats; you will have enough to
continue the experiments。