the poet at the breakfast table-第2节

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to　disown　the　other　day。　　These　newspaper　fellows　are　half　asleep
when　they　make　up　their　reports　at　two　or　three　o'clock　in　the
morning；　and　fill　out　the　speeches　to　suit　themselves。　　I　do　remember
some　things　that　sounded　pretty　bad；about　as　bad　as　nitro…
glycerine；　for　that　matter。　　But　I　don't　believe　they　ever　said　'em；
when　they　spoke　their　pieces；　or　if　they　said　'em　I　know　they　did　n't
mean　'em。　　Something　like　this；　wasn't　it？　　If　the　majority　didn't　do
something　the　minority　wanted　'em　to；　then　the　people　were　to　burn　up
our　cities；　and　knock　us　down　and　jump　on　our　stomachs。　　That　was
about　the　kind　of　talk；　as　the　papers　had　it；　I　don't　wonder　it
scared　the　old　women。

The　Member　was　wide　awake　by　this　time。

I　don't　seem　to　remember　of　them　partickler　phrases；　he　said。

Dear　me；　no；　only　levelling　everything　smack；　and　trampling　us
under　foot；　as　the　reporters　made　it　out。　　That　means　FIRE；　I　take
it；　and　knocking　you　down　and　stamping　on　you；　whichever　side　of　your
person　happens　to　be　uppermost。　　Sounded　like　a　threat；　meant；　of
course；　for　a　warning。　　But　I　don't　believe　it　was　in　the　piece　as
they　spoke　it；could　n't　have　been。　　Then；　again；　Paris　wasn't　to
blame；as　much　as　to　sayso　the　old　women　thoughtthat　New　York　or
Boston　would　n't　be　to　blame　if　it　did　the　same　thing。　　I've　heard　of
political　gatherings　where　they　barbecued　an　ox；　but　I　can't　think
there　's　a　party　in　this　country　that　wants　to　barbecue　a　city。　　But
it　is　n't　quite　fair　to　frighten　the　old　women。　　I　don't　doubt　there
are　a　great　many　people　wiser　than　I　am　that　would　n't　be　hurt　by　a
hint　I　am　going　to　give　them。　　It's　no　matter　what　you　say　when　you
talk　to　yourself；　but　when　you　talk　to　other　people；　your　business　is
to　use　words　with　reference　to　the　way　in　which　those　other　people
are　like　to　understand　them。　　These　pretended　inflammatory　speeches；
so　reported　as　to　seem　full　of　combustibles；　even　if　they　were　as
threatening　as　they　have　been　represented；　would　do　no　harm　if　read
or　declaimed　in　a　man's　study　to　his　books；　or　by　the　sea…shore　to
the　waves。　　But　they　are　not　so　wholesome　moral　entertainment　for　the
dangerous　classes。　　Boys　must　not　touch　off　their　squibs　and　crackers
too　near　the　powder…magazine。　　This　kind　of　speech　does　n't　help　on
the　millennium　much。

It　ain't　jest　the　thing　to　grease　your　ex　with　ile　o'　vitrul；　said
the　Member。

No；　the　wheel　of　progress　will　soon　stick　fast　if　you　do。　　You
can't　keep　a　dead　level　long；　if　you　burn　everything　down　flat　to
make　it。　　Why；　bless　your　soul；　if　all　the　cities　of　the　world　were
reduced　ashes；　you'd　have　a　new　set　of　millionnaires　in　a　couple　of
years　or　so；　out　of　the　trade　in　potash。　　In　the　mean　time；　what　is
the　use　of　setting　the　man　with　the　silver　watch　against　the　man　with
the　gold　watch；　and　the　man　without　any　watch　against　them　both？

You　can't　go　agin　human　natur'；　said　the　Member

You　speak　truly。　　Here　we　are　travelling　through　desert　together
like　the　children　of　Israel。　　Some　pick　up　more　manna　and　catch　more
quails　than　others　and　ought　to　help　their　hungry　neighbors　more　than
they　do；　that　will　always　be　so　until　we　come　back　to　primitive
Christianity；　the　road　to　which　does　not　seem　to　be　via　Paris；　just
now；　but　we　don't　want　the　incendiary's　pillar　of　a　cloud　by　day　and
a　pillar　of　fire　by　night　to　lead　us　in　the　march　to　civilization；
and　we　don't　want　a　Moses　who　will　smite　rock；　not　to　bring　out　water
for　our　thirst；　but　petroleum　to　burn　us　all　up　with。

It　is　n't　quite　fair　to　run　an　opposition　to　the　other　funny
speaker；　Rev。　Petroleum　V。　　What　's…his…name；spoke　up　an　anonymous
boarder。

You　may　have　been　thinking；　perhaps；　that　it　was　I；I；　the　Poet；
who　was　the　chief　talker　in　the　one…sided　dialogue　to　which　you　have
been　listening。　　If　so；　you　were　mistaken。　　It　was　the　old　man　in　the
spectacles　with　large　round　glasses　and　the　iron…gray　hair。　　He　does
a　good　deal　of　the　talking　at　our　table；　and；　to　tell　the　truth；　I
rather　like　to　hear　him。　　He　stirs　me　up；　and　finds　me　occupation　in
various　ways；　and　especially；　because　he　has　good　solid　prejudices；
that　one　can　rub　against；　and　so　get　up　and　let　off　a　superficial
intellectual　irritation；　just　as　the　cattle　rub　their　backs　against　a
rail　（you　remember　Sydney　Smith's　contrivance　in　his　pasture）　or
their　sides　against　an　apple…tree　（I　don't　know　why　they　take　to
these　so　particularly；　but　you　will　often　find　the　trunk　of　an　apple…
tree　as　brown　and　smooth　as　an　old　saddle　at　the　height　of　a　cow's
ribs）。　　I　think　they　begin　rubbing　in　cold　blood；　and　then；　you　know；
l'appetit　vient　en　mangeant；　the　more　they　rub　the　more　they　want　to。
That　is　the　way　to　use　your　friend's　prejudices。　　This　is　a　sturdy…
looking　personage　of　a　good　deal　more　than　middle　age；　his　face
marked　with　strong　manly　furrows；　records　of　hard　thinking　and　square
stand…up　fights　with　life　and　all　its　devils。　　There　is　a　slight
touch　of　satire　in　his　discourse　now　and　then；　and　an　odd　way　of
answering　one　that　makes　it　hard　to　guess　how　much　more　or　less　he
means　than　he　seems　to　say。　　But　he　is　honest；　and　always　has　a
twinkle　in　his　eye　to　put　you　on　your　guard　when　he　does　not　mean　to
be　taken　quite　literally。　　I　think　old　Ben　Franklin　had　just　that
look。　　I　know　his　great…grandson　（in　pace！）　had　it；　and　I　don't　doubt
he　took　it　in　the　straight　line　of　descent；　as　he　did　his　grand
intellect。

The　Member　of　the　Haouse　evidently　comes　from　one　of　the　lesser
inland　centres　of　civilization；　where　the　flora　is　rich　in
checkerberries　and　similar　bounties　of　nature；　and　the　fauna　lively
with　squirrels；　wood…chucks；　and　the　like；　where　the　leading
sportsmen　snare　patridges；　as　they　are　called；　and　〃hunt〃　foxes　with
guns；　where　rabbits　are　entrapped　in　〃figgery　fours；〃　and　trout
captured　with　the　unpretentious　earth…worm；　instead　of　the　gorgeous
fly；　where　they　bet　prizes　for　butter　and　cheese；　and　rag…carpets
executed　by　ladies　more　than　seventy　years　of　age；　where　whey　wear
dress…coats　before　dinner；　and　cock　their　hats　on　one　side　when　they
feel　conspicuous　and　distinshed；　where　they　saySir　to　you　in　their
common　talk　and　have　other　Arcadian　and　bucolic　ways　which　are　highly
unobjectionable；　but　are　not　so　much　admired　in　cities；　where　the
people　are　said　to　be　not　half　so　virtuous。

There　is　with　us　a　boy　of　modest　dimensions；　not　otherwise　especially
entitled　to　the　epithet；　who　ought　be　six　or　seven　years　old；　to
judge　by　the　gap　left　by　his　front　milk　teeth；　these　having　resigned
in　favor　of　their　successors；　who　have　not　yet　presented　their
credentials。　　He　is　rather　old　for　an　enfant　terrible；　and　quite　too
young　to　have　grown　into　the　bashfulness　of　adolescence；　but　he　has
some　of　the　qualities　of　both　these　engaging　periods　of　development；
The　member　of　the　Haouse　calls　him　〃Bub；〃　invariably；　such　term　I
take　to　be　an　abbreviation　of　〃Beelzeb；〃　as　〃bus〃　is　the　short　form
of　〃omnibus。〃　　Many　eminently　genteel　persons；　whose　manners　make
them　at　home　anywhere；　being　evidently　unaware　of　true　derivation　of
this　word；　are　in　the　habit　of　addressing　all　unknown　children　by　one
of　the　two　terms；　〃bub　〃　and　〃sis；〃　which　they　consider　endears　them
greatly　to　the　young　people；　and　recommends　them　to　the　acquaintance
of　their　honored　parents；　if　these　happen　to　accompany　them。　　The
other　boarders　commonly　call　our　diminutive　companion　That　Boy。　　He
is　a　sort　of　expletive　at　the　table；　serving　to　stop　gaps；　taking　the
same　place　a　washer　does　that　makes　a　loose　screw　fit；　and　contriving
to　get　driven　in　like　a　wedge　between　any　two　chairs　where　there　is　a
crevice。　　I　shall　not　call　that　boy　by　the　monosyllable　referred　to；
because；　though　he　has　many　impish　traits　at　present；　he　may　become
civilized　and　humanized　by　being　in　good　company。　　Besides；　it　is　a
term　which　I　understand　is　considered　vulgar　by　the　nobility　and
gentry　of　the　Mother　Country；　and　it　is　not　to　be　found　in　Mr。
Worcester's　Dictionary；　on　which；　as　is　well　known；　the　literary　men
of　this　metropolis　are　by　special　statute　allowed　to　be　sworn　in
place　of　the　Bible。　　I　know　one；　certainly；　who　never　takes　his　oath
on　any　other　dictionary；　any　advertising　fiction　to　the　contrary；
notwithstanding。

I　wanted　to　write　out　my　account　of　some　of　the　other　boarders；　but　a
domestic　occurrencea　somewhat　prolonged　visit　from　the　landlady；
who　is　rather　too　anxious　that　I　should　be　comfortable　broke　in　upon
the　continuity　of　my　thoughts；　and　occasionedin　short；　I　gave　up
writing　for　that　day。

I　wonder　if　anything　like　this　ever　happened。
Author　writing；
jacks？〃

　　　　〃To　be；　or　not　to　be：　that　is　the　question
　　　　　Whether　't　is　nobl　〃

〃William；　shall　we　have　pudding　to…day；　or　flapjacks？〃

〃Flapjacks；　an'　it　please　thee；　Anne；　or　a　pudding；　for　that
matter；　or　what　thou　wilt；　good　woman；　so　thou　come　not　betwixt　me
and　my　thought。〃

Exit　Mistress　Anne；　with　strongly　accented　closing　of　the　door　and
murmurs　to　the　effect：　〃Ay；　marry；　't　is　well　for　thee　to　talk　as　if
thou　hadst　no　stomach　to　fill。　　We　poor　wives　must　swink　for　our
masters；　while　they　sit　in　their　arm…chairs　growing　as　great　in　the
girth　through　laziness　as　th