the man who was afraid-第74节

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hed　figure　of　his　godson；　and　heaved　a　deep　sigh。

〃Well；　Foma；〃　he　began。

〃Order　them　to　unbind　me；〃　entreated　Foma；　softly；　in　a　mournful　voice。

〃So　you　can　be　turbulent　again？　No；　no；　you'd　better　lie　this　way；〃　his　godfather　replied。

〃I　won't　say　another　word。　I　swear　it　by　God！　Unbind　me。　I　am　ashamed！　For　Christ's　sake。　You　see　I　am　not　drunk。　Well；　you　needn't　untie　my　hands。〃

〃You　swear　that　you'll　not　be　troublesome？〃　asked　Mayakin。

〃0h　Lord！　I　will　not；　I　will　not；〃　moaned　Foma。

They　untied　his　feet；　but　left　his　hands　bound。　When　he　rose；　he　looked　at　them　all；　and　said　softly　with　a　pitiful　smile：

〃You　won。〃

〃We　always　shall！〃　replied　his　godfather；　smiling　sternly。

Foma　bent；　with　his　hands　tied　behind　his　back；　advanced　toward　the　table　silently；　without　lifting　his　eyes　to　anyone。　He　seemed　shorter　in　stature　and　thinner。　His　dishevelled　hair　fell　on　his　forehead　and　temples；　the　torn　and　crumpled　bosom　of　his　shirt　protruding　from　under　his　vest；　and　the　collar　covered　his　lips。　He　turned　his　head　to　push　the　collar　down　under　his　chin；　and　was　unable　to　do　it。　Then　the　gray…headed　little　old　man　walked　up　to　him；　adjusted　what　was　necessary；　looked　into　his　eyes　with　a　smile　and　said：

〃You　must　endure　it。〃

Now；　in　Mayakin's　presence；　those　who　had　mocked　Foma　were　silent；　looking　at　the　old　man　questioningly；　with　curiosity　and　expectancy。　He　was　calm　but　his　eyes　gleamed　in　a　way　not　at　all　becoming　to　the　occasion；　contentedly　and　brightly。

〃Give　me　some　vodka；〃　begged　Foma；　seating　himself　at　the　table；　and　leaning　his　chest　against　its　edge。　His　bent　figure　look　piteous　and　helpless。　Around　they　were　talking　in　whispers；　passing　this　way　and　that　cautiously。　And　everyone　looked　now　at　him；　now　at　Mayakin；　who　had　seated　himself　opposite　him。　The　old　man　did　not　give　Foma　the　vodka　at　once。　First　he　surveyed　him　fixedly；　then　he　slowly　poured　out　a　wine　glassful；　and　finally；　without　saying　a　word；　raised　it　to　Foma's　lips。　Foma　drank　the　vodka；　and　asked：

〃Some　more！〃

〃That's　enough！〃　replied　Mayakin。

And　immediately　after　this　there　fell　a　minute　of　perfect；　painful　silence。　People　were　coming　up　to　the　table　noiselessly；　on　tiptoe；　and　when　they　were　near　they　stretched　their　necks　to　see　Foma。

〃Well；　Fomka；　do　you　understand　now　what　you　have　done？〃　asked　Mayakin。　He　spoke　softly；　but　all　heard　his　question。

Foma　nodded　his　head　and　maintained　silence。

〃There's　no　forgiveness　for　you！〃　Mayakin　went　on　firmly；　and　raising　his　voice。　〃Though　we　are　all　Christians；　yet　you　will　receive　no　forgiveness　at　our　hands。　Just　know　this。〃

Foma　lifted　his　head　and　said　pensively：

〃I　have　quite　forgotten　about　you；　godfather。　You　have　not　heard　anything　from　me。〃

〃There　you　have　it！〃　exclaimed　Mayakin；　bitterly；　pointing　at　his　godson。　〃You　see？〃

A　dull　grumble　of　protest　burst　forth。

〃Well；　it's　all　the　same！〃　resumed　Foma　with　a　sigh。　〃It's　all　the　same！　Nothingno　good　came　out　of　it　anyway。〃

And　again　he　bent　over　the　table。

〃What　did　you　want？〃　asked　Mayakin；　sternly。

〃What　I　wanted？〃　Foma　raised　his　head；　looked　at　the　merchants　and　smiled。　〃I　wanted〃

〃Drunkard！　Nasty　scamp！〃

〃I　am　not　drunk！〃　retorted　Foma；　morosely。　〃I　have　drank　only　two　glasses。　I　was　perfectly　sober。〃

〃Consequently；〃　said　Bobrov；　〃you　are　right；　Yakov　Tarasovich；　he　is　insane。〃

〃I？〃　exclaimed　Foma。

But　they　paid　no　attention　to　him。　Reznikov；　Zubov　and　Bobrov　leaned　over　to　Mayakin　and　began　to　talk　in　low　tones。

〃Guardianship！〃　Foma's　ears　caught　this　one　word。　〃I　am　in　my　right　mind！〃　he　said；　leaning　back　in　his　chair　and　staring　at　the　merchants　with　troubled　eyes。　〃I　understand　what　I　wanted。　I　wanted　to　speak　the　truth。　I　wanted　to　accuse　you。〃

He　was　again　seized　with　emotion；　and　he　suddenly　jerked　his　hands　in　an　effort　to　free　them。

〃Eh！　Hold　on！〃　exclaimed　Bobrov；　seizing　him　by　the　shoulders。　〃Hold　him。〃

〃Well；　hold　me！〃　said　Foma　with　sadness　and　bitterness。　〃Hold　me…　…what　do　you　need　me　for？〃

〃Sit　still！〃　cried　his　godfather；　sternly。

Foma　became　silent。　He　now　understood　that　what　he　had　done　was　of　no　avail；　that　his　words　had　not　staggered　the　merchants。　Here　they　stood；　surrounding　him　in　a　dense　throng；　and　he　could　not　see　anything　for　them。　They　were　calm；　firm；　treating　him　as　a　drunkard　and　a　turbulent　fellow；　and　were　plotting　something　against　him。　He　felt　himself　pitiful；　insignificant；　crushed　by　that　dark　mass　of　strong…souled；　clever　and　sedate　people。　It　seemed　to　him　that　a　long　time　had　passed　since　he　had　abused　them；　so　long　a　time　that　he　himself　seemed　as　a　stranger；　incapable　of　comprehending　what　he　had　done　to　these　people；　and　why　he　had　done　it。　He　even　experienced　in　himself　a　certain　feeling　of　offence；　which　resembled　shame　at　himself　in　his　own　eyes。　There　was　a　tickling　sensation　in　his　throat；　and　he　felt　there　was　something　foreign　in　his　breast；　as　though　some　dust　or　ashes　were　strewn　upon　his　heart；　and　it　throbbed　unevenly　and　with　difficulty。　Wishing　to　explain　to　himself　his　act；　he　said　slowly　and　thoughtfully；　without　looking　at　anyone：

〃I　wanted　to　speak　the　truth。　Is　this　life？〃

〃Fool！〃　said　Mayakin；　contemptuously。　〃What　truth　can　you　speak？　What　do　you　understand？〃

〃My　heart　is　wounded；　that　I　understand！　What　justification　have　you　all　in　the　eyes　of　God？　To　what　purpose　do　you　live？　Yes；　I　feelI　felt　the　truth！〃

〃He　is　repenting！〃　said　Reznikov；　with　a　sarcastic　smile。

〃Let　him！〃　replied　Bobrov；　with　contempt。

Some　one　added：

〃It　is　evident；　from　his　words；　that　he　is　out　of　his　wits。〃

〃To　speak　the　truth；　that's　not　given　to　everyone！〃　said　Yakov　Tarasovich；　sternly　and　instructively；　lifting　his　hand　upward。　〃It　is　not　the　heart　that　grasps　truth；　it　is　the　mind；　do　you　understand　that？　And　as　to　your　feeling；　that's　nonsense！　A　cow　also　feels　when　they　twist　her　tail。　But　you　must　understand；　understand　everything！　Understand　also　your　enemy。　Guess　what　he　thinks　even　in　his　dreams；　and　then　go　ahead！〃

According　to　his　wont；　Mayakin　was　carried　away　by　the　exposition　of　his　practical　philosophy；　but　he　realised　in　time　that　a　conquered　man　is　not　to　be　taught　how　to　fight；　and　he　stopped　short。　Foma　cast　at　him　a　dull　glance；　and　shook　his　head　strangely。

〃Lamb！〃　said　Mayakin。

〃Leave　me　alone！〃　entreated　Foma；　plaintively。　〃It's　all　yours！　Well；　what　else　do　you　want？　Well；　you　crushed　me；　bruised　me；　that　serves　me　right！　Who　am　I？　0　Lord！〃

All　listened　attentively　to　his　words；　and　in　that　attention　there　was　something　prejudiced；　something　malicious。

〃I　have　lived；〃　said　Foma　in　a　heavy　voice。　〃I　have　observed。　I　have　thought；　my　heart　has　become　wounded　with　thoughts！　And　herethe　abscess　burst。　Now　I　am　utterly　powerless！　As　though　all　my　blood　had　gushed　out。　I　have　lived　until　this　day；　and　still　thought　that　now　I　will　speak　the　truth。　Well；　I　have　spoken　it。〃

He　talked　monotonously；　colourlessly；　and　his　speech　resembled　that　of　one　in　delirium。

〃I　have　spoken　it；　and　I　have　only　emptied　myself；　that's　all。　Not　a　trace　have　my　words　left　behind　them。　Everything　is　uninjured。　And　within　me　something　blazed　up；　it　has　burned　out；　and　there's　nothing　more　there。　What　have　I　to　hope　for　now？　And　everything　remains　as　it　was。〃

Yakov　Tarasovich　burst　into　bitter　laughter。

〃What　then；　did　you　think　to　lick　away　a　mountain　with　your　tongue？　You　armed　yourself　with　malice　enough　to　fight　a　bedbug；　and　you　started　out　after　a　bear；　is　that　it？　Madman！　If　your　father　were　to　see　you　now。　Eh！〃

〃And　yet；〃　said　Foma；　suddenly；　loudly；　with　assurance；　and　his　eyes　again　flared　up；　〃and　yet　it　is　all　your　fault！　You　have　spoiled　life！　You　have　made　everything　narrow。　We　are　suffocating　because　of　you！　And　though　my　truth　against　you　is　weak；　it　is　truth；　nevertheless！　You　are　godless　wretches！　May　you　all　be　cursed！〃

He　moved　about　in　his　chair；　attempting　to　free　his　hands；　and　cried　out；　flashing　his　eyes　with　fury：

〃Unbind　my　hands！〃

They　came　closer　to　him；　the　faces　of　the　merchants　became　more　severe；　and　Reznikov　said　to　him　impressively：

〃Don't　make　a　noise；　don't　be　bothersome！　We'll　soon　be　in　town。　Don't　disgrace　yourself；　and　don't　disgrace　us　either。　We　are　not　going　to　take　you　direct　from　the　wharf　to　the　insane　asylum。〃

〃So！〃　exclaimed　Foma。　〃So　you　are　going　to　put　me　into　an　insane　asylum？〃

No　one　replied。　He　looked　at　their　faces　and　hung　his　head。

〃Behave　peacefully！　We'll　unbind　you！〃　said　someone。

〃It's　not　necessary！〃　said　Foma　in　a　low　voice。　〃It's　all　the　same。　I　spit　on　it！　Nothing　will　happen。〃

And　his　speech　again　assumed　the　nature　of　a　delirium。

〃I　am　lost；　I　know　it！　Only　not　because　of　your　power；　but　rather　because　of　my　weakness。　Yes！　You；　too；　are　only　worms　in　the　eyes　of　God。　And；　wait！　You　shall　choke。　I　am　lost　through　blindness。　I　saw　much　and　I　became　blind；　like　an　owl。　As　a　boy；　I　remember；　I　chased　an　owl　in　a　ravine；　it　flew　about　and　struck　against　something。　The　sun　blinded　it。　It　was　all　bruised　and　it　disappeared；　and　my　father　said　to　me　then：　'It　is　the　same　with　man；　some　man　bustles　about　to　and　fro；　bruises　himself；　exhausts　himself；　and　then　throw