the man who was afraid-第55节

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fe　of　his　body！　If　they　only　knew　that　each　rouble　they　give　for　bread　contains　ninety…nine　copecks'　worth　of　poison　for　the　soul！　If　they　could　only　burst　from　excess　of　their　kindness　and　pride；　which　they　draw　from　their　holy　activity！　There　is　none　on　earth　more　disgusting　and　repulsive　than　he　who　gives　alms；　even　as　there　is　none　more　miserable　than　he　who　accepts　it！〃

Yozhov　staggered　about　in　the　room　like　a　drunken　man；　seized　with　madness；　and　the　paper　under　his　feet　was　rustling；　tearing；　flying　in　scraps。　He　gnashed　his　teeth；　shook　his　head；　his　hands　waved　in　the　air　like　broken　wings　of　a　bird；　and　altogether　it　seemed　as　though　he　were　being　boiled　in　a　kettle　of　hot　water。　Foma　looked　at　him　with　a　strange；　mixed　sensation；　he　pitied　Yozhov；　and　at　the　same　time　he　was　pleased　to　see　him　suffering。

〃I　am　not　alone；　he　is　suffering；　too；〃　thought　Foma；　as　Yozhov　spoke。　And　something　clashed　in　Yozhov's　throat；　like　broken　glass；　and　creaked　like　an　unoiled　hinge。

〃Poisoned　by　the　kindness　of　men；　I　was　ruined　through　the　fatal　capacity　of　every　poor　fellow　during　the　making　of　his　career；　through　the　capacity　of　being　reconciled　with　little　in　the　expectation　of　much。　Oh！　Do　you　know；　more　people　perish　through　lack　of　proper　self…appreciation　than　from　consumption；　and　perhaps　that　is　why　the　leaders　of　the　masses　serve　as　district　inspectors！〃

〃The　devil　take　the　district　inspectors！〃　said　Foma；　with　a　wave　of　the　hand。　〃Tell　me　about　yourself。〃

〃About　myself！　I　am　here　entire！〃　exclaimed　Yozhov；　stopping　short　in　the　middle　of　the　room；　and　striking　his　chest　with　his　hands。　〃I　have　already　accomplished　all　I　could　accomplish。　I　have　attained　the　rank　of　the　public's　entertainerand　that　is　all　I　can　do！　To　know　what　should　be　done；　and　not　to　be　able　to　do　it；　not　to　have　the　strength　for　your　workthat　is　torture！〃

〃That's　it！　Wait　awhile！　〃said　Foma；　enthusiastically。　〃Now　tell　me　what　one　should　do　in　order　to　live　calmly；　that　is；　in　order　to　be　satisfied　with　one's　self。〃

To　Foma　these　words　sounded　loud；　but　empty；　and　their　sounds　died　away　without　stirring　any　emotion　in　his　heart；　without　giving　rise　to　a　single　thought　in　his　mind。

〃You　must　always　be　in　love　with　something　unattainable　to　you。　A　man　grows　in　height　by　stretching　himself　upwards。〃

Now　that　he　had　ceased　speaking　of　himself；　Yozhov　began　to　talk　more　calmly；　in　a　different　voice。　His　voice　was　firm　and　resolute；　and　his　face　assumed　an　expression　of　importance　and　sternness。　He　stood　in　the　centre　of　the　room；　his　hand　with　outstretched　fingers　uplifted；　and　spoke　as　though　he　were　reading：

〃Men　are　base　because　they　strive　for　satiety。　The　well…fed　man　is　an　animal　because　satiety　is　the　self…contentedness　of　the　body。　And　the　self…contentedness　of　the　spirit　also　turns　man　into　animal。〃

Again　he　started　as　though　all　his　veins　and　muscles　were　suddenly　strained；　and　again　he　began　to　run　about　the　room　in　seething　agitation。

〃A　self…contented　man　is　the　hardened　swelling　on　the　breast　of　society。　He　is　my　sworn　enemy。　He　fills　himself　up　with　cheap　truths；　with　gnawed　morsels　of　musty　wisdom；　and　he　exists　like　a　storeroom　where　a　stingy　housewife　keeps　all　sorts　of　rubbish　which　is　absolutely　unnecessary　to　her；　and　worthless。　If　you　touch　such　a　man；　if　you　open　the　door　into　him；　the　stench　of　decay　will　be　breathed　upon　you；　and　a　stream　of　some　musty　trash　will　be　poured　into　the　air　you　breathe。　These　unfortunate　people　call　themselves　men　of　firm　character；　men　of　principles　and　convictions。　And　no　one　cares　to　see　that　convictions　are　to　them　but　the　clothes　with　which　they　cover　the　beggarly　nakedness　of　their　souls。　On　the　narrow　brows　of　such　people　there　always　shines　the　inscription　so　familiar　to　all：　calmness　and　confidence。　What　a　false　inscription！　Just　rub　their　foreheads　with　firm　hand　and　then　you　will　see　the　real　sign…board；　which　reads：　'Narrow　mindedness　and　weakness　of　soul！'〃

Foma　watched　Yozhov　bustling　about　the　room；　and　thought　mournfully：

〃Whom　is　he　abusing？　I　can't　understand；　but　I　can　see　that　he　has　been　terribly　wounded。〃

〃How　many　such　people　have　I　seen！〃　exclaimed　Yozhov；　with　wrath　and　terror。　〃How　these　little　retail　shops　have　multiplied　in　life！　In　them　you　will　find　calico　for　shrouds；　and　tar；　candy　and　borax　for　the　extermination　of　cockroaches；　but　you　will　not　find　anything　fresh；　hot；　wholesome！　You　come　to　them　with　an　aching　soul　exhausted　by　loneliness；　you　come；　thirsting　to　hear　something　that　has　life　in　it。　And　they　offer　to　you　some　worm　cud；　ruminated　book…thoughts；　grown　sour　with　age。　And　these　dry；　stale　thoughts　are　always　so　poor　that；　in　order　to　give　them　expression；　it　is　necessary　to　use　a　vast　number　of　high…sounding　and　empty　words。　When　such　a　man　speaks　I　say　to　myself：　'There　goes　a　well…fed；　but　over…watered　mare；　all　decorated　with　bells；　she's　carting　a　load　of　rubbish　out　of　the　town；　and　the　miserable　wretch　is　content　with　her　fate。'〃

〃They　are　superfluous　people；　then；〃　said　Foma。　Yozhov　stopped　short　in　front　of　him　and　said　with　a　biting　smile　on　his　lips：

〃No；　they　are　not　superfluous；　oh　no！　They　exist　as　an　example；　to　show　what　man　ought　not　to　be。　Speaking　frankly；　their　proper　place　is　the　anatomical　museums；　where　they　preserve　all　sorts　of　monsters　and　various　sickly　deviations　from　the　normal。　In　life　there　is　nothing　that　is　superfluous；　dear。　Even　I　am　necessary！　Only　those　people；　in　whose　souls　dwells　a　slavish　cowardice　before　life；　in　whose　bosoms　there　are　enormous　ulcers　of　the　most　abominable　self…adoration；　taking　the　places　of　their　dead　heartsonly　those　people　are　superfluous；　but　even　they　are　necessary；　if　only　for　the　sake　of　enabling　me　to　pour　my　hatred　upon　them。〃

All　day　long；　until　evening；　Yozhov　was　excited；　venting　his　blasphemy　on　men　he　hated；　and　his　words；　though　their　contents　were　obscure　to　Foma；　infected　him　with　their　evil　heat；　and　infecting　called　forth　in　him　an　eager　desire　for　combat。　At　times　there　sprang　up　in　him　distrust　of　Yozhov；　and　in　one　of　these　moments　he　asked　him　plainly：

〃Well！　And　can　you　speak　like　that　in　the　face　of　men？〃

〃I　do　it　at　every　convenient　occasion。　And　every　Sunday　in　the　newspaper。　I'll　read　some　to　you　if　you　like。〃

Without　waiting　for　Foma's　reply；　he　tore　down　from　the　wall　a　few　sheets　of　paper；　and　still　continuing　to　run　about　the　room；　began　to　read　to　him。　He　roared；　squeaked；　laughed；　showed　his　teeth　and　looked　like　an　angry　dog　trying　to　break　the　chain　in　powerless　rage。　Not　grasping　the　ideals　in　his　friend's　creations；　Foma　felt　their　daring　audacity；　their　biting　sarcasm；　their　passionate　malice；　and　he　was　as　well　pleased　with　them　as　though　he　had　been　scourged　with　besoms　in　a　hot　bath。

〃Clever！〃　he　exclaimed；　catching　some　separate　phrase。　〃That's　cleverly　aimed！〃

Every　now　and　again　there　flashed　before　him　the　familiar　names　of　merchants　and　well…known　citizens；　whom　Yozhov　had　stung；　now　stoutly　and　sharply；　now　respectfully　and　with　a　fine　needle…like　sting。

Foma's　approbation；　his　eyes　burning　with　satisfaction；　and　his　excited　face　gave　Yozhov　still　more　inspiration；　and　he　cried　and　roared　ever　louder　and　louder；　now　falling　on　the　lounge　from　exhaustion；　now　jumping　up　again　and　rushing　toward　Foma。

〃Come；　now；　read　about　me！〃　exclaimed　Foma；　longing　to　hear　it。Yozhov　rummaged　among　a　pile　of　papers；　tore　out　one　sheet；　and　holding　it　in　both　hands；　stopped　in　front　of　Foma；　with　his　legs　straddled　wide　apart；　while　Foma　leaned　back　in　the　broken…　seated　armchair　and　listened　with　a　smile。

The　notice　about　Foma　started　with　a　description　of　the　spree　on　the　rafts；　and　during　the　reading　of　the　notice　Foma　felt　that　certain　particular　words　stung　him　like　mosquitoes。　His　face　became　more　serious；　and　he　bent　his　head　in　gloomy　silence。　And　the　mosquitoes　went　on　multiplying。

〃Now　that's　too　much！　〃said　he；　at　length；　confused　and　dissatisfied。　〃Surely　you　cannot　gain　the　favour　of　God　merely　because　you　know　how　to　disgrace　a　man。〃

〃Keep　quiet！　Wait　awhile！〃　said　Yozhov；　curtly；　and　went　on　reading。

Having　established　in　his　article　that　the　merchant　rises　beyond　doubt　above　the　representatives　of　other　classes　of　society　in　the　matter　of　nuisance　and　scandal…making；　Yozhov　asked：　〃Why　is　this　so？〃　and　replied：

〃It　seems　to　me　that　this　predilection　for　wild　pranks　comes　from　the　lack　of　culture　in　so　far　as　it　is　dependent　upon　the　excess　of　energy　and　upon　idleness。　There　cannot　be　any　doubt　that　our　merchant　class；　with　but　few　exceptions；　is　the　healthiest　and；　at　the　same　time；　most　inactive　class。〃

〃That's　true！〃　exclaimed　Foma；　striking　the　table　with　his　fist。　〃That's　true！　I　have　the　strength　of　a　bull　and　do　the　work　of　a　sparrow。〃

〃Where　is　the　merchant　to　spend　his　energy？　He　cannot　spend　much　of　it　on　the　Exchange；　so　he　squanders　the　excess　of　his　muscular　capital　in　drinking…bouts　in　kabaky；　for　he　has　no　conception　of　other　applications　of　his　strength；　which　are　more　productive；　more　valuable　to　life。　He　is　still　a　beast；　and　life　has　already　become　to　him　a　cage；　and　it　is　too　narrow　for　him　with　his　splendid　health　and　predilection　for　licentiousne