the man who was afraid-第27节

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His　conduct　at　the　funeral　feast　for　his　father　became　known　to　all　the　merchants　and　gave　him　a　bad　reputation。　On　the　Exchange；　he　noticed；　everybody　looked　at　him　sneeringly；　malevolently；　and　spoke　to　him　in　some　peculiar　way。　One　day　he　heard　behind　him　a　low　exclamation；　full　of　contempt：

〃Gordyeeff！　Milksop！〃

He　felt　that　this　was　said　of　him；　but　he　did　not　turn　around　to　see　who　it　was　that　flung　those　words　at　him。　The　rich　people；　who　had　inspired　him　with　timidity　before；　were　now　losing　in　his　eyes　the　witchery　of　their　wealth　and　wisdom。　They　had　more　than　once　snatched　out　of　his　hands　this　or　that　profitable　contract；　he　clearly　saw　that　they　would　do　it　again；　and　they　all　seemed　to　him　alike　greedy　for　money；　always　ready　to　cheat　one　another。　When　he　imparted　to　his　godfather　his　observation；　the　old　man　said：

〃How　then？　Business　is　just　the　same　as　wara　hazardous　affair。　There　they　fight　for　the　purse；　and　in　the　purse　is　the　soul。〃

〃I　don't　like　this；〃　announced　Foma。

〃Neither　do　I　like　everythingthere's　too　much　fraud。

But　to　be　fair　in　business　matters　is　utterly　impossible；　you　must　be　shrewd！　In　business；　dear；　on　approaching　a　man　you　must　hold　honey　in　your　left　hand；　and　clutch　a　knife　in　your　right。　Everybody　would　like　to　buy　five　copecks'　worth　for　a　half　a　copeck。〃

〃Well；　this　isn't　too　good；〃　said　Foma；　thoughtfully。　〃But　it　will　be　good　later。　When　you　have　taken　the　upper　hand；　then　it　will　be　good。　Life；　dear　Foma；　is　very　simple：　either　bite　everybody；　or　lie　in　the　gutter。

The　old　man　smiled；　and　the　broken　teeth　in　his　mouth　roused　in　Foma　the　keen　thought：

〃You　have　bitten　many；　it　seems。〃

〃There's　but　one　wordbattle！〃　repeated　the　old　man。

〃Is　this　the　real　one？〃　asked　Foma；　looking　at　Mayakin　searchingly。

〃That　is；　what　do　you　meanthe　real？〃

〃Is　there　nothing　better　than　this？　Does　this　contain　everything？〃

〃Where　else　should　it　be？　Everybody　lives　for　himself。　Each　of　us　wishes　the　best　for　himself。　And　what　is　the　best？　To　go　in　front　of　others；　to　stand　above　them。　So　that　everybody　is　trying　to　attain　the　first　place　in　lifeone　by　this　means；　another　by　that　means。　But　everyone　is　positively　anxious　to　be　seen　from　afar；　like　a　tower。　And　man　was　indeed　appointed　to　go　upward。　Even　the　Book　of　Job　says：　'Man　is　born　unto　trouble；　as　the　sparks；　to　fly　upward。'　Just　see：　even　children　at　play　always　wish　to　surpass　one　another。　And　each　and　every　game　has　its　climax；　which　makes　it　interesting。　Do　you　understand？〃

〃I　understand　this！〃　said　Foma；　firmly　and　confidently。

〃But　you　must　also　feel　this。　With　understanding　alone　you　cannot　go　far；　and　you　must　desire；　and　desire　so　that　a　big　mountain　should　seem　to　you　but　a　hillock；　and　the　sea　but　a　puddle。　Eh！　When　I　was　of　your　age　I　had　an　easy　life；　while　you　are　only　taking　aim。　But　then；　good　fruit　does　not　ripen　early。〃

The　old　man's　monotonous　speeches　soon　accomplished　what　they　were　intended　to　do。　Foma　listened　to　them　and　made　clear　to　himself　the　aim　of　life。　He　must　be　better　than　others；　he　resolved；　and　the　ambition；　kindled　by　the　old　man；　took　deep　root　in　his　heart。　It　took　root　within　his　heart；　but　did　not　fill　it　up；　for　Foma's　relations　toward　Medinskaya　assumed　that　character；　which　they　were　bound　to　assume。　He　longed　for　her；　he　always　yearned　to　see　her；　while　in　her　presence　he　became　timid；　awkward　and　stupid；　he　knew　it　and　suffered　on　this　account。　He　frequently　visited　her；　but　it　was　hard　to　find　her　at　home　alone；　perfumed　dandies　like　flies　over　a　piece　of　sugarwere　always　flitting　about　her。　They　spoke　to　her　in　French；　sang　and　laughed；　while　he　looked　at　them　in　silence；　tortured　by　anger　and　jealousy。　His　legs　crossed；　he　sat　somewhere　in　a　corner　of　her　richly　furnished　drawing…room；　where　it　was　extremely　difficult　to　walk　without　overturning　or　at　least　striking　against　somethingFoma　sat　and　watched　them　sternly。

Over　the　soft　rugs　she　was　noiselessly　passing　hither　and　thither；　casting　to　him　kind　glances　and　smiles；　while　her　admirers　were　fawning　upon　her；　and　they　all；　like　serpents；　were　cleverly　gliding　by　the　various　little　tables；　chairs；　screens；　flower…standsa　storehouse　full　of　beautiful　and　frail　things；　scattered　about　the　room　with　a　carelessness　equally　dangerous　to　them　and　to　Foma。　But　when　he　walked　there；　the　rugs　did　not　drown　his　footsteps；　and　all　these　things　caught　at　his　coat；　trembled　and　fell。　Beside　the　piano　stood　a　sailor　made　of　bronze；　whose　hand　was　lifted；　ready　to　throw　the　life…saving　ring；　on　this　ring　were　ropes　of　wire；　and　these　always　pulled　Foma　by　the　hair。　All　this　provoked　laughter　among　Sophya　Pavlovna　and　her　admirers；　and　Foma　suffered　greatly；　changing　from　heat　to　cold。

But　he　felt　no　less　uncomfortable　even　when　alone　with　her。　Greeting　him　with　a　kindly　smile；　she　would　take　a　seat　beside　him　in　one　of　the　cosy　corners　of　her　drawing…room　and　would　usually　start　her　conversation　by　complaining　to　him　of　everybody：

〃You　wouldn't　believe　how　glad　I　am　to　see　you！〃　Bending　like　a　cat；　she　would　gaze　into　his　eyes　with　her　dark　glance；　in　which　something　avidious　would　now　flash　up。

〃I　love　to　speak　to　you；〃　she　said；　musically　drawling　her　words。　〃I've　grown　tired　of　all　the　rest　of　them。　They're　all　so　boring；　ordinary　and　worn…out；　while　you　are　fresh；　sincere。　You　don't　like　those　people　either；　do　you？〃

〃I　can't　bear　them！〃　replied　Foma；　firmly。

〃And　me？〃　she　asked　softly。

Foma　turned　his　eyes　away　from　her　and　said；　with　a　sigh：

〃How　many　times　have　you　asked　me　that？〃

〃Is　it　hard　for　you　to　tell　me？〃

〃It　isn't　hard；　but　what　for？〃

〃I　must　know　it。〃

〃You　are　making　sport　of　me；〃　said　Foma；　sternly。　And　she　opened　her　eyes　wide　and　inquired　in　a　tone　of　great　astonishment：

〃How　do　I　make　sport　of　you？　What　does　it　mean　to　make　sport？〃

And　her　face　looked　so　angelic　that　he　could　not　help　believing　her。

〃I　love　you！　I　love　you！　It　is　impossible　not　to　love　you！〃　said　he　hotly；　and　immediately　added　sadly；　lowering　his　voice：　〃But　you　don't　need　it！〃

〃There　you　have　it！〃　sighed　Medinskaya；　satisfied；　drawing　back　from　him。　〃I　am　always　extremely　pleased　to　hear　you　say　this；　with　so　much　youthfulness　and　originality。　Would　you　like　to　kiss　my　hand？〃

Without　saying　a　word　he　seized　her　thin；　white　little　hand　and　carefully　bending　down　to　it；　he　passionately　kissed　it　for　a　long　time。　Smiling　and　graceful；　not　in　the　least　moved　by　his　passion；　she　freed　her　hand　from　his。　Pensively；　she　looked　at　him　with　that　strange　glitter　in　her　eyes；　which　always　confused　Foma；　she　examined　him　as　something　rare　and　extremely　curious；　and　said：

〃How　much　strength　and　power　and　freshness　of　soul　you　possess！　Do　you　know？　You　merchants　are　an　altogether　new　race；　an　entire　race　with　original　traditions；　with　an　enormous　energy　of　body　and　soul。　Take　you；　for　instanceyou　are　a　precious　stone；　and　you　should　be　polished。　Oh！〃

Whenever　she　told　him：　〃You；〃　or　〃according　to　your　merchant　fashion；〃　it　seemed　to　Foma　that　she　was　pushing　him　away　from　her　with　these　words。　This　at　once　saddened　and　offended　him。　He　was　silent；　looking　at　her　small　maidenly　figure；　which　was　always　somehow　particularly　well　dressed；　always　sweet…scented　like　a　flower。　Sometimes　he　was　seized　with　a　wild；　coarse　desire　to　embrace　and　kiss　her。　But　her　beauty　and　the　fragility　of　her　thin；　supple　body　awakened　in　him　a　fear　of　breaking　and　disfiguring　her；　and　her　calm；　caressing　voice　and　the　clear；　but　somewhat　cautious　look　of　her　eyes　chilled　his　passion；　it　seemed　to　him　as　though　she　were　looking　straight　into　his　soul；　divining　all　his　thoughts。　But　these　bursts　of　emotion　were　rare。　Generally　the　youth　regarded　Medinskaya　with　adoration；　admiring　everything　in　herher　beauty；　her　words；　her　dresses。　And　beside　this　adoration　there　was　in　him　a　painfully　keen　consciousness　of　his　remoteness　from　her；　of　her　supremacy　over　him。

These　relations　were　established　between　them　within　a　short　time；　after　two　or　three　meetings　Medinskaya　was　in　full　possession　of　the　youth　and　she　slowly　began　to　torture　him。　Evidently　she　liked　to　have　a　healthy；　strong　youth　at　her　mercy；　she　liked　to　rouse　and　tame　the　animal　in　him　merely　with　her　voice　and　glance；　and　confident　of　the　power　of　her　superiority；　she　found　pleasure　in　thus　playing　with　him。　On　leaving　her；　he　was　usually　half…sick　from　excitement；　bearing　her　a　grudge；　angry　with　himself；　filled　with　many　painful　and　intoxicating　sensations。　And　about　two　days　later　he　would　come　to　undergo　the　same　torture　again。

One　day　he　asked　her　timidly：

〃Sophya　Pavlovna！　Have　you　ever　had　any　children？〃

〃No。〃

〃I　thought　not！〃　exclaimed　Foma　with　delight。

She　cast　at　him　the　look　of　a　very　naive　little　girl；　and　said：

〃What　made　you　think　so？　And　why　do　you　want　to　know　whether　I　had　any　children　or　not？〃

Foma　blushed；　and；　bending　his　head；　began　to　speak　to　her　in　a　heavy　voice；　as　though　he　was　lifting　every　word　from　the　ground　and　as　though　each　word　weighed　a　few　puds。

〃You　seea　woman　whohas　given　birth　to　childrensuch　a　woman　has　altogether　different　eyes。〃

〃So？　What　kind　are　they　then？〃

〃Shameless！〃　Foma　bl