the man who was afraid-第25节

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〃Those　are　not　men！〃　announced　Luba；　categorically。

〃I　do　not　know　what　they　are　in　your　eyes；　but　you　can　see　at　once　that　they　know　their　place。　A　clever；　easy…going　lot。〃

〃Ah；　Foma！〃　exclaimed　Luba；　vexed。　〃You　understand　nothing！　Nothing　agitates　you！　You　are　an　idler。〃

〃Now；　that's　going　too　far！　I've　simply　not　had　time　enough　to　see　where　I　am。〃

〃You　are　simply　an　empty　man；〃　said　Luba；　resolutely　and　firmly。

〃You　were　not　within　my　soul；〃　replied　Foma；　calmly。　〃You　cannot　know　my　thoughts。〃

〃What　is　there　that　you　should　think　of？〃　said　Luba；　shrugging　her　shoulders。

〃So？　First　of　all；　I　am　alone。　Secondly；　I　must　live。　Don't　I　understand　that　it　is　altogether　impossible　for　me　to　live　as　I　am　now？　I　do　not　care　to　be　made　the　laughing…stock　of　others。　I　cannot　even　speak　to　people。　No；　nor　can　I　think。〃　Foma　concluded　his　words　and　smiled　confusedly。

〃It　is　necessary　to　read；　to　study；〃　Luba　advised　him　convincingly；　pacing　up　and　down　the　room。

〃Something　is　stirring　within　my　soul；〃　Foma　went　on；　not　looking　at　her；　as　though　speaking　to　himself；　〃but　I　cannot　tell　what　it　is。　I　see；　for　instance；　that　whatever　my　godfather　says　is　clever　and　reasonable。　But　that　does　not　attract　me。　The　other　people　are　by　far　more　interesting　to　me。〃

〃You　mean　the　aristocrats？〃　asked　Luba。

〃Yes。〃

〃That's　just　the　place　for　you！〃　said　Luba；　with　a　smile　of　contempt。　〃Eh；　you！　Are　they　men？　Do　they　have　souls？〃

〃How　do　you　know　them？　You　are　not　acquainted　with　them。〃

〃And　the　books？　Have　I　not　read　books　about　them？〃

The　maid　brought　in　the　samovar；　and　the　conversation　was　interrupted。　Luba　made　tea　in　silence　while　Foma　looked　at　her　and　thought　of　Medinskaya。　He　was　wishing　to　have　a　talk　with　her。

〃Yes；〃　said　the　girl；　thoughtfully；　〃I　am　growing　more　and　more　convinced　everyday　that　it　is　hard　to　live。　What　shall　I　do？　Marry？　Whom？　Shall　I　marry　a　merchant　who　will　do　nothing　but　rob　people　all　his　life；　nothing　but　drink　and　play　cards？　A　savage？　I　do　not　want　it！　I　want　to　be　an　individual。　I　am　such；　for　I　know　how　wrong　the　construction　of　life　is。　Shall　I　study？　My　father　will　not　allow　this。　0h　Lord！　Shall　I　run　away？　I　have　not　enough　courage。　What　am　I　to　do？〃

She　clasped　her　hands　and　bowed　her　head　over　the　table。

〃If　you　knew　but　how　repulsive　everything　is。　There　is　not　a　living　soul　around　here。　Since　my　mother　died；　my　father　drove　everyone　away。　Some　went　off　to　study。　Lipa；　too；　left　us。　She　writes　me：

'Read。'　Ah；　I　am　reading！　I　am　reading！〃　she　exclaimed；　with　despair　in　her　voice；　and　after　a　moment's　silence　she　went　on　sadly：

〃Books　do　not　contain　what　the　heart　needs　most；　and　there's　much　I　cannot　understand　in　them。　And　then；　I　feel　weary　to　be　reading　all　the　time　alone；　alone！　I　want　to　speak　to　a　man；　but　there　is　none　to　speak　to！　I　feel　disgusted。　We　live　but　once；　and　it　is　high　time　for　me　to　live；　and　yet　there　is　not　a　soul！　Wherefore　shall　I　live？　Lipa　tells　me：　'Read　and　you　will　understand　it。'　I　want　bread　and　she　gives　me　a　stone。　I　understand　what　one　must　doone　must　stand　up　for　what　he　loves　and　believes。　He　must　fight　for　it。〃

And　she　concluded；　uttering　something　like　a　moan：

〃But　I　am　alone！　Whom　shall　I　fight？　There　are　no　enemies　here。　There　are　no　men！　I　live　here　in　a　prison！

Foma　listened　to　her　words；　fixedly　examining　the　fingers　of　his　hand；　he　felt　that　in　her　words　was　some　great　distress；　but　he　could　not　understand　her。　And　when　she　became　silent；　depressed　and　sad；　he　found　nothing　to　tell　her　save　a　few　words　that　were　like　a　reproach：

〃There；　you　yourself　say　that　books　are　worthless　to　you；　and　yet　you　instruct　me　to　read。〃

She　looked　into　his　face；　and　anger　flashed　in　her　eyes。

〃Oh；　how　I　wish　that　all　these　torments　would　awaken　within　you；　the　torments　that　constantly　oppress　me。　That　your　thoughts；　like　mine；　would　rob　you　of　your　sleep；　that　you；　too；　would　be　disgusted　with　everything；　and　with　yourself　as　well！　I　despise　every　one　of　you。　I　hate　you！〃

All　aflush；　she　looked　at　him　so　angrily　and　spoke　with　so　much　spitefulness；　that　in　his　astonishment　he　did　not　even　feel　offended　by　her。　She　had　never　before　spoken　to　him　in　such　manner。

〃What's　the　matter　with　you？〃　he　asked　her。

〃I　hate　you；　too！　You；　what　are　you？　Dead；　empty；　how　will　you　live？　What　will　you　give　to　mankind？〃　she　said　with　malice；　in　a　low　voice。

〃I'll　give　nothing；　let　them　strive　for　it　themselves；〃　answered　Foma；　knowing　that　these　words　would　augment　her　anger。

〃Unfortunate　creature！〃　exclaimed　the　girl　with　contempt。

The　assurance　and　the　power　of　her　reproaches　involuntarily　compelled　Foma　to　listen　attentively　to　her　spiteful　words；　he　felt　there　was　common　sense　in　them。　He　even　came　nearer　to　her；　but　she；　enraged　and　exasperated；　turned　away　from　him　and　became　silent。

It　was　still　light　outside；　and　the　reflection　of　the　setting　sun　lay　still　on　the　branches　of　the　linden…trees　before　the　windows；　but　the　room　was　already　filled　with　twilight；　and　the　sideboard；　the　clock　and　the　cupboard　seemed　to　have　grown　in　size。　The　huge　pendulum　peeped　out　every　moment　from　beneath　the　glass　of　the　clock…case；　and　flashing　dimly；　was　hiding　with　a　weary　sound　now　on　the　right　side；　now　on　the　left。　Foma　looked　at　the　pendulum　and　he　began　to　feel　awkward　and　lonesome。　Luba　arose　and　lighted　the　lamp　which　was　hanging　over　the　table。　The　girl's　face　was　pale　and　stern。

〃You　went　for　me；〃　said　Foma；　reservedly。　〃What　for？　I　can't　understand。〃

〃I　don't　want　to　speak　to　you！〃　replied　Luba；　angrily。

〃That's　your　affair。　But　nevertheless；　what　wrong　have　I　done　to　you？〃

〃You？

〃I。〃

〃Understand　me；　I　am　suffocating！　It　is　close　here。　Is　this　life？　Is　this　the　way　how　to　live？　What　am　I？　I　am　a　hanger…on　in　my　father's　house。　They　keep　me　here　as　a　housekeeper。　Then　they'll　marry　me！　Again　housekeeping。　It's　a　swamp。　I　am　drowning；　suffocating。〃

〃And　what　have　I　to　do　with　it？〃　asked　Foma。

〃You　are　no　better　than　the　others。〃

〃And　therefore　I　am　guilty　before　you？〃

〃Yes；　guilty！　You　must　desire　to　be　better。〃

〃But　do　I　not　wish　it？〃　exclaimed　Foma。

The　girl　was　about　to　tell　him　something；　but　at　this　time　the　bell　began　to　ring　somewhere；　and　she　said　in　a　low　voice；　leaning　back　in　her　chair：

〃It's　father。〃

〃I　would　not　feel　sorry　if　he　stayed　away　a　little　longer；〃　said　Foma。　〃I　wish　I　could　listen　to　you　some　more。　You　speak　so　very　oddly。〃

〃Ah！　my　children；　my　doves！　〃　exclaimed　Yakov　Tarasovich；　appearing　in　the　doorway。　〃You're　drinking　tea？　Pour　out　some　tea　for　me；　Lugava！〃

Sweetly　smiling；　and　rubbing　his　hands；　he　sat　down　near　Foma　and　asked；　playfully　jostling　him　in　the　side：

〃What　have　you　been　cooing　about？〃

〃Soabout　different　trifles；〃　answered　Luba。

〃I　haven't　asked　you；　have　I？〃　said　her　father　to　her；　with　a　grimace。　〃You　just　sit　there；　hold　your　tongue；　and　mind　your　woman's　affairs。〃

〃I've　been　telling　her　about　the　dinner；〃　Foma　interrupted　his　godfather's　words。

〃Aha！　So…o…o。　Well；　then；　I'll　also　speak　about　the　dinner。　I　have　been　watching　you　of　late。　You　don't　behave　yourself　sensibly！〃

〃What　do　you　mean？〃　asked　Foma；　knitting　his　brow；　ill　pleased。

〃I　just　mean　that　your　behaviour　is　preposterous；　and　that's　all。　When　the　governor；　for　instance；　speaks　to　you；　you　keep　quiet。〃

〃What　should　I　tell　him？　He　says　that　it　is　a　misfortune　to　lose　a　father。　Well；　I　know　it。　What　could　I　tell　him？〃

〃But　as　the　Lord　willed　it　so；　I　do　not　grumble；　your　Excellency。　That's　what　you　should　have　said；　or　something　in　this　spirit。　Governors；　my　dear；　are　very　fond　of　meekness　in　a　man。〃

〃Was　I　to　look　at　him　like　a　lamb？〃　said　Foma；　with　a　smile。

〃You　did　look　like　a　lamb；　and　that　was　unnecessary。　You　must　look　neither　like　a　lamb；　nor　like　a　wolf；　but　just　play　off　before　him　as　though　saying：　'You　are　our　father；　we　are　your　children；'　and　he　will　immediately　soften。〃

〃And　what　is　this　for？〃

〃For　any　event。　A　governor；　my　dear；　can　always　be　of　use　somewhere。〃

〃What　do　you　teach　him；　papa？〃　said　Luba；　indignantly；　in　a　low　voice。

〃Well；　what？〃

〃To　dance　attendance。〃

〃You　lie；　you　learned　fool！　I　teach　him　politics；　not　dancing　attendance；　I　teach　him　the　politics　of　life。　You　had　better　leave　us　alone！　Depart　from　evil；　and　prepare　some　lunch　for　us。　Go　ahead！〃

Luba　rose　quickly　and　throwing　the　towel　across　the　back　of　the　chair；　left　the　room。　Mayakin；　winking　his　eyes；　looked　after　her；　tapped　the　table　with　his　fingers　and　said：

〃I　shall　instruct　you；　Foma。　I　shall　teach　you　the　most　genuine；　true　knowledge　and　philosophy；　and　if　you　understand　them；　your　life　will　be　faultless。〃

Foma　saw　how　the　wrinkles　on　the　old　man's　forehead　were　twitching；　and　they　seemed　to　him　like　lines　of　Slavonic　letters。

〃First　of　all；　Foma；　since　you　live　on　this　earth；　it　is　your　duty　to　think　over　everything　that　takes　place　about　you。　Why？　That　you　may　not　suffer　for　your　own　senselessness；　and　may　not　harm　others　by　your　folly。　Now；　every　act　of　man　is　double…faced；　Foma。　One　is　visible　to　allthis　is　the　wrong　side；　the　other　is　concealedand　that　is　the　real　one。　It　is　that　one　that　you　must