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the man who was afraid-第20节

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arancesbut take it into your hand and it will burn you。〃

Medinskaya did not kindle in the youth any sensual passion; for there was nothing in her that resembled Pelageya; and altogether she was not at all like other women。 He knew that shameful rumours about her were in the air; but he did not believe any of them。 But his relations to her were changed when he noticed her one day in a carriage beside a stout man in a gray hat and with long hair falling over his shoulders。 His face was like a bladderred and bloated; he had neither moustache nor beard; and altogether he looked like a woman in disguise。 Foma was told that this was her husband。 Then dark and contradicting feelings sprang up within him: he felt like insulting the architect; and at the same time he envied and respected him。 Medinskaya now seemed to him less beautiful and more accessible; he began to feel sorry for her; and yet he thought malignantly:

〃She must surely feel disgusted when he kisses her。〃

And after all this he sometimes perceived in himself some bottomless and oppressive emptiness; which could not be filled up by anything neither by the impressions of the day just gone by nor by the recollection of the past; and the Exchange; and his affairs; and his thoughts of Medinskayaall were swallowed up by this emptiness。 It alarmed him: in the dark depth of this emptiness he suspected some hidden existence of a hostile power; as yet formless but already carefully and persistently striving to become incarnate。

In the meantime Ignat; changing but little outwardly; was growing ever more restless and querulous and was complaining more often of being ill。

〃I lost my sleep。 It used to be so sound that even though you had torn off my skin; I would not have felt it。 While now I toss about from side to side; and I fall asleep only toward morning。 And every now and then I awaken。 My heart beats unevenly; now; though tired out; often thus: tuk…tuk…tuk。 And sometimes it sinks of a suddenand it seems as though it would soon tear itself away and fall somewhere into the deep; into the bosom。 0h Lord; have pity upon me through Thy great mercy。〃 And heaving a penitent sigh; he would lift heavenward his stern eyes; grown dim now; devoid of their bright; sparkling glitter。

〃Death keeps an eye on me somewhere close by;〃 he said one day morosely; but humbly。 And indeed; it soon felled his big; sturdy body to the ground。

This happened in August; early in the morning。 Foma was sound asleep when suddenly he felt somebody shaking him by the shoulder; and a hoarse voice called at his ear:

〃Get up。〃

He opened his eyes and saw that his father was seated in a chair near his bed; monotonously repeating in a dull voice:

〃Get up; get up。〃

The sun had just risen; and its light; falling on Ignat's white linen shirt; had not yet lost its rosy tints。

〃It's early;〃 said Foma; stretching himself。

〃Well; you'll sleep enough later。〃

Lazily muffling himself in the blanket; Foma asked:

〃Why do you need me?〃

〃Get up; dear; will you; please?〃 exclaimed Ignat; adding; somewhat offended: 〃It must be necessary; since I am waking you。〃

When Foma looked closely at his father's face; he noticed that it was gray and weary。

〃Are you ill? 〃

〃Slightly。〃

〃Shall we send for a doctor?〃

〃The devil take him!〃 Ignat waved his hand。 〃I am not a young man any longer。 I know it as well without him。〃

〃What?〃

〃Oh; I know it!〃 said the old man; mysteriously; casting a strange glance around the room。 Foma was dressing himself; and his father; with lowered head; spoke slowly:

〃I am afraid to breathe。 Something tells me that if I should now heave a deep sigh; my heart would burst。 Today is Sunday! After the morning mass is over; send for the priest。〃

〃What are you talking about; papa?〃 Foma smiled。

〃Nothing。 Wash yourself and go into the garden。 I ordered the samovar to be brought there。 We'll drink our tea in the morning coolness。 I feel like drinking now hot; strong tea。 Be quicker。〃

The old man rose with difficulty from the chair; and; bent and barefooted; left the room in a staggering gait。 Foma looked at his father; and a shooting chill of fear made his heart shrink。 He washed himself in haste; and hurried out into the garden。

There; under an old; spreading apple…tree sat Ignat in a big oaken armchair。 The light of the sun fell in thin stripes through the branches of the trees upon the white figure of the old man clad in his night…garments。 There was such a profound silence in the garden that even the rustle of a branch; accidentally touched by Foma's clothes; seemed to him like a loud sound and he shuddered。 On the table; before his father; stood the samovar; purring like a well…fed tom…cat and exhaling a stream of steam into the air。 Amid the silence and the fresh verdure of the garden; which had been washed by abundant rains the day before; this bright spot of the boldly shining; loud brass seemed to Foma as something unnecessary; as something which suited neither the time nor the placenor the feeling that sprang up within him at the sight of the sickly; bent old man; who was dressed in white; and who sat alone underneath the mute; motionless; dark…green foliage; wherein red apples were modestly peeping。

〃Be seated;〃 said Ignat。

〃We ought to send for a doctor。〃 Foma advised him irresolutely; seating himself opposite him。

〃It isn't necessary。 It's a little better now in the open air。 And now I'll sip some tea and perhaps that will do me more good;〃 said Ignat; pouring out tea into the glasses; and Foma noticed that the teapot was trembling in his father's hand。

〃Drink。〃

Silently moving up one glass for himself; Foma bent over it; blowing the foam off the surface of the tea; and with pain in his heart; hearing the loud; heavy breathing of his father。 Suddenly something struck against the table with such force that the dishes began to rattle。

Foma shuddered; threw up his head and met the frightened; almost senseless look of his father's eyes。 Ignat stared at his son and whispered hoarsely:

〃An apple fell down (the devil take it!)。 It sounded like the firing of a gun。〃

〃Won't you have some cognac in your tea?〃 Foma suggested。

〃It is good enough without it。〃

They became silent。 A flight of finches winged past over the garden; scattering a provokingly cheerful twittering in the air。 And again the ripe beauty of the garden was bathed in solemn silence。 The fright was still in Ignat's eyes。

〃0h Lord; Jesus Christ!〃 said he in a low voice; making the sign of the cross。 〃Yes。 There it isthe last hour of my life。〃

〃Stop; papa!〃 whispered Foma。

〃Why stop? We'll have our tea; and then send for the priest; and for Mayakin。〃

〃I'd rather send for them now。〃

〃They'll soon toll for the massthe priest isn't homeand then there's no hurry; it may pass soon。〃

And he noisily started to sip the tea out of the saucer。

〃I should live another year or two。 You are young; and I am very much afraid for you。 Live honestly and firmly; do not covet what belongs to other people; take good care of your own。〃

It was hard for him to speak; he stopped short and rubbed his chest with his hand。

〃Do not rely upon others; expect but little from them。 We all live in order to take; not to give。 0h Lord! Have mercy on the sinner!〃

Somewhere in the distance the deep sound of the bell fell on the silence of the morning。 Ignat and Foma crossed themselves three times。

After the first sound of the bell…tone came another; then a third; and soon the air was filled with sounds of the church…bells; coming from all sidesflowing; measured; calling aloud。

〃There; they are tolling for the mass;〃 said Ignat; listening to the echo of the bell…metal。 〃Can you tell the bells by their sounds?〃

〃No;〃 answered Foma。

〃Just listen。 This one nowdo you hear? the bassthis is from the Nikola Church。 It was presented by Peter Mitrich Vyaginand this; the hoarse onethis is at the church of Praskeva Pyatnitza。〃

The singing waves of the bell…tones agitated the air; which was filled with them; and they died away in the clear blue of the sky。 Foma stared thoughtfully at his father's face and saw that the alarm was disappearing from his eyes; and that they were now brighter。

But suddenly the old man's face turned very red; his eyes distended and rolled out of their orbits; his mouth opened with fright; and from it issued a strange; hissing sound:

〃F…F…A…A…ch。〃

Immediately after this Ignat's head fell back on his shoulder; and his heavy body slowly slipped down from the chair to the ground as if the earth had dragged him imperiously unto itself。 Foma was motionless and silent for awhile; then he rushed up to Ignat; lifted his head from the ground and looked into his face。 The face was dark; motionless; and the wide…open eyes expressed nothingneither pain; nor fear; nor joy。 Foma looked around him。 As before; nobody was in the garden; and the resounding chatter of the bells was still roaring in the air。 Foma's hands began to tremble; he let go his father's head; and it struck heavily against the ground。 Dark; thick blood began to gush in a narrow stream from his open mouth across his blue cheek。

Foma struck his breast with both hands; and kneeli

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