the man who was afraid-第19节

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　or　what？〃

〃Yes。　There　was　one　on　the　steamer。　I　had　her　there　from　Perm　to　Kazan。〃

〃So；〃　Ignat　sighed　heavily　and　said；　frowning：　〃You've　become　defiled　rather　too　soon。〃

〃I　am　twenty　years　old。　And　you　yourself　told　me　that　in　your　days　fellows　married　at　the　age　of　fifteen；〃　replied　Foma；　confused。

〃Then　they　married。　Very　well；　then；　let　us　drop　the　subject。　Well；　you've　had　dealings　with　a　woman。　What　of　it？　A　woman　is　like　vaccination；　you　cannot　pass　your　life　without　her。　As　for　myself；　I　cannot　play　the　hypocrite。　I　began　to　go　around　with　women　when　I　was　younger　than　you　are　now。　But　you　must　be　on　your　guard　with　them。〃

Ignat　became　pensive　and　was　silent　for　a　long　time；　sitting　motionless；　his　head　bent　low　on　his　breast。

〃Listen；　Foma；〃　he　started　again；　sternly　and　firmly。　〃I　shall　die　before　long。　I　am　old。　Something　oppresses　my　breast。　I　breathe　with　difficulty。　I'll　die。　Then　all　my　affairs　will　fall　on　your　shoulders。　At　first　your　godfather　will　assist　youmind　him！　You　started　quite　well；　you　attended　to　everything　properly；　you　held　the　reins　firmly　in　your　hands。　And　though　you　did　squander　a　big　sum　of　money；　it　is　evident　that　you　did　not　lose　your　head。　God　grant　the　same　in　the　future。　You　should　know　this：　business　is　a　living；　strong　beast；　you　must　manage　it　ably；　you　must　put　a　strong　bridle　on　it　or　it　will　conquer　you。　Try　to　stand　above　your　business。　Place　yourself　so　that　it　will　all　be　under　your　feet；　that　each　little　tack　shall　be　visible　to　you。〃

Foma　looked　at　his　father's　broad　chest；　heard　his　heavy　voice　and　thought　to　himself：

〃Oh；　but　you　won't　die　so　soon！〃

This　thought　pleased　him　and　awakened　in　him　a　kind；　warm　feeling　for　his　father。

〃Rely　upon　your　godfather。　He　has　enough　common　sense　in　his　head　to　supply　the　whole　town　with　it。　All　he　lacks　is　courage；　or　he　would　have　risen　high。　Yes；　I　tell　you　my　days　on　earth　are　numbered。　Indeed；　it　is　high　time　to　prepare　myself　for　death；　to　cast　everything　aside；　to　fast；　and　see　to　it　that　people　bear　me　good…　will。〃

〃They　will！〃　said　Foma　with　confidence。

〃If　there　were　but　a　reason　why　they　should。〃

〃And　the　lodging…house？〃

Ignat　looked　at　his　son　and　began　to　laugh。

〃Yakov　has　had　time　to　tell　it　to　you　already！　The　old　miser。　He　must　have　abused　me？〃

〃A　little。〃　Foma　smiled。

〃Of　course！　Don't　I　know　him？〃

〃He　spoke　of　it　as　though　it　were　his　own　money。〃

Ignat　leaned　back　in　his　chair　and　burst　into　still　louder　laughter。

〃The　old　raven；　eh？　That's　quite　true。　Whether　it　be　his　own　money　or　mine；　it　is　all　the　same　to　him。　There　he　is　trembling　now。　He　has　an　aim　in　view；　the　bald…headed　fellow。　Can　you　tell　me　what　it　is？〃

Foma　thought　awhile　and　said：

〃I　don't　know。〃

〃Eh；　you're　stupid。　He　wants　to　tell　our　fortunes。〃

How　is　that？〃

〃Come　now；　guess！〃

Foma　looked　at　his　father　andguessed　it。　His　face　became　gloomy；　he　slightly　raised　himself　from　the　armchair　and　said　resolutely：

〃No；　I　don't　want　to。　I　shall　not　marry　her！〃

〃Oh？　Why　so？　She　is　a　strong　girl；　she　is　not　foolish；　she's　his　only　child。〃

〃And　Taras？　The　lost　one？　But　II　don't　want　to　at　all！〃

〃The　lost　one　is　gone；　consequently　it　is　not　worthwhile　speaking　of　him。　There　is　a　will；　dear；　which　says：　'All　my　movable　and　real　estates　shall　go　to　my　daughter；　Lubov。'　And　as　to　the　fact　that　she　is　your　godfather's　daughter；　we'll　set　this　right。〃

〃It　is　all　the　same；〃　said　Foma；　firmly。　〃I　shall　not　marry　her！〃

〃Well；　it　is　rather　early　to　speak　of　it　now！　But　why　do　you　dislike　her　so　much？〃

I　do　not　like　such　as　she　is。〃

〃So…o！　Just　think　of　it！　And　which　women　are　more　to　your　liking；　sir；　may　I　ask？〃

〃Those　that　are　more　simple。　She's　always　busy　with　her　Gymnasium　students　and　with　her　books。　She's　become　learned。　She'll　be　laughing　at　my　expense；〃　said　Foma；　emotionally。

〃That　is　quite　true。　She　is　too　bold。　But　that　is　a　trifle。　All　sorts　of　rust　can　be　removed　if　you　try　to　do　it。　That's　a　matter　for　the　future。　And　your　godfather　is　a　clever　old　man。　His　was　a　peaceful；　sedentary　life；　sitting　in　one　place　he　gave　a　thought　to　everything。　It　is　worthwhile　listening　to　him；　for　he　can　see　the　wrong　side　of　each　and　every　worldly　affair。　He　is　our　aristocrat…　…descending　from　Mother　Yekaterinaha；　ha！　He　understands　a　great　deal　about　himself。　And　as　his　stem　was　cut　off　by　Taras；　he　decided　to　put　you　in　Taras's　place；　do　you　see？〃

〃No；　I'd　rather　select　my　place　myself；〃　said　Foma；　stubbornly。

〃You　are　foolish　as　yet。〃　Ignat　smiled　in　reply　to　his　son's　words。

Their　conversation　was　interrupted　by　the　arrival　of　Aunt　Anfisa。

〃Foma！　You've　come；〃　she　cried　out；　somewhere　behind　the　doors。　Foma　rose　and　went　to　meet　her；　with　a　gentle　smile。

Again　his　life　streamed　on　slowly；　calmly；　monotonously。　Again　the　Exchange　and　his　father's　instructions。　Retaining　a　kindly　sarcastic　and　encouraging　tone　in　his　relation　toward　his　son；　Ignat　began　to　treat　him　more　strictly。　He　censured　him　for　each　and　every　trifle　and　constantly　reminded　him　that　he　brought　him　up　freely；　that　he　was　never　in　his　way　and　that　he　never　beat　him。

〃Other　fathers　beat　fellows　like　yourself　with　logs　of　wood。　And　I　never　even　touched　you　with　a　finger。〃

〃Evidently　I　didn't　deserve　it；〃　said　Foma　one　day；　calmly。

Ignat　became　angry　at　his　son　for　these　words　and　for　the　tone。

〃Don't　talk　so　much！〃　he　roared。　〃You've　picked　up　courage　because　of　the　softness　of　my　hand。　You　find　an　answer　to　every　word　I　say。　Beware；　though　my　hand　was　soft；　it　can　nevertheless　still　squeeze　you　so　that　tears　will　gush　forth　from　your　heels。　You've　grown　up　too　soon；　like　a　toad…stool；　just　sprung　up　from　the　ground。　You　have　a　bad　smell　already。〃

〃Why　are　you　so　angry　at　me？〃　asked　Foma；　perplexed　and　offended；　when　his　father　chanced　to　be　in　a　happy　frame　of　mind。

〃Because　you　cannot　tolerate　it　when　your　father　grumbles　at　you。　You're　ready　to　quarrel　immediately。〃

〃But　it　is　offensive。　I　have　not　grown　worse　than　I　was　before。　Don't　I　see　how　others　live　at　my　age？〃

〃Your　head　wouldn't　fall　off　from　my　scolding　you。　And　I　scold　you　because　I　see　there　is　something　in　you　that　is　not　mine。　What　it　is；　I　do　not　know；　but　I　see　it　is　there。　And　that　something　is　harmful　to　you。〃

These　words　of　Ignat　made　the　son　very　thoughtful。　Foma　also　felt　something　strange　in　himself；　something　which　distinguished　him　from　the　youth　of　his　age；　but　he；　too；　could　not　understand　what　it　was。　And　he　looked　at　himself　with　suspicion。

Foma　liked　to　be　on　the　Exchange　amid　the　bustle　and　talk　of　the　sedate　people　who　were　making　deals　amounting　to　thousands　of　roubles；　the　respect　with　which　the　less　well…to…do　tradesmen　greeted　and　spoke　to　himto　Foma；　the　son　of　the　millionaire　flattered　him　greatly。　He　felt　happy　and　proud　whenever　he　successfully　managed　some　part　of　his　father's　business；　assuming　all　responsibility　on　his　own　shoulders；　and　received　a　smile　of　approval　from　his　father　for　it。　There　was　in　him　a　great　deal　of　ambition；　yearning　to　appear　as　a　grown…up　man　of　business；　but　just　as　before　his　trip　to　Permhe　lived　as　in　solitude；　he　still　felt　no　longing　for　friends；　although　he　now　came　in　contact　everyday　with　the　merchants'　sons　of　his　age。　They　had　invited　him　more　than　once　to　join　them　in　their　sprees；　but　he　rather　rudely　and　disdainfully　declined　their　invitations　and　even　laughed　at　them。

〃I　am　afraid。　Your　fathers　may　learn　of　your　sprees；　and　as　they'll　give　you　a　drubbing；　I　might　also　come　in　for　a　share。〃

What　he　did　not　like　in　them　was　that　they　were　leading　a　dissipated　and　depraved　life；　without　their　fathers'　knowledge；　and　that　the　money　they　were　spending　was　either　stolen　from　their　parents　or　borrowed　on　long…termed　promissory　notes；　to　be　paid　with　exorbitant　interest。　They　in　turn　did　not　like　him　for　this　very　reserve　and　aversion；　which　contained　the　pride　so　offensive　to　them。　He　was　timid　about　speaking　to　people　older　than　himself；　fearing　lest　he　should　appear　in　their　eyes　stupid　and　thick…headed。

He　often　recalled　Pelageya；　and　at　first　he　felt　melancholy　whenever　her　image　flashed　before　his　imagination。　But　time　went　on；　and　little　by　little　rubbed　off　the　bright　colours　of　this　woman；　and　before　he　was　aware　of　it　his　thoughts　were　occupied　by　the　slender；　angel…like　Medinskaya。　She　used　to　come　up　to　Ignat　almost　every　Sunday　with　various　requests；　all　of　which　generally　had　but　one　aimto　hasten　the　building　of　the　lodging…asylum。　In　her　presence　Foma　felt　awkward；　huge；　heavy；　this　pained　him；　and　he　blushed　deeply　under　the　endearing　look　of　Sophya　Pavlovna's　large　eyes。　He　noticed　that　every　time　she　looked　at　him；　her　eyes　would　grow　darker；　while　her　upper　lip　would　tremble　and　raise　itself　slightly；　thus　displaying　very　small　white　teeth。　This　always　frightened　him。　When　his　father　noticed　how　steadfastly　he　was　staring　at　Medinskaya　he　told　him　one　day：

〃Don't　be　staring　so　much　at　that　face。　Look　out；　she　is　like　a　birch　ember：　from　the　outside　it　is　just　as　modest；　smooth　and　dark　altogether　cold　to　all　appearancesbut　take　it　into　your　hand　and　it　will　burn　you。〃

Medinskaya　did　not　kindle　in　the　youth　a