the man who was afraid-第17节

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　to　drink　heavily；　and　that　it　was　harmful　to　drink　thus；　for　a　man　of　his　age。　The　letter　concluded　with　advice　to　hurry　up　matters　in　order　to　return　home　the　sooner。　Foma　felt　alarmed　over　this　advice；　and　it　clouded　the　clear　holiday　of　his　heart。　But　this　shadow　soon　melted　in　his　worries　over　his　affairs；　and　in　the　caresses　of　Pelageya。　His　life　streamed　on　with　the　swiftness　of　a　river　wave；　and　each　day　brought　to　him　new　sensations；　awakening　in　him　new　thoughts。　Pelageya's　relations　with　him　contained　all　the　passion　of　a　mistress；　all　that　power　of　feeling　which　women　of　her　age　put　into　their　passion　when　drinking　the　last　drops　from　the　cup　of　life。　But　at　times　a　different　feeling　awoke　in　her；　a　feeling　not　less　powerful；　and　by　which　Foma　became　still　more　attached　to　hersomething　similar　to　a　mother's　yearning　to　guard　her　beloved　son　from　errors；　to　teach　him　the　wisdom　of　life。　Oftentimes　at　night；　sitting　in　his　embraces　on　the　deck；　she　spoke　to　him　tenderly　and　sadly：

〃Mind　me　as　an　older　sister　of　yours。　I　have　lived；　I　know　men。　I　have　seen　a　great　deal　in　my　life！　Choose　your　companions　with　care；　for　there　are　people　just　as　contagious　as　a　disease。　At　first　you　cannot　tell　them　even　when　you　see　them；　he　looks　to　be　a　man　like　everybody　else；　and；　suddenly；　without　being　aware　of　it　yourself；　you　will　start　to　imitate　him　in　life。　You　look　around　and　you　find　that　you　have　contracted　his　scabs。　I　myself　have　lost　everything　on　account　of　a　friend。　I　had　a　husband　and　two　children。　We　lived　well。　My　husband　was　a　clerk　at　a　volost。〃　She　became　silent　and　looked　for　a　long　time　at　the　water；　which　was　stirred　by　the　vessel。　Then　she　heaved　a　sigh　and　spoke　to　him　again：

〃May　the　Holy　Virgin　guard　you　from　women　of　my　kindbe　careful。　You　are　tender　as　yet；　your　heart　has　not　become　properly　hardened。　And　women　are　fond　of　such　as　youstrong；　handsome；　rich。　And　most　of　all　beware　of　the　quiet　women。　They　stick　to　a　man　like　blood…　suckers；　and　suck　and　suck。　And　at　the　same　time　they　are　always　so　kind；　so　gentle。　They　will　keep　on　sucking　your　juice；　but　will　preserve　themselves。　They'll　only　break　your　heart　in　vain。　You　had　better　have　dealings　with　those　that　are　bold；　like　myself。　These　live　not　for　the　sake　of　gain。〃

And　she　was　indeed　disinterested。　In　Perm　Foma　purchased　for　her　different　new　things　and　what…not。　She　was　delighted；　but　later；　having　examined　them；　she　said　sadly：

〃Don't　squander　your　money　too　freely。　See　that　your　father　does　not　get　angry。　I　love　you　anyway；　without　all　this。〃

She　had　already　told　him　that　she　would　go　with　him　only　as　far　as　Kazan；　where　she　had　a　married　sister。　Foma　could　not　believe　that　she　would　leave　him；　and　when；　on　the　eve　of　their　arrival　at　Kazan；　she　repeated　her　words；　he　became　gloomy　and　began　to　implore　her　not　to　forsake　him。

〃Do　not　feel　sorry　in　advance；〃　she　said。　〃We　have　a　whole　night　before　us。　You　will　have　time　to　feel　sorry　when　I　bid　you　good…　bye；　if　you　will　feel　sorry　at　all。〃

But　he　still　tried　to　persuade　her　not　to　forsake　him；　and；　finally　which　was　to　be　expectedannounced　his　desire　to　marry　her。

〃So；　so！〃　and　she　began　to　laugh。　〃Shall　I　marry　you　while　my　husband　is　still　alive？　My　darling；　my　queer　fellow！　You　have　a　desire　to　marry；　eh？　But　do　they　marry　such　women　as　I　am？　You　will　have　many；　many　mistresses。　Marry　then；　when　you　have　overflowed；　when　you　have　had　your　fill　of　all　sweets　and　feel　like　having　rye　bread。　Then　you　may　marry！　I　have　noticed　that　a　healthy　man；　for　his　own　peace；　must　not　marry　early。　One　woman　will　not　be　enough　to　satisfy　him；　and　he'll　go　to　other　women。　And　for　your　own　happiness；　you　should　take　a　wife　only　when　you　know　that　she　alone　will　suffice　for　you。〃

But　the　more　she　spoke；　the　more　persistent　Foma　became　in　his　desire　not　to　part　with　her。

〃Just　listen　to　what　I'll　tell　you；〃　said　the　woman；　calmly。　〃A　splinter　of　wood　is　burning　in　your　hand；　and　you　can　see　well　even　without　its　lightyou　had　better　dip　it　into　water；　so　that　there　will　be　no　smell　of　smoke　and　your　hand　will　not　be　burned。〃

〃I　do　not　understand　your　words。〃

〃Do　understand。　You　have　done　me　no　wrong；　and　I　do　not　wish　to　do　you　any。　And；　therefore；　I　am　going　away。〃

It　is　hard　to　say　what　might　have　been　the　result　of　this　dispute　if　an　accident　had　not　interfered　with　it。　In　Kazan　Foma　received　a　telegram　from　Mayakin；　who　wrote　to　his　godson　briefly：　〃Come　immediately　on　the　passenger　steamer。〃　Foma's　heart　contracted　nervously；　and　a　few　hours　later；　gloomy　and　pale；　his　teeth　set　together；　he　stood　on　the　deck　of　the　steamer；　which　was　leaving　the　harbour；　and　clinging　to　the　rail　with　his　hands；　he　stared　motionlessly　into　the　face　of　his　love；　who　was　floating　far　away　from　him　together　with　the　harbour　and　the　shore。　Pelageya　waved　her　handkerchief　and　smiled；　but　he　knew　that　she　was　crying；　shedding　many　painful　tears。　From　her　tears　the　entire　front　of　Foma's　shirt　was　wet；　and　from　her　tears；　his　heart；　full　of　gloomy　alarm；　was　sad　and　cold。　The　figure　of　the　woman　was　growing　smaller　and　smaller；　as　though　melting　away；　and　Foma；　without　lifting　his　eyes；　stared　at　her　and　felt　that　aside　from　fear　for　his　father　and　sorrow　for　the　woman；　some　new；　powerful　and　caustic　sensation　was　awakening　in　his　soul。　He　could　not　name　it；　but　it　seemed　to　him　as　something　like　a　grudge　against　someone。

The　crowd　in　the　harbour　blended　into　a　close；　dark　and　dead　spot；　faceless；　formless；　motionless。　Foma　went　away　from　the　rail　and　began　to　pace　the　deck　gloomily。

The　passengers；　conversing　aloud；　seated　themselves　to　drink　tea；　the　porters　bustled　about　on　the　gallery；　setting　the　tables；　somewhere　below；　on　the　stern；　in　the　third　class；　a　child　was　crying；　a　harmonica　was　wailing；　the　cook　was　chopping　something　with　knives；　the　dishes　were　jarring　producing　a　rather　harsh　noise。　Cutting　the　waves　and　making　foam；　shuddering　under　the　strain　and　sighing　heavily；　the　enormous　steamer　moved　rapidly　against　the　current。　Foma　looked　at　the　wide　strip　of　broken；　struggling；　and　enraged　waves　at　the　stern　of　the　steamer；　and　began　to　feel　a　wild　desire　to　break　or　tear　something；　also　to　go；　breast　foremost；　against　the　current　and　to　mass　its　pressure　against　himself；　against　his　breast　and　his　shoulders。

〃Fate！〃　said　someone　beside　him　in　a　hoarse　and　weary　voice。

This　word　was　familiar　to　him：　his　Aunt　Anfisa　had　often　used　it　as　an　answer　to　his　questions；　and　he　had　invested　in　this　brief　word　a　conception　of　a　power；　similar　to　the　power　of　God。　He　glanced　at　the　speakers：　one　of　them　was　a　gray　little　old　man；　with　a　kind　face；　the　other　was　younger；　with　big；　weary　eyes　and　with　a　little　black　wedge…shaped　beard。　His　big　gristly　nose　and　his　yellow；　sunken　cheeks　reminded　Foma　of　his　godfather。

〃Fate！〃　The　old　man　repeated　the　exclamation　of　his　interlocutor　with　confidence；　and　began　to　smile。　〃Fate　in　life　is　like　a　fisherman　on　the　river：　it　throws　a　baited　hook　toward　us　into　the　tumult　of　our　life　and　we　dart　at　it　with　greedy　mouths。　Then　fate　pulls　up　the　rodand　the　man　is　struggling；　flopping　on　the　ground；　and　then　you　see　his　heart　is　broken。　That's　how　it　is；　my　dear　man。〃

Foma　closed　his　eyes；　as　if　a　ray　of　the　sun　had　fallen　full　on　them；　and　shaking　his　head；　he　said　aloud：

〃True！　That　is　true！〃

The　companions　looked　at　him　fixedly：　the　old　man；　with　a　fine；　wise　smile；　the　large…eyed　man；　unfriendly；　askance。　This　confused　Foma；　he　blushed　and　walked　away；　thinking　of　Fate　and　wondering　why　it　had　first　treated　him　kindly　by　giving　him　a　woman；　and　then　took　back　the　gift　from　him；　so　simply　and　abusively？　And　he　now　understood　that　the　vague；　caustic　feeling　which　he　carried　within　him　was　a　grudge　against　Fate　for　thus　sporting　with　him。　He　had　been　too　much　spoiled　by　life；　to　regard　more　plainly　the　first　drop　of　poison　from　the　cup　which　was　just　started；　and　he　passed　all　the　time　of　the　journey　without　sleep；　pondering　over　the　old　man's　words　and　fondling　his　grudge。　This　grudge；　however；　did　not　awaken　in　him　despondency　and　sorrow；　but　rather　a　feeling　of　anger　and　revenge。

Foma　was　met　by　his　godfather；　and　to　his　hasty　and　agitated　question；　Mayakin；　his　greenish　little　eyes　flashing　excitedly；　said　when　he　seated　himself　in　the　carriage　beside　his　godson：

〃Your　father　has　grown　childish。〃

〃Drinking？〃

〃Worsehe　has　lost　his　mind　completely。〃

〃Really？　0h　Lord！　Tell　me。〃

〃Don't　you　understand？　A　certain　lady　is　always　around　him。〃

〃What　about　her？〃　exclaimed　Foma；　recalling　his　Pelageya；　and　for　some　reason　or　other　his　heart　was　filled　with　joy。

〃She　sticks　to　him　andbleeds　him。〃

〃Is　she　a　quiet　one？〃

〃She？　Quiet　as　a　fire。　Seventy…five　thousand　roubles　she　blew　out　of　his　pocket　like　a　feather！〃

〃Oh！　Who　is　she？〃

〃Sonka　Medinskaya；　the　architect's　wife。〃

〃Great　God！　Is　it　possible　that　sheDid　my　fatherIs　it　possible　that　he　took　her　as　his　sweetheart？〃　asked　Foma；　with　astonishment；　in　a　low　voice。

His　godfather　drew　back　from　him；　and　comically　opening　his　eyes　wide；　said　convincedly：

〃You　are　out　of　your　mind；　too！　By　God；　you're　out　of　your　mind！　Come　to　your　senses！　A　sweetheart