the argonauts of north liberty-第7节

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had　never　seen　her　as　charmingly　illogical；　capricious；　and
bewitchingly　feminine。　　Had　he　not　made　a　radical　mistake　in　not
giving　her　a　frequent　provocation　for　this　innocent　emotionin
fact；　in　not　taking　her　out　into　a　world　of　broader　sympathies　and
experiences？　　What　a　household　they　might　have　hadif　necessary
in　some　other　townaway　from　those　cramped　prejudices　and
limitations！　　What　friends　she　might　have　been　with　Dick　and　his
other　worldly　acquaintances；　what　social　pleasuresguiltless
amusements　for　her　pure　mindin　theatres；　parties；　and　concerts！
Would　she　have　objected　to　them？had　he　ever　seriously　proposed
them　to　her？　　No！　if　she　had　objected　there　would　have　been　time
enough　to　have　made　this　present　compromise；　she　would　have　at
least　respected　and　understood　his　sacrificeand　his　friends。

Even　the　artificial　externals　of　his　household　had　never　before　so
visibly　impressed　him。　　Now　that　she　was　no　longer　in　the　room　it
did　not　even　bear　a　trace　of　her　habitation；　it　certainly　bore　no
suggestion　of　his　own。　　Why　had　he　bought　that　hideous　horsehair
furniture？　　To　remind　her　of　the　old　provincial　heirlooms　of　her
father's　sitting…room。　　Did　it　remind　her　of　it？　　The　stiff　and
stony　emptiness　of　this　room　had　been　fashioned　upon　the　decorous
respectability　of　his　own　father's　parlorin　which　his　father；　who
usually　spent　his　slippered　leisure　in　the　family　sitting…room；
never　entered　except　on　visits　from　the　minister。　　It　had　chilled
his　own　youthful　soulwhy　had　he　perpetuated　it　here？

He　could　only　answer　these　questions　by　moodily　wandering　about　the
house；　and　regretting　he　had　not　gone　with　her。　　After　a　vain
attempt　to　establish　social　and　domestic　relations　with　the　hot…air
drum　by　putting　his　feet　upon　itafter　an　equally　futile　attempt
to　extract　interest　from　the　book　of　sermons　by　opening　its　pages
at　randomhe　glanced　at　the　clock　and　suddenly　resolved　to　go　and
fetch　her。　　It　would　remind　him　of　the　old　times　when　he　used　to
accompany　her　from　church；　and；　after　her　parents　had　retired；
spend　a　blissful　half…hour　alone　with　her。　　With　what　a　mingling　of
fear　and　childish　curiosity　she　used　to　accept　his　equally　timid
caresses！　　Yes；　he　would　go　and　fetch　her；　and　he　would　recall　it
to　her　in　a　whisper　while　they　were　there。

Filled　with　this　idea；　when　he　changed　his　clothes　again　he　put　on
a　certain　heavy　beaver　overcoat；　on　whose　shaggy　sleeve　her　little；
hand　had　so　often　rested　when　he　escorted　her　from　meeting；　and　he
even　selected　the　gray　muffler　she　had　knit　for　him　in　the　old
ante…nuptial　days。　　It　was　lying　in　the　half…opened　drawer　from
where　she　had　not　long　before　taken　her　disguising　veil。

It　was　still　blowing　in　sudden；　capricious　gusts；　and　when　he
opened　the　front　door　the　wind　charged　fiercely　upon　him；　as　if　to
drive　him　back。　　When　he　had　finally　forced　his　way　into　the
street；　a　return　current　closed　the　door　as　suddenly　and　sharply
behind　him　as　if　it　had　ejected　him　from　his　home　for　ever。

He　reached　the　fourth　house　quickly；　and　as　quickly　ran　up　the
steps；　his　hand　was　upon　the　bell　when　his　eye　suddenly　caught
sight　of　his　wife's　pass…key　still　in　the　lock。　　She　had　evidently
forgotten　it。　　Here　was　a　chance　to　mischievously　banter　that
habitually　careful　little　woman！　　He　slipped　it　into　his　pocket　and
quietly　entered　the　dark　but　perfectly　familiar　hall。　　He　reached
the　staircase　without　a　stumble　and　began　to　ascend　softly。
Halfway　up　he　heard　the　sound　of　his　wife's　hurried　voice　and
another　that　startled　him。　　He　ascended　hastily　two　steps；　which
brought　him　to　the　level　of　the　half…opened　transom　of　the　kitchen。
A　candle　was　burning　on　the　kitchen　table；　he　could　see　everything
that　passed　in　the　room；　he　could　hear　distinctly　every　word　that
was　uttered。

He　did　not　utter　a　cry　or　sound；　he　did　not　even　tremble。　　He
remained　so　rigid　and　motionless；　clutching　the　banisters　with　his
stiffened　fingers；　that　when　he　did　attempt　to　move；　all　life；　as
well　as　all　that　had　made　life　possible　to　him；　seemed　to　have　died
from　him　for　ever。　　There　was　no　nervous　illusion；　no　dimming　of
his　senses；　he　saw　everything　with　a　hideous　clarity　of　perception。
By　some　diabolical　instantaneous　photography　of　the　brain；　little
actions；　peculiarities；　touches　of　gesture；　expression　and　attitude
never　before　noted　by　him　in　his　wife；　were　clearly　fixed　and
bitten　in　his　consciousness。　　He　saw　the　color　of　his　friend's
overcoat；　the　reddish　tinge　of　his　wife's　brown　hair；　till　then
unnoticed；　in　that　supreme　moment　he　was　aware　of　a　sudden　likeness
to　her　mother；　but　more　terrible　than　all；　there　seemed　to　be　a
nameless　sympathetic　resemblance　that　the　guilty　pair　had　to　each
other　in　gesture　and　movement　as　of　some　unhallowed　relationship
beyond　his　ken。　　He　knew　not　how　long　he　stood　there　without
breath；　without　reflection；　without　one　connected　thought。　　He　saw
her　suddenly　put　her　hand　on　the　handle　of　the　door。　　He　knew　that
in　another　moment　they　would　pass　almost　before　him。　　He　made　a
convulsive　effort　to　move；　with　an　inward　cry　to　God　for　support；
and　succeeded　in　staggering　with　outstretched　palms　against　the
wall；　down　the　staircase；　and　blindly　forward　through　the　hall　to
the　front　door。　　As　yet　he　had　been　able　to　formulate　only　one
ideato　escape　before　them；　for　it　seemed　to　him　that　their
contact　meant　the　ruin　of　them　both；　of　that　house；　of　all　that　was
near　to　hima　catastrophe　that　struck　blindly　at　his　whole　visible
world。　　He　had　reached　the　door　and　opened　it　at　the　moment　that
the　handle　of　the　kitchen…door　was　turned。　　He　mechanically　fell
back　behind　the　open　door　that　hid　him；　while　it　let　the　cruel
light　glimmer　for　a　moment　on　their　clasped　figures。　　The　door
slipped　from　his　nerveless　fingers　and　swung　to　with　a　dull　sound。
Crouching　still　in　the　corner；　he　heard　the　quick　rush　of　hurrying
feet　in　the　darkness；　saw　the　door　open　and　Demorest　glide　outsaw
her　glance　hurriedly　after　him；　close　the　door；　and　involve　herself
and　him　in　the　blackness　of　the　hall。　　Her　dress　almost　touched　him
in　his　corner；　he　could　feel　the　near　scent　of　her　clothes；　and　the
air　stirred　by　her　figure　retreating　towards　the　stairs；　could　hear
the　unlocking　of　a　door　above　and　the　voice　of　her　mother　from　the
landing；　his　wife's　reply；　the　slow　fading　of　her　footsteps　on　the
stairs　and　overhead；　the　closing　of　a　door；　and　all　was　quiet
again。　　Still　stooping；　he　groped　for　the　handle　of　the　door；
opened　it；　and　the　next　moment　reeled　like　a　drunken　man　down　the
steps　into　the　street。

It　was　well　for　him　that　a　fierce　onset　of　wind　and　sleet　at　that
instant　caught　him　savagelystirred　his　stagnated　blood　into
action；　and　beat　thought　once　more　into　his　brain。　　He　had
mechanically　turned　towards　his　own　home；　his　first　effort　of
recovering　will　hurried　him　furiously　past　it　and　into　a　side
street。　　He　walked　rapidly；　but　undeviatingly　on　to　escape
observation　and　secure　some　solitude　for　his　returning　thoughts。
Almost　before　he　knew　it　he　was　in　the　open　fields。

The　idea　of　vengeance　had　never　crossed　his　mind。　　He　was　neither
a　physical　nor　a　moral　coward；　but　he　had　never　felt　the　merely
animal　fury　of　disputed　animal　possession　which　the　world　has
chosen　to　recognize　as　a　proof　of　outraged　sentiment；　nor　had　North
Liberty　accepted　the　ethics　that　an　exchange　of　shots　equalized　a
transferred　affection。　　His　love　had　been　too　pure　and　too　real　to
be　moved　like　the　beasts　of　the　field；　to　seek　in　one　brutal
passion　compensation　for　another。　　Killingwhat　was　there　to　kill？
All　that　he　had　to　live　for　had　been　already　slain。　　With　the　love
that　was　in　himin　themalready　dead　at　his　feet；　what　was　it　to
him　whether　these　two　hollow　lives　moved　on　and　passed　him；　or
mingled　their　emptiness　elsewhere？　　Only　let　them　henceforth　keep
out　of　his　way！

For　in　his　first　feverish　flow　of　thoughtthe　reaction　to　his
benumbed　will　within　and　the　beating　sleet　withouthe　believed
Demorest　as　treacherous　as　his　wife。　　He　recalled　his　sudden　and
unexpected　intrusion　into　the　buggy　only　a　few　hours　before；　his
mysterious　confidences；　his　assurance　of　Joan's　favorable　reception
of　his　secret；　and　her　consent　to　the　Californian　trip。　　What　had
all　this　meant　if　not　that　Demorest　was　using　him；　the　husband；　to
assist　his　intrigue；　and　carry　the　news　of　his　presence　in　the　town
to　her？　　And　this　boldness；　this　assurance；　this　audacity　of
conception　was　like　Demorest！　　While　only　certain　passages　of　the
guilty　meeting　he　had　just　seen　and　overheard　were　distinctly
impressed　on　his　mind；　he　remembered　now；　with　hideous　and　terrible
clearness；　all　that　had　gone　before。　　It　was　part　of　the　disturbed
and　unequal　exaltation　of　his　faculties　that　he　dwelt　more　upon
this　and　his　wife's　previous　deceit　and　manifest　hypocrisy；　than
upon　the　actual　evidence　he　had　witnessed　of　her　unfaithfulness。
The　corroboration　of　the　fact　was　stronger　to　him　than　the　fact
itself。　　He　understood　the　coldness；　the　uncongeniality　nowthe
simulated　increase　of　her　aversion　to　Demoresther　journeys　to
Boston　and　Hartford　to　see　her　relatives；　her　acquiescence　to　his
frequent　absences；　not　an　incident