the quest of the golden girl-第17节

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married　and　maiden　side　by　side。



CHAPTER　X


HOW　ONE　MAKES　LOVE　AT　THIRTY

My　sleeplessness　while　Nicolete　slept　had　not　been　all　ecstasy；　for　I　had　come　to　a　bitter　resolution；　and　next　morning；　when　we　were　once　more　on　our　way；　I　took　a　favourable　opportunity　of　conveying　it　to　Nicolete。

〃Nicolete；〃　I　said；　as　we　rested　awhile　by　the　roadside；　〃I　have　something　serious　to　say　to　you。〃

〃Yes；　dear；〃　she　said；　looking　rather　frightened。

〃Well；　dear；　it　is　this；our　love　must　end　with　our　holiday。　　No　good　can　come　of　it。〃

〃But　oh；　why？　　I　love　you。〃

〃Yes；　and　I　love　you；love　you　as　I　never　thought　I　could　love　again。　　Yet　I　know　it　is　all　a　dangerous　dream；a　trick　of　our　brains；　an　illusion　of　our　tastes。〃

〃But　oh；　why？　　I　love　you。〃

〃Yes；　you　do　to…day；　I　know；　but　it　couldn't　last。　　I　believe　I　could　love　you　for　ever；　but　even　so；　it　wouldn't　be　right。　You　couldn't　go　on　loving　me。　　I　am　too　old；　too　tired；　too　desillusione；　perhaps　too　selfish。〃

〃I　will　love　you　always！〃　said　girl　Nicolete。

〃Whereas　you；〃　I　continued；　disregarding　the　lovely　refrain　of　her　tear…choked　voice；　〃are　standing　on　the　wonderful　threshold　of　life；　waiting　in　dreamland　for　the　dawn。　And　it　will　come；　and　with　it　the　fairy　prince；　with　whom　you　shall　wander　hand　in　hand　through　all　its　fairy　rose…gardens；　but　I；　dear　Nicolete；I　am　not　he。〃

Nicolete　did　not　speak。

〃I　know；〃　I　continued；　pressing　her　hand；　〃that　I　may　seem　young　enough　to　talk　like　this；　but　some　of　us　get　through　life　quicker　than　others；　and　when　we　say；　‘It　is　done；'　it　is　no　use　for　onlookers　to　say；　‘Why；　it　is　just　beginning！'　　Believe　me；　Nicolete；　I　am　not　fit　husband　for　you。〃

〃Then　shall　I　take　no　other；〃　said　Nicolete；　with　set　face。

〃Oh；　yes；　you　will；〃　I　rejoined；　〃let　but　a　month　or　two　pass；　and　you　will　see　how　wise　I　was；　after　all。　　Besides；　there　are　other　reasons；　of　which　there　is　no　need　to　speak〃

〃What　reasons？〃

〃Well；〃　I　said；　half　laughing；　〃there　is　the　danger　that；　after　all；　we　mightn't　agree。　　There　is　nothing　so　perilously　difficult　as　the　daily　intercourse　of　two　people　who　love　each　other。　　You　are　too　young　to　realise　its　danger。　　And　I　couldn't　bear　to　see　our　love　worn　away　by　the　daily　dropping　of　tears；　not　to　speak　of　its　being　rent　by　the　dynamite　of　daily　quarrels。

We　know　each　other's　tastes；　but　we　know　hardly　anything　of　each　other's　natures。〃

Nicolete　looked　at　me　strangely。　　'Troth；　it　was　a　strange　way　to　make　love；　I　knew。

〃And　what　else？〃　she　asked　somewhat　coldly。

〃Well；　then；　though　it's　not　a　thing　one　cares　to　speak　of；　I'm　a　poor　man〃

Nicolete　broke　through　my　sentence　with　a　scornful　exclamation。

〃You；〃　I　continued　straight　on；〃well；　you　have　been　accustomed　to　a　certain　spaciousness　and　luxury　of　life。　　This　it　would　be　out　of　my　power　to　continue　for　you。　　These　are　real　reasons；　very　real　reasons；　dear　Nicolete；　though　you　may　not　think　so　now。　　The　law　of　the　world　in　these　matters　is　very　right。　　For　the　rich　and　the　poor　to　marry　is　to　risk；　terribly　risk；　the　very　thing　they　would　marry　for　their　love。　　Love　is　better　an　unmarried　than　a　married　regret。〃

Nicolete　was　silent　again。

〃Think　of　your　little　woodland　chalet；　and　your　great　old　trees　in　the　park；you　couldn't　live　without　them。　　I　have；　at　most；　but　one　tree　worth　speaking　of　to　offer　you〃

I　purposely　waived　the　glamour　which　my　old　garden　had　for　my　mind；　and　which　I　wouldn't　have　exchanged　for　fifty　parks。

〃Trees！〃　retorted　Nicolete；〃what　are　trees？〃

〃Ah；　my　dear　girl；　they　are　a　good　deal；particularly　when　they　are　genealogical；　as　my　one　tree　is　not。〃

〃Aucassin；〃　she　said　suddenly；　almost　fiercely；　〃can　you　really　jest？　　Tell　me　this；do　you　love　me？〃

〃I　love　you；〃　I　said　simply；　〃and　it　is　just　because　I　love　you　so　much　that　I　have　talked　as　I　have　done。　　No　man　situated　as　I　am　who　loved　you　could　have　talked　otherwise。〃

〃Well；　I　have　heard　it　all；　weighed　it　all；〃　said　Nicolete；　presently；　〃and　to　me　it　is　but　as　thistledown　against　the　love　within　my　heart。　　Will　you　cast　away　a　woman　who　loves　you　for　theories？　　You　know　you　love　me；　know　I　love　you。　　We　should　have　our　trials；　our　ups　and　downs；　I　know；　but　surely　it　is　by　those　that　true　love　learns　how　to　grow　more　true　and　strong。　　Oh；　I　cannot　argue！　　Tell　me　again；　do　you　love　me？〃

And　there　she　broke　down　and　fell　sobbing　into　my　arms。　　I　consoled　her　as　best　I　might；　and　presently　she　looked　up　at　me　through　her　tears。

〃Tell　me　again；〃　she　said；　〃that　you　love　me；　just　as　you　did　yesterday；　and　promise　never　to　speak　of　all　those　cruel　things　again。　　Ah！　have　you　thought　of　the　kind　of　men　you　would　give　me　up　to？〃

At　that　I　confess　I　shuddered；　and　I　gave　her　the　required　assurance。

〃And　you　won't　be　wise　and　reasonable　and　ridiculous　any　more？〃

〃No；〃　I　answered；　adding　in　my　mind；　〃not；　at　all　events；　for　the　present。〃



CHAPTER　XI


HOW　ONE　PLAYS　THE　HERO　AT　THIRTY

Had　we　only　been　able　to　see　a　day　into　the　future；　we　might　have　spared　ourselves　this　agonising；　for　all　our　doubts　and　fears　were　suddenly　dispersed　in　an　entirely　unexpected　manner。　　Happily　these　interior　problems　are　not　infrequently　resolved　by　quite　exterior　forces。

We　were　sitting　the　following　afternoon　in　one　of　those　broad　bay　windows　such　as　one　finds　still　in　some　old　country　inns；　just　thinking　about　starting　once　more　on　our　way；　when　suddenly　Nicolete；　who　had　been　gazing　out　idly　into　the　road；　gave　a　little　cry。　　I　followed　her　glance。　　A　carriage　with　arms　on　its　panels　had　stopped　at　the　inn；　and　as　a　smart　footman　opened　the　door；　a　fine　grey…headed　military…looking　man　stepped　out　and　strode　hurriedly　up　the　inn　steps。

〃Aucassin；〃　gasped　Nicolete；　〃it　is　my　father！〃

It　was　too　true。　　The　old　man's　keen　eye　had　caught　sight　of　Nicolete　at　the　window　also；　and　in　another　moment　we　were　all　three　face　to　face。　　I　must　do　the　Major…　General　the　justice　of　saying　that　he　made　as　little　of　a　〃scene〃　of　it　as　possible。

〃Now；　my　girl；〃　he　said；　〃I　have　come　to　put　an　end　to　this　nonsense。　　Have　you　a　petticoat　with　you？　　Well；　go　upstairs　and　get　it　on。　　I　will　wait　for　you　here　。　。　。　On　you；　sir；　I　shall　waste　no　words。　　From　what　I　have　heard；　you　are　as　moonstruck　as　my　daughter。〃

〃Of　course；〃　I　stammered；　〃I　cannot　expect　you　to　understand　the　situation；　though　I　think；　if　you　would　allow　me；　I　could　in　a　very　few　words　make　it　somewhat　clearer；make　you　realise　that；　after　all；　it　has　been　a　very　innocent　and　childish　escapade；　in　which　there　has　been　no　harm　and　a　great　deal　of　pleasure〃

But　the　Major…General　cut　me　short。

〃I　should　prefer；〃　he　said；　〃not　to　discuss　the　matter。　　I　may　say　that　I　realise　that　my　daughter　has　been　safe　in　your　hands；　however　foolish；〃for　this　I　thanked　him　with　a　bow；〃but　I　must　add　that　your　eccentric　acquaintance　must　end　here〃

I　said　him　neither　yea　nor　nay；　and　while　we　stood　in　armed　and　embarrassed　silence；　Nicolete　appeared　with　white　face　at　the　door；　clothed　in　her　emergency　petticoat。　Alas！　it　was　for　no　such　emergency　as　this　that　it　had　been　destined　that　merry　night　when　she　had　packed　it　in　her　knapsack。　With　a　stern　bow　her　father　turned　from　me　to　join　her；　but　she　suddenly　slipped　past　him；　threw　her　arms　round　me；　and　kissed　me　one　long　passionate　kiss。

〃Aucassin；　be　true；〃　she　cried；　〃I　will　never　forget　you；no　one　shall　come　between　us；　〃and　then　bursting　into　tears；　she　buried　her　face　in　her　hands　and　followed　her　father　from　the　room。

In　another　moment　she　had　been　driven　away；　and　I　sat　as　one　stupefied　in　the　inn　window。　　But　a　few　short　minutes　ago　she　had　been　sitting　merrily　prattling　by　my　side；　and　now　I　was　once　more　as　lonely　as　if　we　had　never　met。　　Presently　I　became　conscious　in　my　reverie　of　a　little　crumpled　piece　of　paper　on　the　floor。　　I　picked　it　up。　It　was　a　little　note　pencilled　in　her　bedroom　at　the　last　moment。　　〃Aucassin；〃　it　ran；　just　like　her　last　passionate　words；　〃be　true。　I　will　never　forget　you。　　Stay　here　till　I　write　to　you；　and　oh；　write　to　me　soon！　Your　broken…hearted　Nicolete。〃

As　I　read；　I　saw　her　lovely　young　face；　radiant　with　love　and　sorrow　as　I　had　last　seen　it；　and　pressing　the　precious　little　letter　to　my　lips；　I　said　fervently；　〃Yes；　Nicolete；　I　will　be　true。〃



CHAPTER　XII


IN　WHICH　I　REVIEW　MY　ACTIONS　AND　RENEW　MY　RESOLUTIONS

No　doubt　the　youthful　reader　will　have　but　a　poor　opinion　of　me　after　the　last　two　chapters。　　He　will　think　that　in　the　scene　with　the　Major…General　I　acted　with　lamentably　little　spirit；　and　that　generally　my　friend　Alastor　would　have　proved　infinitely　more　worthy　of　the　situation。　　It　is　quite　true；　I　confess　it。　　The　whole　episode　was　made　for　Alastor。　　Nicolete　and　he　were　born　for　each　other。　　Alas！　it　is　one　of　the　many　drawbacks　of　experience　that　it　frequently　prevents　our　behaving　with　spirit。

I　must　be　content　to　appeal　to　the　wiser　and　therefore　sadder　reader；　of　whom　I　have　but　a　poor　opinion　if　he　too　fails　to　understand　me。　　He；　I　think；　will　understand　why　I　didn't　promptly　assault　the　Major…　General；　seize　Nicolete　by　the　waist；　thrust　her　into　her　ancestral　carriage；　haul　the　coachman　from　his　box；　and；　seizing　the　reins；