5 midnigh+sun-第55节

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have　sat　like　this　with　her　for　days；　just　to　experience　the　feeling　fully。　
I　had　a　dozen　different　arguments　with　myself　while　the　minutes　passed；　
rationality　struggling　with　desire　as　I　tried　to　justify　touching　her。　
Finally；　Mr。　Banner　turned　the　lights　on　again。　
In　the　bright　fluorescent　light；　the　atmosphere　of　the　room　returned　to　normal。　
Bella　sighed　and　stretched；　flexing　her　fingers　in　front　of　her。　　It　must　have　been　
uncomfortable　for　her　to　hold　that　position　for　so　long。　　It　was　easier　for　me—stillness　
came　naturally。　
I　chuckled　at　the　relieved　expression　on　her　face。　　〃Well；　that　was　interesting。〃　
〃Umm；〃　she　murmured；　clearly　understanding　what　I　referred　to；　but　making　no　
comment。　　What　I　wouldn't　give　to　hear　what　she　was　thinking　right　now。　
I　sighed。　　No　amount　of　wishing　was　going　to　help　with　that。　
〃Shall　we？〃　I　asked；　standing。　
She　made　a　face　and　got　unsteadily　to　her　feet；　her　hands　splayed　out　as　if　she　
were　afraid　she　was　going　to　fall。　
I　could　offer　her　my　hand。　　Or　I　could　place　that　hand　underneath　her　elbow—just　
lightly—and　steady　her。　　Surely　that　wouldn't　be　such　a　horrible　infraction？　
No　mistakes。　
She　was　very　quiet　as　we　walked　toward　the　gym。　　The　crease　was　in　evidence　
between　her　eyes；　a　sign　that　she　was　deep　in　thought。　　I；　too；　was　thinking　deeply。　
One　touch　of　her　skin　wouldn't　hurt　her；　my　selfish　side　contended。　
I　could　easily　moderate　the　pressure　of　my　hand。　　It　wasn't　exactly　difficult；　as　
long　as　I　was　firmly　in　control　of　myself。　　My　tactile　sense　was　better　developed　than　a　
human's；　I　could　juggle　a　dozen　crystal　goblets　without　breaking　any　of　them；　I　could　
stroke　a　soap　bubble　without　popping　it。　　As　long　as　I　was　firmly　in　control？　
Bella　was　like　a　soap　bubble—fragile　and　ephemeral。　　Temporary。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
252　

How　long　would　I　be　able　to　justify　my　presence　in　her　life？　　How　much　time　did　
I　have？　　Would　I　have　another　chance　like　this　chance；　like　this　moment；　like　this　second？　
She　would　not　always　be　within　my　arm's　reach？　
Bella　turned　to　face　me　at　the　gym's　door；　and　her　eyes　widened　at　the　expression　
on　my　face。　　She　didn't　speak。　　I　looked　at　myself　in　the　reflection　of　her　eyes　and　saw　
the　conflict　raging　in　my　own。　　I　watched　my　face　change　as　my　better　side　lost　the　
argument。　
My　hand　lifted　without　a　conscious　command　for　it　to　do　so。　　As　gently　as　if　she　
were　made　of　the　thinnest　glass；　as　if　she　were　fragile　as　a　bubble；　my　fingers　stroked　the　
warm　skin　that　covered　her　cheekbone。　　It　heated　under　my　touch；　and　I　could　feel　the　
pulse　of　blood　speed　beneath　her　transparent　skin。　
Enough；　I　ordered；　though　my　hand　was　aching　to　shape　itself　to　the　side　of　her　
face。　　Enough。　
It　was　difficult　to　pull　my　hand　back；　to　stop　myself　from　moving　closer　to　her　
than　I　already　was。　　A　thousand　different　possibilities　ran　through　my　mind　in　an　
instant—a　thousand　different　ways　to　touch　her。　　The　tip　of　my　finger　tracing　the　shape　of　
her　lips。　　My　palm　cupping　under　her　chin。　　Pulling　the　clip　from　her　hair　and　letting　it　
spill　out　across　my　hand。　　My　arms　winding　around　her　waist；　holding　her　against　the　
length　of　my　body。　
Enough。　
I　forced　myself　to　turn；　to　move　away　from　her。　　My　body　moved　stiffly—　
unwilling。　
I　let　my　mind　linger　behind　to　watch　her　as　I　walked　swiftly　away；　almost　running　
from　the　temptation。　　I　caught　Mike　Newton's　thoughts—they　were　the　loudest—while　
he　watched　Bella　walk　past　him　in　oblivion；　her　eyes　unfocused　and　her　cheeks　red。　　He　
glowered　and　suddenly　my　name　was　mingled　with　curses　in　his　head；　I　couldn't　help　
grinning　slightly　in　response。　
My　hand　was　tingling。　　I　flexed　it　and　then　curled　it　into　a　fist；　but　it　continued　to　
sting　painlessly。　
No；　I　hadn't　hurt　her—but　touching　her　had　still　been　a　mistake。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
253　

It　felt　like　fire—like　the　thirsting　burn　of　my　throat　had　spread　throughout　my　
entire　body。　
The　next　time　I　was　close　to　her；　would　I　be　able　to　stop　myself　from　touching　her　
again？　　And　if　I　touched　her　once；　would　I　be　able　to　stop　at　that？　
No　more　mistakes。　　That　was　it。　　Savor　the　memory；　Edward；　I　told　myself　grimly；　
and　keep　your　hands　to　yourself。　　That；　or　I　would　have　to　force　myself　to　
leave？somehow。　　Because　I　couldn't　allow　myself　near　her　if　I　insisted　on　making　
errors。　
I　took　a　deep　breath　and　tried　to　steady　my　thoughts。　
Emmett　caught　up　to　me　outside　the　English　building。　
〃Hey；　Edward。〃　　He's　looking　better。　　Weird；　but　better。　　Happy。　
〃Hey；　Em。〃　　Did　I　look　happy？　　I　supposed；　despite　the　chaos　in　my　head；　I　felt　
that　way。　
Way　to　keep　your　mouth　shut；　kid。　　Rosalie　wants　to　rip　your　tongue　out。　
I　sighed。　　〃Sorry　I　left　you　to　deal　with　that。　　Are　you　angry　with　me？〃　
〃Naw。　　Rose'll　get　over　it。　　It　was　bound　to　happen　anyway。〃　　With　what　Alice　
sees　coming？　
Alice's　visions　were　not　what　I　wanted　to　think　about　right　now。　　I　stared　forward；　
my　teeth　locking　together。　
As　I　searched　for　a　distraction；　I　caught　sight　of　Ben　Cheney　entering　the　Spanish　
room　ahead　of　us。　　Ah—here　was　my　chance　to　give　Angela　Weber　her　gift。　
I　stopped　walking　and　caught　Emmett's　arm。　　〃Hold　on　a　second。〃　
What's　up？　
〃I　know　I　don't　deserve　it；　but　would　you　do　me　a　favor　anyway？〃　
〃What　is　it？〃　he　asked；　curious。　
Under　my　breath—and　at　a　speed　that　would　have　made　the　words　
incomprehensible　to　a　human　no　matter　how　loud　they'd　been　spoken—I　explained　to　
him　what　I　wanted。　
He　stared　at　me　blankly　when　I　was　done；　his　thoughts　as　blank　as　his　face。　
〃So？〃　I　prompted。　　〃Will　you　help　me　do　it？〃　
It　took　him　a　minute　to　respond。　　〃But；　why？〃　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
254　

〃C'mon；　Emmett。　　Why　not？〃　
Who　are　you　and　what　have　you　done　with　my　brother？　
〃Aren't　you　the　one　who　complains　that　school　is　always　the　same？　　This　is　
something　a　little　different；　isn't　it？　　Consider　it　an　experiment—an　experiment　in　human　
nature。〃　
He　stared　at　me　for　another　moment　before　he　caved。　　〃Well；　it　is　different；　I'll　
give　you　that？　　Okay；　fine。〃　　Emmett　snorted　and　then　shrugged。　　〃I'll　help　you。〃　
I　grinned　at　him；　feeling　more　enthusiastic　about　my　plan　now　that　he　was　on　
board。　　Rosalie　was　a　pain；　but　I　would　always　owe　her　one　for　choosing　Emmett；　no　one　
had　a　better　brother　than　mine。　
Emmett　didn't　need　to　practice。　　I　whispered　his　lines　to　him　once　under　my　
breath　as　we　walked　into　the　classroom。　
Ben　was　already　in　his　seat　behind　mine；　assembling　his　homework　to　hand　in。　
Emmett　and　I　both　sat　and　did　the　same　thing。　　The　classroom　was　not　quiet　yet；　the　
murmur　of　subdued　conversation　would　continue　until　Mrs。　Goff　called　for　attention。　
She　was　in　no　hurry；　appraising　the　quizzes　from　the　last　class。　
〃So；〃　Emmett　said；　his　voice　louder　than　necessary—if　he　were　really　speaking　
only　to　me。　　〃Did　you　ask　Angela　Weber　out　yet？〃　
The　sound　of　papers　rustling　behind　me　came　to　an　abrupt　stop　as　Ben　froze；　his　
attention　suddenly　riveted　on　our　conversation。　
Angela？　　They're　talking　about　Angela？　
Good。　　I　had　his　interest。　
〃No；〃　I　said；　shaking　my　head　slowly　to　appear　regretful。　
〃Why　not？〃　Emmett　improvised。　　〃Are　you　chicken？〃　
I　grimaced　at　him。　　〃No。　　I　heard　that　she　was　interested　in　someone　else。〃　
Edward　Cullen　was　going　to　ask　Angela　out？　　But？　　No。　　I　don't　like　that。　I　don't　
want　him　near　her。　　He's？not　right　for　her。　　Not？safe。　
I　hadn't　anticipated　the　chivalry；　the　protective　instinct。　　I'd　been　working　for　
jealousy。　　But　whatever　worked。　
〃You're　going　to　let　that　stop　you？〃　Emmett　asked　scornfully；　improvising　again。　
〃Not　up　for　the　competition？〃　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
255　

I　glared　at　him；　but　made　used　of　what　he　gave　me。　　〃Look；　I　guess　she　really　
likes　this　Ben　person。　　I'm　not　going　to　try　to　convince　her　otherwise。　　There　are　other　
girls。〃　
The　reaction　in　the　chair　behind　me　was　electric。　
〃Who？〃　Emmett　asked；　back　to　the　script。　
〃My　lab　partner　said　it　was　some　kid　named　Cheney。　　I'm　not　sure　I　know　who　he　
is。〃　
I　bit　back　my　smile。　　Only　the　haughty　Cullens　could　get　away　with　pretending　
not　to　know　every　student　at　this　tiny　school。　
Ben's　head　was　whirling　with　shock。　　Me？　　Over　Edward　Cullen？　　But　why　would　
she　like　me？　
〃Edward；〃　Emmett　muttered　in　a　lower　tone；　rolling　his　eyes　toward　the　boy。　
〃He's　right　behind　you；〃　he　mouthed；　so　obviously　that　the　human　could　easily　read　the　
words。　
〃Oh；〃　I　muttered　back。　
I　turned　in　my　seat　and　glanced　once　at　the　boy　behind　me。　　For　a　second；　the　
black　eyes　behind　the　glasses　were　frightened；　but　then　he　stiffened　and　squared　his　
narrow　shoulders；　affronted　by　my　clearly　disparaging　evaluation。　　His　chin　shot　out　and　
an　angry　flush　darkened　his　golden…brown　skin。　
〃Huh；〃　I　said　arrogantly　as　I　turned　back　to　Emmett。　
He　thinks　he's　better　than　me。　　But　Angela　doesn't。　　I'll　show　him？　
Perfect。　
〃Didn't　you　say　she　was　taking　Yorkie　to　the　dance；　though？〃　Emmett　asked；　
snorting　as　he　said　the　name　of　the　boy　that　many　scorned　for　his　awkwardness。　
〃That　was　a　group　decision　apparently。〃　　I　wanted　to　be　sure　that　Ben　was　clear　
on　this。　　〃Angela's　shy。　　If　B—well；　if　a　guy　doesn't