5 midnigh+sun-第54节

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〃Nothing　more　fun　than　an　irritated　grizzly　bear；〃　Bella　agreed；　nodding　
solemnly。　
I　couldn't　hold　back　a　chuckle　as　I　shook　my　head　at　her　illogical　calm。　　It　had　to　
be　put　on。　　〃Tell　me　what　you're　really　thinking；　please。〃　
〃I'm　trying　to　picture　it—but　I　can't；〃　she　said；　the　crease　appearing　between　her　
eyes。　　〃How　to　you　hunt　a　bear　without　weapons？〃　
〃Oh；　we　have　weapons；〃　I　told　her；　and　then　flashed　her　a　wide　smile。　　I　expected　
her　to　recoil；　but　she　was　very　still；　watching　me。　　〃Just　not　the　kind　they　consider　when　
writing　hunting　laws。　　If　you've　ever　seen　a　bear　attack　on　television；　you　should　be　able　
to　visualize　Emmett　hunting。〃　
She　glanced　toward　the　table　where　the　others　sat；　and　shuddered。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
246　

Finally。　　And　then　I　laughed　at　myself；　because　I　knew　part　of　me　was　wishing　
she　would　stay　oblivious。　
Her　dark　eyes　were　wide　and　deep　as　she　stared　at　me　now。　　〃Are　you　like　a　bear；　
too？〃　she　asked　in　an　almost…whisper。　
〃More　like　the　lion；　or　so　they　tell　me；〃　I　told　her；　striving　to　sound　detached　
again。　　〃Perhaps　our　preferences　are　indicative。〃　
Her　lips　pulled　up　a　tiny　bit　at　the　corners。　　〃Perhaps；〃　she　repeated。　　And　then　her　
head　leaned　to　the　side；　and　curiosity　was　suddenly　clear　in　her　eyes。　　〃Is　that　something　I　
might　get　to　see？〃　
I　didn't　need　pictures　from　Alice　to　illustrate　this　horror—my　imagination　was　
quite　enough。　
〃Absolutely　not；〃　I　snarled　at　her。　
She　jerked　away　from　me；　her　eyes　bewildered　and　frightened。　
I　leaned　back；　too；　wanting　to　put　space　between　us。　　She　was　never　going　to　see；　
was　she？　　She　wouldn't　do　one　thing　to　help　me　keep　her　alive。　
〃Too　scary　for　me？〃　she　asked；　her　voice　even。　　Her　heart；　however；　was　still　
moving　in　double　time。　
〃If　that　were　it；　I　would　take　you　out　tonight；〃　I　retorted　through　my　teeth。　　〃You　
need　a　healthy　dose　of　fear。　　Nothing　could　be　more　beneficial　for　you。〃　
〃Then　why？〃　she　demanded；　undeterred。　
I　glared　at　her　blackly；　waiting　for　her　to　be　afraid。　　I　was　afraid。　　I　could　imagine　
only　too　clearly　having　Bella　near　when　I　hunted？　
Her　eyes　remained　curious；　impatient；　nothing　more。　　She　waited　for　her　answer；　
not　giving　in。　
But　our　hour　was　up。　
〃Later；〃　I　snapped；　and　I　rose　to　my　feet。　　〃We're　going　to　be　late。〃　
She　looked　around　herself；　disoriented；　like　she'd　forgotten　we　were　at　lunch。　
Like　she'd　forgotten　we　were　even　at　school—surprised　that　we　were　not　alone　in　some　
private　place。　　I　understood　that　feeling　exactly。　　It　was　hard　to　remember　the　rest　of　the　
world　when　I　was　with　her。　
She　got　up　quickly；　bobbling　once；　and　threw　her　bag　over　her　shoulder。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
247　

〃Later；　then；〃　she　said；　and　I　could　see　the　determination　in　the　set　of　her　mouth；　
she　would　hold　me　to　that。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
248　
12。　Complications　
Bella　and　I　walked　silently　to　biology。　　I　was　trying　to　focus　myself　on　the　moment；　on　
the　girl　beside　me；　on　what　was　real　and　solid；　on　anything　that　would　keep　Alice's　
deceitful；　meaningless　visions　out　of　my　head。　
We　passed　Angela　Weber；　lingering　on　the　sidewalk；　discussing　an　assignment　
with　a　boy　from　her　Trigonometry　class。　　I　scanned　her　thoughts　perfunctorily；　expecting　
more　disappointment；　only　to　be　surprised　by　their　wistful　tenor。　
Ah；　so　there　was　something　Angela　wanted。　　Unfortunately；　it　wasn't　something　
that　could　be　easily　gift…wrapped。　
I　felt　strangely　comforted　for　a　moment；　hearing　Angela's　hopeless　yearning。　　A　
sense　of　kinship　that　Angela　would　never　know　about　passed　through　me；　and　I　was；　in　
that　second；　at　one　with　the　kind　human　girl。　
It　was　oddly　consoling　to　know　that　I　wasn't　the　only　one　living　out　a　tragic　love　
story。　　Heartbreak　was　everywhere。　
In　the　next　second；　I　was　abruptly　and　thoroughly　irritated。　　Because　Angela's　
story　didn't　have　to　be　tragic。　　She　was　human　and　he　was　human　and　the　difference　that　
seemed　so　insurmountable　in　her　head　was　ridiculous；　truly　ridiculous　compared　to　my　
own　situation。　　There　was　no　point　in　her　broken　heart。　　What　a　wasteful　sadness；　when　
there　was　no　valid　reason　for　her　not　to　be　with　the　one　she　wanted。　　Why　shouldn't　she　
have　what　she　wanted？　　Why　shouldn't　this　one　story　have　a　happy　ending？　
I　wanted　to　give　her　a　gift？　　Well；　I　would　give　her　what　she　wanted。　　Knowing　
what　I　did　of　human　nature；　it　probably　wouldn't　even　be　very　difficult。　　I　sifted　through　
the　consciousness　of　the　boy　beside　her；　the　object　of　her　affections；　and　he　did　not　seem　
unwilling；　he　was　just　stymied　by　the　same　difficulty　she　was。　　Hopeless　and　resigned；　
the　way　she　was。　
All　I　would　have　to　do　was　plant　the　suggestion？　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
249　

The　plan　formed　easily；　the　script　wrote　itself　without　effort　on　my　part。　　I　would　
need　Emmett's　help—getting　him　to　go　along　with　this　was　the　only　real　difficulty。　
Human　nature　was　so　much　easier　to　manipulate　than　vampire　nature。　
I　was　pleased　with　my　solution；　with　my　gift　for　Angela。　　It　was　a　nice　diversion　
from　my　own　problems。　　Would　that　mine　were　as　easily　fixed。　
My　mood　was　slightly　improved　as　Bella　and　I　took　our　seats。　　Maybe　I　should　be　
more　positive。　　Maybe　there　was　some　solution　out　there　for　us　that　was　escaping　me；　the　
way　Angela's　obvious　solution　was　so　invisible　to　her。　　Not　likely？　　But　why　waste　time　
with　hopelessness？　　I　didn't　have　time　to　waste　when　it　came　to　Bella。　　Each　second　
mattered。　
Mr。　Banner　entered　pulling　an　ancient　TV　and　VCR。　　He　was　skipping　through　a　
section　he　wasn't　particularly　interested　in—genetic　disorders—by　showing　a　movie　for　
the　next　three　days。　　Lorenzo's　Oil　was　not　a　very　cheerful　piece；　but　that　didn't　stop　the　
excitement　in　the　room。　　No　notes；　no　test…able　material。　　Three　free　days。　　The　humans　
exulted。　
It　didn't　matter　to　me；　either　way。　　I　hadn't　been　planning　on　paying　any　attention　
to　anything　but　Bella。　
I　did　not　pull　my　chair　away　from　hers　today；　to　give　myself　space　to　breathe。　
Instead；　I　sat　close　beside　her　like　any　normal　human　would。　　Closer　than　we　sat　inside　
my　car；　close　enough　that　the　left　side　of　my　body　felt　submerged　in　the　heat　from　her　
skin。　
It　was　a　strange　experience；　both　enjoyable　and　nerve…racking；　but　I　preferred　this　
to　sitting　across　the　table　from　her。　　It　was　more　than　I　was　used　to；　and　yet　I　quickly　
realized　that　it　was　not　enough。　　I　was　not　satisfied。　　Being　this　close　to　her　only　made　me　
want　to　be　closer　still。　　The　pull　was　stronger　the　closer　I　got。　
I　had　accused　her　of　being　a　magnet　for　danger。　　Right　now；　it　felt　like　that　was　
the　literal　truth。　　I　was　danger；　and；　with　every　inch　I　allowed　myself　nearer　to　her；　her　
attraction　grew　in　force。　
And　then　Mr。　Banner　turned　the　lights　out。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
250　

It　was　odd　how　much　of　a　difference　this　made；　considering　that　the　lack　of　light　
meant　little　to　my　eyes。　　I　could　still　see　just　as　perfectly　as　before。　　Every　detail　of　the　
room　was　clear。　
So　why　the　sudden　shock　of　electricity　in　the　air；　in　this　dark　that　was　not　dark　to　
me？　　Was　it　because　I　knew　that　I　was　the　only　one　who　could　see　clearly？　　That　both　
Bella　and　I　were　invisible　to　the　others？　　Like　we　were　alone；　just　the　two　of　us；　hidden　in　
the　dark　room；　sitting　so　close　beside　one　another？　
My　hand　moved　toward　her　without　my　permission。　　Just　to　touch　her　hand；　to　
hold　it　in　the　darkness。　　Would　that　be　such　a　horrific　mistake？　　If　my　skin　bothered　her；　
she　only　had　to　pull　away？　
I　yanked　my　hand　back；　folded　my　arms　tightly　across　my　chest　and　clenched　my　
hands　closed。　　No　mistakes。　　I'd　promised　myself　that　I　would　make　no　mistakes；　no　
matter　how　minimal　they　seemed。　　If　I　held　her　hand；　I　would　only　want　more—another　
insignificant　touch；　another　move　closer　to　her。　　I　could　feel　that。　　A　new　kind　of　desire　
was　growing　in　me；　working　to　override　my　self…control。　
No　mistakes。　
Bella　folded　her　arms　securely　across　her　own　chest；　and　her　hands　balled　up　into　
fists；　just　like　mine。　
What　are　you　thinking？　　I　was　dying　to　whisper　the　words　to　her；　but　the　room　
was　too　quiet　to　get　away　with　even　a　whispered　conversation。　
The　movie　began；　lightening　the　darkness　just　a　bit。　　Bella　glanced　up　at　me。　　She　
noted　the　rigid　way　I　held　my　body—just　like　hers—and　smiled。　　Her　lips　parted　slightly；　
and　her　eyes　seemed　full　of　warm　invitations。　
Or　perhaps　I　was　seeing　what　I　wanted　to　see。　
I　smiled　back；　her　breathing　caught　with　a　low　gasp　and　she　looked　quickly　away。　
That　made　it　worse。　　I　didn't　know　her　thoughts；　but　I　was　suddenly　positive　that　I　
had　been　right　before；　and　that　she　wanted　me　to　touch　her。　　She　felt　this　dangerous　desire　
just　as　I　did。　
Between　her　body　and　mine；　the　electricity　hummed。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
251　

She　didn't　move　all　through　the　hour；　holding　her　stiff；　controlled　pose　as　I　held　
mine。　　Occasionally　she　would　peek　at　me　again；　and　the　humming　current　would　jolt　
through　me　with　a　sudden　shock。　
The　hour　passed—slowly；　and　yet　not　slowly　enough。　　This　was　so　new；　I　could　
have　sat　like　this　with　her　for　days；　just　to　experience　the　feeling　fully。　
I