5 midnigh+sun-第48节

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to　Texas；　where　the　death　penalty　was　so　popular？　
No。　　That　didn't　matter。　　I　would　put　this　behind　me；　and　concentrate　on　what　was　
most　important。　
I'd　left　Bella's　room　less　than　an　hour　ago。　　I　was　already　aching　to　see　her　again。　
〃Alice；　do　you　mind—〃　
She　cut　me　off。　　〃Rosalie　will　drive。　　She'll　act　pissed；　but　you　know　she'll　enjoy　
the　excuse　to　show　off　her　car。〃　　Alice　trilled　a　laugh。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
219　

I　grinned　at　her。　　〃See　you　at　school。〃　
Alice　sighed；　and　my　grin　became　a　grimace。　
I　know；　I　know；　she　thought。　　Not　yet。　　I'll　wait　until　you're　ready　for　Bella　to　
know　me。　　You　should　know；　though；　this　isn't　just　me　being　selfish。　　Bella's　going　to　like　
me；　too。　
I　didn't　answer　her　as　I　hurried　out　the　door。　　That　was　a　different　way　of　viewing　
the　situation。　　Would　Bella　want　to　know　Alice？　　To　have　a　vampire　for　a　girlfriend？　
Knowing　Bella？that　idea　probably　wouldn't　bother　her　in　the　slightest。　
I　frowned　to　myself。　　What　Bella　wanted　and　what　was　best　for　Bella　were　two　
very　separate　things。　
I　started　to　feel　uneasy　as　I　parked　my　car　in　Bella's　driveway。　　The　human　adage　
said　that　things　looked　different　in　the　morning—that　things　changed　when　you　slept　on　
them。　　Would　I　look　different　to　Bella　in　the　weak　light　of　a　foggy　day？　　More　sinister　or　
less　sinister　than　I　had　in　the　blackness　of　night？　　Had　the　truth　sunk　in　while　she　slept？　
Would　she　finally　be　afraid？　
Her　dreams　had　been　peaceful；　though；　last　night。　　When　she'd　spoken　my　name；　
time　and　time　again；　she'd　smiled。　　More　than　once　she'd　murmured　a　plea　for　me　to　stay。　
Would　that　mean　nothing　today？　
I　waited　nervously；　listening　to　the　sounds　of　her　inside　the　house—the　fast；　
stumbling　footsteps　on　the　stairs；　the　sharp　rip　of　a　foil　wrapper；　the　contents　of　the　
refrigerator　crashing　against　each　other　when　the　door　slammed。　　It　sounded　like　she　was　
in　a　hurry。　　Anxious　to　get　to　school？　　The　thought　made　me　smile；　hopeful　again。　
I　looked　at　the　clock。　　I　supposed　that—taking　in　account　the　velocity　her　decrepit　
truck　must　limit　her　to—she　was　running　a　little　late。　
Bella　rushed　out　of　the　house；　her　book　bag　sliding　off　her　shoulder；　her　hair　
coiled　into　a　messy　twist　that　was　already　coming　apart　on　the　nape　of　her　neck。　　The　
thick　green　sweater　she　wore　was　not　enough　to　keep　her　thin　shoulders　from　hunching　
against　the　cold　fog。　
The　long　sweater　was　too　big　for　her；　unflattering。　　It　masked　her　slender　figure；　
turning　all　her　delicate　curves　and　soft　lines　into　a　shapeless　jumble。　　I　appreciated　this　
almost　as　much　as　I　wished　that　she　had　worn　something　more　like　the　soft　blue　blouse　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
220　

she'd　worn　last　night？the　fabric　had　clung　to　her　skin　in　such　an　appealing　way；　cut　low　
enough　to　reveal　the　mesmerizing　way　her　collar　bones　curled　away　from　the　hollow　
beneath　her　throat。　　The　blue　had　flowed　like　water　along　the　subtle　shape　of　her　body？　
It　was　better—essential—that　I　kept　my　thoughts　far；　far　away　from　that　shape；　so　
I　was　grateful　to　the　unbecoming　sweater　she　wore。　　I　couldn't　afford　to　make　mistakes；　
and　it　would　be　a　monumental　mistake　to　dwell　on　the　strange　hungers　that　thoughts　of　
her　lips？her　skin？her　body？were　shaking　loose　inside　of　me。　　Hungers　that　had　
evaded　me　for　a　hundred　years。　　But　I　could　not　allow　myself　to　think　of　touching　her；　
because　that　was　impossible。　
I　would　break　her。　
Bella　turned　away　from　the　door；　in　such　a　hurry　that　she　nearly　ran　right　by　my　
car　without　noticing　it。　
Then　she　skidded　to　a　stop；　her　knees　locking　like　a　startled　colt's。　　Her　bag　slid　
further　down　her　arm；　and　her　eyes　flew　wide　as　they　focused　on　the　car。　
I　got　out；　taking　no　care　to　move　at　human　speed；　and　opened　the　passenger　door　
for　her。　　I　would　not　try　to　deceive　her　anymore—when　we　were　alone；　at　least；　I　would　
be　myself。　
She　looked　up　at　me；　startled　again　as　I　seemingly　materialized　out　of　the　fog。　
And　then　the　surprise　in　her　eyes　changed　to　something　else；　and　I　was　no　longer　afraid—　
or　hopeful—that　her　feelings　for　me　had　changed　in　the　course　of　the　night。　　Warmth；　
wonder；　fascination；　all　swimming　in　the　melted　chocolate　of　her　eyes。　
〃Do　you　want　to　ride　with　me　today？〃　I　asked。　　Unlike　dinner　last　night；　I　would　
let　her　choose。　　From　now　on；　it　must　always　be　her　choice。　
〃Yes；　thank　you；〃　she　murmured；　climbing　into　my　car　without　hesitation。　
Would　it　ever　cease　to　thrill　me；　that　I　was　the　one　she　was　saying　yes　to？　　I　
doubted　it。　
I　flashed　around　the　car；　eager　to　join　her。　　She　showed　no　sign　of　being　shocked　
by　my　sudden　reappearance。　
The　happiness　I　felt　when　she　sat　beside　me　this　way　had　no　precedent。　　As　much　
as　I　enjoyed　the　love　and　companionship　of　my　family；　despite　the　various　entertainments　
and　distractions　the　world　had　to　offer；　I　had　never　been　happy　like　this。　　Even　knowing　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
221　

that　it　was　wrong；　that　this　couldn't　possibly　end　well；　could　not　keep　the　smile　from　my　
face　for　long。　
My　jacket　was　folded　over　the　headrest　of　her　seat。　　I　saw　her　eyeing　it。　
〃I　brought　the　jacket　for　you；〃　I　told　her。　　This　was　my　excuse；　had　I　needed　to　
provide　one；　for　showing　up　uninvited　this　morning。　　It　was　cold。　　She　had　no　jacket。　
Surely　this　was　an　acceptable　form　of　chivalry。　　〃I　didn't　want　you　to　get　sick　or　
something。〃　
〃I'm　not　quite　that　delicate；〃　she　said；　staring　at　my　chest　rather　than　my　face；　as　
if　she　were　hesitant　to　meet　my　eyes。　　But　she　put　the　coat　on　before　I　had　to　resort　to　
commanding　or　coaxing。　
〃Aren't　you？〃　I　muttered　to　myself。　
She　stared　out　at　the　road　as　I　accelerated　toward　the　school。　　I　could　only　stand　
the　silence　for　a　few　seconds。　　I　had　to　know　what　her　thoughts　were　this　morning。　　So　
much　had　changed　between　us　since　the　last　time　the　sun　was　up。　
〃What；　no　twenty　questions　today？〃　I　asked；　keeping　it　light　again。　
She　smiled；　seeming　glad　that　I'd　broached　the　subject。　　〃Do　my　questions　bother　
you？〃　
〃Not　as　much　as　your　reactions　do；〃　I　told　her　honestly；　smiling　in　response　to　her　
smile。　
Her　mouth　turned　down。　　〃Do　I　react　badly？〃　
〃No；　that's　the　problem。　　You　take　everything　so　coolly—it's　unnatural。〃　　Not　one　
scream　so　far。　　How　could　that　be？　　〃It　makes　me　wonder　what　you're　really　thinking。〃　
Of　course；　everything　she　did　or　didn't　do　made　me　wonder　that。　
〃I　always　tell　you　what　I'm　really　thinking。〃　
〃You　edit。〃　
Her　teeth　pressed　into　her　lip　again。　　She　didn't　seem　to　notice　when　she　did　
this—it　was　an　unconscious　response　to　tension。　　〃Not　very　much。〃　
Just　those　words　were　enough　to　have　my　curiosity　raging。　　What　did　she　
purposefully　keep　from　me？　
〃Enough　to　drive　me　insane；〃　I　said。　
She　hesitated；　and　then　whispered；　〃You　don't　want　to　hear　it。〃　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
222　

I　had　to　think　for　a　moment；　run　through　our　entire　conversation　last　night；　word　
for　word；　before　I　made　the　connection。　　Perhaps　it　took　so　much　concentration　because　I　
couldn't　imagine　anything　that　I　wouldn't　want　her　to　say　to　me。　　And　then—because　the　
tone　of　her　voice　was　the　same　as　last　night；　there　was　suddenly　pain　there　again—I　
remembered。　　Once；　I　had　asked　her　not　to　speak　her　thoughts。　　Never　say　that；　I'd　all　but　
snarled　at　her。　　I　had　made　her　cry？　
Was　this　what　she　kept　from　me？　　The　depth　of　her　feelings　about　me？　　That　my　
being　a　monster　didn't　matter　to　her；　and　that　she　thought　it　was　too　late　for　her　to　change　
her　mind？　
I　was　unable　to　speak；　because　the　joy　and　pain　were　too　strong　for　words；　the　
conflict　between　them　too　wild　to　allow　for　a　coherent　response。　　It　was　silent　in　the　car　
except　for　the　steady　rhythms　of　her　heart　and　lungs。　
〃Where's　the　rest　of　your　family？〃　she　asked　suddenly。　
I　took　a　deep　breath—registering　the　scent　in　the　car　with　true　pain　for　the　first　
time；　I　was　getting　used　to　this；　I　realized　with　satisfaction—and　forced　myself　to　be　
casual　again。　
〃They　took　Rosalie's　car。〃　　I　parked　in　the　open　spot　next　to　the　car　in　question。　　I　
hid　my　smile　as　I　watched　her　eyes　widen。　　〃Ostentatious；　isn't　it？〃　
〃Um；　wow。　　If　she　has　that；　why　does　she　ride　with　you？〃　
Rosalie　would　have　enjoyed　Bella's　reaction？if　she　were　being　objective　about　
Bella；　which　probably　wouldn't　happen。　
〃Like　I　said；　it's　ostentatious。　　We　try　to　blend　in。〃　
〃You　don't　succeed；〃　she　told　me；　and　then　she　laughed　a　carefree　laugh。　
The　blithe；　wholly　untroubled　sound　of　her　laughter　warmed　my　hollow　chest　
even　as　it　made　my　head　swim　with　doubt。　
〃So　why　did　Rosalie　drive　today　if　it's　more　conspicuous？〃　she　wondered。　
〃Hadn't　you　noticed？　　I'm　breaking　all　the　rules　now。〃　
My　answer　should　have　been　mildly　frightening—so；　of　course；　Bella　smiled　at　it。　
She　didn't　wait　for　me　to　open　her　door；　just　like　last　night。　　I　had　to　feign　
normality　here　at　school—so　I　couldn't　move　fast　enough　to　prevent　this—but　she　was　
just　going　to　have　to　get　used　to　being　treated　with　more　courtesy；　and　get　used　to　it　soon。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
223　

I　walked　as　close　to　her　as　I　dared；　watching　carefully　for　any　sign　that　my　
proximity　upset　her。　　Twice　her　hand