5 midnigh+sun-第35节

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It　must　be　selfishness　that　made　him　blind　to　others。　　And　Bella　was　so　unselfish；　she　saw　
everything。　
Jessica。　　Huh。　　Wow。　　Huh。　　〃Oh；〃　he　managed　to　say。　
Bella　used　his　confusion　to　make　her　exit。　
〃It's　time　for　class；　and　I　can't　be　late　again。〃　
Mike　became　an　unreliable　viewpoint　from　then　on。　　He　found；　as　he　turned　the　
idea　of　Jessica　around　and　around　in　his　head；　that　he　rather　liked　the　thought　of　her　
finding　him　attractive。　　It　was　second　place；　not　as　good　as　if　Bella　had　felt　that　way。　
She's　cute；　though；　I　guess。　　Decent　body。　　A　bird　in　the　hand？　
He　was　off　then；　on　to　new　fantasies　that　were　just　as　vulgar　as　the　ones　about　
Bella；　but　now　they　only　irritated　rather　than　infuriated。　　How　little　he　deserved　either　
girl；　they　were　almost　interchangeable　to　him。　　I　stayed　clear　of　his　head　after　that。　
When　she　was　out　of　sight；　I　curled　up　against　the　cool　trunk　of　an　enormous　
madrone　tree　and　I　danced　from　mind　to　mind；　keeping　her　in　sight；　always　glad　when　
Angela　Weber　was　available　to　look　through。　　I　wished　there　was　someway　to　thank　the　
Weber　girl　for　simply　being　a　nice　person。　　It　made　me　feel　better　to　think　that　Bella　had　
one　friend　worth　having。　
I　watched　Bella's　face　from　whichever　angle　I　was　given；　and　I　could　see　that　she　
was　sad　again。　　This　surprised　me—I　thought　the　sun　would　be　enough　to　keep　her　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
160　

smiling。　　At　lunch；　I　saw　her　glance　time　and　time　again　toward　the　empty　Cullen　table；　
and　that　thrilled　me。　　It　gave　me　hope。　　Perhaps　she　missed　me；　too。　
She　had　plans　to　go　out　with　the　other　girls—I　automatically　planned　my　own　
surveillance—but　these　plans　were　postponed　when　Mike　invited　Jessica　out　on　the　date　
he'd　planned　for　Bella。　
So　I　went　straight　to　her　home　instead；　doing　a　quick　sweep　of　the　woods　to　make　
sure　no　one　dangerous　had　wandered　too　close。　　I　knew　Jasper　had　warned　his　one…time　
brother　to　avoid　the　town—citing　my　insanity　as　both　explanation　and　warning—but　I　
wasn't　taking　any　chances。　　Peter　and　Charlotte　had　no　intention　of　causing　animosity　
with　my　family；　but　intentions　were　changeable　things？　
All　right；　I　was　overdoing　it。　I　knew　that。　
As　if　she　knew　I　was　watching；　as　if　she　took　pity　on　the　agony　I　felt　when　I　
couldn't　see　her；　Bella　came　out　to　the　backyard　after　a　long　hour　indoors。　　She　had　a　
book　in　her　hand　and　a　blanket　under　her　arm。　
Silently；　I　climbed　into　the　higher　branches　of　the　closest　tree　overlooking　the　
yard。　
She　spread　the　blanket　on　the　damp　grass　and　then　lay　on　her　stomach　and　started　
flipping　through　the　worn　book；　as　if　trying　to　find　her　place。　　I　read　over　her　shoulder。　
Ah—more　classics。　　She　was　an　Austen　fan。　
She　read　quickly；　crossing　and　recrossing　her　ankles　in　the　air。　　I　was　watching　
the　sunlight　and　wind　play　in　her　hair　when　her　body　suddenly　stiffened；　and　her　hand　
froze　on　the　page。　　All　I　saw　was　that　she'd　reached　chapter　three　when　she　roughly　
grabbed　a　thick　section　of　pages　and　shoved　them　over。　
I　caught　a　glance　of　a　title　page；　Mansfield　Park。　　She　was　starting　a　new　story—　
the　book　was　a　compilation　of　novels。　　I　wondered　why　she'd　switched　stories　so　
abruptly。　
Just　a　few　moments　later；　she　slammed　the　book　angrily　shut。　　With　a　fierce　scowl　
on　her　face；　she　pushed　the　book　aside　and　flipped　over　onto　her　back。　　She　took　a　deep　
breath；　as　if　to　calm　herself；　pushed　her　sleeves　up　and　closed　her　eyes。　　I　remembered　the　
novel；　but　I　couldn't　think　of　anything　offensive　in　it　to　upset　her。　　Another　mystery。　　I　
sighed。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
161　

She　lay　very　still；　moving　just　once　to　yank　her　hair　away　from　her　face。　　It　
fanned　out　over　her　head；　a　river　of　chestnut。　　And　then　she　was　motionless　again。　
Her　breathing　slowed。　　After　several　long　minutes　her　lips　began　to　tremble。　
Mumbling　in　her　sleep。　
Impossible　to　resist。　　I　listened　as　far　out　as　I　could；　catching　voices　in　the　houses　
nearby。　
Two　tablespoons　of　flour？one　cup　of　milk？　
C'mon！　　Get　it　through　the　hoop！　　Aw；　c'mon！　
Red；　or　blue？or　maybe　I　should　wear　something　more　casual？　
There　was　no　one　close　by。　　I　jumped　to　the　ground；　landing　silently　on　my　toes。　
This　was　very　wrong；　very　risky。　　How　condescendingly　I'd　once　judged　Emmett　
for　his　thoughtless　ways　and　Jasper　for　his　lack　of　discipline—and　now　I　was　consciously　
flouting　all　the　rules　with　a　wild　abandon　that　made　their　lapses　look　like　nothing　at　all。　　I　
used　to　be　the　responsible　one。　
I　sighed；　but　crept　out　into　the　sunshine；　regardless。　
I　avoided　looking　at　myself　in　the　sun's　glare。　　It　was　bad　enough　that　my　skin　
was　stone　and　inhuman　in　shadow；　I　didn't　want　to　look　at　Bella　and　myself　side　by　side　
in　the　sunlight。　　The　difference　between　us　was　already　insurmountable；　painful　enough　
without　this　image　also　in　my　head。　
But　I　couldn't　ignore　the　rainbow　sparkles　that　reflected　onto　her　skin　when　I　got　
closer。　　My　jaw　locked　at　the　sight。　　Could　I　be　any　more　of　a　freak？　　I　imagined　her　
terror　if　she　opened　her　eyes　now？　
I　started　to　retreat；　but　she　mumbled　again；　holding　me　there。　
〃Mmm？　　Mmm。〃　
Nothing　intelligible。　　Well；　I　would　wait　for　a　bit。　
I　carefully　stole　her　book；　stretching　my　arm　out　and　holding　my　breath　while　I　
was　close；　just　in　case。　　I　started　breathing　again　when　I　was　a　few　yards　away；　tasting　the　
way　the　sunshine　and　open　air　affected　her　scent。　　The　heat　seemed　to　sweeten　the　smell。　
My　throat　flamed　with　desire；　the　fire　fresh　and　fierce　again　because　I　had　been　away　
from　her　for　too　long。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
162　

I　spent　a　moment　controlling　that；　and　then—forcing　myself　to　breathe　through　
my　nose—I　let　her　book　fall　open　in　my　hands。　　She'd　started　with　the　first　book？　　I　
flipped　through　the　pages　quickly　to　the　third　chapter　of　Sense　and　Sensibility；　searching　
for　something　potentially　offensive　in　Austen's　overly　polite　prose。　
When　my　eyes　stopped　automatically　at　my　name—the　character　Edward　Ferrars　
being　introduced　for　the　first　time—Bella　spoke　again。　
〃Mmm。　　Edward。〃　　She　sighed。　
This　time　I　did　not　fear　that　she　had　awoken。　　Her　voice　was　just　a　low；　wistful　
murmur。　　Not　the　scream　of　fear　it　would　have　been　if　she'd　seen　me　now。　
Joy　warred　with　self…loathing。　　She　was　still　dreaming　of　me；　at　least。　
〃Edmund。　　Ahh。　　Too？。close？〃　
Edmund？　
Ha！　　She　wasn't　dreaming　of　me　at　all；　I　realized　blackly。　　The　self…loathing　
returned　in　force。　　She　was　dreaming　of　fictional　characters。　　So　much　for　my　conceit。　
I　replaced　her　book；　and　stole　back　into　the　cover　of　the　shadows—where　I　
belonged。　
The　afternoon　passed　and　I　watched；　feeling　helpless　again；　as　the　sun　slowly　
sank　in　the　sky　and　the　shadows　crawled　across　the　lawn　toward　her。　　I　wanted　to　push　
them　back；　but　the　darkness　was　inevitable；　the　shadows　took　her。　　When　the　light　was　
gone；　her　skin　looked　too　pale—ghostly。　　Her　hair　was　dark　again；　almost　black　against　
her　face。　
It　was　a　frightening　thing　to　watch—like　witnessing　Alice's　visions　come　to　
fruition。　　Bella's　steady；　strong　heartbeat　was　the　only　reassurance；　the　sound　that　kept　
this　moment　from　feeling　like　a　nightmare。　
I　was　relieved　when　her　father　arrived　home。　
I　could　hear　little　from　him　as　he　drove　down　the　street　toward　the　house。　　Some　
vague　annoyance？in　the　past；　something　from　his　day　at　work。　　Expectation　mixed　with　
hunger—I　guessed　that　he　was　looking　forward　to　dinner。　　But　his　thoughts　were　so　quiet　
and　contained　that　I　could　not　be　sure　I　was　right；　I　only　got　the　gist　of　them。　
I　wondered　what　her　mother　sounded　like—what　the　genetic　combination　had　
been　that　had　formed　her　so　uniquely。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
163　

Bella　started　awake；　jerking　up　to　a　sitting　position　when　the　tires　of　her　father's　
car　hit　the　brick　driveway。　　She　stared　around　herself；　seeming　confused　by　the　
unexpected　darkness。　　For　one　brief　moment；　her　eyes　touched　the　shadows　where　I　hid；　
but　they　flickered　quickly　away。　
〃Charlie？〃　she　asked　in　a　low　voice；　still　peering　into　the　trees　surrounding　the　
small　yard。　
The　door　of　his　car　slammed　shut；　and　she　looked　to　the　sound。　　She　got　to　her　
feet　quickly　and　gathered　her　things；　casting　one　more　look　back　toward　the　woods。　
I　moved　into　a　tree　closer　to　the　back　window　near　the　small　kitchen；　and　listened　
to　their　evening。　　It　was　interesting　to　compare　Charlie's　words　to　his　muffled　thoughts。　
His　love　and　concern　for　his　only　daughter　were　nearly　overwhelming；　and　yet　his　words　
were　always　terse　and　casual。　　Most　of　the　time；　they　sat　in　companionable　silence。　
I　heard　her　discuss　her　plans　for　the　following　evening　in　Port　Angeles；　and　I　
refined　my　own　plans　as　I　listened。　　Jasper　had　not　warned　Peter　and　Charlotte　to　stay　
clear　of　Port　Angeles。　　Though　I　knew　that　they　had　fed　recently　and　had　no　intention　of　
hunting　any　where　in　the　vicinity　of　our　home；　I　would　watch　her；　just　in　case。　　After　all；　
there　were　always　others　of　my　kind　out　there。　　And　then；　all　those　human　dangers　that　I　
had　never　much　considered　before　now。　
I　heard　her　worry　aloud　about　leaving　her　father　to　prepare　dinner　alone；　and　
smiled　at　this　p