cranford(克兰弗德)-第7节
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cannot bear up； she must see your tears。〃
〃God will help me … I will not give way … she was asleep when the
news came； she may be asleep yet。 She would be so utterly miserable；
not merely at my father's death； but to think of what would become of
me； she is so good to me。〃 She looked up earnestly in their faces with
her soft true eyes； and Miss Pole told Miss Jenkyns afterwards she could
hardly bear it； knowing； as she did； how Miss Brown treated her sister。
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However； it was settled according to Miss Jessie's wish。 Miss
Brown was to be told her father had been summoned to take a short
journey on railway business。 They had managed it in some way … Miss
Jenkyns could not exactly say how。 Miss Pole was to stop with Miss
Jessie。 Mrs Jamieson had sent to inquire。 And this was all we heard
that night； and a sorrowful night it was。 The next day a full account of
the fatal accident was in the county paper which Miss Jenkyns took in。
Her eyes were very weak； she said； and she asked me to read it。 When
I came to the 〃gallant gentleman was deeply engaged in the perusal of a
number of 'Pickwick；' which he had just received；〃 Miss Jenkyns shook
her head long and solemnly； and then sighed out； 〃Poor； dear； infatuated
man！〃
The corpse was to be taken from the station to the parish church；
there to be interred。 Miss Jessie had set her heart on following it to the
grave； and no dissuasives could alter her resolve。 Her restraint upon
herself made her almost obstinate； she resisted all Miss Pole's entreaties
and Miss Jenkyns' advice。 At last Miss Jenkyns gave up the point； and
after a silence； which I feared portended some deep displeasure against
Miss Jessie； Miss Jenkyns said she should accompany the latter to the
funeral。
〃It is not fit for you to go alone。 It would be against both propriety
and humanity were I to allow it。〃
Miss Jessie seemed as if she did not half like this arrangement； but
her obstinacy； if she had any； had been exhausted in her determination to
go to the interment。 She longed； poor thing； I have no doubt； to cry
alone over the grave of the dear father to whom she had been all in all；
and to give way； for one little half… hour； uninterrupted by sympathy and
unobserved by friendship。 But it was not to be。 That afternoon Miss
Jenkyns sent out for a yard of black crape； and employed herself busily
in trimming the little black silk bonnet I have spoken about。 When it
was finished she put it on； and looked at us for approbation … admiration
she despised。 I was full of sorrow； but； by one of those whimsical
thoughts which come unbidden into our heads； in times of deepest grief；
I no sooner saw the bonnet than I was reminded of a helmet； and in that
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hybrid bonnet； half helmet； half jockey…cap； did Miss Jenkyns attend
Captain Brown's funeral； and； I believe； supported Miss Jessie with a
tender； indulgent firmness which was invaluable； allowing her to weep
her passionate fill before they left。
Miss Pole； Miss Matty； and I； meanwhile attended to Miss Brown： and
hard work we found it to relieve her querulous and never…ending
complaints。 But if we were so weary and dispirited； what must Miss
Jessie have been！ Yet she came back almost calm as if she had gained
a new strength。 She put off her mourning dress； and came in； looking
pale and gentle； thanking us each with a soft long pressure of the hand。
She could even smile … a faint； sweet； wintry smile … as if to reassure us
of her power to endure； but her look made our eyes fill suddenly with
tears； more than if she had cried outright。
It was settled that Miss Pole was to remain with her all the watching
livelong night； and that Miss Matty and I were to return in the morning
to relieve them； and give Miss Jessie the opportunity for a few hours of
sleep。 But when the morning came； Miss Jenkyns appeared at the
breakfast…table； equipped in her helmet…bonnet； and ordered Miss Matty
to stay at home； as she meant to go and help to nurse。 She was
evidently in a state of great friendly excitement； which she showed by
eating her breakfast standing； and scolding the household all round。
No nursing … no energetic strong…minded woman could help Miss
Brown now。 There was that in the room as we entered which was
stronger than us all； and made us shrink into solemn awestruck
helplessness。 Miss Brown was dying。 We hardly knew her voice； it
was so devoid of the complaining tone we had always associated with it。
Miss Jessie told me afterwards that it； and her face too； were just what
they had been formerly； when her mother's death left her the young
anxious head of the family； of whom only Miss Jessie survived。
She was conscious of her sister's presence； though not； I think； of
ours。 We stood a little behind the curtain： Miss Jessie knelt with her
face near her sister's； in order to catch the last soft awful whispers。
〃Oh； Jessie！ Jessie！ How selfish I have been！ God forgive me for
letting you sacrifice yourself for me as you did！ I have so loved you …
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and yet I have thought only of myself。 God forgive me！〃
〃Hush； love！ hush！〃 said Miss Jessie； sobbing。
〃And my father； my dear； dear father！ I will not complain now； if
God will give me strength to be patient。 But； oh； Jessie！ tell my father
how I longed and yearned to see him at last； and to ask his forgiveness。
He can never know now how I loved him … oh！ if I might but tell him；
before I die！ What a life of sorrow his has been； and I have done so
little to cheer him！〃
A light came into Miss Jessie's face。 〃Would it comfort you；
dearest； to think that he does know？ … would it comfort you； love； to
know that his cares； his sorrows〃 … Her voice quivered； but she steadied
it into calmness … 〃Mary！ he has gone before you to the place where the
weary are at rest。 He knows now how you loved him。〃
A strange look； which was not distress； came over Miss Brown's face。
She did not speak for come time； but then we saw her lips form the
words； rather than heard the sound … 〃Father； mother； Harry； Archy；〃 …
then； as if it were a new idea throwing a filmy shadow over her darkened
mind … 〃But you will be alone； Jessie！〃
Miss Jessie had been feeling this all during the silence； I think； for
the tears rolled down her cheeks like rain； at these words； and she could
not answer at first。 Then she put her hands together tight； and lifted
them up； and said … but not to us … 〃Though He slay me； yet will I trust in
Him。〃
In a few moments more Miss Brown lay calm and still … never to
sorrow or murmur more。
After this second funeral； Miss Jenkyns insisted that Miss Jessie
should come to stay with her rather than go back to the desolate house；
which； in fact； we learned from Miss Jessie； must now be given up； as
she had not wherewithal to maintain it。
