cranford(克兰弗德)-第46节
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again。〃
〃No hope of that； my friend；〃 said the shopman。
〃The more reason why I should take it；〃 said Miss Matty quietly。
She pushed her sovereigns towards the man； who slowly laid his note
down in exchange。 〃Thank you。 I will wait a day or two before I
purchase any of these silks； perhaps you will then have a greater choice。
My dear； will you come upstairs？〃
We inspected the fashions with as minute and curious an interest as
if the gown to be made after them had been bought。 I could not see that
the little event in the shop below had in the least damped Miss Matty's
curiosity as to the make of sleeves or the sit of skirts。 She once or
twice exchanged congratulations with me on our private and leisurely
view of the bonnets and shawls； but I was； all the time； not so sure that
our examination was so utterly private； for I caught glimpses of a figure
dodging behind the cloaks and mantles； and； by a dexterous move； I
came face to face with Miss Pole； also in morning costume （the principal
feature of which was her being without teeth； and wearing a veil to
conceal the deficiency）； come on the same errand as ourselves。 But she
quickly took her departure； because； as she said； she had a bad headache；
and did not feel herself up to conversation。
As we came down through the shop； the civil Mr Johnson was
awaiting us； he had been informed of the exchange of the note for gold；
and with much good feeling and real kindness； but with a little want of
tact； he wished to condole with Miss Matty； and impress upon her the
true state of the case。 I could only hope that he had heard an
exaggerated rumour for he said that her shares were worse than nothing；
and that the bank could not pay a shilling in the pound。 I was glad that
Miss Matty seemed still a little incredulous； but I could not tell how
much of this was real or assumed； with that self…control which seemed
habitual to ladies of Miss Matty's standing in Cranford； who would have
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thought their dignity compromised by the slightest expression of surprise；
dismay； or any similar feeling to an inferior in station； or in a public
shop。 However； we walked home very silently。 I am ashamed to say； I
believe I was rather vexed and annoyed at Miss Matty's conduct in
taking the note to herself so decidedly。 I had so set my heart upon her
having a new silk gown； which she wanted sadly； in general she was so
undecided anybody might turn her round； in this case I had felt that it
was no use attempting it； but I was not the less put out at the result。
Somehow； after twelve o'clock； we both acknowledged to a sated
curiosity about the fashions； and to a certain fatigue of body （which was；
in fact； depression of mind） that indisposed us to go out again。 But still
we never spoke of the note； till； all at once； something possessed me to
ask Miss Matty if she would think it her duty to offer sovereigns for all
the notes of the Town and County Bank she met with？ I could have
bitten my tongue out the minute I had said it。 She looked up rather
sadly； and as if I had thrown a new perplexity into her already distressed
mind； and for a minute or two she did not speak。 Then she said … my
own dear Miss Matty … without a shade of reproach in her voice …
〃My dear； I never feel as if my mind was what people call very
strong； and it's often hard enough work for me to settle what I ought to
do with the case right before me。 I was very thankful to … I was very
thankful； that I saw my duty this morning； with the poor man standing
by me； but its rather a strain upon me to keep thinking and thinking what
I should do if such and such a thing happened； and； I believe； I had
rather wait and see what really does come； and I don't doubt I shall be
helped then if I don't fidget myself； and get too anxious beforehand。
You know； love； I'm not like Deborah。 If Deborah had lived； I've no
doubt she would have seen after them； before they had got themselves
into this state。〃
We had neither of us much appetite for dinner； though we tried to
talk cheerfully about indifferent things。 When we returned into the
drawing…room； Miss Matty unlocked her desk and began to look over
her account…books。 I was so penitent for what I had said in the morning；
that I did not choose to take upon myself the presumption to suppose
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that I could assist her； I rather left her alone； as； with puzzled brow； her
eye followed her pen up and down the ruled page。 By…and…by she shut
the book； locked the desk； and came and drew a chair to mine； where I
sat in moody sorrow over the fire。 I stole my hand into hers； she
clasped it； but did not speak a word。 At last she said； with forced
composure in her voice； 〃If that bank goes wrong； I shall lose one
hundred and forty…nine pounds thirteen shillings and fourpence a year； I
shall only have thirteen pounds a year left。〃 I squeezed her hand hard
and tight。 I did not know what to say。 Presently （it was too dark to see
her face） I felt her fingers work convulsively in my grasp； and I knew
she was going to speak again。 I heard the sobs in her voice as she said；
〃I hope it's not wrong … not wicked … but； oh！ I am so glad poor
Deborah is spared this。 She could not have borne to come down in the
world … she had such a noble； lofty spirit。〃
This was all she said about the sister who had insisted upon investing
their little property in that unlucky bank。 We were later in lighting the
candle than usual that night； and until that light shamed us into speaking；
we sat together very silently and sadly。
However； we took to our work after tea with a kind of forced
cheerfulness （which soon became real as far as it went）； talking of that
never…ending wonder； Lady Glenmire's engagement。 Miss Matty was
almost coming round to think it a good thing。
〃I don't mean to deny that men are troublesome in a house。 I don't
judge from my own experience； for my father was neatness itself； and
wiped his shoes on coming in as carefully as any woman； but still a man
has a sort of knowledge of what should be done in difficulties； that it is
very pleasant to have one at hand ready to lean upon。 Now； Lady
Glenmire； instead of being tossed about； and wondering where she is to
settle； will be certain of a home among pleasant and kind people； such as
our good Miss Pole and Mrs Forrester。 And Mr Hoggins is really a
very personable man； and as for his manners； why； if they are not very
polished； I have known people with very good hearts and very clever
minds too； who were not what some people reckoned refined； but who
were both true and tender。〃
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She fell off into a soft reverie about Mr Holbrook； and I did not
interrupt her； I was so busy
