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impulse that withheld my hand on this fatal; this miserable night?

This misery I foresaw was not of short duration; I had heard of the wars that were lately broken out between Austria and Prussia。 Patiently to wait their termination; amid sufferings and wretchedness such as mine; appeared impossible; and freedom even then was doubtful。  Sad experience had I had of Vienna; and well I knew that those who had despoiled me of my property most anxiously would endeavour to prevent my return。  Such were my meditations! such my night thoughts!  Day at length returned; but where was its splendour?  Fled!  I beheld it not; yet was its glimmering obscurity sufficient to show me what was my dungeon。

In breadth it was about eight feet; in length; ten。  Near me once more stood a night…table; in a corner was a seat; four bricks broad; on which I might sit; and recline against the wall。  Opposite the ring to which I was fastened; the light was admitted through a semi… circular aperture; one foot high; and two in diameter。  This aperture ascended to the centre of the wall; which was six feet thick; and at this central part was a close iron grating; from which; outward; the aperture descended; and its two extremities were again secured by strong iron bars。  My dungeon was built in the ditch of the fortification; and the aperture by which the light entered was so covered by the wall of the rampart that; instead of finding immediate passage; the light only gained admission by reflection。  This; considering the smallness of the aperture; and the impediments of grating and iron bars; must needs make the obscurity great; yet my eyes; in time; became so accustomed to this glimmering that I could see a mouse run。  In winter; however; when the sun did not shine into the ditch; it was eternal night with me。 Between the bars and the grating was a glass window; most curiously formed; with a small central casement; which might be opened to admit the air。  My night…table was daily removed; and beside me stood a jug of water。  The name of TRENCK was built in the wall; in red brick; and under my feet was a tombstone with the name of TRENCK also cut on it; and carved with a death's head。  The doors to my dungeon were double; of oak; two inches thick; without these was an open space or front cell; in which was a window; and this space was likewise shut in by double doors。  The ditch; in which this dreadful den was built; was enclosed on both sides by palisades; twelve feet high; the key of the door of which was entrusted to the officer of the guard; it being the King's intention to prevent all possibility of speech or communication with the sentinels。  The only motion I had the power to make was that of jumping upward; or swinging my arms to procure myself warmth。  When more accustomed to these fetters; I became capable of moving from side to side; about four feet; but this pained my shin…bones。

The cell had been finished with lime and plaster but eleven days; and everybody supposed it would be impossible I should exist in these damps above a fortnight。  I remained six months; continually immersed in very cold water; that trickled upon me from the thick arches under which I was; and I can safely affirm that; for the first three months; I was never dry; yet did I continue in health。 I was visited daily; at noon; after relieving guard; and the doors were then obliged to be left open for some minutes; otherwise the dampness of the air put out their candles。

This was my situation; and here I sat; destitute of friends; helplessly wretched; preyed on by all the torture of thought that continually suggested the most gloomy; the most horrid; the most dreadful of images。  My heart was not yet wholly turned to stone; my fortitude was sunken to despondency; my dungeon was the very cave of despair; yet was my arm restrained; and this excess of misery endured。

How then may hope be wholly eradicated from the heart of man?  My fortitude; after some time; began to revive; I glowed with the desire of convincing the world I was capable of suffering what man had never suffered before; perhaps of at last emerging from this load of wretchedness triumphant over my enemies。  So long and ardently did my fancy dwell on this picture; that my mind at length acquired a heroism which Socrates himself certainly never possessed。 Age had benumbed his sense of pleasure; and he drank the poisonous draught with cool indifference; but I was young; inured to high hopes; yet now beholding deliverance impossible; or at an immense; a dreadful distance。  Such; too; were the other sufferings of soul and body; I could not hope they might be supported and live。

About noon my den was opened。  Sorrow and compassion were painted on the countenances of my keepers。  No one spoke; no one bade me good morrow。  Dreadful indeed was their arrival; for; unaccustomed to the monstrous bolts and bars; they were kept resounding for a full half… hour before such soul…chilling; such hope…murdering impediments were removed。  It was the voice of tyranny that thundered。

My night…table was taken out; a camp…bed; mattress; and blankets were brought me; a jug of water set down; and beside it an ammunition loaf of six pounds' weight。  〃That you may no more complain of hunger;〃 said the town…major; 〃you shall have as much bread as you can eat。〃  The door was shut; and I again left to my thoughts。

What a strange thing is that called happiness!  How shall I express my extreme joy when; after eleven months of intolerable hunger; I was again indulged with a full feast of coarse ammunition bread? The fond lover never rushed more eagerly to the arias of his expecting bride; the famished tiger more ravenously on his prey; than I upon this loaf。  I ate; rested; surveyed the precious morsel; ate again; and absolutely shed tears of pleasure。  Breaking bit after bit; I had by evening devoured all my loaf。

Oh; Nature! what delight hast thou combined with the gratification of thy wants!  Remember this; ye who gorge; ye who rack invention to excite appetite; and yet which you cannot procure!  Remember how simple are the means that will give a crust of mouldy bread a flavour more exquisite than all the spices of the East; or all the profusion of land or sea!  Remember this; grow hungry; and indulge your sensuality。

Alas! my enjoyment was of short duration。  I soon found that excess is followed by pain and repentance。  My fasting had weakened digestion; and rendered it inactive。  My body swelled; my water…jug was emptied; cramps; colics; and at length inordinate thirst racked me all the night。  I began to pour curses on those who seemed to refine on torture; and; after starving me so long; to invite me to gluttony。  Could I not have reclined on my bed; I should indeed have been driven; this night; to desperation; yet even this was but a partial relief; for; not yet accustomed to my enormous fetters; I could not extend myself in the same manner I was afterwards taught to do by habit。  I dragged them; however; so together as to enable me to sit down on the bare mattress。  This; of all my nights of suffering; stands foremost。  When they opened my dungeon next day they found me in a truly pitiable situation; wondered at my appetite; brought me another loaf; I refused to accept it; believing I nevermore should have occasion for bread; they; however; left me one; gave me water; shrugged up their shoulders; wished me farewell; as; according to all appearance; they never expected to find me alive; and shut all the doors; without asking whether I wished or needed further assistance。

Three days had passed before I could again eat a morsel of bread; and my mind; brave in health; now in a sick body became pusillanimous; so that I determined on death。  The irons; everywhere round my body; and their weight; were insupportable; nor could I imagine it was possible I should habituate myself to them; or endure them long enough to expect deliverance。  Peace was a very distant prospect。  The King had commanded that such a prison should be built as should exclude all necessity of a sentinel; in order that I might not converse with and seduce them from what is called their duty: and; in the first days of despair; deliverance appeared impossible; and the fetters; the war; the pain I felt; the place; the length of time; each circumstance seemed equally impossible to support。  A thousand reasons convinced me it was necessary to end my sufferings。 I shall not enter into theological disputes:  let those who blame me imagine themselves in my situation; or rather let them first actually endure my miseries; and then let them reason。  I had often braved death in prosperity; and at this moment it seemed a blessing。

Full of these meditations; every minute's patience appeared absurdity; and resolution meanness of soul; yet I wished my mind should be satisfied that reason; and not rashness; had induced the act。  I therefore determined; that I might examine the question coolly; to wait a week longer; and die on the fourth of July。  In the meantime I revolved in my mind what possible means there were of escape; not fearing; naked and chained; to rush and expire on the bayonets of my enemies。

The next day I observed; as the four doors were opened; that th

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