the lifted veil-第3节

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of　the　morning　mist。　　And　while　I　was　conscious　of　this　incipient
vision；　I　was　also　conscious　that　Pierre　came　to　tell　my　father　Mr。
Filmore　was　waiting　for　him；　and　that　my　father　hurried　out　of　the
room。　　No；　it　was　not　a　dream；　was　itthe　thought　was　full　of
tremulous　exultationwas　it　the　poet's　nature　in　me；　hitherto　only
a　troubled　yearning　sensibility；　now　manifesting　itself　suddenly　as
spontaneous　creation？　　Surely　it　was　in　this　way　that　Homer　saw　the
plain　of　Troy；　that　Dante　saw　the　abodes　of　the　departed；　that
Milton　saw　the　earthward　flight　of　the　Tempter。　　Was　it　that　my
illness　had　wrought　some　happy　change　in　my　organizationgiven　a
firmer　tension　to　my　nervescarried　off　some　dull　obstruction？　　I
had　often　read　of　such　effectsin　works　of　fiction　at　least。　　Nay；
in　genuine　biographies　I　had　read　of　the　subtilizing　or　exalting
influence　of　some　diseases　on　the　mental　powers。　　Did　not　Novalis
feel　his　inspiration　intensified　under　the　progress　of　consumption？

When　my　mind　had　dwelt　for　some　time　on　this　blissful　idea；　it
seemed　to　me　that　I　might　perhaps　test　it　by　an　exertion　of　my
will。　　The　vision　had　begun　when　my　father　was　speaking　of　our
going　to　Prague。　　I　did　not　for　a　moment　believe　it　was　really　a
representation　of　that　city；　I　believedI　hoped　it　was　a　picture
that　my　newly　liberated　genius　had　painted　in　fiery　haste；　with　the
colours　snatched　from　lazy　memory。　　Suppose　I　were　to　fix　my　mind
on　some　other　placeVenice；　for　example；　which　was　far　more
familiar　to　my　imagination　than　Prague：　　perhaps　the　same　sort　of
result　would　follow。　　I　concentrated　my　thoughts　on　Venice；　I
stimulated　my　imagination　with　poetic　memories；　and　strove　to　feel
myself　present　in　Venice；　as　I　had　felt　myself　present　in　Prague。
But　in　vain。　　I　was　only　colouring　the　Canaletto　engravings　that
hung　in　my　old　bedroom　at　home；　the　picture　was　a　shifting　one；　my
mind　wandering　uncertainly　in　search　of　more　vivid　images；　I　could
see　no　accident　of　form　or　shadow　without　conscious　labour　after
the　necessary　conditions。　　It　was　all　prosaic　effort；　not　rapt
passivity；　such　as　I　had　experienced　half　an　hour　before。　　I　was
discouraged；　but　I　remembered　that　inspiration　was　fitful。

For　several　days　I　was　in　a　state　of　excited　expectation；　watching
for　a　recurrence　of　my　new　gift。　　I　sent　my　thoughts　ranging　over
my　world　of　knowledge；　in　the　hope　that　they　would　find　some　object
which　would　send　a　reawakening　vibration　through　my　slumbering
genius。　　But　no；　my　world　remained　as　dim　as　ever；　and　that　flash
of　strange　light　refused　to　come　again；　though　I　watched　for　it
with　palpitating　eagerness。

My　father　accompanied　me　every　day　in　a　drive；　and　a　gradually
lengthening　walk　as　my　powers　of　walking　increased；　and　one　evening
he　had　agreed　to　come　and　fetch　me　at　twelve　the　next　day；　that　we
might　go　together　to　select　a　musical　box；　and　other　purchases
rigorously　demanded　of　a　rich　Englishman　visiting　Geneva。　　He　was
one　of　the　most　punctual　of　men　and　bankers；　and　I　was　always
nervously　anxious　to　be　quite　ready　for　him　at　the　appointed　time。
But；　to　my　surprise；　at　a　quarter　past　twelve　he　had　not　appeared。
I　felt　all　the　impatience　of　a　convalescent　who　has　nothing
particular　to　do；　and　who　has　just　taken　a　tonic　in　the　prospect　of
immediate　exercise　that　would　carry　off　the　stimulus。

Unable　to　sit　still　and　reserve　my　strength；　I　walked　up　and　down
the　room；　looking　out　on　the　current　of　the　Rhone；　just　where　it
leaves　the　dark…blue　lake；　but　thinking　all　the　while　of　the
possible　causes　that　could　detain　my　father。

Suddenly　I　was　conscious　that　my　father　was　in　the　room；　but　not
alone：　　there　were　two　persons　with　him。　　Strange！　　I　had　heard　no
footstep；　I　had　not　seen　the　door　open；　but　I　saw　my　father；　and　at
his　right　hand　our　neighbour　Mrs。　Filmore；　whom　I　remembered　very
well；　though　I　had　not　seen　her　for　five　years。　　She　was　a
commonplace　middle…aged　woman；　in　silk　and　cashmere；　but　the　lady
on　the　left　of　my　father　was　not　more　than　twenty；　a　tall；　slim；
willowy　figure；　with　luxuriant　blond　hair；　arranged　in　cunning
braids　and　folds　that　looked　almost　too　massive　for　the　slight
figure　and　the　small…featured；　thin…lipped　face　they　crowned。　　But
the　face　had　not　a　girlish　expression：　　the　features　were　sharp；
the　pale　grey　eyes　at　once　acute；　restless；　and　sarcastic。　　They
were　fixed　on　me　in　half…smiling　curiosity；　and　I　felt　a　painful
sensation　as　if　a　sharp　wind　were　cutting　me。　　The　pale…green
dress；　and　the　green　leaves　that　seemed　to　form　a　border　about　her
pale　blond　hair；　made　me　think　of　a　Water…Nixiefor　my　mind　was
full　of　German　lyrics；　and　this　pale；　fatal…eyed　woman；　with　the
green　weeds；　looked　like　a　birth　from　some　cold　sedgy　stream；　the
daughter　of　an　aged　river。

〃Well；　Latimer；　you　thought　me　long；〃　my　father　said　。　。　。

But　while　the　last　word　was　in　my　ears；　the　whole　group　vanished；
and　there　was　nothing　between　me　and　the　Chinese　printed　folding…
screen　that　stood　before　the　door。　　I　was　cold　and　trembling；　I
could　only　totter　forward　and　throw　myself　on　the　sofa。　　This
strange　new　power　had　manifested　itself　again　。　。　。　But　WAS　it　a
power？　　Might　it　not　rather　be　a　diseasea　sort　of　intermittent
delirium；　concentrating　my　energy　of　brain　into　moments　of
unhealthy　activity；　and　leaving　my　saner　hours　all　the　more　barren？
I　felt　a　dizzy　sense　of　unreality　in　what　my　eye　rested　on；　I
grasped　the　bell　convulsively；　like　one　trying　to　free　himself　from
nightmare；　and　rang　it　twice。　　Pierre　came　with　a　look　of　alarm　in
his　face。

〃Monsieur　ne　se　trouve　pas　bien？〃　he　said　anxiously。

〃I'm　tired　of　waiting；　Pierre；〃　I　said；　as　distinctly　and
emphatically　as　I　could；　like　a　man　determined　to　be　sober　in　spite
of　wine；　〃I'm　afraid　something　has　happened　to　my　fatherhe's
usually　so　punctual。　　Run　to　the　Hotel　des　Bergues　and　see　if　he　is
there。〃

Pierre　left　the　room　at　once；　with　a　soothing　〃Bien；　Monsieur〃；　and
I　felt　the　better　for　this　scene　of　simple；　waking　prose。　　Seeking
to　calm　myself　still　further；　I　went　into　my　bedroom；　adjoining　the
salon；　and　opened　a　case　of　eau…de…Cologne；　took　out　a　bottle；　went
through　the　process　of　taking　out　the　cork　very　neatly；　and　then
rubbed　the　reviving　spirit　over　my　hands　and　forehead；　and　under　my
nostrils；　drawing　a　new　delight　from　the　scent　because　I　had
procured　it　by　slow　details　of　labour；　and　by　no　strange　sudden
madness。　　Already　I　had　begun　to　taste　something　of　the　horror　that
belongs　to　the　lot　of　a　human　being　whose　nature　is　not　adjusted　to
simple　human　conditions。

Still　enjoying　the　scent；　I　returned　to　the　salon；　but　it　was　not
unoccupied；　as　it　had　been　before　I　left　it。　　In　front　of　the
Chinese　folding…screen　there　was　my　father；　with　Mrs。　Filmore　on
his　right　hand；　and　on　his　leftthe　slim；　blond…haired　girl；　with
the　keen　face　and　the　keen　eyes　fixed　on　me　in　half…smiling
curiosity。

〃Well；　Latimer；　you　thought　me　long；〃　my　father　said　。　。　。

I　heard　no　more；　felt　no　more；　till　I　became　conscious　that　I　was
lying　with　my　head　low　on　the　sofa；　Pierre；　and　my　father　by　my
side。　　As　soon　as　I　was　thoroughly　revived；　my　father　left　the
room；　and　presently　returned；　saying　…

〃I've　been　to　tell　the　ladies　how　you　are；　Latimer。　　They　were
waiting　in　the　next　room。　　We　shall　put　off　our　shopping　expedition
to…day。〃

Presently　he　said；　〃That　young　lady　is　Bertha　Grant；　Mrs。　Filmore's
orphan　niece。　　Filmore　has　adopted　her；　and　she　lives　with　them；　so
you　will　have　her　for　a　neighbour　when　we　go　homeperhaps　for　a
near　relation；　for　there　is　a　tenderness　between　her　and　Alfred；　I
suspect；　and　I　should　be　gratified　by　the　match；　since　Filmore
means　to　provide　for　her　in　every　way　as　if　she　were　his　daughter。
It　had　not　occurred　to　me　that　you　knew　nothing　about　her　living
with　the　Filmores。〃

He　made　no　further　allusion　to　the　fact　of　my　having　fainted　at　the
moment　of　seeing　her；　and　I　would　not　for　the　world　have　told　him
the　reason：　　I　shrank　from　the　idea　of　disclosing　to　any　one　what
might　be　regarded　as　a　pitiable　peculiarity；　most　of　all　from
betraying　it　to　my　father；　who　would　have　suspected　my　sanity　ever
after。

I　do　not　mean　to　dwell　with　particularity　on　the　details　of　my
experience。　　I　have　described　these　two　cases　at　length；　because
they　had　definite；　clearly　traceable　results　in　my　after…lot。

Shortly　after　this　last　occurrenceI　think　the　very　next　dayI
began　to　be　aware　of　a　phase　in　my　abnormal　sensibility；　to　which；
from　the　languid　and　slight　nature　of　my　intercourse　with　others
since　my　illness；　I　had　not　been　alive　before。　　This　was　the
obtrusion　on　my　mind　of　the　mental　process　going　forward　in　first
one　person；　and　then　another；　with　whom　I　happened　to　be　in
contact：　　the　vagrant；　frivolous　ideas　and　emotions　of　some
uninteresting　acquaintanceMrs。　Filmore；　for　examplewould　force
themselves　on　my　consciousness　like　an　importunate；　ill…played
musical　instrument；　or　the　loud　activity　of　an　imprisoned　insect。
But　this　unpleasant　sensibility　was　fitful；　and　left　me　moments　of
rest；　when　the　souls　of　my　companions　were　once　more　shut　out　from
me；　and　I　felt　a　relief　such　as　silence　brings　t