the lifted veil-第2节
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be remedied。 I was very stupid about machines； so I was to be
greatly occupied with them； I had no memory for classification； so
it was particularly necessary that I should study systematic
zoology and botany； I was hungry for human deeds and humane
motions； so I was to be plentifully crammed with the mechanical
powers； the elementary bodies； and the phenomena of electricity and
magnetism。 A better…constituted boy would certainly have profited
under my intelligent tutors； with their scientific apparatus； and
would； doubtless； have found the phenomena of electricity and
magnetism as fascinating as I was； every Thursday； assured they
were。 As it was； I could have paired off； for ignorance of
whatever was taught me； with the worst Latin scholar that was ever
turned out of a classical academy。 I read Plutarch； and
Shakespeare； and Don Quixote by the sly； and supplied myself in
that way with wandering thoughts； while my tutor was assuring me
that 〃an improved man； as distinguished from an ignorant one； was a
man who knew the reason why water ran downhill。〃 I had no desire
to be this improved man； I was glad of the running water； I could
watch it and listen to it gurgling among the pebbles； and bathing
the bright green water…plants； by the hour together。 I did not
want to know WHY it ran； I had perfect confidence that there were
good reasons for what was so very beautiful。
There is no need to dwell on this part of my life。 I have said
enough to indicate that my nature was of the sensitive； unpractical
order； and that it grew up in an uncongenial medium； which could
never foster it into happy； healthy development。 When I was
sixteen I was sent to Geneva to complete my course of education；
and the change was a very happy one to me； for the first sight of
the Alps； with the setting sun on them； as we descended the Jura；
seemed to me like an entrance into heaven； and the three years of
my life there were spent in a perpetual sense of exaltation； as if
from a draught of delicious wine； at the presence of Nature in all
her awful loveliness。 You will think； perhaps； that I must have
been a poet； from this early sensibility to Nature。 But my lot was
not so happy as that。 A poet pours forth his song and BELIEVES in
the listening ear and answering soul； to which his song will be
floated sooner or later。 But the poet's sensibility without his
voicethe poet's sensibility that finds no vent but in silent
tears on the sunny bank； when the noonday light sparkles on the
water； or in an inward shudder at the sound of harsh human tones；
the sight of a cold human eyethis dumb passion brings with it a
fatal solitude of soul in the society of one's fellow…men。 My
least solitary moments were those in which I pushed off in my boat；
at evening； towards the centre of the lake； it seemed to me that
the sky； and the glowing mountain…tops； and the wide blue water；
surrounded me with a cherishing love such as no human face had shed
on me since my mother's love had vanished out of my life。 I used
to do as Jean Jacques didlie down in my boat and let it glide
where it would； while I looked up at the departing glow leaving one
mountain…top after the other； as if the prophet's chariot of fire
were passing over them on its way to the home of light。 Then； when
the white summits were all sad and corpse…like； I had to push
homeward； for I was under careful surveillance； and was allowed no
late wanderings。 This disposition of mine was not favourable to
the formation of intimate friendships among the numerous youths of
my own age who are always to be found studying at Geneva。 Yet I
made ONE such friendship； and； singularly enough； it was with a
youth whose intellectual tendencies were the very reverse of my
own。 I shall call him Charles Meunier； his real surnamean
English one； for he was of English extractionhaving since become
celebrated。 He was an orphan； who lived on a miserable pittance
while he pursued the medical studies for which he had a special
genius。 Strange！ that with my vague mind； susceptible and
unobservant； hating inquiry and given up to contemplation； I should
have been drawn towards a youth whose strongest passion was
science。 But the bond was not an intellectual one； it came from a
source that can happily blend the stupid with the brilliant； the
dreamy with the practical： it came from community of feeling。
Charles was poor and ugly； derided by Genevese gamins； and not
acceptable in drawing…rooms。 I saw that he was isolated； as I was；
though from a different cause； and； stimulated by a sympathetic
resentment； I made timid advances towards him。 It is enough to say
that there sprang up as much comradeship between us as our
different habits would allow； and in Charles's rare holidays we
went up the Saleve together； or took the boat to Vevay； while I
listened dreamily to the monologues in which he unfolded his bold
conceptions of future experiment and discovery。 I mingled them
confusedly in my thought with glimpses of blue water and delicate
floating cloud； with the notes of birds and the distant glitter of
the glacier。 He knew quite well that my mind was half absent； yet
he liked to talk to me in this way； for don't we talk of our hopes
and our projects even to dogs and birds； when they love us？ I have
mentioned this one friendship because of its connexion with a
strange and terrible scene which I shall have to narrate in my
subsequent life。
This happier life at Geneva was put an end to by a severe illness；
which is partly a blank to me； partly a time of dimly…remembered
suffering； with the presence of my father by my bed from time to
time。 Then came the languid monotony of convalescence； the days
gradually breaking into variety and distinctness as my strength
enabled me to take longer and longer drives。 On one of these more
vividly remembered days； my father said to me； as he sat beside my
sofa …
〃When you are quite well enough to travel； Latimer； I shall take
you home with me。 The journey will amuse you and do you good； for
I shall go through the Tyrol and Austria； and you will see many new
places。 Our neighbours； the Filmores； are come； Alfred will join
us at Basle； and we shall all go together to Vienna； and back by
Prague〃 。 。 。
My father was called away before he had finished his sentence； and
he left my mind resting on the word PRAGUE； with a strange sense
that a new and wondrous scene was breaking upon me： a city under
the broad sunshine； that seemed to me as if it were the summer
sunshine of a long…past century arrested in its courseunrefreshed
for ages by dews of night； or the rushing rain…cloud； scorching the
dusty； weary； time…eaten grandeur of a people doomed to live on in
the stale repetition of memories； like deposed and superannuated
kings in their regal gold…inwoven tatters。 The city looked so
thirsty that the broad river seemed to me a sheet of metal； and the
blackened statues； as I passed under their blank gaze； along the
unending bridge； with their ancient garments and their saintly
crowns； seemed to me the real inhabitants and owners of this place；
while the busy； trivial men and women； hurrying to and fro； were a
swarm of ephemeral visitants infesting it for a day。 It is such
grim； stony beings as these； I thought； who are the fathers of
ancient faded children； in those tanned time…fretted dwellings that
crowd the steep before me； who pay their court in the worn and
crumbling pomp of the palace which stretches its monotonous length
on the height； who worship wearily in the stifling air of the
churches； urged by no fear or hope； but compelled by their doom to
be ever old and undying； to live on in the rigidity of habit； as
they live on in perpetual midday； without the repose of night or
the new birth of morning。
A stunning clang of metal suddenly thrilled through me； and I
became conscious of the objects in my room again： one of the fire…
irons had fallen as Pierre opened the door to bring me my draught。
My heart was palpitating violently； and I begged Pierre to leave my
draught beside me； I would take it presently。
As soon as I was alone again； I began to ask myself whether I had
been sleeping。 Was this a dreamthis wonderfully distinct vision…
…minute in its distinctness down to a patch of rainbow light on the
pavement； transmitted through a coloured lamp in the shape of a
starof a strange city； quite unfamiliar to my imagination？ I had
seen no picture of Prague： it lay in my mind as a mere name； with
vaguely…remembered historical associationsill…defined memories of
imperial grandeur and religious wars。
Nothing of this sort had ever occurred in my dreaming experience
before； for I had often been humiliated because my dreams were only
saved from being utterly disjointed and commonplace by the frequent
terrors of nightmare。 But I could not believe that I had been
asleep； for I remembered distinctly the gradual breaking…in of the
vision upon me； like the new images in a dissolving view； or the
growing distinctness of the landscape as the sun lifts up the veil
of the morning mist。 And while I was conscious of this incipient
vision； I was also conscious that
