the story of a bad boy-第30节

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han　I　intended。

Perhaps　the　effort　it　cost　me　was　evident　in　my　voice。　She　raised　herself　quickly　in　the　chair　and　half　turned　towards　me。

〃W'ell；　Tom？〃

〃I…I　am　very　sorry　you　are　going　away。〃

〃So　am　I。　I　have　enjoyed　every　hour　of　my　visit。〃

〃Do　you　think　you　will　ever　come　back　here？〃

〃Perhaps；〃　said　Nelly；　and　her　eyes　wandered　off　into　the　fitful　firelight。

〃I　suppose　you　will　forget　us　all　very　quickly。〃

〃Indeed　I　shall　not。　I　shall　always　have　the　pleasantest　memories　of　Rivermouth。〃

Here　the　conversation　died　a　natural　death。　Nelly　sank　into　a　sort　of　dream；　and　I　meditated。　Fearing　every　moment　to　be　interrupted　by　some　member　of　the　family；　I　nerved　myself　to　make　a　bold　dash。

〃Nelly。〃

〃Well。〃

〃Do　you…〃　I　hesitated。

〃Do　I　what？〃

〃Love　anyone　very　much？〃

〃Why；　of　course　I　do；〃　said　Nelly；　scattering　her　revery　with　a　merry　laugh。　〃I　love　Uncle　Nutter；　and　Aunt　Nutter；　and　you…and　Towser。〃

Towser；　our　new　dog！　I　couldn't　stand　that。　I　pushed　back　the　stool　impatiently　and　stood　in　front　of　her。

〃That's　not　what　I　mean；〃　I　said　angrily。

〃Well；　what　do　you　mean？〃

〃Do　you　love　anyone　to　marry　him？〃

〃The　idea　of　it；〃　cried　Nelly；　laughing。

〃But　you　must　tell　me。〃

〃Must；　Tom？〃

〃Indeed　you　must；　Nelly。〃

She　had　risen　from　the　chair　with　an　amused；　perplexed　look　in　her　eyes。　I　held　her　an　instant　by　the　dress。

〃Please　tell　me。〃

〃O　you　silly　boy！〃　cried　Nelly。　Then　she　rumpled　my　hair　all　over　my　forehead　and　ran　laughing　out　of　the　room。

Suppose　Cinderella　had　rumpled　the　prince's　hair　all　over　his　forehead；　how　would　he　have　liked　it？　Suppose　the　Sleeping　Beauty；　when　the　king's　son　with　a　kiss　set　her　and　all　the　old　clocks　agoing　in　the　spell…bound　castle…suppose　the　young　minx　had　looked　up　and　coolly　laughed　in　his　eye；　I　guess　the　king's　son　wouldn't　have　been　greatly　pleased。

I　hesitated　a　second　or　two　and　then　rushed　after　Nelly　just　in　time　to　run　against　Miss　Abigail；　who　entered　the　room　with　a　couple　of　lighted　candles。

〃Goodness　gracious；　Tom！〃　exclaimed　Miss　Abigail。　〃Are　you　possessed？〃

I　left　her　scraping　the　warm　spermaceti　from　one　of　her　thumbs。

Nelly　was　in　the　kitchen　talking　quite　unconcernedly　with　Kitty　Collins。　There　she　remained　until　supper…time。　Supper　over；　we　all　adjourned　to　the　sitting…room。　I　planned　and　plotted；　but　could　manage　in　no　way　to　get　Nelly　alone。　She　and　the　Captain　played　cribbage　all　the　evening。

The　next　morning　my　lady　did　not　make　her　appearance　until　we　were　seated　at　the　breakfast…table。　I　had　got　up　at　daylight　myself。　Immediately　after　breakfast　the　carriage　arrived　to　take　her　to　the　railway　station。　A　gentleman　stepped　from　this　carriage；　and　greatly　to　my　surprise　was　warmly　welcomed　by　the　Captain　and　Miss　Abigail；　and　by　Miss　Nelly　herself；　who　seemed　unnecessarily　glad　to　see　him。　From　the　hasty　conversation　that　followed　I　learned　that　the　gentleman　had　come　somewhat　unexpectedly　to　conduct　Miss　Nelly　to　Boston。　But　how　did　he　know　that　she　was　to　leave　that　morning？　Nelly　bade　farewell　to　the　Captain　and　Miss　Abigail；　made　a　little　rush　and　kissed　me　on　the　nose；　and　was　gone。

As　the　wheels　of　the　hack　rolled　up　the　street　and　over　my　finer　feelings；　I　turned　to　the　Captain。

〃Who　was　that　gentleman；　sir？〃

〃That　was　Mr。　Waldron。〃

〃A　relation　of　yours；　sir？〃　I　asked　craftily。

〃No　relation　of　mine…a　relation　of　Nelly's；〃　said　the　Captain；　smiling。

〃A　cousin；〃　I　suggested；　feeling　a　strange　hatred　spring　up　in　my　bosom　for　the　unknown。

〃Well；　I　suppose　you　might　call　him　a　cousin　for　the　present。　He's　going　to　marry　little　Nelly　next　summer。〃

In　one　of　Peter　Parley's　valuable　historical　works　is　a　description　of　an　earthquake　at　Lisbon。　〃At　the　first　shock　the　inhabitants　rushed　into　the　streets；　the　earth　yawned　at　their　feet　and　the　houses　tottered　and　fell　on　every　side。〃　I　staggered　past　the　Captain　into　the　street；　a　giddiness　came　over　me；　the　earth　yawned　at　my　feet；　and　the　houses　threatened　to　fall　in　on　every　side　of　me。　How　distinctly　I　remember　that　momentary　sense　of　confusion　when　everything　in　the　world　seemed　toppling　over　into　ruins。

As　I　have　remarked；　my　love　for　Nelly　is　a　thing　of　the　past。　I　had　not　thought　of　her　for　years　until　I　sat　down　to　write　this　chapter；　and　yet；　now　that　all　is　said　and　done；　I　shouldn't　care　particularly　to　come　across　Mrs。　Waldron's　eldest　boy　in　my　afternoon's　walk。　He　must　be　fourteen　or　fifteen　years　old　by　this　time…the　young　villain！







Chapter　Nineteen

I　Become　A　Blighted　Being



When　a　young　boy　gets　to　be　an　old　boy；　when　the　hair　is　growing　rather　thin　on　the　top　of　the　old　boy's　head；　and　he　has　been　tamed　sufficiently　to　take　a　sort　of　chastened　pleasure　in　allowing　the　baby　to　play　with　his　watch…seals…when；　I　say；　an　old　boy　has　reached　this　stage　in　the　journey　of　life；　he　is　sometimes　apt　to　indulge　in　sportive　remarks　concerning　his　first　love。

Now；　though　I　bless　my　stars　that　it　wasn't　in　my　power　to　marry　Miss　Nelly；　I　am　not　going　to　deny　my　boyish　regard　for　her　nor　laugh　at　it。　As　long　as　it　lasted　it　was　a　very　sincere　and　unselfish　love；　and　rendered　me　proportionately　wretched。　I　say　as　long　as　it　lasted；　for　one's　first　love　doesn't　last　forever。

I　am　ready；　however；　to　laugh　at　the　amusing　figure　I　cut　after　I　had　really　ceased　to　have　any　deep　feeling　in　the　matter。　It　was　then　I　took　it　into　my　head　to　be　a　Blighted　Being。　This　was　about　two　weeks　after　the　spectral　appearance　of　Mr。　Waldron。

For　a　boy　of　a　naturally　vivacious　disposition　the　part　of　a　blighted　being　presented　difficulties。　I　had　an　excellent　appetite；　I　liked　society；　I　liked　out…of…door　sports；　I　was　fond　of　handsome　clothes。　Now　all　these　things　were　incompatible　with　the　doleful　character　I　was　to　assume；　and　I　proceeded　to　cast　them　from　me。　I　neglected　my　hair。　I　avoided　my　playmates。　I　frowned　abstractedly。　I　didn't　eat　as　much　as　was　good　for　me。　I　took　lonely　walks。　1　brooded　in　solitude。　I　not　only　committed　to　memory　the　more　turgid　poems　of　the　late　Lord　Byron…〃Fare　thee　well；　and　if　forever；〃　&c。…but　I　became　a　despondent　poet　on　my　own　account；　and　composed　a　string　of　〃Stanzas　to　One　who　will　understand　them。〃　1　think　I　was　a　trifle　too　hopeful　on　that　point；　for　I　came　across　the　verses　several　years　afterwards；　and　was　quite　unable　to　understand　them　myself。

It　was　a　great　comfort　to　be　so　perfectly　miserable　and　yet　not　suffer　any。　I　used　to　look　in　the　glass　and　gloat　over　the　amount　and　variety　of　mournful　expression　I　could　throw　into　my　features。　If　I　caught　myself　smiling　at　anything；　I　cut　the　smile　short　with　a　sigh。　The　oddest　thing　about　all　this　is；　I　never　once　suspected　that　I　was　not　unhappy。　No　one；　not　even　Pepper　Whitcomb；　was　more　deceived　than　I。

Among　the　minor　pleasures　of　being　blighted　were　the　interest　and　perplexity　I　excited　in　the　simple　souls　that　were　thrown　in　daily　contact　with　me。　Pepper　especially。　I　nearly　drove　him　into　a　corresponding　state　of　mind。

I　had　from　time　to　time　given　Pepper　slight　but　impressive　hints　of　my　admiration　for　Some　One　（this　was　in　the　early　part　of　Miss　Glentworth's　visit）；　I　had　also　led　him　to　infer　that　my　admiration　was　not　altogether　in　vain。　He　was　therefore　unable　to　explain　the　cause　of　my　strange　behavior；　for　I　had　carefully　refrained　from　mentioning　to　Pepper　the　fact　that　Some　One　had　turned　out　to　be　Another's。

I　treated　Pepper　shabbily。　I　couldn't　resist　playing　on　his　tenderer　feelings。　He　was　a　boy　bubbling　over　with　sympathy　for　anyone　in　any　kind　of　trouble。　Our　intimacy　since　Binny　Wallace's　death　had　been　uninterrupted；　but　now　I　moved　in　a　sphere　apart；　not　to　be　profaned　by　the　step　of　an　outsider。

I　no　longer　joined　the　boys　on　the　playground　at　recess。　I　stayed　at　my　desk　reading　some　lugubrious　volume…usually　The　Mysteries　of　Udolpho；　by　the　amiable　Mrs。　Radcliffe。　A　translation　of　The　Sorrows　of　Werter　fell　into　my　hands　at　this　period；　and　if　I　could　have　committed　suicide　without　killing　myself；　I　should　certainly　have　done　so。

On　half…holidays；　instead　of　fraternizing　with　Pepper　and　the　rest　of　our　clique；　I　would　wander　off　alone　to　Grave　Point。

Grave　Point…the　place　where　Binny　Wallace's　body　came　ashore…was　a　narrow　strip　of　land　running　out　into　the　river。　A　line　of　Lombardy　poplars；　stiff　and　severe；　like　a　row　of　grenadiers；　mounted　guard　on　the　water…side。　On　the　extreme　end　of　the　peninsula　was　an　old　disused　graveyard；　tenanted　principally　by　the　early　settlers　who　had　been　scalped　by　the　Indians。　In　a　remote　corner　of　the　cemetery；　set　apart　from　the　other　mounds；　was　the　grave　of　a　woman　who　had　been　hanged　in　the　old　colonial　times　for　the　murder　of　her　infant。　Goodwife　Polly　Haines　had　denied　the　crime　to　the　last；　and　after　her　death　there　had　arisen　strong　doubts　as　to　her　actual　guilt。　It　was　a　belief　current　among　the　lads　of　the　town；　that　if　you　went　to　this　grave　at　nightfall　on　the　10th　of　November…the　anniversary　of　her　execution…and　asked；　〃For　what　did　the　magistrates　hang　you？〃　a　voice　would　reply；　〃Nothing。〃

Many　a　Rivermouth　boy　has　tremblingly　put　this　question　in　the　dark；　and；　sure　enough；　Polly　Haines　invariably　answered　not