the story of a bad boy-第29节
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as sixteen years old if he was a day。
I dropped Laura。 In the course of the next twelve months I had perhaps three or four similar experiences； and the conclusion was forced upon me that I was not a boy likely to distinguish myself in this branch of business。
I fought shy of Primrose Hall from that moment。 Smiles were smiled over the boxwood hedge； and little hands were occasionally kissed to me； but I only winked my eye patronizingly； and passed on。 I never renewed tender relations with Miss Gibbs's young ladies。 All this occurred during my first year and a half at Rivermouth。
Between my studies at school； my out…door recreations； and the hurts my vanity received； I managed to escape for the time being any very serious attack of that love fever which； like the measles； is almost certain to seize upon a boy sooner or later。 I was not to be an exception。 I was merely biding my time。 The incidents I have now to relate took place shortly after the events described in the last chapter。
In a life so tranquil and circumscribed as ours in the Nutter House； a visitor was a novelty of no little importance。 The whole household awoke from its quietude one morning when the Captain announced that a young niece of his from New York was to spend a few weeks with us。
The blue…chintz room； into which a ray of sun was never allowed to penetrate； was thrown open and dusted； and its mouldy air made sweet with a bouquet of pot…roses placed on the old…fashioned bureau。 Kitty was busy all the forenoon washing off the sidewalk and sand…papering the great brass knocker on our front…door； and Miss Abigail was up to her elbows in a pigeon…pie。
I felt sure it was for no ordinary person that all these preparations were in progress； and I was right。 Miss Nelly Glentworth was no ordinary person。 I shall never believe she was。 There may have been lovelier women； though I have never seen them； there may have been more brilliant women； though it has not been my fortune to meet them； but that there was ever a more charming one than Nelly Glentworth is a proposition against which I contend。
I don't love her now。 I don't think of her once in five years； and yet it would give me a turn if in the course of my daily walk I should suddenly come upon her eldest boy。 I may say that her eldest boy was not playing a prominent part in this life when I first made her acquaintance。
It was a drizzling； cheerless afternoon towards the end of summer that a hack drew up at the door of the Nutter House。 The Captain and Miss Abigail hastened into the hall on hearing the carriage stop。 In a moment more Miss Nelly Glentworth was seated in our sitting…room undergoing a critical examination at the hands of a small boy who lounged uncomfortably on a settee between the windows。
The small boy considered himself a judge of girls； and he rapidly came to the following conclusions： That Miss Nelly was about nineteen； that she had not given away much of her back hair； which hung in two massive chestnut braids over her shoulders； that she was a shade too pale and a trifle too tall； that her hands were nicely shaped and her feet much too diminutive for daily use。 He furthermore observed that her voice was musical； and that her face lighted up with an indescribable brightness when she smiled。
On the whole； the small boy liked her well enough； and； satisfied that she was not a person to be afraid of； but； on the contrary； one who might be made quite agreeable； he departed to keep an appointment with his friend Sir Pepper Whitcomb。
But the next morning when Miss Glentworth came down to breakfast in a purple dress； her face 20as fresh as one of the moss…roses on the bureau upstairs； and her laugh as contagious as the merriment of a robin； the small boy experienced a strange sensation； and mentally compared her with the loveliest of Miss Gibbs's young ladies； and found those young ladies wanting in the balance。
A night's rest had wrought a wonderful change in Miss Nelly。 The pallor and weariness of the journey had passed away。 I looked at her through the toast…rack and thought I had never seen anything more winning than her smile。
After breakfast she went out with me to the stable to see Gypsy； and the three of us became friends then and there。 Nelly was the only girl that Gypsy ever took the slightest notice of。
It chanced to be a half…holiday； and a baseball match of unusual interest was to come off on the school ground that afternoon； but； somehow； I didn't go。 I hung about the house abstractedly。 The Captain went up town； and Miss Abigail was busy in the kitchen making immortal gingerbread。 I drifted into the sitting…room； and had our guest all to myself for I don't know how many hours。 It was twilight； I recollect； when the Captain returned with letters for Miss Nelly。
Many a time after that I sat with her through the dreamy September afternoons。 If I had played baseball it would have been much better for me。
Those first days of Miss Nelly's visit are very misty in my remembrance。 I try in vain to remember just when I began to fall in love with her。 'Whether the spell worked upon me gradually or fell upon me all at once； I don't know。 I only know that it seemed to me as if I had always loved her。 Things that took place before she came were dim to me； like events that had occurred in the Middle Ages。
Nelly was at least five years my senior。 But what of that？ Adam is the only man I ever heard of who didn't in early youth fall in love with a woman older than himself； and I am convinced that he would have done so if he had had the opportunity。
I wonder if girls from fifteen to twenty are aware of the glamour they cast over the straggling； awkward boys whom they regard and treat as mere children？ I wonder； now。 Young women are so keen in such matters。 I wonder if Miss Nelly Glentworth never suspected until the very last night of her visit at Rivermouth that I was over ears in love with her pretty self； and was suffering pangs as poignant as if I had been ten feet high and as old as Methuselah？ For； indeed； I was miserable throughout all those five weeks。 I went down in the Latin class at the rate of three boys a day。 Her fresh young eyes came between me and my book； and there was an end of Virgil。
〃O love； love； love！
Love is like a dizziness；
It winna let a body
Gang aboot his business。〃
I was wretched away from her； and only less wretched in her presence。 The special cause of my woe was this： I was simply a little boy to Miss Glentworth。 I knew it。 I bewailed it。 I ground my teeth and wept in secret over the fact。 If I had been aught else in her eyes would she have smoothed my hair so carelessly； sending an electric shock through my whole system？ Would she have walked with me； hand in hand； for hours in the old garden； and once when I lay on the sofa； my head aching with love and mortification； would she have stooped down and kissed me if I hadn't been a little boy？ How I despised little boys！ How I hated one particular little boy…too little to be loved！
I smile over this very grimly even now。 My sorrow was genuine and bitter。 It is a great mistake on the part of elderly people； male and female； to tell a child that he is seeing his happiest days。 Don't you believe a word of it； my little friend。 The burdens of childhood are as hard to bear as the crosses that weigh us down later in life； while the happinesses of childhood are tame compared with those of our maturer years。 And even if this were not so； it is rank cruelty to throw shadows over the young heart by croaking； 〃Be merry； for to…morrow you die！〃
As the last days of Nelly's visit drew near； I fell into a very unhealthy state of mind。 To have her so frank and unconsciously coquettish with me was a daily torment； to be looked upon and treated as a child was bitter almonds； but the thought of losing her altogether was distraction。
The summer was at an end。 The days were perceptibly shorter； and now and then came an evening when it was chilly enough to have a wood…fire in our sitting…room。 The leaves were beginning to take hectic tints； and the wind was practising the minor pathetic notes of its autumnal dirge。 Nature and myself appeared to be approaching our dissolution simultaneously…
One evening； the evening previous to the day set for Nelly's departure…how well I remember it…I found her sitting alone by the wide chimney…piece looking musingly at the crackling back log。 There were no candles in the room。 On her face and hands； and on the small golden cross at her throat； fell the flickering firelight…that ruddy； mellow firelight in which one's grandmother would look poetical。
I drew a low stool from the corner and placed it by the side of her chair。 She reached out her hand to me； as was her pretty fashion； and so we sat for several moments silently in the changing glow of the burning logs。 At length I moved back the stool so that I could see her face in profile without being seen by her。 I lost her hand by this movement； but I couldn't have spoken with the listless touch of her fingers on mine。 After two or three attempts I said 〃Nelly〃 a good deal louder than I intended。
Perhaps the effort it cost me was evident in my voice。 She raised herself quickly
