wreck of the golden mary(金玛丽的遗骸)-第7节
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pretending not to think of it。 I felt doubtful whether some minds； growing
weak with fasting and exposure and having such a terrific idea to dwell
upon in secret； might not magnify it until it got to have an awful attraction
about it。 This was not a new thought of mine； for it had grown out of my
reading。 However； it came over me stronger than it had ever done before
as it had reason for doing in the boat； and on the fourth day I decided
that I would bring out into the light that unformed fear which must have
been more or less darkly in every brain among us。 Therefore； as a means
of beguiling the time and inspiring hope； I gave them the best summary in
my power of Bligh's voyage of more than three thousand miles； in an open
boat； after the Mutiny of the Bounty； and of the wonderful preservation of
that boat's crew。 They listened throughout with great interest； and I
concluded by telling them； that； in my opinion； the happiest circumstance
in the whole narrative was； that Bligh； who was no delicate man either；
had solemnly placed it on record therein that he was sure and certain that
under no conceivable circumstances whatever would that emaciated party；
who had gone through all the pains of famine； have preyed on one another。
I cannot describe the visible relief which this spread through the boat； and
how the tears stood in every eye。 From that time I was as well convinced
as Bligh himself that there was no danger； and that this phantom； at any
rate； did not haunt us。
Now； it was a part of Bligh's experience that when the people in his
boat were most cast down； nothing did them so much good as hearing a
story told by one of their number。 When I mentioned that； I saw that it
struck the general attention as much as it did my own； for I had not
thought of it until I came to it in my summary。 This was on the day after
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Mrs。 Atherfield first sang to us。 I proposed that； whenever the weather
would permit； we should have a story two hours after dinner （I always
issued the allowance I have mentioned at one o'clock； and called it by that
name）； as well as our song at sunset。 The proposal was received with a
cheerful satisfaction that warmed my heart within me； and I do not say too
much when I say that those two periods in the four…and…twenty hours were
expected with positive pleasure； and were really enjoyed by all hands。
Spectres as we soon were in our bodily wasting； our imaginations did not
perish like the gross flesh upon our bones。 Music and Adventure； two of
the great gifts of Providence to mankind； could charm us long after that
was lost。
The wind was almost always against us after the second day； and for
many days together we could not nearly hold our own。 We had all varieties
of bad weather。 We had rain； hail； snow； wind； mist； thunder and lightning。
Still the boats lived through the heavy seas； and still we perishing people
rose and fell with the great waves。
Sixteen nights and fifteen days； twenty nights and nineteen days；
twenty…four nights and twenty…three days。 So the time went on。
Disheartening as I knew that our progress； or want of progress； must be； I
never deceived them as to my calculations of it。 In the first place； I felt
that we were all too near eternity for deceit； in the second place； I knew
that if I failed； or died； the man who followed me must have a knowledge
of the true state of things to begin upon。 When I told them at noon； what I
reckoned we had made or lost； they generally received what I said in a
tranquil and resigned manner； and always gratefully towards me。 It was
not unusual at any time of the day for some one to burst out weeping
loudly without any new cause； and； when the burst was over； to calm
down a little better than before。 I had seen exactly the same thing in a
house of mourning。
During the whole of this time； old Mr。 Rarx had had his fits of calling
out to me to throw the gold （always the gold！） overboard； and of heaping
violent reproaches upon me for not having saved the child； but now； the
food being all gone； and I having nothing left to serve out but a bit of
coffee…berry now and then； he began to be too weak to do this； and
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consequently fell silent。 Mrs。 Atherfield and Miss Coleshaw generally lay；
each with an arm across one of my knees； and her head upon it。 They
never complained at all。 Up to the time of her child's death； Mrs。
Atherfield had bound up her own beautiful hair every day； and I took
particular notice that this was always before she sang her song at night；
when everyone looked at her。 But she never did it after the loss of her
darling； and it would have been now all tangled with dirt and wet； but that
Miss Coleshaw was careful of it long after she was herself； and would
sometimes smooth it down with her weak thin hands。
We were past mustering a story now； but one day； at about this period；
I reverted to the superstition of old Mr。 Rarx； concerning the Golden Lucy；
and told them that nothing vanished from the eye of God； though much
might pass away from the eyes of men。 〃We were all of us；〃 says I；
〃children once； and our baby feet have strolled in green woods ashore； and
our baby hands have gathered flowers in gardens； where the birds were
singing。 The children that we were； are not lost to the great knowledge of
our Creator。 Those innocent creatures will appear with us before Him； and
plead for us。 What we were in the best time of our generous youth will
arise and go with us too。 The purest part of our lives will not desert us at
the pass to which all of us here present are gliding。 What we were then；
will be as much in existence before Him； as what we are now。〃 They were
no less comforted by this consideration； than I was myself； and Miss
Coleshaw； drawing my ear nearer to her lips； said； 〃Captain Ravender； I
was on my way to marry a disgraced and broken man； whom I dearly
loved when he was honourable and good。 Your words seem to have come
out of my own poor heart。〃 She pressed my hand upon it； smiling。
Twenty…seven nights and twenty…six days。 We were in no want of rain…
water； but we had nothing else。 And yet； even now； I never turned my eyes
upon a waking face but it tried to brighten before mine。 O； what a thing it
is； in a time of danger and in the presence of death； the shining of a face
upon a face！ I have heard it broached that orders should be given in great
new ships by electric telegraph。 I admire machinery as much is any man；
and am as thankful to it as any man can be for what it does for us。 But it
will never be a substitute for the face of a man； with his soul in it；
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encouraging another man to be brave and true。 Never try it for that。 It will
break down like a straw。
I now began to remark certain changes in myself which I did not like。
They caused me much disquiet。 I often saw the Golden Lucy in the air
above the boat。 I often saw her I have spoken of before； sitting beside me。
I saw the Golden Mary go down； as she really had gone down； twenty
times in a day。 And yet the sea was mostly； to my thinking； not sea neither；
but moving country and extraordinary mountainous regions； the like of
which have never been beheld。 I felt it time to leave my last words
regarding John Steadiman； in case any lips should last out to repeat them
to any living ears。 I said that John had told me （as he had on deck） that he
had sung out 〃Breakers ahead！〃 the instant they were audible； and had
tried to wear ship； but she struck before it could be done。 （His cry； I dare
say； had made my dream。） I said that the circumstances were altogether
without warning； and
