lazy tour of two idle apprentices-第22节

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wildly。



'What　are　you　doing？　　Idiotically　plunging　at　your　own　sex；　and

rescuing　them　or　perishing　in　the　attempt？'　asked　Mr。　Idle；　in　a

highly　petulant　state。



'The　One　old　man！'　cried　Mr。　Goodchild；　distractedly；　…　'and　the

Two　old　men！'



Mr。　Idle　deigned　no　other　reply　than　'The　One　old　woman；　I　think

you　mean；'　as　he　began　hobbling　his　way　back　up　the　staircase；　with

the　assistance　of　its　broad　balustrade。



'I　assure　you；　Tom；'　began　Mr。　Goodchild；　attending　at　his　side；

'that　since　you　fell　asleep　…　'



'Come；　I　like　that！'　said　Thomas　Idle；　'I　haven't　closed　an　eye！'



With　the　peculiar　sensitiveness　on　the　subject　of　the　disgraceful

action　of　going　to　sleep　out　of　bed；　which　is　the　lot　of　all

mankind；　Mr。　Idle　persisted　in　this　declaration。　　The　same　peculiar

sensitiveness　impelled　Mr。　Goodchild；　on　being　taxed　with　the　same

crime；　to　repudiate　it　with　honourable　resentment。　　The　settlement

of　the　question　of　The　One　old　man　and　The　Two　old　men　was　thus

presently　complicated；　and　soon　made　quite　impracticable。　　Mr。　Idle

said　it　was　all　Bride…cake；　and　fragments；　newly　arranged；　of

things　seen　and　thought　about　in　the　day。　　Mr。　Goodchild　said　how

could　that　be；　when　he　hadn't　been　asleep；　and　what　right　could　Mr。

Idle　have　to　say　so；　who　had　been　asleep？　　Mr。　Idle　said　he　had

never　been　asleep；　and　never　did　go　to　sleep；　and　that　Mr。

Goodchild；　as　a　general　rule；　was　always　asleep。　　They　consequently

parted　for　the　rest　of　the　night；　at　their　bedroom　doors；　a　little

ruffled。　　Mr。　Goodchild's　last　words　were；　that　he　had　had；　in　that

real　and　tangible　old　sitting…room　of　that　real　and　tangible　old

Inn　（he　supposed　Mr。　Idle　denied　its　existence？）；　every　sensation

and　experience；　the　present　record　of　which　is　now　within　a　line　or

two　of　completion；　and　that　he　would　write　it　out　and　print　it

every　word。　　Mr。　Idle　returned　that　he　might　if　he　liked　…　and　he

did　like；　and　has　now　done　it。







CHAPTER　V







Two　of　the　many　passengers　by　a　certain　late　Sunday　evening　train；

Mr。　Thomas　Idle　and　Mr。　Francis　Goodchild；　yielded　up　their　tickets

at　a　little　rotten　platform　（converted　into　artificial　touchwood　by

smoke　and　ashes）；　deep　in　the　manufacturing　bosom　of　Yorkshire。　　A

mysterious　bosom　it　appeared；　upon　a　damp；　dark；　Sunday　night；

dashed　through　in　the　train　to　the　music　of　the　whirling　wheels；

the　panting　of　the　engine；　and　the　part…singing　of　hundreds　of

third…class　excursionists；　whose　vocal　efforts　'bobbed　arayound'

from　sacred　to　profane；　from　hymns；　to　our　transatlantic　sisters

the　Yankee　Gal　and　Mairy　Anne；　in　a　remarkable　way。　　There　seemed

to　have　been　some　large　vocal　gathering　near　to　every　lonely

station　on　the　line。　　No　town　was　visible；　no　village　was　visible；

no　light　was　visible；　but；　a　multitude　got　out　singing；　and　a

multitude　got　in　singing；　and　the　second　multitude　took　up　the

hymns；　and　adopted　our　transatlantic　sisters；　and　sang　of　their　own

egregious　wickedness；　and　of　their　bobbing　arayound；　and　of　how　the

ship　it　was　ready　and　the　wind　it　was　fair；　and　they　were　bayound

for　the　sea；　Mairy　Anne；　until　they　in　their　turn　became　a　getting…

out　multitude；　and　were　replaced　by　another　getting…in　multitude；

who　did　the　same。　　And　at　every　station；　the　getting…in　multitude；

with　an　artistic　reference　to　the　completeness　of　their　chorus；

incessantly　cried；　as　with　one　voice　while　scuffling　into　the

carriages；　'We　mun　aa'　gang　toogither！'



The　singing　and　the　multitudes　had　trailed　off　as　the　lonely　places

were　left　and　the　great　towns　were　neared；　and　the　way　had　lain　as

silently　as　a　train's　way　ever　can；　over　the　vague　black　streets　of

the　great　gulfs　of　towns；　and　among　their　branchless　woods　of　vague

black　chimneys。　　These　towns　looked；　in　the　cinderous　wet；　as

though　they　had　one　and　all　been　on　fire　and　were　just　put　out　…　a

dreary　and　quenched　panorama；　many　miles　long。



Thus；　Thomas　and　Francis　got　to　Leeds；　of　which　enterprising　and

important　commercial　centre　it　may　be　observed　with　delicacy；　that

you　must　either　like　it　very　much　or　not　at　all。　　Next　day；　the

first　of　the　Race…Week；　they　took　train　to　Doncaster。



And　instantly　the　character；　both　of　travellers　and　of　luggage；

entirely　changed；　and　no　other　business　than　race…business　any

longer　existed　on　the　face　of　the　earth。　　The　talk　was　all　of

horses　and　'John　Scott。'　　Guards　whispered　behind　their　hands　to

station…masters；　of　horses　and　John　Scott。　　Men　in　cut…away　coats

and　speckled　cravats　fastened　with　peculiar　pins；　and　with　the

large　bones　of　their　legs　developed　under　tight　trousers；　so　that

they　should　look　as　much　as　possible　like　horses'　legs；　paced　up

and　down　by　twos　at　junction…stations；　speaking　low　and　moodily　of

horses　and　John　Scott。　　The　young　clergyman　in　the　black　strait…

waistcoat；　who　occupied　the　middle　seat　of　the　carriage；　expounded

in　his　peculiar　pulpit…accent　to　the　young　and　lovely　Reverend　Mrs。

Crinoline；　who　occupied　the　opposite　middle…seat；　a　few　passages　of

rumour　relative　to　'Oartheth；　my　love；　and　Mithter　John　Eth…COTT。'

A　bandy　vagabond；　with　a　head　like　a　Dutch　cheese；　in　a　fustian

stable…suit；　attending　on　a　horse…box　and　going　about　the　platforms

with　a　halter　hanging　round　his　neck　like　a　Calais　burgher　of　the

ancient　period　much　degenerated；　was　courted　by　the　best　society；

by　reason　of　what　he　had　to　hint；　when　not　engaged　in　eating　straw；

concerning　't'harses　and　Joon　Scott。'　　The　engine…driver　himself；

as　he　applied　one　eye　to　his　large　stationary　double…eye…glass　on

the　engine；　seemed　to　keep　the　other　open；　sideways；　upon　horses

and　John　Scott。



Breaks　and　barriers　at　Doncaster　Station　to　keep　the　crowd　off；

temporary　wooden　avenues　of　ingress　and　egress；　to　help　the　crowd

on。　　Forty　extra　porters　sent　down　for　this　present　blessed　Race…

Week；　and　all　of　them　making　up　their　betting…books　in　the　lamp…

room　or　somewhere　else；　and　none　of　them　to　come　and　touch　the

luggage。　　Travellers　disgorged　into　an　open　space；　a　howling

wilderness　of　idle　men。　　All　work　but　race…work　at　a　stand…still；

all　men　at　a　stand…still。　　'Ey　my　word！　　Deant　ask　noon　o'　us　to

help　wi'　t'luggage。　　Bock　your　opinion　loike　a　mon。　　Coom！　　Dang

it；　coom；　t'harses　and　Joon　Scott！'　　In　the　midst　of　the　idle　men；

all　the　fly　horses　and　omnibus　horses　of　Doncaster　and　parts

adjacent；　rampant；　rearing；　backing；　plunging；　shying　…　apparently

the　result　of　their　hearing　of　nothing　but　their　own　order　and　John

Scott。



Grand　Dramatic　Company　from　London　for　the　Race…Week。　　Poses

Plastiques　in　the　Grand　Assembly　Room　up　the　Stable…Yard　at　seven

and　nine　each　evening；　for　the　Race…Week。　　Grand　Alliance　Circus　in

the　field　beyond　the　bridge；　for　the　Race…Week。　　Grand　Exhibition

of　Aztec　Lilliputians；　important　to　all　who　want　to　be　horrified

cheap；　for　the　Race…Week。　　Lodgings；　grand　and　not　grand；　but　all

at　grand　prices；　ranging　from　ten　pounds　to　twenty；　for　the　Grand

Race…Week！



Rendered　giddy　enough　by　these　things；　Messieurs　Idle　and　Goodchild

repaired　to　the　quarters　they　had　secured　beforehand；　and　Mr。

Goodchild　looked　down　from　the　window　into　the　surging　street。



'By　Heaven；　Tom！'　cried　he；　after　contemplating　it；　'I　am　in　the

Lunatic　Asylum　again；　and　these　are　all　mad　people　under　the　charge

of　a　body　of　designing　keepers！'



All　through　the　Race…Week；　Mr。　Goodchild　never　divested　himself　of

this　idea。　　Every　day　he　looked　out　of　window；　with　something　of

the　dread　of　Lemuel　Gulliver　looking　down　at　men　after　he　returned

home　from　the　horse…country；　and　every　day　he　saw　the　Lunatics；

horse…mad；　betting…mad；　drunken…mad；　vice…mad；　and　the　designing

Keepers　always　after　them。　　The　idea　pervaded；　like　the　second

colour　in　shot…silk；　the　whole　of　Mr。　Goodchild's　impressions。

They　were　much　as　follows：



Monday；　mid…day。　　Races　not　to　begin　until　to…morrow；　but　all　the

mob…Lunatics　out；　crowding　the　pavements　of　the　one　main　street　of

pretty　and　pleasant　Doncaster；　crowding　the　road；　particularly

crowding　the　outside　of　the　Betting　Rooms；　whooping　and　shouting

loudly　after　all　passing　vehicles。　　Frightened　lunatic　horses

occasionally　running　away；　with　infinite　clatter。　　All　degrees　of

men；　from　peers　to　paupers；　betting　incessantly。　　Keepers　very

watchful；　and　taking　all　good　chances。　　An　awful　family　likeness

among　the　Keepers；　to　Mr。　Palmer　and　Mr。　Thurtell。　　With　some

knowledge　of　expression　and　some　acquaintance　with　heads　（thus

writes　Mr。　Goodchild）；　I　never　have　seen　anywhere；　so　many

repetitions　of　one　class　of　countenance　and　one　character　of　head

（both　evil）　as　in　this　street　at　this　time。　　Cunning；　covetousness；

secrecy；　cold　calculation；　hard　callousness　and　dire　insensibility；

are　the　uniform　Keeper　characteristics。　　Mr。　Palmer　passes　me　five

times　in　five　minutes；　and；　so　I　go　down　the　street；　the　back　of

Mr。　Thurtell's　skull　is　always　going　on　be