herland(她乡)-第38节
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〃How long？〃 asked Ellador； rather unexpectedly。
〃How long？〃 I repeated； a little dashed。 〃Why as long as they
live。〃
〃There is something very beautiful in the idea；〃 she admitted；
still as if she were discussing life on Mars。 〃This climactic expression；
which； in all the other life…forms； has but the one purpose； has with you
become specialized to higher； purer； nobler uses。 It has I judge from
what you tell methe most ennobling effect on character。 People marry；
not only for parentage； but for this exquisite interchange and； as a result；
you have a world full of continuous lovers； ardent； happy； mutually
devoted； always living on that high tide of supreme emotion which we had
supposed to belong only to one season and one use。 And you say it has
other results； stimulating all high creative work。 That must mean floods；
oceans of such work； blossoming from this intense happiness of every
married pair！ It is a beautiful idea！〃
She was silent； thinking。
So was I。
She slipped one hand free； and was stroking my hair with it in a
gentle motherly way。 I bowed my hot head on her shoulder and felt a
dim sense of peace； a restfulness which was very pleasant。
〃You must take me there someday； darling；〃 she was saying。 〃It
is not only that I love you so much； I want to see your country your
peopleyour mother〃 she paused reverently。 〃Oh； how I shall love your
mother！〃
I had not been in love many timesmy experience did not
compare with Terry's。 But such as I had was so different from this that I
was perplexed； and full of mixed feelings： partly a growing sense of
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common ground between us； a pleasant rested calm feeling； which I had
imagined could only be attained in one way； and partly a bewildered
resentment because what I found was not what I had looked for。
It was their confounded psychology！ Here they were with this
profound highly developed system of education so bred into them that
even if they were not teachers by profession they all had a general
proficiency in itit was second nature to them。
And no child； stormily demanding a cookie 〃between meals；〃
was ever more subtly diverted into an interest in house…building than was I
when I found an apparently imperative demand had disappeared without
my noticing it。
And all the time those tender mother eyes； those keen scientific
eyes； noting every condition and circumstance； and learning how to 〃take
time by the forelock〃 and avoid discussion before occasion arose。
I was amazed at the results。 I found that much； very much； of
what I had honestly supposed to be a physiological necessity was a
psychological necessityor so believed。 I found； after my ideas of what
was essential had changed； that my feelings changed also。 And more than
all； I found thisa factor of enormous weightthese women were not
provocative。 That made an immense difference。
The thing that Terry had so complained of when we first came
that they weren't 〃feminine；〃 they lacked 〃charm；〃 now became a great
comfort。 Their vigorous beauty was an aesthetic pleasure； not an irritant。
Their dress and ornaments had not a touch of the 〃come…and…find…me〃
element。
Even with my own Ellador； my wife； who had for a time
unveiled a woman's heart and faced the strange new hope and joy of dual
parentage； she afterward withdrew again into the same good comrade she
had been at first。 They were women； PLUS； and so much plus that when
they did not choose to let the womanness appear； you could not find it
anywhere。
I don't say it was easy for me； it wasn't。 But when I made
appeal to her sympathies I came up against another immovable wall。 She
was sorry； honestly sorry； for my distresses； and made all manner of
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thoughtful suggestions； often quite useful； as well as the wise foresight I
have mentioned above； which often saved all difficulty before it arose； but
her sympathy did not alter her convictions。
〃If I thought it was really right and necessary； I could perhaps
bring myself to it； for your sake； dear； but I do not want tonot at all。
You would not have a mere submission； would you？ That is not the kind
of high romantic love you spoke of； surely？ It is a pity； of course； that you
should have to adjust your highly specialized faculties to our unspecialized
ones。〃
Confound it！ I hadn't married the nation； and I told her so。 But
she only smiled at her own limitations and explained that she had to 〃think
in we's。〃
Confound it again！ Here I'd have all my energies focused on
one wish； and before I knew it she'd have them dissipated in one direction
or another； some subject of discussion that began just at the point I was
talking about and ended miles away。
It must not be imagined that I was just repelled； ignored； left to
cherish a grievance。 Not at all。 My happiness was in the hands of a
larger； sweeter womanhood than I had ever imagined。 Before our
marriage my own ardor had perhaps blinded me to much of this。 I was
madly in love with not so much what was there as with what I supposed to
be there。 Now I found an endlessly beautiful undiscovered country to
explore； and in it the sweetest wisdom and understanding。 It was as if I
had come to some new place and people； with a desire to eat at all hours；
and no other interests in particular； and as if my hosts； instead of merely
saying； 〃You shall not eat；〃 had presently aroused in me a lively desire for
music； for pictures； for games； for exercise； for playing in the water； for
running some ingenious machine； and； in the multitude of my satisfactions；
I forgot the one point which was not satisfied； and got along very well
until mealtime。
One of the cleverest and most ingenious of these tricks was only
clear to me many years after； when we were so wholly at one on this
subject that I could laugh at my own predicament then。 It was this： You see；
with us； women are kept as different as possible and as feminine as
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possible。 We men have our own world； with only men in it； we get tired
of our ultra…maleness and turn gladly to the ultra…femaleness。 Also； in
keeping our women as feminine as possible； we see to it that when we turn
to them we find the thing we want always in evidence。 Well； the
atmosphere of this place was anything but seductive。 The very numbers
of these human women； always in human relation； made them anything
but alluring。 When； in spite of this； my hereditary instincts and race…
traditions made me long for the feminine response in Ellador； instead of
withdrawing so that I should want her more； she deliberately gave me a
little too much of her society。 always de…feminized； as it were。 It was
awfully funny； really。
Here was I； with an Ideal in mind； for which I hotly longed； and
here was she； deliberately obtruding in the foreground of my
consciousness a Facta fact which I coolly enjoyed； but which actually
interfered with what I wanted。 I see now clearly enough why a certain
kind of man； like Sir Almroth Wright； resents the professional
development of women。 It gets in the way of the sex ideal； it temporarily
covers and excludes femininity。
Of course； in this case； I was so fond of Ellador my friend； of
Ellador my professional companion； that I necessarily
