a face illumined-第98节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



torment　was　over；　he　had　become　very　faint　and　exhausted。　　After

he　had　regained　somewhat　the　power　to　think　and　act；　he　turned　his

steps　towards　a　narrow；　secluded　ravine；　about　a　mile　from　the　hotel；

knowing　that　here　he　would　find　the　deepest　solitude　in　which　to

grow　calm　and　prepare　himself　for　the　quiet　self…sacrifice　of　which

Ida　had　given　the　example；　and　which　no　eye　must　be　able　to　detect

save　his　to　whom　the　secrets　of　all　hearts　are　open。



He　made　no　effort　to　follow　any　path；　but　sprang　carelessly　and

rapidly　down　the　steep　hillside。　　When　he　had　almost　reached　the

bottom　of　the　ravine；　his　foot　slipped　on　a　rock　half　hidden　by

leaves；　and　he　fell　and　rolled　helplessly　down。　　Before　he　could

recover　himself；　the　rock；　which　had　been　loosely　imbedded　in　the

soil　and　which　his　foot　had　struck　so　heavily；　rolled　after　him

and　on　his　leg　and　foot。　　In　sudden　and　increasing　dismay；　he　found

that　he　could　not　extricate　himself。　　The　stone　would　have　been

beyond　his　ability　to　lift　even　if　he　had　the　full　use　of　all　his

powers；　but　he　was　held　in　a　position　that　gave　him　very　little

chance　to　exert　his　strength。



When　he　found　that　it　was　utterly　impossible　to　push　the　stone

away；　he　tried　to　excavate　the　earth；　by　means　of　sticks　and　his

small　pocket…knife；　from　under　his　leg；　but　soon　found；　with　a　sense

of　mortal　fear；　that　his　limb　was　resting　in　a　little　depression

between　two　other　large　rocks　deeply　imbedded　in　the　bottom　of

the　ravine。　　This　depression；　and　the　soft；　dry　leaves　which　had

covered　it　like　a　cushion；　prevented　the　stone　from　crushing　his

limb　and　foot；　but　also　held　him　in　a　sort　of　natural　sock。



As　these　appalling　facts　became　clear；　he　saw　that　he　was　in　imminent

danger　of　death　by　starvation。　　Then　a　worse　fear　than　that　chilled

his　very　soul。　　He　might　die　in　that　lonely　spot　and　never　be

discovered。　　The　prowling　vermin　of　the　night　might　tear　away　his

flesh；　　and　drag　his　bones　hither　and　thither；　till　the　leaves　that

now　would　soon　fall　covered　them　forever　from　sight　and　knowledge；

but　Ida　Mayhew；　and　the　orphan　girl　to　whom　his　honor　bound　him；　would

think　that　he　had　broken　his　pledges；　and　was　in　truth　a　vagabond

on　the　eartheating　and　drinking；　rioting；　perhaps　in　ignoble

obscurity。　　The　prospect　made　him　sick　and　faint　for　a　time；　for

that　which　in　his　first　blind　sense　of　shame　he　had　proposed　to

do；　now　that　he　had　heard　Ida's　heaven…inspired　words；　seemed　base

and　cowardly　to　the　last　degree。　　If　she　had　not　brought　to　him

sane　and　quiet　thought；　he　would　have　grimly　said　to　himself　that

fate　had　taken　him　out　of　his　dilemma　in　a　fitting　way；　punishing

and　destroying　him　at　one　and　the　same　time；　but　now　to　die　and

forever　seem　unworthy　of　the　trust　of　the　woman　he　so　loved　and

revered　was　a　kind　of　eternal　punishment　in　itself。　　He　called　and

shouted　with　desperate　energy　for　aid　but　the　freshening　wind　of

early　September　rustled　millions　of　leaves　in　the　forest　around

him　and　drowned　his　voice。　　He　soon　realized　that　one　standing　on

the　bank　just　above　him　would　scarcely　be　able　to　hear；　even　though

listening。　　Oh；　why　would　that　remorseless　wind　blow　so　steadily！

Was　there　no　pity　in　nature？



Then　in　a　frenzy　he　struggled　and　wrenched　his　leg　till　it　was

bruised　and　bleeding；　but　the　rocky　grip　would　not　yield。　　He　soon

began　to　consider　that　he　was　exhausting　himself　and　thus　lessening

his　chances　of　escape；　and　he　lay　quietly　on　his　side　and　tried

to　think　how　long　he　could　survive；　and　now　deeply　regretted　that

his　wild　passion　for　the　past　two　days　had　drawn　so　largely　on　his

vital　powers。　　Already；　after　but　an　hour's　durance；　he　was　weak

and　faint。



Then　various　expedients　to　attract　attention　began　to　present

themselves。　　By　means　of　a　stick　he　drew　down　the　overhanging

branch　of　a　tree　and　tied　to　it　his　handkerchief。　　He　also　managed

to　insert　a　stick　in　the　ground　near　him；　and　on　its　top　placed

his　hat；　but　he　saw　that　they　could　not　be　seen　through　the　thick

undergrowth　at　any　great　distance。　　Then　more　deliberately；　and

with　an　effort　to　economize　his　strength；　he　again　attempted　to

undermine　the　rocks　on　which　his　leg　rested；　but　found　that　they

ran　under　him　and　hopelessly　deep。　　At　intervals　he　would　shout

for　help；　but　his　cries　grew　fainter　as　he　became　weak　and　discouraged。



〃O　God；〃　he　said；　〃there　is　just　the　bare　chance　that　some　one　may

stumble　upon　me；　and　that　is　all；〃　and　as　the　glen　fell　into　deeper

and　deeper　shadow　in　the　declining　day；　even　more　swiftly　it　seemed

to　him　that　the　shadow　of　death　was　darkening　about　him。



At　last　the　bark　of　squirrels　and　the　chirp　and　twitter　of　birds

that　haunted　the　lonely　place　ceased　and　it　was　night。　　Only　the

notes　of　fall　insects　in　their　monotonous　and　ceaseless　iteration

were　heard　above　the　sighing　wind；　which　now　sounded　like　a　requiem

to　the　disheartened　man。　　Suddenly　a　great　owl　flapped　heavily　over

him；　and　lighting　in　a　tree　near　by；　began　its　discordant　hootings。



〃That's　an　omen　of　death；〃　he　muttered；　grimly。　　Then　at　last；　in

uncontrollable　irritation；　he　shouted；　〃Curse　you；　begone！〃　and

the　ill…boding　bird　flapped　away　with　a　startled　screech；　that　to

Van　Berg's　morbid　fancy　was　like　a　demon's　laugh。　　But　it　alighted

again　a　little　further　off　and　drove　him　half　wild　with　its　dismal

cries。　　At　last　there　was　a　radiance　among　the　trees　on　the　eastern

side　of　the　ravine；　and　soon　the　moon　rose　clear　and　bright；　the

wind　went　down；　and　except　the　〃audible　silence〃　of　insect　sounds

all　was　still。　　Nature　seemed　to　him　holding　her　breath　in　suspense；

waiting　for　the　end。　　He　called　out　from　time　to　time　till；　from

the　lateness　of　the　hour；　he　knew　that　it　was　utterly　useless。



He　began　in　a　dreamy　way；　to　wonder　if　Ida　had　missed　him　yet　and

was　surprised　that　he　had　not　returned。　　He　thought　how　strange；

how　unaccountable　even；　his　conduct　must　appear　to　Miss　Burton；

and　how　very　difficult　it　would　have　been　to　explain　it　at　best。

〃Ida　was　wrong；　however；　in　thinking　that　it　is　for　me　that　she

is　grieving　so　deeply；〃　he　murmured；　〃although　she　may　be　right　in

believing　that　I　have　raised　hopes　in　Jennie's　mind　of　a　happier

future；　when　time　had　healed　the　wounds　made　in　the　past。　　If　I

had　lived；　if　by　any　happy　chance　I　DO　live；　my　only　course　will　be

to　maintain　the　character　of　a　friend　until　she　gives　up　the　past

for　the　sake　of　what　I　can　offer。　　In　a　certain　sense　we　will　be

on　equal　footing；　for　her　lover　is　dead　and　my　love　is　the　same　as

dead　to　me。　　But　what　is　the　use　of　such　thoughts！　　I　shall　be　dead

to　them　both　in　a　few　hours　more；　and　what　is　far　worse；　despised

by　them　both；〃　and　for　the　first　time　in　all　that　awful　vigil　bitter

tears　rolled　down　his　cheeks。



Then；　slowly　and　minutely；　he　went　over　all　that　had　occurred　during

that　eventful　summer。　　He　found　a　melancholy　pleasure　which　served

to　beguile　the　interminable　hours　of　painfor　now　his　leg　and

unnatural　position　began　to　cause　very　severe　sufferingin　portraying

to　himself　the　changes　in　Ida's　mind　and　character　from　the　hour

of　their　first　meeting；　and　it　seemed　to　him　very　mysterious　indeed

that　the　thread　of　his　life　should　have　been　caught　in　hers　by　that

mere　casual　glance　at　the　concert　garden；　and　then　that　it　should

have　been　so　strangely　and　intimately　woven　with　hers　only　to

be　snapped　at　last　in　this　untimely　and　meaningless　fashion。　　He

groaned；　〃its　all　more　like　the　malicious　ingenuity　of　a　fiend

seeking　to　cause　the　weak　human　puppets　that　it　misleads　the　greatest

amount　of　suffering；　than　like　the　hap…hazard　of　a　blind　fate；　or

the　work　of　a　kind　and　good　God。　　Oh；　if　I　had　only　waited　till　my

Undine　received　her　woman's　soul；　what　a　heaven　I　might　have　had

on　earth！　　She　would　have　filled　my　studio　with　light　and　beauty；

and　my　life　with　honor　and　happiness。　　Never；　never　was　there　a

more　cruel　fate　than　mine！　　I　shall　die；　and　my　only　burial　will

be　the　infamy　which　will　cover　my　memory　forever。〃



Then；　with　a　dreary　sinking　of　heart；　his　mind　reverted　to　the

long　future　before　him　that　was　now　so　terribly　vague　and　dark。　　In

the　consciousness　of　solitude　and　in　order　to　break　the　oppressive

stillness；　he　spoke　aloud　at　intervals　between　his　paroxysms　of

pain。　　〃After　all；　what　is　dying？　　I　know　how　deeply　rooted　in　the

human　mind　is　the　belief　that　it　is　only　a　departure　to　another

place　and　a　different　condition　of　life。　　Can　a　conviction　that

has　been　universal　in　all　ages　and　among　all　peoples　be　a　delusion？

Then　whoever　or　whatever　created　human　nature　built　it　on　a　lie。

This　accursed　rock　has　fallen　on　my　body；　and　holds　it　as　if　it

were　a　mere　clod　of　earth；　as　it　soon　may　be；　but　it　does　not　hold

my　mind。　　My　thoughts　have　followed　father　and　dear；　dear　mother；

and　sister　Laura　across　the　sea　a　hundred　times　to…night。　　But　oh；

how　strangely　my　thoughts　come　back　from　every　o