a face illumined-第96节

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at　the　close　of　the　happy　evening　he　had　spent　at　her　home。　　As　he

realized　that　the　maiden　before　him　was　flesh　and　blood；　and　not

a　creation　of　his　morbid　fancy；　the　hot　blood　rushed　swiftly　into

his　face；　and　his　eyes　fell　before　her。



〃Yes；　Miss　Mayhew；　I　am；〃　he　said；　briefly。



〃I　am　very　sorry。　　Can　I　not　do　anything　for　you？〃　she　asked；

kindly。



He　looked　up　at　her　in　strong　surprise；　and　was　still　more　perplexed

by　the　sympathetic　expression　of　her　face；　but　he　only　said；　〃I

regret　to　say　you　cannot。〃



〃Mr。　Van　Berg；〃　said　Ida；　in　tones　full　of　distress；　〃your　words

and　appearance　pain　me　exceedingly。　　You　look　as　if　you　had　been

ill　a　month。　　What　has　happened？〃　　His　aspect　might　trouble　one

less　interested　in　him　than　herself；　for　his　eyes　were　blood…shot；

and　he　had　become　so　haggard　that　she　could　scarcely　realize　that

he　was　the　man　who　but　four　days　previous　had　compared　his　hearty

merriment　with　the　〃laughter　of　the　gods。〃



〃Miss　Mayhew；〃　he　said；　bitterly　and　slowly；　too；　as　if　he　were

carefully　choosing　his　words；　〃you　had　a　presentiment　last　Saturday

that　some　evil　was　about　to　happen。　　As　far　as　I　am　concerned　the

worst　has　happened。　　I　have　lost　my　self…respect。　　I　have　no　right

to　stand　here　in　your　presence。　　I　have　no　right　to　be　in　this

place　even。　　I　once　tossed　away　a　little　flower　that　had　been　sadly

marred；　through　no　fault　of　its　own；　and　as　I　did　so　I　said　in　my

pride　and　self…complacency　that　its　imperfection　justified　my　act。

You　understood　me　too　well；　and　my　accursed　Phariseeism　wounded

your　very　heart。　　You　afterwards　generously　forgave　my　offence　and

a　worse　one；　but　God　is　just　and　I　am　now　punished　in　the　severest

possible　way。　　I　perceive　now　that　you　do　not　understand　me；　or　you

could　not　look　and　speak　so　kindly。　　I　thought　you　had　learned　me

better；　for　you　spoke　words　on　the　boat　that　pierced　my　very　soul；

revealing　me　to　myself；　and　later　you　passed　me　without　a　glance。

You　were　right　in　both　instances。　　You　are　wrong　now；　and　i　shall

not　take　advantage　of　your　present　ignorance；　which　circumstances

will　soon　remove。　　I　repeat　it；　Miss　Mayhew；　I　have　no　right　to　be　here

and　speaking　to　you；　and　yet〃he　made　a　passionate　and　despairing

gesture；　and　was　about　to　turn　hastily　away；　when　Ida　said；

earnestly；　with　her　eyes　fixed　on　his　face；　as　was　her　instinctive

custom　when　she　sought　to　learn　more　from　the　expression　of　the

speaker　than　from　his　words：



〃Mr。　Van　Berg；　before　we　part；　answer　me　one　question。　　Have　you

deliberately　and　selfishly　intended　to　do　wrong；　or　to　wrong　any

one？〃



〃No；〃　he　promptly　replied　meeting；　her　searching　look　unhesitatingly。

Then；　with　an　impatient　gesture；　he　added：　　〃But　no　one　will　ever

believe　it。〃



〃I　believe　it；〃　she　said　with　a　reassuring　smile。



〃You？　　You　of　all　others？　　But　you　are　talking　at　random；　Miss

Mayhew。　　When　you　learn　the　truth　you　will　look　and　speak　very

differently。　　And　you　shall　learn　it　now。　　You　once　told　me　of　a

wicked　and　desperate　purpose　to　which　you　were　driven　by　the　wrong

of　others。　　Your　sin　seems　to　me　a　deed　of　light　compared　with

the　act　I　have　been　led　to　commit；　under　the　guidance　of　my　proud

reason；　my　superior　judgement；　my　cool；　well…balanced　natureinfernally

cool　it　was；　indeed！　　Pardon　me；　but　I　am　beside　myself　with　rage

and　self…loathing。　　True；　I　have　not　been　intentionally　false；

but　there　are　circumstances　in　which　folly；　weakness；　and　stupid

blundering　are　nearly　as　bad；　and　the　results　quite　as　bad。　　What

can　you　say　of　the　man　who　pays　open　suit　and　makes　a　distinct　offer

and　pledge　to　a　lady；　and　the　retreats　from　that　suit　and　breaks

that　pledge；　and　through　no　fault　whatever　in　the　lady　herself？

What　can　you　say　of　that　man　when　the　lady　is　a　poor　and　orphaned

girl；　whom　any　one　with　a　spark　of　honor　would　shield　with　his　life；

but　that　he　is　a　base；　fickle　wretch；　who　deserves　the　contempt　of

all　good　men　and　women；　and　that　he　ought　to　beas　he　shall　bea

vagabond　on　the　face　of　the　earth？〃



Ida　had　buried　her　face　in　her　hands　as　she　learned　how　thoroughly

Van　Berg　had　committed　himself　to　Miss　Burton；　and　the　artist

concluded；　abruptly：　　〃One　thing　is　certain；　he　has　no　right　to　be

here。　　I　shall　not　wait　and　see　your　look　of　scorn；　orworseof

pity；　for　I　could　not　endure　it；〃　and　he　snatched　up　his　sketch…book

and　was　about　to　hasten　from　the　place；　when　Ida　sprang　forward

and　said　passionately：



〃Wait。　　This　is　all　wrong。　　Answer　me　thiswhen　you　discovered

the　awful　crime；　which　in　heart　I　had　already　committed；　how　did

you　treat　me？〃



〃Your　purpose　was　wicked；　but　not　base。〃



〃You　have　not　intended　to　be　either　base　or　wicked；〃　she　began。



〃Hush！〃　he　interrupted　sternly；　〃you　shall　not　palliate　my　weakness

by　smooth　words；　and　to　a　man；　weakness　and　stupidity；　in　some

circumstances；　are　more　contemptible　than　crime。　　Oh；　how　I　envy

Stanton！　　His　course　has　been　straightforward；　noble；　regalI　have

acted　like　one　of　the　'canaille。'〃



〃You　deeply　regret　then；　that　your　feelings　have　so　changed　towards

Miss　Burton？〃　said　Ida；　with　her　eyes　again　fastened　upon　his　face。



〃I　do　not　think　my　feelings　have　changed　towards　her；〃　he　replied；

〃she　is　admirable；　perfect；　and　I　honor　her　from　the　depths　of　my

heart。　　Don't　you　see？　　I　mistook　my　deep　respect；　sympathy；　and

admiration　for　something　more；　and　I　smiled　complacently　in　my

superior　way　and　flattered　myself　that　it　was　in　this　eminently

well…bred　and　rational　manner　that　Harold　Van　Berg　would　pay　his

addresses　to　a　lady；　and　that　Stanton's　absorbing　passion　was　only

the　result　of　ungoverned；　unbalanced　natureaccursed　prig　that　I

was！　　While　in　this　very　complacent　and　superior　condition　of　mind

I　committed　myself　to　a　course　that　I　cannot　carry　out；　and　yet

my　failure　to　do　so　slays　my　honor　and　self…respect。　　Now；　I　have

been　as　explicit　with　you　as　you　were　with　me；　and　with　what　you

have　seen　of　yourself；　you　know　the　whole　miserable　truth。　　By　a

strange　fate　we　who　only　met　a　few　months　since　have　come　to　share

a　common；　very　sad　knowledge。　　The　memory　of　your　own　past；　and

I　suppose；　your　Christian　faith　also；　have　made　you　very　merciful

and　generous；　but　I　shall　tax　these　qualities　no　further。〃



〃What　will　you　do；　Mr。　Van　Berg？〃　Ida　asked　in　sudden　dread。



〃I　shall　never　look　Miss　Burton　in　the　face　again；　and　after　I　have

written　to　her　simply　and　briefly　what　I　have　told　you；　her　regret

will　be　small　indeed。　　Good…by；　Miss　Mayhew。　　If　I　stay　any　longer

I　may　speak　words　to　you　that　would　be　insults；　coming　from　me。〃



〃Stay；〃　she　said；　earnestly；　〃I　have　something　very　important　to

say　to　you。〃



He　hesitated　and　looked　at　her　in　strong　surprise。



〃Give　me　a　few　minutes　to　think；〃　she　pleaded；　and　he　saw；　from　the

quick　rise　and　fall　of　her　bosom　and　the　nervous　clasp　of　her　hands；

that　she　was　deeply　agitated。　　She　turned　from　him　and　looked

wistfully　at　the　young　tree　on　which　she　had　inscribed　her　name　the

day　she　had　promised　Mr。　Eltinge　to　receive　all　heavenly　influences

and　guidance。　　She　soon　lifted　her　eyes　above　the　tree　and　her　lips

moved　in　earnest　prayer　as　ever　came　from　a　human　heart。　　She　was

facing　the　sorest　temptation　of　her　life；　for　she　had　only　to　be

silent　now；　she　believed；　and　the　success　of　her　efforts　to　win

him　from　Jennie　Burton　would　be　complete。　　If　left　to　himself　in

this　wild；　distracted　mood　he　would　indeed　break　every　tie　that

bound　him　to　her　rival；　but　after　time　had　blunted　his　poignant

self…condemnation　he　would　inevitably　come　back　to　her。　　The

conscience　whispered：　　〃Who　forgave　you　here？　　What　did　you　promise

here？　　What　does　that　tree　mean　with　its　branches　reaching　out

towards　heaven？　　What　would　you　think　of　Jennie　Burton　were　she

trying　to　win　him　from　you？〃



〃O　Friend　of　the　weak！　be　though　my　strength　in　this　moment　of

desperate　need；〃　she　sighed。



Van　Berg　watched　her　with　increasing　wonder；　and　his　heart　beat

thick　and　fast　as　she　at　last　turned　to　him　with　an　expression　such

as　he　never　had　seen　before　on　a　human　face。　　Was　it　the　autumn

sunlight　that　illumined　her　features？　　He　learned　eventually　that

it　was　the　spiritual　radiance　of　the　noblest　self…sacrifice　of

which　a　woman　is　capable。



〃Mr。　Van　Berg；〃　she　said；　in　tones　that　were　quiet　and　firm；　〃please

take　Mr。　Eltinge's　seat；　for　I　wish　to　speak　to　you　as　a　friend。〃



He　obeyed　mechanically；　without　removing　his　eyes　from　her　face。



〃I　once　took　counsel　of　passion　and　despair；〃　she　resumed；　〃and　you

know　what　might　have　resulted；　but　on　this　spot　God　forgave　me　and

I　promised　to　try　to　do　right。　　With　shame　I　confess　I　have　not

fully　kept　that　promise；　but　I　shall　try　to　do　so　hereafter；　be

the　consequences　what　they　may。　　Pardon　me　for　speaking　so　plainly；

but　you　are　now　taking　counsel　of　passion　and　turning　your　back

on　duty。　　While　almost　ins