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a face illumined-第70节

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who had fled from him the evening before; much less the despairing;

desperate woman who had given him the drug with which she had

intended to end her existence。  They who see conventional surfaces

only know but little of life。



Truthful as she was trying to be; she was puzzling him more than

ever; although he was giving a great deal of thought to the problem。











Chapter XLIII。  A 〃Heavenly Mystery。〃









While Ida's manner at the breakfast…table was quiet and self…possessed;

she still maintained the same distant bearing which had been

characteristic the evening before。  It was evident to Van Berg;

however; that pride; wounded vanity; and resentment were no longer

the motives for the seclusion in which she sought to remain; even

while under the eyes of others。  It was the natural shrinking of

one who would hide weakness; trouble; and imperfection。  It was

the bearing of one who had been deeply humiliated; and who was

conscious of a partial estrangement towards those having a knowledge

of this humiliation。  Thus far he could understand her; and in the

proportion she was depressed and withdrew from social recognition

and encouragement; his sympathy and respect were drawn out towards

her。



〃She is not trivial and superficial; as I supposed;〃 he thought

twenty times that morning。  〃There is not a sudden calm after

the storm that has been raging; as would be the case were she in

character like a shallow pool。  Her manner now proves daily the

largeness of the nature that has been so deeply moved; and which;

like the agitated sea; regains its peace but slowly;〃 and the sagacious

Van Berg; whose imagination was not under very good control began

to react into the other extreme; and query whether Ida Mayhew's

moral nature; now that it was aroused; was not her chief characteristic。



Meanwhile; the subject of his many…colored speculations had driven

away in the low basket phaeton; having first explained briefly to

her mother that she intended to spend the morning again with the

two old people she had visited the previous day。



Stanton volunteered this amount of information to his friend; and

there was much surmise and curiosity in their minds in regard to

these 〃old people;〃 and her motive in seeking them。  But even Mrs。

Mayhew had begun to realize that they must take Ida at her word

and leave her to herself。



It was with something even more than hopefulness that Ida drew near

to the garden again。  She was alive; that fact; in contrast with

what might have been; was like solid ground beneath her feet。  Then;

again; in the place of the cold; distant manner of the guests; after

the departure of Sibley; she had already noticed friendly glances

and an evident disposition to make amends。  It also gave her not a

little satisfaction that her cousin and the artist were experiencing

such sincere compunctions; and were realizing the enormity of their

offence。  Ida was very human; and always would be。  She was also

a little elated over the fact that she had been able to tell the

truth the evening before。  The memory; however; that nestled most

warmly in her heart was the assertion of Van Berg; 〃I NEED your

forgiveness。〃  〃How much does that mean?〃 she asked herself again

and again。  〃Does he really wish to be a friend; or is he only

trying to smooth over matters and calm me down so he can leave me

decorously; as after our hateful episode on the stage?〃



Her wishes colored her thoughts。  〃He spoke too earnestly to mean

so little;〃 she said to herself; with a dreamy smile that Van Berg;

as an artist merely; would have given much to see。



After all; perhaps one of the chief causes of her reviving spirits

was in the fact she was young。  She could not take a very sombre

view of life that fresh summer morning; even in view of the past and

the future; and her manner of greeting Mr。 Eltinge and of telling

her experiences since they parted suggested to him that she was

gaining in self…complacency; earthly hope; and youthful spirits;

rather than in the deep and lasting peace and moral strength which

is built up from the Living Rock。  She was finding relief from

depression and suffering from causes as transient as they were

superficial。  Chief of all; she had not realized as he had supposed

the shadow of the awful crime that was resting upon her; and the

need of God's forgiveness。  Almost unconsciously the old man; wise

and experienced in spiritual life; sighed deeply as she finished

her story。



Her quick ear caught the sigh; and her woman's intuition gathered

from his face that the outlook did not seem so encouraging to him。

Her heart began to sink; and she said earnestly:



〃Mr。 Eltinge; I've tried to be true; I want you to be faithful to

me。  Don't hide anything from me。〃



Yes; my child;〃 he replied gravely; 〃you are sincereyou hide

nothing。  I think I understand you。  I thank God he gave you strength

last night to tell the truth under very trying circumstances; and

you have greatly increased my respect for you that you did so。  But;

to use a little figurative language; if I were your doctor I might

tell you that you don't realize how sick you are and have been。

There have been some encouraging symptoms and circumstances; and

your spirits and hope are reviving; and you are looking to these

things rather than to him who taketh away the sin of the world。  I

tried to encourage you yesterday; my child; because I saw you were

deeply depressed; and to discourage us is one of the chief aims

of the Evil One。  I do not wish to discourage you to…dayfar from

itbut I wish to realize that only the forgiveness and healing

touch of the Son of God are equal to your need。



〃My child;〃 he continued; with a solemnity that made her grow very

pale; 〃suppose I should take you to a room in the house there; show

you a fair girl with eyes that should look for her duty in life

closed forever; and the hands that should faithfully and bravely

do it paralyzed in death。  Suppose I should tell you that I had

given her a poisonous drug the night before; what would I be?〃



〃A murderer;〃 whispered the girl with eyes dilated with fear and

horror。



〃Yes;〃 said the old man; shaking his head sadly; 〃I would have

destroyed a life that God had given; and destroyed endless chances

for happiness and usefulness; and sent a poor soul to judgement;

perhaps unforgiven and unprepared。  My child; it cuts me to the heart

to pain you so; but the physician's probe must go to the depth of

the wound。  It is no kindness to the patient to put on a soothing

surface application and leave death to rankle in the blood。  We

have no reason to believe that in the eye of God he that destroys

himself is any the less guilty than he that kills another; and even

in the judgment of man it's a cowardly flight from misfortunes that

should be triumphed over with courage and patience; or endured with

fortitude and resignation。  Mark my words; it is only a flight;

not an escape; for every evil you sought to shun would have been

intensified and rendered eternal。  Now; the simple truth is; we

hold our own lives in trust from God; to be used according to his

will; and we have no more right to destroy the life he entrusts to

us than the life he gives to others。〃



Ida had buried her face in her hands and was trembling violently。



〃I did not realize it before;〃 she murmured in a low; shuddering

tone。  〃Oh; what shall I do?  What shall I do?  Why doesn't the

earth open and swallow me up?〃



The old man came to her side again; and placing his right hand

gently on her bowed head and holding a Bible in his left; continued

in grave by very gentle tones:



〃Take this Book; my child; it will tell you what to do。  It will

tell you that merciful and all…powerful arms are open to receive

you; and not a hopeless grave。  The Son of God has said to the heavy

laden; 'Come unto me;' and 'whosoever cometh I will in nowise cast

out。' Heaven is full; my child; of just such guilty souls as yours;

but it was HE who saved them。  It was His precious blood that washed

them whiter than snow。  When you seek for forgiveness and healing

at His feet all will be well; but not till then; and not elsewhere。〃



〃O; Mr。 Eltinge;〃 she sobbed; 〃you have pierced my heart as with

a sword。〃



〃I have; indeed; my poor childwith the sword of truth; and what's

more; I can't heal the wound I've made。〃



〃What shall I do? oh; what shall I do?〃 and she fairly writhed in

the agony of her remorse。



〃'Behold the Lamb of God; that taketh away the sin of the world;'〃

he said gently but firmly; and his strong faith and the words of

Holy Writ were like a rock; at which; from out of the overwhelming

torrent of her remorseful despair; she grasped as her one chance;

her one hope。



Lifting her streaming eyes to heaven; and clasping her hands; she

cried passionately:



〃O Christ; hope of the

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