a face illumined-第64节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



His　mind　and　taste　had　been　fostered　with　untiring　care；　and　yet

every　new　development　praised　as　unstintedly　as　if　all　were　of

native　growth。　　Fortunately　he　abounded　in　virile　force　and　good

sense；　and　so　gradually　passed　from　self…complacency　and　conceit

to　the　self…reliance　and　courage　of　a　strong　man；　who；　while　aware

of　his　ability　and　vantage…ground；　also　recognizes　the　fact　that

nothing　can　take　the　place　of　skillfully　directed　industry　in

well…defined　directions。　　The　confidence　that　had　been　created　by

the　favorable　conditions　of　his　lot　had　been　increased　far　more

by　the　knowledge　that　he　could　go　out　into　the　world　and　hold　his

own　among　men　on　the　common　ground　of　hard　work　and　innate　strength。

He　expected　esteem；　respectful　courtesyand　even　admirationas

a　matter　of　course。　　They　were　in　part　his　birthright　and　partly

the　result　of　his　own　achievement；　and　he　received　them　as　quietly

as　his　customary　income。　　Their　presence　was　like　his　excellent

health；　to　which　he　scarcely　gave　a　thought；　but　their　withdrawal

would　have　affected　him　keenly；　although　he　had　never　considered

the　possibility　of　such　a　thing。



What　in　him　was　confidence　and　self…reliance　had　been　in　Ida　little

else　than　vanity　and　pride；　and　these；　circumstances　had　enabled

him　to　wound　unto　death。　　He　had；　from　the　first；　calmly　and

philosophically　recognized　the　fact　that　he　must　break　down；　in

part；　the　Chinese　wall　of　her　self…approval；　before　any　elevating

ideas　and　ennobling　impulses　could　enter；　and　as　much　through

unforeseen　events　as　by　his　effort；　this　had　been　done　to　a　degree

that　threatened　results　that　appalled　him。　　He　had　been　taught

thoroughly　that　faulty　and　ignorant　as　she　undoubtedly　was；　she

was　by　no　means　shallow　or　weak。　　To　his　mind　the　depth　of　her

despondency　was　the　measure　of　her　power　to　realize　her　imperfection；

for　he　now　supposed　her　depression　was　caused　immediately　by　the

fact　that　she　had　been　so　harshly　misjudged；　but　in　the　main　because

of　her　resemblance　to　the　flower　he　had　tossed　away　and　which　he　now

remembered；　with　deep　satisfaction；　was　in　his　note…book；　ready　to

aid　in　the　reassuring　and　encouraging　work　upon　which　he　was　eager

to　enter。



He　did　not　dream　that　by　tactics　the　reverse　of　those　pursued　by

her　numerous　admirers　he　had　won　her　heart；　and　that　the　apparent

hopelessness　of　her　passion　had　outweighed　all　other　burdens。



Her　kindest　sentiment　towards　him；　he　believed；　was　the　cold　respect；

mingled　with　fear　and　dislike；　in　which　a　sever　but　honest　critic

is　sometimes　held；　and　as　he　recalled　his　course　towards　her　he

now　felt　that　she　had　little　reason　for　even　this　degree　of　regard。

He　had　awakened　her　sleeping　mind　not　to　an　atmosphere　of　kindness

and　sympathy　like　that　in　which　the　beauty　in　the　fabled　castle

had　revived；　but　to　a　biting　frost　of　harsh　criticism　and　unjust

suspicion。　　That　there　seemed；　at　the　time；　good　reason　for　these

on　his　part　did　not　make　it　any　easier　for　her　to　bear　them；

and　in　the　fact　that　he　had　so　misunderstood　and　wronged　her；　his

confidence　in　his　own　sagacity　received　the　severest　shock　it　had

ever　experienced。　　He　felt　that　he　could　never　go　forward　in　life

with　his　old　assured　tread　and　manner。



Moreover　the　kindness　and　respect　which　he　now　proposed　to　show

Ida　were　caused　more　by　compunction　and　fear　than　by　any　warmer

and　friendlier　motive。　　He　wished　to　make　amends　for　his　injustice；

to　reassure　the　girl；　to　smooth　over　matters　and　extricate　himself

from　his　fateful　office　of　critic。　　This　experimenting　with　human

souls　for　artistic　purposes　was　a　much　more　serious　matter　than

he　could　have　imagined。　　He　had　entered　upon　it　as　a　part　of　his

summer　recreation；　but　had　found　himself　playing　with　forces　that

had　well…nigh　destroyed　him　as　well　as　the　subject　of　his　fancied

skill。　　Hereafter　he　proposed　to　illumine　faces　with　thought；

feeling；　and　spiritual　beauty　on　canvas　only；　so　that；　in　case　he

should　become　discouraged　or　disgusted　with　his　efforts　and　throw

the　work　aside；　there　might　be　no　such　tragic　protest　as　Ida

Mayhew　had　almost　offered。　　While　he　pitied；　and　now　in　a　certain

sense　respected　her；　she　filled　him　with　the　uncomfortable　dread

and　nervous　apprehension　which　rash　and　unbalanced　natures　always

inspire。　　The　charge　he　had　given　Stanton　revealed　his　opinion。

She　was　one　who　must　be　watched　over；　not　with　the　tender　care　and

sympathy　that　he　hoped　to　bestow　on　Jennie　Burton；　but　with　kind；

yet　firm　and　wary　vigilance；　in　order　to　prevent　action　dangerous

both　to　herself　and　others；　and　a　heavy；　anxious　task　he　believed

such　care　would　be。



His　aim　was　not　to　heal　the　wounds　he　had　made　by　a　decided

manifestation　of　kindness　and　respect　which　should　be　as　sincere

as　possible　in　view　of　his　knowledge　of　her　faults；　and　if　her

present　good　impulses　were　anything　more　than　passing　moods；　to

encourage　them；　as　far　as　he　could；　and　then　retire　from　the　scene

as　soon　as　circumstances　permitted。　　He　had　been　too　thoroughly

frightened　to　wish　to　continue　in　the　role　of　a　spiritual　reformer；

and　he　had　a　growing　perception　that；　with　his　present　motive　and

knowledge；　the　work　was　infinitely　beyond　him。　　He　began　to　fear

that　he　was　like　certain　physicians；　whose　skill　consists　chiefly

in　their　power　to　aggravate　disease　rather　than　to　cure　it。　　He

had　found　Ida　a　vain；　silly　girl；　apparently。　　He　had　parted　the

previous　evening　from　a　desperate　woman；　capable　of　self…destruction；

and　her　letter　inseparably　linked　him　with　the　marvellous　change。

Thus　he　gained　the　uneasy　impression　that　there　was　too　much

nitro…glycerine　in　human　nature　in　general；　and　in　Ida　Mayhew　in

particular；　for　him　to　use　such　material　in　working　out　metaphysical

and　artistic　problems。



At　the　end　of　his　long　morning　walk　he　concluded：



〃Poor　child！　after　her　eyes　were　opened　she　could　not　help　seeing

a　great　deal　that　was　exceedingly　depressing。　　In　regard　to　her

parents；　she　is　far　worse　off　than　if　orphaned。　　In　regard　to　herself；

she　finds　that　her　best　years　are　gone；　and　she　has　neither　culture

of　mind　nor　heartthat　her　beauty　is　but　a　mask　that　cannot　long

conceal　the　enduring　imperfection　and　deformity　of　her　character。

She　associates　these　discoveries　with　me　because　I　first　disturbed

her　vanity；　but　the　beauty　of　Jennie　Burton's　life；　the　dastardly

behavior　of　Sibley；　and　the　deep　humiliation　received　through　him；

with　other　circumstances；　have　all　combined　to　bring　about　the

revelation。　　And　yet；　confound　it　all！　I　did　act　the　stupid　Pharisee

on　several　occasions；　and　I　might　as　well　own　it　both　to　her　and

myself。　　A　Pharisee　is　a　fool　'per　se。'　Well；　I'm　sorry　to　say；　her

outlook　for　life　is　dark　at　best；　even　if　she　were　not　so　fearfully

rash　and　unbalanced。　　As　it　is　I　expect　to　hear　some　sad　story　of

Ida　Mayhew　before　many　years　pass。　　I'll　try　to　brighten　a　few　days

for　her；　however；　before　I　go　to　town；　and　then　the　farther　we　can

drift　apart　the　better。　　How　delightful；　in　contrast；　is　the　sense

of　rest　and　security　that　Jennie　Burton　always　inspires　in　spite

of　her　sad　mystery。〃











Chapter　XLI。　　The　Protestant　Confessional。









Ida's　sleep　was　almost　as　deep　and　quiet；　and　when　her　mother　stole

in　to　look　at　her　from　time　to　time　the　following　morning；　her　face

was　as　colorless；　as　if　she　had　taken　the　drug　which　Van　Berg's

heel　had　ground　into　the　earth；　but　Mrs。　Mayhew　observed　with

satisfaction　that　her　respiration　was　as　regular　and　natural　as

that　of　a　little　child。　　Wronged　nature　will；　to　a　certain　extent；

forgive　the　young　and　restore　to　them　the　priceless　treasures　of

health　and　strength　they　throw　away。　　Ida　had　been　a　sad　spendthrift

of　both　lately；　but　now　that　the　evil　spell　was　broken；　the　poor

worn　body　and　mind　sank　into　a　long　and　merciful　oblivion；　during

which　a　new　life　began　to　flow　back　from　the；　as　yet；　unexhausted

fountain　of　youth。



She　awoke　late　in　the　morning；　and　it　was　some　moments　before　she

could　recall　all　that　had　happened。　　Then；　as　she　remembered　her

dreadful　purpose；　there　came　a　strong　rush　of　grateful　feeling　that

she　HAD　awakenedthat　life　and　its　opportunities　were　still　hers。



For　a　moment　she　portrayed　to　herself　what　she　had　supposed　would

have　happened　that　dayshe　imagined　herself　lying　white　and

stillthe　people　coming　and　going　on　tiptoe　and　speaking　in　hushed

tones；　as　if　death　were　but　a　troubled　and　easily　broken　sleep；

while　they　looked　at　her　with　faces　in　which　curiosity　and　horror

were　equally　blended；　she　saw　her　father　staring　at　her　in　utter

despair；　and　her　mother　trying；　in　a　pitifully　helpless　way；　to

think　how　appearances　might　still　be　kept　up　and　a　little　shred　of

respectability　retained。　　She　saw　the　artist　looking　at　her　with

stern；　white　face；　and　heard　him　mutter：　　〃What　were　you　to　me

that　you　should　commit　this　awful　deed　and　lay　it　at