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Conscientious　Objector　had　eaten　all　the　food　and　was　〃carrying　on

outrageous〃　in　the　coffee…room。　　On　hearing　this　report　those　who　were

assembledbeing　four　commercial　travellers　far　gone　in　liquortaking　up

the　weapons　which　came　nearest　to　handto　wit；　four　syphonsformed

themselves　two　deep　and　marched　into　the　coffee…room。　　Aware　at　once　from

Mr。　Lavender's　white　hair　and　words　that　he　was　not　the　Objector　in

question；　they　advanced　upon　the　young　man；　who　was　still　seated；　and

taking　up　the　four　points　of　the　compass；　began　squirting　him

unmercifully　with　soda…water。　　Blinded　and　dripping；　the　unfortunate

young　fellow　tried　desperately　to　elude　the　cordon　of　his　persecutors；

only　to　receive　a　fresh　stream　in　his　face　at　each　attempt。　　Seeing　him

thus　tormented；　amid　the　coarse　laughter　of　these　half…drunken

〃travellers；〃　Mr。　Lavender　suffered　a　moment　of　the　most　poignant

struggle　between　his　principles　and　his　chivalry。　　Then；　almost

unconsciously　grasping　the　ham…bone；　he　advanced　and　called　out　loudly：



〃Stop！　　Do　not　persecute　that　young　man。　　You　are　four　and　he　is　one。

Drop　it；　I　tell　youHuns　that　you　are！〃



The　commercial　fellows；　however；　laughed；　and　this　infuriating　Mr。

Lavender；　he　dealt　one　of　them　a　blow　with　the　ham…bone；　which；　lighting

on　the　funny　point　of　his　elbow；　caused　him　to　howl　and　spin　round　the

room。　　One　of　the　others　promptly　avenged　him　with　a　squirt　of　syphon　in

Mr。　Lavender's　left　eye；　whereon　he　incontinently　attacked　them　all；

whirling　the　ham…bone　round　his　head　like　a　shillelagh。　　And　had　it　not

been　that　Blink　and　the　maid　seized　his　coat…tails　he　would　have　done

them　severe　injury。　　It　was　at　this　moment　that　Joe　Petty；　attracted　by

the　hullabaloo；　arrived　in　the　doorway；　and　running　up　to　his　master；

lifted　him　from　behind　and　carried　him　from　the　room；　still　brandishing

the　ham…bone　and　kicking　out　with　his　legs。　　Dumping　him　into　the　car；

Joe　mounted　hastily　and　drove　off。　　Mr。　Lavender　sat　for　two　or　three

minutes　coming　to　his　senses　before　full　realization　of　what　he　had　done

dawned　on　him。　　Then；　flinging　the　ham…bone　from　him；　he　sank　back　among

the　cushions；　with　his　chin　buried　on　his　chest。　　〃What　have　I　done？〃　he

thought　over　and　over　again。　　〃What　have　I　done？　　Taken　up　the　bone　for　a

Conscientious　Objectordefended　a　renegade　against　great　odds！　My　God！

I　am　indeed　less　than　a　public　man！〃



And　in　this　state　of　utter　dejection；　inanition；　and　collapse；　with　Blink

asleep　on　his　feet；　he　was　driven　back　to　Hampstead。









X



DREAMS　A　DREAM　AND　SEES　A　VISION



Though　habitually　abstemious；　Mr。　Lavender　was　so　very　hungry　that

evening　when　he　sat　down　to　supper　that　he　was　unable　to　leave　the

lobster　which　Mrs。　Petty　had　provided　until　it　was　reduced　to　mere

integument。　　Since　his　principles　prevented　his　lightening　it　with

anything　but　ginger…beer　he　went　to　bed　in　some　discomfort；　and；　tired

out　with　the　emotions　of　the　day；　soon　fell　into　a　heavy　slumber；　which

at　dawn　became　troubled　by　a　dream　of　an　extremely　vivid　character。　　He

fancied　himself；　indeed；　dressed　in　khaki；　with　a　breastplate　composed　of

newspapers　containing　reports　of　speeches　which　he　had　been　charged　to

deliver　to　soldiers　at　the　front。　　He　was　passing　in　a　winged　tank　along

those　scenes　of　desolation　of　which　he　had　so　often　read　in　his　daily

papers；　and　which　his　swollen　fancy　now　coloured　even　more　vividly　than

had　those　striking　phrases　of　the　past；　when　presently　the　tank　turned　a

somersault；　and　shot　him　out　into　a　morass　lighted　up　by　countless　star…

shells　whizzing　round　and　above。　　In　this　morass　were　hundreds　and

thousands　of　figures　sunk　like　himself　up　to　the　waist；　and　waving　their

arms　above　their　heads。　　〃These；〃　thought　Mr。　Lavender；　〃must　be　the

soldiers　I　have　come　to　speak　to；〃　and　he　tore　a　sheet　off　his

breastplate；　but　before　he　could　speak　from　its　columns　it　became　thin

air　in　his　hand；　and　he　went　on　tearing　off　sheet　after　sheet；　hoping　to

find　a　speech　which　would　stay　solid　long　enough　for　him　to　deliver　it。

At　last　a　little　corner　stayed　substantial　in　his　hand；　and　he　called　out

in　a　loud　voice：　〃Heroes！〃



But　at　the　word　the　figures　vanished　with　a　wail；　sinking　into　the　mud；

which　was　left　covered　with　bubbles　iridescent　in　the　light　of　the　star…

shells。　　At　this　moment　one　of　these；　bursting　over　his　head；　turned　into

a　large　bright　moon；　and　Mr。　Lavender　saw　to　his　amazement　that　the

bubbles　were　really　butterflies；　perched　on　the　liquid　moonlit　mud；

fluttering　their　crimson　wings；　and　peering　up　at　him　with　tiny　human

faces。　　〃Who　are　you？〃　he　cried；　〃oh！　who　are　you？〃　　The　butterflies

closed　their　wings；　and　on　each　of　their　little　faces　came　a　look　so　sad

and　questioning　that　Mr。　Lavender's　tears　rolled　down　into　his

breastplate　of　speeches。　　A　whisper　rose　from　them。　　〃We　are　the　dead。〃

And　they　flew　up　suddenly　in　swarms；　and　beat　his　face　with　their　wings。



Mr。　Lavender　woke　up　sitting　in　the　middle　of　the　floor；　with　light

shining　in　on　him　through　a　hole　in　the　curtain；　and　Blink　licking　off

the　tears　which　were　streaming　down　his　face。



〃Blink；〃　he　said；　〃I　have　had　a　horrible　dream。〃　　And　still　conscious　of

that　weight　on　his　chest；　as　of　many　undelivered　speeches；　he　was　afraid

to　go　back　to　bed；　so；　putting　on　some　clothes；　he　went　carefully

downstairs　and　out　of　doors　into　the　morning。　　He　walked　with　his　dog

towards　the　risen　sun；　alone　in　the　silvery　light　of　Hampstead；

meditating　deeply　on　his　dream。　　〃I　have　evidently；〃　he　thought；　〃not　yet

acquired　that　felicitous　insensibility　which　is　needful　for　successful

public　speaking。　　This　is　undoubtedly　the　secret　of　my　dream。　　For　the

sub…conscious　knowledge　of　my　deficiency　explains　the　weight　on　my　chest

and　the　futile　tearing　of　sheet　after　sheet；　which　vanished　as　I　tore

them　away。　　I　lack　the　self…complacency　necessary　to　the　orator　in　any

surroundings；　and　that　golden　certainty　which　has　enchanted　me　in　the

outpourings　of　great　men；　whether　in　ink　or　speech。　　This　is；　however；　a

matter　which　I　can　rectify　with　practice。〃　　And　coming　to　a　little　may…

tree　in　full　blossom；　he　thus　addressed　it：



〃Little　tree；　be　my　audience；　for　I　see　in　you；　tipped　with　the　sunlight；

a　vision　of　the　tranquil　and　beautiful　world；　which；　according　to　every

authority；　will　emerge　out　of　this　carnival　of　blood　and　iron。〃



And　the　little　tree　lifted　up　its　voice　and　answered　him　with　the　song　of

a　blackbird。



Mr。　Lavender's　heart；　deeply　responsive　to　the　voice　of　Nature；　melted

within　him。



〃What　are　the　realms　of　this　earth；　the　dreams　of　statesmen；　and　all

plots　and　policies；〃　he　said；　〃compared　with　the　beauty　of　this　little

tree？　　Sheor　is　it　a　he？breathes；　in　her　wild　and　simple　dress；　just

to　be　lovely　and　loved。　　He　harbours　the　blackbird；　and　shakes　fragrance

into　the　morning；　and　with　her　blossom　catches　the　rain　and　the　sun　drops

of　heaven。　　I　see　in　him　the　witchery　of　God；　and　of　her　prettiness　would

I　make　a　song　of　redemption。〃



So　saying　he　knelt　down　before　the　little　tree；　while　Blink　on　her

haunches；　very　quiet　beside　him；　looked　wiser　than　many　dogs。



A　familiar　gurgling　sound　roused　him　from　his　devotions；　and　turning　his

head　he　saw　his　young　neighbour　in　the　garb　of　a　nurse；　standing　on　the

path　behind　him。　　〃She　has　dropped　from　heaven；〃　he　thought　for　all

nurses　are　angels。



And；　taking　off　his　hat；　he　said：



〃You　surprised　me　at　a　moment　of　which　I　am　not　ashamed；　I　was　communing

with　Beauty。　　And　behold！　　Aurora　is　with　me。〃



〃Say；　rather；　Borealis；〃　said　the　young　lady。　　〃I　was　so　fed…up　with

hospital　that　I　had　to　have　a　scamper　before　turning　in。　　If　you're　going

home　we　might　go　together？〃



〃It　would；　indeed；　be　a　joy；〃　said　Mr。　Lavender。　　〃The　garb　of　mercy

becomes　you。〃



〃Do　you　think　so？〃　replied　the　young　lady；　in　whose　cheeks　a　lovely　flush

had　not　deepened。　　〃I　call　it　hideous。　　Do　you　always　come　out　and　pray

to　that　tree？〃



〃I　am　ashamed　to　say；〃　returned　Mr。　Lavender；　〃that　I　do　not。　　But　I

intend　to　do　so　in　future；　since　it　has　brought　me　such　a　vision。



And　he　looked　with　such　deferential　and　shining　eyes　at　his　companion

that　she　placed　the　back　of　her　hand　before　her　mouth；　and　her　breast

rose。



〃I'm　most　fearfully　sleepy；〃　she　said。　　〃Have　you　had　any　adventures

latelyyou　and　Samjoe？



〃Samjoe？〃　repeated　Mr。　Lavender。



〃Your　chauffeurI　call　him　that。　　He's　very　like　Sam　Weller　and　Sancho

Panza；　don't　you　think；　Don　Pickwixote？



〃Ah！〃　said　Mr。　Lavender；　bewildered；　〃Joe；　you　mean。　　A　good　fellow。　　He

has　in　him　the　sort　of　heroism　which　I　admire　more　than　any　other。〃



〃Which　is　that？〃　asked　the　young　lady。



〃That　imperturbable　humour　in　the　face　of　adverse　circumstances　for　which

our　soldiers　are　renowned。〃



〃You　are　a　great　believer　in　heroics；　Don　Pickwixote；〃　said　the　young

lady。



〃Wha