the story of an african farm-第57节
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the light was near her； he thought he could see contractions about her lips
and eyebrows。
He slept on the sofa outside her door。
One night he thought he heard a sound； and； opening it softly； he looked
in。 She was crying out aloud； as if she and her pain were alone in the
world。 The light fell on the red quilt； and the little hands that were
clasped over the head。 The wide…open eyes were looking up； and the heavy
drops fell slowly from them。
〃I cannot bear any more； not any more；〃 she said in a deep voice。 〃Oh；
God； God！ have I not borne in silence？ Have I not endured these long； long
months？ But now； now； oh； God； I cannot！〃
Gregory knelt in the doorway listening。
〃I do not ask for wisdom； not human love； not work； not knowledge； not for
all things I have longed for；〃 she cried； 〃only a little freedom from pain！
Only one little hour without pain！ Then I will suffer again。〃
She sat up； and bit the little hand Gregory loved。
He crept away to the front door； and stood looking out at the quiet
starlight。 When he came back she was lying in her usual posture； the quiet
eyes looking at the lion's claw。 He came close to the bed。
〃You have much pain tonight？〃 he asked her。
〃No； not much。〃
〃Can I do anything for you？〃
〃No； nothing。〃
She still drew her lips together； and motioned with her fingers toward the
dog who lay sleeping at her feet。 Gregory lifted him and laid him at her
side。 She made Gregory turn open the bosom of her nightdress； that the dog
might put his black muzzle between her breasts。 She crossed her arms over
him。 Gregory left them lying there together。
Next day； when they asked her how she was； she answered 〃Better。〃
〃Some one ought to tell her；〃 said the landlady； 〃we can't let her soul go
out into eternity not knowing； especially when I don't think it was all
right about the child。 You ought to go and tell her； doctor。〃
So； the little doctor； edged on and on； went in at last。 When he came out
of the room he shook his fist in the landlady's face。
〃The next time you have any devil's work to do； do it yourself；〃 he said；
and he shook his fist in her face again； and went away swearing。
When Gregory went into the bedroom he only found her moved； her body curled
up； and drawn close to the wall。 He dared not disturb her。 At last； after
a long time； she turned。
〃Bring me food；〃 she said； 〃I want to eat。 Two eggs； and toast； and meat
two large slices of toast； please。〃
Wondering； Gregory brought a tray with all that she had asked for。
〃Sit me up； and put it close to me；〃 she said； 〃I am going to eat it all。〃
She tried to draw the things near her with her fingers； and re…arranged the
plates。 She cut the toast into long strips； broke open both eggs； put a
tiny morsel of bread into her own mouth； and fed the dog with pieces of
meat put into his jaws with her fingers。
〃Is it twelve o'clock yet？〃 she said； 〃I think I do not generally eat so
early。 Put it away； please； carefullyno； do not take it awayonly on
the table。 When the clock strikes twelve I will eat it。〃
She lay down trembling。 After a little while she said：
〃Give me my clothes。〃
He looked at her。
〃Yes； I am going to dress tomorrow。 I should get up now； but it is rather
late。 Put them on that chair。 My collars are in the little box； my boots
behind the door。〃
Her eyes followed him intently as he collected the articles one by one； and
placed them on the chair as she directed。
〃Put it nearer；〃 she said； 〃I cannot see it；〃 and she lay watching the
clothes； with her hand under her cheek。
〃Now open the shutter wide；〃 she said； 〃I am going to read。〃
The old； old tone was again in the sweet voice。 He obeyed her； and opened
the shutter； and raised her up among the pillows。
〃Now bring my books to me；〃 she said； motioning eagerly with her fingers；
〃the large book； and the reviews and the playsI want them all。〃
He piled them round her on the bed； she drew them greedily closer； her eyes
very bright； but her face as white as a mountain lily。
〃Now the big one off the drawers。 No； you need not help me to hold my
book；〃 she said； 〃I can hold it for myself。〃
Gregory went back to his corner； and for a little time the restless turning
over of leaves was to be heard。
〃Will you open the window；〃 she said； almost querulously； 〃and throw this
book out？ It is so utterly foolish。 I thought it was a valuable book； but
the words are merely strung together； they make no sense。 Yesso！〃 she
said with approval； seeing him fling it out into the street。 〃I must have
been very foolish when I thought that book good。〃
Then she turned to read； and leaned her little elbows resolutely on the
great volume； and knit her brows。 This was Shakespeareit must mean
something。
〃I wish you would take a handkerchief and tie it tight round my head； it
aches so。〃
He had not been long in his seat when he saw drops fall from beneath the
hands that shaded the eyes； on to the page。
〃I am not accustomed to so much light； it makes my head swim a little；〃 she
said。 〃Go out and close the shutter。〃
When he came back； she lay shrivelled up among the pillows。
He heard no sound of weeping； but the shoulders shook。 He darkened the
room completely。
When Gregory went to his sofa that night； she told him to wake her early；
she would be dressed before breakfast。 Nevertheless； when morning came；
she said it was a little cold； and lay all day watching her clothes upon
the chair。 Still she sent for her oxen in the country； they would start on
Monday and go down to the Colony。
In the afternoon she told him to open the window wide； and draw the bed
near it。
It was a leaden afternoon； the dull rain…clouds rested close to the roofs
of the houses； and the little street was silent and deserted。 Now and then
a gust of wind eddying round caught up the dried leaves； whirled them
hither and thither under the trees； and dropped them again into the gutter；
then all was quiet。 She lay looking out。
Presently the bell of the church began to toll； and up the village street
came a long procession。 They were carrying an old man to his last resting…
place。 She followed them with her eyes till they turned in among the trees
at the gate。
〃Who was that？〃 she asked。
〃An old man；〃 he answered； 〃a very old man； they say he was ninety…four；
but his name I do not know。〃
She mused a while； looking out with fixed eyes。
〃That is why the bell rang so cheerfully；〃 she said。 〃When the old die it
is well； they have had their time。 It is when the young die that the bells
weep drops of blood。〃
〃But the old love life？〃 he said； for it was sweet to hear her speak。
She raised herself on her elbow。
〃They love life； they do not want to die；〃 she answered； 〃but what of that？
They have had their time。 They knew that a man's life is three…score years
and ten； they should have made their plans accordingly！
〃But the young；〃 she said； 〃the young； cut down； cruelly； when they have
not seen； when they have not knownwhen they have not foundit is for
them that the bells weep blood。 I heard in the ringing it was an old man。
When the old die Listen to the bell！ it is laughing'It is right； it is
right； he has had his time。' They cannot ring so for the young。〃
She fell back exhausted； the hot light died from her eyes； and she lay
looking out into the street。 By and by stragglers from the funeral began
to come back and disappear here and there among the houses； then all was
quiet； and the night began to settle down upon the village street。
Afterward； when the room was almost dark； so that they could not see each
other's faces； she said； 〃It will rain tonight；〃 and moved restlessly on
the pillows。 〃How terrible when the rain falls down on you。〃
He wondered what she meant； and they sat on in the still darkening room。
She moved again。
〃Will you presently take my cloakand new grey cloak from behind the door…
…and go out with it。 You will find a little grave at the foot of the tall
gum…tree； the water drips off the long； pointed leaves； you must cover it
up with that。〃
She moved restlessly as though in pain。
Gregory assented； and there was silence again。 It was the first time she
had ever spoken of her child。
〃It was so small；〃 she said； 〃it lived such a little whileonly three
hours。 They laid it close by me； but I never saw it； I could feel it by
me。〃 She waited； 〃its feet were so cold； I took them in my hand to make
them warm； and my hand closed right over them they were so little。〃 There
was an uneven trembling in the voice。 〃It crept close to me； it wanted to
drink； it wanted to be warm。〃 She hardened herself〃I did not love it；
its father was not my prince； I did not care for it； but it was so little。〃
