the story of an african farm-第44节
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dicynodont； and when hoary monsters wallowed in the mud？ Will he be found
in the aeons that are to come？ We are sparks； we are shadows； we are
pollen； which the next wind will carry away。 We are dying already； it is
all a dream。
〃I know that thought。 When the fever of living is on us； when the desire
to become； to know； to do； is driving us mad； we can use it as an anodyne；
to still the fever and cool our beating pulses。 But it is a poison； not a
food。 If we live on it it will turn our blood to ice； we might as well be
dead。 We must not； Waldo； I want your life to be beautiful； to end in
something。 You are nobler and stronger than I；〃 she said； 〃and as much
better as one of God's great angels is better than a sinning man。 Your
life must go for something。〃
〃Yes； we will work；〃 he said。
She moved closer to him and lay still； his black curls touching her smooth
little head。
Doss； who had lain at his master's side； climbed over the bench； and curled
himself up in her lap。 She drew her skirt up over him； and the three sat
motionless for a long time。
〃Waldo；〃 she said； suddenly； 〃they are laughing at us。〃
〃Who？〃 he asked； starting up。
〃Theythe stars！〃 she said； softly。 〃Do you not see？ There is a little
white； mocking finger pointing down at us from each one of them！ We are
talking of tomorrow and tomorrow； and our hearts are so strong； we are not
thinking of something that can touch us softly in the dark and make us
still forever。 They are laughing at us Waldo。〃
Both sat looking upward。
〃Do you ever pray？〃 he asked her in a low voice。
〃No。〃
〃I never do； but I might when I look up there。 I will tell you；〃 he added；
in a still lower voice； 〃where I could pray。 If there were a wall of rock
on the edge of a world； and one rock stretched out far； far into space； and
I stood alone upon it； alone； with stars above me； and stars below me；I
would not say anything； but the feeling would be prayer。〃
There was an end to their conversation after that； and Doss fell asleep on
her knee。 At last the night…wind grew very chilly。
〃Ah；〃 she said； shivering； and drawing the skirt about her shoulders； 〃I am
cold。 Span…in the horses； and call me when you are ready。〃
She slipped down and walked toward the house； Doss stiffly following her；
not pleased at being roused。 At the door she met Gregory。
〃I have been looking for you everywhere； may I not drive you home？〃 he
said。
〃Waldo drives me；〃 she replied； passing on； and it appeared to Gregory that
she looked at him in the old way； without seeing him。 But before she had
reached the door an idea had occurred to her； for she turned。
〃If you wish to drive me you may。〃
Gregory went to look for Em； whom he found pouring out coffee in the back
room。 He put his hand quickly on her shoulder。
〃You must ride with Waldo； I am going to drive your cousin home。〃
〃But I can't come just now； Greg； I promised Tant Annie Muller to look
after the things while she went to rest a little。〃
〃Well； you can come presently； can't you？ I didn't say you were to come
now。 I'm sick of this thing；〃 said Gregory； turning sharply on his heel。
〃Why must I sit up the whole night because your stepmother chooses to get
married？〃
〃Oh； it's all right； Greg； I only meant〃
But he did not hear her； and a man had come up to have his cup filled。
An hour after Waldo came in to look for her； and found her still busy at
the table。
〃The horses are ready；〃 he said； 〃but if you would like to have one dance
more I will wait。〃
She shook her head wearily。
〃No； I am quite ready。 I want to go。〃
And soon they were on the sandy road the buggy had travelled an hour
before。 Their horses； with heads close together； nodding sleepily as they
walked in the starlight； you might have counted the rise and fall of their
feet in the sand； and Waldo in his saddle nodded drowsily also。 Only Em
was awake； and watched the starlit road with wide…open eyes。 At last she
spoke。
〃I wonder if all people feel so old； so very old； when they get to be
seventeen？〃
〃Not older than before；〃 said Waldo sleepily； pulling at his bridle。
Presently she said again：
〃I wish I could have been a little child always。 You are good then。 You
are never selfish； you like every one to have everything； but when you are
grown up there are some things you like to have all to yourself； you don't
like any one else to have any of them。〃
〃Yes；〃 said Waldo sleepily； and she did not speak again。
When they reached the farmhouse all was dark； for Lyndall had retired as
soon as they got home。
Waldo lifted Em from her saddle； and for a moment she leaned her head on
his shoulder and clung to him。
〃You are very tired；〃 he said； as he walked with her to the door； 〃let me
go in and light a candle for you。〃
〃No； thank you； it is all right；〃 she said。 〃Good night； Waldo； dear。〃
But when she went in she sat long alone in the dark。
Chapter 2。VII。 Waldo Goes Out to Taste Life； and Em Stays At Home and
Tastes It。
At nine o'clock in the evening； packing his bundles for the next morning's
start； Waldo looked up； and was surprised to see Em's yellow head peeping
in at his door。 It was many a month since she had been there。 She said
she had made him sandwiches for his journey； and she stayed a while to help
him put his goods into the saddlebags。
〃You can leave the old things lying about；〃 she said； 〃I will lock the
room； and keep it waiting for you to come back some day。〃
To come back some day！ Would the bird ever return to its cage？ But he
thanked her。 When she went away he stood on the doorstep holding the
candle till she had almost reached the house。 But Em was that evening in
no hurry to enter； and； instead of going in at the back door； walked with
lagging footsteps round the low brick wall that ran before the house。
Opposite the open window of the parlour she stopped。 The little room； kept
carefully closed in Tant Sannie's time； was well lighted by a paraffin
lamp； books and work lay strewn about it； and it wore a bright； habitable
aspect。 Beside the lamp at the table in the corner sat Lyndall； the open
letters and papers of the day's post lying scattered before her； while she
perused the columns of a newspaper。 At the centre table； with his arms
folded on an open paper； which there was not light enough to read； sat
Gregory。 He was looking at her。 The light from the open window fell on
Em's little face under its white kapje as she looked in； but no one glanced
that way。
〃Go and fetch me a glass of water！〃 Lyndall said； at last。
Gregory went out to find it； when he put it down at her side she merely
moved her head in recognition； and he went back to his seat and his old
occupation。 Then Em moved slowly away from the window； and through it came
in spotted； hard…winged insects； to play round the lamp； till； one by one；
they stuck to its glass； and fell to the foot dead。
Ten o'clock struck。 Then Lyndall rose； gathered up her papers and letters；
and wished Gregory good night。 Some time after Em entered； she had been
sitting all the while on the loft ladder； and had drawn her kapje down very
much over her face。
Gregory was piecing together the bits of an envelope when she came in。
〃I thought you were never coming；〃 he said； turning round quickly； and
throwing the fragments onto the floor。 〃You know I have been shearing all
day； and it is ten o'clock already。〃
〃I'm sorry。 I did not think you would be going so soon；〃 she said in a low
voice。
〃I can't hear what you say。 What makes you mumble so？ Well； good night；
Em。〃
He stooped down hastily to kiss her。
〃I want to talk to you； Gregory。〃
〃Well； make haste；〃 he said pettishly。 〃I'm awfully tired。 I've been
sitting here all the evening。 Why couldn't you come and talk before？〃
〃I will not keep you long；〃 she answered very steadily now。 〃I think；
Gregory； it would be better if you and I were never to be married。〃
〃Good Heaven！ Em； what do you mean？ I thought you were so fond of me？
You always professed to be。 What on earth have you taken into your head
now？〃
〃I think it would be better；〃 she said； folding her hands over each other；
very much as though she were praying。
〃Better； Em！ What do you mean？ Even a woman can't take a freak all about
nothing！ You must have some reason for it； and I'm sure I've done nothing
to offend you。 I wrote only today to my sister to tell her to come up next
month to our wedding； and I've been as affectionate and happy as possible。
Comewhat's the matter？〃
He put his arm half round her shoulder； very loosely。
〃I think it would be better；〃 she answered； slowly。
〃Oh； well；〃 he said； drawing himself up； 〃if you won't enter into
explanations you w
