the story of an african farm-第36节

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dress　has　changed　a　little；〃　she　said；　〃and　I　also；　but　not　to　you。　　Hang

the　bag　over　your　other　shoulder；　that　I　may　see　your　face。　　You　say　so

little　that　if　one　does　not　look　at　you　you　are　an　uncomprehended　cipher。

Waldo　changed　the　bag；　and　they　walked　on　side　by　side。　　〃You　have

improved；〃　she　said。　　〃Do　you　know　that　I　have　sometimes　wished　to　see　you

while　I　was　away；　not　often；　but　still　sometimes。〃



They　were　at　the　gate　of　the　first　camp　now。　　Waldo　threw　over　a　bag　of

mealies；　and　they　walked　on　over　the　dewy　ground。



〃Have　you　learnt　much？〃　he　asked　her　simply；　remembering　how　she　had　once

said；　〃When　I　come　back　again　I　shall　know　everything　that　a　human　being

can。〃



She　laughed。



〃Are　you　thinking　of　my　old　boast？　　Yes；　I　have　learnt　something；　though

hardly　what　I　expected；　and　not　quite　so　much。　　In　the　first　place；　I　have

learnt　that　one　of　my　ancestors　must　have　been　a　very　great　fool；　for　they

say　nothing　comes　out　in　a　man　but　one　of　his　forefathers　possessed　it

before　him。　　In　the　second　place；　I　have　discovered　that　of　all　cursed

places　under　the　sun；　where　the　hungriest　soul　can　hardly　pick　up　a　few

grains　of　knowledge；　a　girls'　boarding…school　is　the　worst。　　They　are

called　finishing　schools；　and　the　name　tells　accurately　what　they　are。　

They　finish　everything　but　imbecility　and　weakness；　and　that　they

cultivate。　　They　are　nicely　adapted　machines　for　experimenting　on　the

question；　'Into　how　little　space　a　human　soul　can　be　crushed？'　　I　have　seen

some　souls　so　compressed　that　they　would　have　fitted　into　a　small　thimble；

and　found　room　to　move　therewide　room。　　A　woman　who　has　been　for　many

years　in　one　of　those　places　carries　the　mark　of　the　beast　on　her　till　she

dies；　though　she　may　expand　a　little　afterward；　when　she　breathes　in　the

free　world。〃



〃Were　you　miserable？〃　he　asked；　looking　at　her　with　quick　anxiety。



〃I？no。　　I　am　never　miserable　and　never　happy。　　I　wish　I　were。　　But　I

should　have　run　away　from　the　place　on　the　fourth　day；　and　hired　myself　to

the　first　Boer…woman　whose　farm　I　came　to；　to　make　fire　under　her　soap…pot；

if　I　had　to　live　as　the　rest　of　the　drove　did。　　Can　you　form　an　idea；

Waldo；　of　what　it　must　be　to　be　shut　up　with　cackling　old　women；　who　are

without　knowledge　of　life；　without　love　of　the　beautiful；　without　strength；

to　have　your　soul　cultured　by　them？　　It　is　suffocation　only　to　breathe　the

air　they　breathe；　but　I　made　them　give　me　room。　　I　told　them　I　should

leave；　and　they　knew　I　came　there　on　my　own　account；　so　they　gave　me　a

bedroom　without　the　companionship　of　one　of　those　things　that　were　having

their　brains　slowly　diluted　and　squeezed　out　of　them。　　I　did　not　learn

music；　because　I　had　no　talent；　and　when　the　drove　made　cushions；　and

hideous　flowers　that　the　roses　laugh　at；　and　a　footstool　in　six　weeks　that

a　machine　would　have　made　better　in　five　minutes；　I　went　to　my　room。　　With

the　money　saved　from　such　work　I　bought　books　and　newspapers；　and　at　night

I　sat　up。　　I　read；　and　epitomized　what　I　read；　and　I　found　time　to　write

some　plays；　and　find　out　how　hard　it　is　to　make　your　thoughts　look　anything

but　imbecile　fools　when　you　paint　them　with　ink　and　paper。　　In　the　holidays

I　learnt　a　great　deal　more。　　I　made　acquaintances；　saw　a　few　places　and

many　people；　and　some　different　ways　of　living；　which　is　more　than　any

books　can　show　one。　　On　the　whole；　I　am　not　dissatisfied　with　my　four

years。　　I　have　not　learnt　what　I　expected；　but　I　have　learnt　something

else。　　What　have　you　been　doing？〃



〃Nothing。〃



〃That　is　not　possible。　　I　shall　find　out　by　and　by。〃



They　still　stepped　on　side　by　side　over　the　dewy　bushes。　　Then　suddenly　she

turned　on　him。



〃Don't　you　wish　you　were　a　woman；　Waldo？〃



〃No；〃　he　answered　readily。



She　laughed。



〃I　thought　not。　　Even　you　are　too　worldly…wise　for　that。　　I　never　met　a　man

who　did。　　This　is　a　pretty　ring；〃　she　said；　holding　out　her　little　hand；

that　the　morning　sun　might　make　the　diamonds　sparkle。　　〃Worth　fifty　pounds

at　least。　　I　will　give　it　to　the　first　man　who　tells　me　he　would　like　to　be

a　woman。　　There　might　be　one　on　Robbin　Island　（lunatics　at　the　Cape　are

sent　to　Robbin　Island）　who　would　win　it　perhaps；　but　I　doubt　it　even　there。　

It　is　delightful　to　be　a　woman；　but　every　man　thanks　the　Lord　devoutly　that

he　isn't　one。〃



She　drew　her　hat　to　one　side　to　keep　the　sun　out　of　her　eyes　as　she　walked。

Waldo　looked　at　her　so　intently　that　he　stumbled　over　the　bushes。　　Yes；

this　was　his　little　Lyndall　who　had　worn　the　check　pinafores；　he　saw　it

now；　and　he　walked　closer　beside　her。　　They　reached　the　next　camp。



〃Let　us　wait　at　this　camp　and　watch　the　birds；〃　she　said；　as　an　ostrich　hen

came　bounding　toward　them　with　velvety　wings　outstretched；　while　far　away

over　the　bushes　the　head　of　the　cock　was　visible　as　he　sat　brooding　on　the

eggs。



Lyndall　folded　her　arms　on　the　gate　bar；　and　Waldo　threw　his　empty　bag　on

the　wall　and　leaned　beside　her。



〃I　like　these　birds；〃　she　said；　〃they　share　each　other's　work；　and　are

companions。　　Do　you　take　an　interest　in　the　position　of　women；　Waldo？〃



〃No。〃



〃I　thought　not。　　No　one　does；　unless　they　are　in　need　of　a　subject　upon

which　to　show　their　wit。　　And　as　for　you；　from　of　old　you　can　see　nothing

that　is　not　separated　from　you　by　a　few　millions　of　miles；　and　strewed　over

with　mystery。　　If　women　were　the　inhabitants　of　Jupiter；　of　whom　you　had

happened　to　hear　something；　you　would　pore　over　us　and　our　condition　night

and　day；　but　because　we　are　before　your　eyes　you　never　look　at　us。　　You

care　nothing　that　this　is　ragged　and　ugly；〃　she　said；　putting　her　little

finger　on　his　sleeve；　〃but　you　strive　mightily　to　make　an　imaginary　leaf　on

an　old　stick　beautiful。　　I'm　sorry　you　don't　care　for　the　position　of

women；　I　should　have　liked　us　to　be　friends；　and　it　is　the　only　thing　about

which　I　think　much　or　feel　muchif；　indeed；　I　have　any　feeling　about

anything；〃　she　added；　flippantly；　readjusting　her　dainty　little　arms。　

〃When　I　was　a　baby；　I　fancy　my　parents　left　me　out　in　the　frost　one　night；

and　I　got　nipped　internallyit　feels　so！〃



〃I　have　only　a　few　old　thoughts；〃　he　said；　〃and　I　think　them　over　and　over

again；　always　beginning　where　I　left　off。　　I　never　get　any　further。　　I　am

weary　of　them。〃



〃Like　an　old　hen　that　sits　on　its　eggs　month　after　month　and　they　never

come　out？〃　she　said　quickly。　　〃I　am　so　pressed　in　upon　by　new　things　that；

lest　they　should　trip　one　another　up；　I　have　to　keep　forcing　them　back。　　My

head　swings　sometimes。　　But　this　one　thought　stands；　never　goesif　I　might

but　be　one　of　these　born　in　the　future；　then；　perhaps；　to　be　born　a　woman

will　not　be　to　be　born　branded。〃



Waldo　looked　at　her。　　It　was　hard　to　say　whether　she　were　in　earnest　or

mocking。



〃I　know　it　is　foolish。　　Wisdom　never　kicks　at　the　iron　walls　it　can't　bring

down；〃　she　said。　　〃But　we　are　cursed。　　Waldo；　born　cursed　from　the　time　our

mothers　bring　us　into　the　world　till　the　shrouds　are　put　on　us。　　Do　not

look　at　me　as　though　I　were　talking　nonsense。　　Everything　has　two　sides

the　outside　that　is　ridiculous；　and　the　inside　that　is　solemn。〃



〃I　am　not　laughing；〃　said　the　boy；　sedately　enough；　〃but　what　curses　you？〃



He　thought　she　would　not　reply　to　him；　she　waited　so　long。



〃It　is　not　what　is　done　to　us；　but　what　is　made　of　us；〃　she　said　at　last；

〃that　wrongs　us。　　No　man　can　be　really　injured　but　by　what　modifies

himself。　　We　all　enter　the　world　little　plastic　beings；　with　so　much

natural　force；　perhaps；　but　for　the　restblank；　and　the　world　tells　us

what　we　are　to　be；　and　shapes　us　by　the　ends　it　sets　before　us。　　To　you　it

says〃Work；〃　and　to　us　it　says〃Seem！〃　　To　you　it　saysAs　you

approximate　to　man's　highest　ideal　of　God；　as　your　arm　is　strong　and　your

knowledge　great；　and　the　power　to　labour　is　with　you；　so　you　shall　gain　all

that　human　heart　desires。　　To　us　it　saysStrength　shall　not　help　you；　nor

knowledge；　nor　labour。　　You　shall　gain　what　men　gain；　but　by　other　means。　

And　so　the　world　makes　men　and　women。



〃Look　at　this　little　chin　of　mine；　Waldo；　with　the　dimple　in　it。　　It　is　but

a　small　part　of　my　person；　but　though　I　had　a　knowledge　of　all　things　under

the　sun；　and　the　wisdom　to　use　it；　and　the　deep　loving　heart　of　an　angel；

it　would　not　stead　me　through　life　like　this　little　chin。　　I　can　win　money

with　it；　I　can　win　love；　I　can　win　power　with　it；　I　can　win　fame。　　What

would　knowledge　help　me？　　The　less　a　woman　has　in　her　head　the　lighter　she

is　for　climbing。　　I　once　heard　an　old　man　say；　that　he　never　saw　intellect

help　a　woman　so　much　as　a　pretty　ankle；　and　it　was　the　truth。　　They　begin

to　shape　us　to　our　cursed　end；〃　she　said；　with　her　lips　drawn　in　to　look　as

though　they　smiled；　〃when　we　are　tiny　things　in　shoes　and　socks。　　We　sit

with　our　little　feet　drawn　up　under　us　in　the　window；　and　look　out　at　the

boys　in　their　happy　play。　　We　want　to　go。　　Th