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agitation; uncertainty; and an all…predominating sense of terror 
confused my faculties。 Ere long; I became aware that some one was 
handling me; lifting me up and supporting me in a sitting posture; and 
that more tenderly than I had ever been raised or upheld before。 I 
rested my head against a pillow or an arm; and felt easy。 
   In five minutes more the cloud of bewilderment dissolved: I knew 
quite well that I was in my own bed; and that the red glare was the 
nursery fire。 It was night: a candle burnt on the table; Bessie 
stood at the bed…foot with a basin in her hand; and a gentleman sat in 
a chair near my pillow; leaning over me。 
   I felt an inexpressible relief; a soothing conviction of protection 
and security; when I knew that there was a stranger in the room; an 
individual not belonging to Gateshead; and not related to Mrs。 Reed。 
Turning from Bessie (though her presence was far less obnoxious to 
me than that of Abbot; for instance; would have been); I scrutinised 
the face of the gentleman: I knew him; it was Mr。 Lloyd; an 
apothecary; sometimes called in by Mrs。 Reed when the servants were 
ailing: for herself and the children she employed a physician。 
   'Well; who am I?' he asked。 
   I pronounced his name; offering him at the same time my hand: he 
took it; smiling and saying; 'We shall do very well by and by。' Then 
he laid me down; and addressing Bessie; charged her to be very careful 
that I was not disturbed during the night。 Having given some further 
directions; and intimated that he should call again the next day; he 
departed; to my grief: I felt so sheltered and befriended while he sat 
in the chair near my pillow; and as he closed the door after him; 
all the room darkened and my heart again sank: inexpressible sadness 
weighed it down。 
   'Do you feel as if you should sleep; Miss?' asked Bessie; rather 
softly。 
   Scarcely dared I answer her; for I feared the next sentence might 
be rough。 'I will try。' 
   'Would you like to drink; or could you eat anything?' 
   'No; thank you; Bessie。' 
   'Then I think I shall go to bed; for it is past twelve o'clock; but 
you may call me if you want anything in the night。' 
   Wonderful civility this! It emboldened me to ask a question。 
   'Bessie; what is the matter with me? Am I ill?' 
   'You fell sick; I suppose; in the red…room with crying; you'll be 
better soon; no doubt。' 
   Bessie went into the housemaid's apartment; which was near。 I heard 
her say… 
   'Sarah; come and sleep with me in the nursery; I daren't for my 
life be alone with that poor child tonight: she might die; it's such a 
strange thing she should have that fit: I wonder if she saw 
anything。 Missis was rather too hard。' 
   Sarah came back with her; they both went to bed; they were 
whispering together for half an hour before they fell asleep。 I caught 
scraps of their conversation; from which I was able only too 
distinctly to infer the main subject discussed。 
   'Something passed her; all dressed in white; and vanished'… 'A 
great black dog behind him'… 'Three loud raps on the chamber door'… 
'A light in the churchyard just over his grave;' etc。; etc。 
   At last both slept: the fire and the candle went out。 For me; the 
watches of that long night passed in ghastly wakefulness; ear; eye; 
and mind were alike strained by dread: such dread as children only can 
feel。 
   No severe or prolonged bodily illness followed this incident of the 
red…room; it only gave my nerves a shock of which I feel the 
reverberation to this day。 Yes; Mrs。 Reed; to you I owe some fearful 
pangs of mental suffering; but I ought to forgive you; for you knew 
not what you did: while rending my heart…strings; you thought you were 
only uprooting my bad propensities。 
   Next day; by noon; I was up and dressed; and sat wrapped in a shawl 
by the nursery hearth。 I felt physically weak and broken down: but 
my worse ailment was an unutterable wretchedness of mind: a 
wretchedness which kept drawing from me silent tears; no sooner had 
I wiped one salt drop from my cheek than another followed。 Yet; I 
thought; I ought to have been happy; for none of the Reeds were there; 
they were all gone out in the carriage with their mama。 Abbot; too; 
was sewing in another room; and Bessie; as she moved hither and 
thither; putting away toys and arranging drawers; addressed to me 
every now and then a word of unwonted kindness。 This state of things 
should have been to me a paradise of peace; accustomed as I was to a 
life of ceaseless reprimand and thankless fagging; but; in fact; my 
racked nerves were now in such a state that no calm could soothe; 
and no pleasure excite them agreeably。 
   Bessie had been down into the kitchen; and she brought up with 
her a tart on a certain brightly painted china plate; whose bird of 
paradise; nestling in a wreath of convolvuli and rosebuds; had been 
wont to stir in me a most enthusiastic sense of admiration; and 
which plate I had often petitioned to be allowed to take in my hand in 
order to examine it more closely; but had always hitherto been 
deemed unworthy of such a privilege。 This precious vessel was now 
placed on my knee; and I was cordially invited to eat the circlet of 
delicate pastry upon it。 Vain favour! coming; like most other 
favours long deferred and often wished for; too late! I could not 
eat the tart; and the plumage of the bird; the tints of the flowers; 
seemed strangely faded: I put both plate and tart away。 Bessie asked 
if I would have a book: the word book acted as a transient stimulus; 
and I begged her to fetch Gulliver's Travels from the library。 This 
book I had again and again perused with delight。 I considered it a 
narrative of facts; and discovered in it a vein of interest deeper 
than what I found in fairy tales: for as to the elves; having sought 
them in vain among fox…glove leaves and bells; under mushrooms and 
beneath the ground…ivy mantling old wall…nooks; I had at length made 
up my mind to the sad truth; that they were all gone out of England to 
some savage country where the woods were wilder and thicker; and the 
population more scant; whereas; Lilliput and Brobdingnag being; in 
my creed; solid parts of the earth's surface; I doubted not that I 
might one day; by taking a long voyage; see with my own eyes the 
little fields; houses; and trees; the diminutive people; the tiny 
cows; sheep; and birds of the one realm; and the corn…fields; 
forest…high; the mighty mastiffs; the monster cats; the tower…like men 
and women; of the other。 Yet; when this cherished volume was now 
placed in my hand… when I turned over its leaves; and sought in its 
marvellous pictures the charm I had; till now; never failed to find… 
all was eerie and dreary; the giants were gaunt goblins; the pigmies 
malevolent and fearful imps; Gulliver a most desolate wanderer in most 
dread and dangerous regions。 I closed the book; which I dared no 
longer peruse; and put it on the table; beside the untasted tart。 
   Bessie had now finished dusting and tidying the room; and having 
washed her hands; she opened a certain little drawer; full of splendid 
shreds of silk and satin; and began making a new bonnet for 
Georgiana's doll。 Meantime she sang: her song was… 
  
  
                 'In the days when we were gipsying; 
                        A long time ago。' 
  
  
   I had often heard the song before; and always with lively 
delight; for Bessie had a sweet voice;… at least; I thought so。 But 
now; though her voice was still sweet; I found in its melody an 
indescribable sadness。 Sometimes; preoccupied with her work; she 
sang the refrain very low; very lingeringly; 'A long time ago' came 
out like the saddest cadence of a funeral hymn。 She passed into 
another ballad; this time a really doleful one。 
  
  
   'My feet they are sore; and my limbs they are weary; 
     Long is the way; and the mountains are wild; 
   Soon will the twilight close moonless and dreary 
     Over the path of the poor orphan child。 
  
  
   Why did they send me so far and so lonely; 
     Up where the moors spread and grey rocks are piled? 
   Men are hard…hearted; and kind angels only 
     Watch o'er the steps of a poor orphan child。 
  
  
   Yet distant and soft the night breeze is blowing; 
     Clouds there are none; and clear stars beam mild; 
   God; in His mercy; protection is showing; 
     Comfort and hope to the poor orphan child。 
  
  
   Ev'n should I fall o'er the broken bridge passing; 
     Or stray in the marshes; by false lights beguiled; 
   Still will my Father; with promise and blessing; 
     Take to His bosom the poor orphan child。 
  
  
   There is a thought that for strength should avail me; 
     Though both of shelter and kindred despoiled; 
   Heaven is a home; and a rest will not fail me; 
     God is a friend to the poor orphan child。' 
  
  
   'Come; Miss Jane; don't cry;' said Bessie as she finished。 She 
might as well have said to the fire; 'don't burn!' but how could she 
divine the morbid suffering to which I was a prey? In the course of 
the morning Mr。 Lloyd came again。 
   'What; already

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