the garden of allah-第59节

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almost　invincible　personal　feeling　to　conquer　my　inward　sense　of
right！　Madame；　come　into　the　garden　for　a　moment。〃

He　opened　the　gate；　she　passed　in；　and　he　led　her　round　the　house　to
the　enclosure　at　the　back；　where　they　could　talk　in　greater　privacy。
Then　he　continued：

〃You　are　right；　Madame。　I　am　here　to　try　to　do　God's　work；　and
sometimes　it　is　better　to　act　for　a　human　being；　perhaps；　even　than　to
pray　for　him。　I　will　tell　you　that　I　feel　an　almost　invincible
repugnance　to　Monsieur　Androvsky；　a　repugnance　that　is　almost　stronger
than　my　will　to　hold　it　in　check。〃　He　shivered　slightly。　〃But；　with
God's　help；　I'll　conquer　that。　If　he　stays　on　here　I'll　try　to　be　his
friend。　I'll　do　all　I　can。　If　he　is　unhappy；　far　away　from　good；
perhapsI　say　it　humbly；　Madame；　I　assure　youI　might　help　him。　But〃
and　here　his　face　and　manner　changed；　became　firmer；　more　dominating
〃you　are　not　a　priest；　and〃

〃No；　only　a　woman；〃　she　said；　interrupting　him。

Something　in　her　voice　arrested　him。　There　was　a　long　silence　in　which
they　paced　slowly　up　and　down　on　the　sand　between　the　palm　trees。　The
twilight　was　dying　into　night。　Already　the　tomtoms　were　throbbing　in
the　street　of　the　dancers；　and　the　shriek　of　the　distant　pipes　was
faintly　heard。　At　last　the　priest　spoke　again。

〃Madame；〃　he　said；　〃when　you　came　to　me　this　afternoon　there　was
something　that　you　could　not　tell　me。〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Had　it　anything　to　do　with　Monsieur　Androvsky？〃

〃I　meant　to　ask　you　to　advise　me　about　myself。〃

〃My　advice　to　you　was　and　isbe　strong　but　not　too　foolhardy。〃

〃Believe　me　I　will　try　not　to　be　foolhardy。　But　you　said　something
else　too；　something　about　women。　Don't　you　remember？〃

She　stopped；　took　his　hands　impulsively　and　pressed　them。

〃Father；　I've　scarcely　ever　been　of　any　use　all　my　life。　I've　scarcely
ever　tried　to　be。　Nothing　within　me　said；　'You　could　be；'　and　if　it
had　I　was　so　dulled　by　routine　and　sorrow　that　I　don't　think　I　should
have　heard　it。　But　here　it　is　different。　I　am　not　dulled。　I　can　hear。
Andsuppose　I　can　be　of　use　for　the　first　time！　You　wouldn't　say　to
me；　'Don't　try！'　You　couldn't　say　that？〃

He　stood　holding　her　hands　and　looking　into　her　face　for　a　moment。
Then　he　said；　half…humorously；　half…sadly：

〃My　child；　perhaps　you　know　your　own　strength　best。　Perhaps　your
safest　spiritual　director　is　your　own　heart。　Who　knows？　But　whether　it
be　so　or　not　you　will　not　take　advice　from　me。〃

She　knew　that　was　true　now　and；　for　a　moment；　felt　almost　ashamed。

〃Forgive　me；〃　she　said。　〃Butit　is　strange；　and　may　seem　to　you
ridiculous　or　even　wrongever　since　I　have　been　here　I　have　felt　as
if　everything　that　happened　had　been　arranged　beforehand；　as　if　it　had
to　happen。　And　I　feel　that；　too；　about　the　future。〃

〃Count　Anteoni's　fatalism！〃　the　priest　said　with　a　touch　of　impatient
irritation。　〃I　know。　It　is　the　guiding　spirit　of　this　land。　And　you
too　are　going　to　be　led　by　it。　Take　care！　You　have　come　to　a　land　of
fire；　and　I　think　you　are　made　of　fire。〃

For　a　moment　she　saw　a　fanatical　expression　in　his　eyes。　She　thought
of　it　as　the　look　of　the　monk　crushed　down　within　his　soul。　He　opened
his　lips　again；　as　if　to　pour　forth　upon　her　a　torrent　of　burning
words。　But　the　look　died　away；　and　they　parted　quietly　like　two　good
friends。　Yet；　as　she　went　to　the　hotel；　she　knew　that　Father　Roubier
could　not　give　her　the　kind　of　help　she　wanted；　and　she　even　fancied
that　perhaps　no　priest　could。　Her　heart　was　in　a　turmoil；　and　she
seemed　to　be　in　the　midst　of　a　crowd。

Batouch　was　at　the　door；　looking　elaborately　contrite　and　ready　with
his　lie。　He　had　been　seized　with　fever　in　the　night；　in　token　whereof
he　held　up　hands　which　began　to　shake　like　wind…swept　leaves。　Only　now
had　he　been　able　to　drag　himself　from　his　quilt　and；　still　afflicted
as　he　was；　to　creep　to　his　honoured　patron　and　crave　her　pardon。
Domini　gave　it　with　an　abstracted　carelessness　that　evidently　hurt　his
pride；　and　was　passing　into　the　hotel　when　he　said：

〃Irena　is　going　to　marry　Hadj；　Madame。〃

Since　the　fracas　at　the　dancing…house　both　the　dancer　and　her　victim
had　been　under　lock　and　key。

〃To　marry　her　after　she　tried　to　kill　him！〃　said　Domini。

〃Yes；　Madame。　He　loves　her　as　the　palm　tree　loves　the　sun。　He　will
take　her　to　his　room；　and　she　will　wear　a　veil；　and　work　for　him　and
never　go　out　any　more。〃

〃What！　She　will　live　like　the　Arab　women？〃

〃Of　course；　Madame。　But　there　is　a　very　nice　terrace　on　the　roof
outside　Hadj's　room；　and　Hadj　will　permit　her　to　take　the　air　there；
in　the　evening　or　when　it　is　hot。〃

〃She　must　love　Hadj　very　much。〃

〃She　does；　or　why　should　she　try　to　kill　him？〃

So　that　was　an　African　lovea　knife…thrust　and　a　taking　of　the　veil！
The　thought　of　it　added　a　further　complication　to　the　disorder　that
was　in　her　mind。

〃I　will　see　you　after　dinner；　Batouch；〃　she　said。

She　felt　that　she　must　do　something；　go　somewhere　that　night。　She
could　not　remain　quiet。

Batouch　drew　himself　up　and　threw　out　his　broad　chest。　His　air　gave
place　to　importance；　and；　as　he　leaned　against　the　white　pillar　of　the
arcade；　folded　his　ample　burnous　round　him；　and　glanced　up　at　the　sky
he　saw；　in　fancy；　a　five…franc　piece　glittering　in　the　chariot　of　the
moon。

The　priest　did　not　come　to　dinner　that　night；　but　Androvsky　was
already　at　his　table　when　Domini　came　into　the　/salle…a…manger/。　He
got　up　from　his　seat　and　bowed　formally；　but　did　not　speak。
Remembering　his　outburst　of　the　morning　she　realised　the　suspicion
which　her　second　interview　with　the　priest　had　probably　created　in　his
mind；　and　now　she　was　not　free　from　a　feeling　of　discomfort　that
almost　resembled　guilt。　For　now　she　had　been　led　to　discuss　Androvsky
with　Father　Roubier；　and　had　it　not　been　almost　an　apology　when　she
said；　〃I　know　he　is　not　evil〃？　Once　or　twice　during　dinner；　when　her
eyes　met　Androvsky's　for　a　moment；　she　imagined　that　he　must　know　why
she　had　been　at　the　priest's　house；　that　anger　was　steadily　increasing
in　him。

He　was　a　man　who　hated　to　be　observed；　to　be　criticised。　His
sensitiveness　was　altogether　abnormal；　and　made　her　wonder　afresh
where　his　previous　life　had　been　passed。　It　must　surely　have　been　a
very　sheltered　existence。　Contact　with　the　world　blunts　the　fine　edge
of　our　feeling　with　regard　to　others'　opinion　of　us。　In　the　world　men
learn　to　be　heedless　of　the　everlasting　buzz　of　comment　that　attends
their　goings　out　and　their　comings　in。　But　Androvsky　was　like　a　youth；
alive　to　the　tiniest　whisper；　set　on　fire　by　a　glance。　To　such　a
nature　life　in　the　world　must　be　perpetual　torture。　She　thought　of　him
with　a　sorrow　thatstrangely　in　herwas　not　tinged　with　contempt。
That　which　manifested　by　another　man　would　certainly　have　moved　her　to
impatience；　if　not　to　wrath；　in　this　man　woke　other　sensations
curiosity；　pity；　terror。

Yesterror。　To…night　she　knew　that。　The　long　day；　begun　in　the
semidarkness　before　the　dawn　and　ending　in　the　semidarkness　of　the
twilight；　had；　with　its　events　that　would　have　seemed　to　another
ordinary　and　trivial　enough；　carried　her　forward　a　stage　on　an
emotional　pilgrimage。　The　half…veiled　warnings　of　Count　Anteoni　and　of
the　priest；　followed　by　the　latter's　almost　passionately　abrupt　plain
speaking；　had　not　been　without　effect。　To…night　something　of　Europe
and　her　life　there；　with　its　civilised　experience　and　drastic　training
in　the　management　of　woman's　relations　with　humanity　in　general；　crept
back　under　the　palm　trees　and　the　brilliant　stars　of　Africa；　and
despite　the　fatalism　condemned　by　Father　Roubier；　she　was　more
conscious　than　she　had　hitherto　been　of　how　othersthe　outside　world
would　be　likely　to　regard　her　acquaintance　with　Androvsky。　She
stood；　as　it　were；　and　looked　on　at　the　events　in　which　she　herself
had　been　and　was　involved；　and　in　that　moment　she　was　first　aware　of　a
thrill　of　something　akin　to　terror；　as　if；　perhaps；　without　knowing
it；　she　had　been　moving　amid　a　great　darkness；　as　if　perhaps　a　great
darkness　were　approaching。　Suddenly　she　saw　Androvsky　as　some　strange
and　ghastly　figure　of　legend；　as　the　wandering　Jew　met　by　a　traveller
at　cross　roads　and　distinguished　for　an　instant　in　an　oblique
lightning　flash；　as　Vanderdecken　passing　in　the　hurricane　and　throwing
a　blood…red　illumination　from　the　sails　of　his　haunted　ship；　as　the
everlasting　climber　of　the　Brocken；　as　the　shrouded　Arab　of　the
Eastern　legend；　who　announced　coming　disaster　to　the　wanderers　in　the
desert　by　beating　a　death…roll　on　a　drum　among　the　dunes。

And　with　Count　Anteoni　and　the　priest　she　set　another　figure；　that　of
the　sand…diviner；　whose　tortured　face　had　suggested　a　man　looking　on　a
fate　that　was　terrible。　Had　not　he；　too；　warned　her？　Had　not　the
warning　been　threefold；　been　given　to　her　by　the　world；　the　Church；
and　the　under…worldthe　world　beneath　the　veil？

She　met　Androvsky's　eyes。　He　was　getting　up　to　leave　the　room。　His
movement　caught　her　away　from　things　visionary；　but　not　from　worldly
things。　She　still　looked　on　herself　moving　amid　these　events　at　which
her　world　would　laugh　or　wonder；　and　perhaps　for　the　first　time　in　her
life　she　was　uneasily　self…conscious　because　of　the