the garden of allah-第3节

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her　embittered　father；　and　drifted　into　the　unthinking　worldliness　of
the　life　of　her　order。　Her　home　was　far　from　ideal。　Yet　she　would　not
marry。　The　wreck　of　her　parents'　domestic　life　had　rendered　her
mistrustful　of　human　relations。　She　had　seen　something　of　the　terror
of　love；　and　could　not；　like　other　women；　regard　it　as　safety　and　as
sweetness。　So　she　put　it　from　her；　and　strove　to　fill　her　life　with
all　those　lesser　things　which　men　and　women　grasp；　as　the　Chinese
grasp　the　opium　pipe；　those　things　which　lull　our　comprehension　of
realities　to　sleep。

When　Lord　Rens　died；　still　blaspheming；　and　without　any　of　the
consolations　of　religion；　Domini　felt　the　imperious　need　of　change。
She　did　not　grieve　actively　for　the　dead　man。　In　his　last　years　they
had　been　very　far　apart；　and　his　death　relieved　her　from　the　perpetual
contemplation　of　a　tragedy。　Lord　Rens　had　grown　to　regard　his　daughter
almost　with　enmity　in　his　enmity　against　her　mother's　religion；　which
was　hers。　She　had　come　to　think　of　him　rather　with　pity　than　with
love。　Yet　his　death　was　a　shock　to　her。　When　he　could　speak　no　more；
but　only　lie　still；　she　remembered　suddenly　just　what　he　had　been
before　her　mother's　flight。　The　succeeding　period；　long　though　it　had
been　and　ugly；　was　blotted　out。　She　wept　for　the　poor；　broken　life　now
ended；　and　was　afraid　for　his　future　in　the　other　world。　His　departure
into　the　unknown　roused　her　abruptly　to　a　clear　conception　of　how　his
action　and　her　mother's　had　affected　her　own　character。　As　she　stood
by　his　bed　she　wondered　what　she　might　have　been　if　her　mother　had
been　true；　her　father　happy；　to　the　end。　Then　she　felt　afraid　of
herself；　recognising　partially；　and　for　the　first　time；　how　all　these
years　had　seen　her　long　indifference。　She　felt　self…conscious　too；
ignorant　of　the　real　meaning　of　life；　and　as　if　she　had　always　been；
and　still　remained；　rather　a　complicated　piece　of　mechanism　than　a
woman。　A　desolate　enervation　of　spirit　descended　upon　her；　a　sort　of
bitter；　and　yet　dull；　perplexity。　She　began　to　wonder　what　she　was；
capable　of　what；　of　how　much　good　or　evil；　and　to　feel　sure　that　she
did　not　know；　had　never　known　or　tried　to　find　out。　Once；　in　this
state　of　mind；　she　went　to　confession。　She　came　away　feeling　that　she
had　just　joined　with　the　priest　in　a　farce。　How　can　a　woman　who　knows
nothing　about　herself　make　anything　but　a　worthless　confession？　she
thought。　To　say　what　you　have　done　is　not　always　to　say　what　you　are。
And　only　what　you　are　matters　eternally。

Presently；　still　in　this　perplexity　of　spirit；　she　left　England　with
only　her　maid　as　companion。　After　a　short　tour　in　the　south　of　Europe；
with　which　she　was　too　familiar；　she　crossed　the　sea　to　Africa；　which
she　had　never　seen。　Her　destination　was　Beni…Mora。　She　had　chosen　it
because　she　liked　its　name；　because　she　saw　on　the　map　that　it　was　an
oasis　in　the　Sahara　Desert；　because　she　knew　it　was　small；　quiet；　yet
face　to　face　with　an　immensity　of　which　she　had　often　dreamed。　Idly
she　fancied　that　perhaps　in　the　sunny　solitude　of　Beni…Mora；　far　from
all　the　friends　and　reminiscences　of　her　old　life；　she　might　learn　to
understand　herself。　How？　She　did　not　know。　She　did　not　seek　to　know。
Here　was　a　vague　pilgrimage；　as　many　pilgrimages　are　in　this　world
the　journey　of　the　searcher　who　knew　not　what　she　sought。　And　so　now
she　lay　in　the　dark；　and　heard　the　rustle　of　the　warm　African　rain；
and　smelt　the　perfumes　rising　from　the　ground；　and　felt　that　the
unknown　was　very　near　herthe　unknown　with　all　its　blessed
possibilities　of　change。



CHAPTER　II

Long　before　dawn　the　Italian　waiter　rolled　off　his　little　bed；　put　a
cap　on　his　head；　and　knocked　at　Domini's　and　at　Suzanne　Charpot's
doors。

It　was　still　dark；　and　still　raining；　when　the　two　women　came　out　to
get　into　the　carriage　that　was　to　take　them　to　the　station。　The　place
de　la　Marine　was　a　sea　of　mud；　brown　and　sticky　as　nougat。　Wet　palms
dripped　by　the　railing　near　a　desolate　kiosk　painted　green　and　blue。
The　sky　was　grey　and　low。　Curtains　of　tarpaulin　were　let　down　on　each
side　of　the　carriage；　and　the　coachman；　who　looked　like　a　Maltese；　and
wore　a　round　cap　edged　with　pale　yellow　fur；　was　muffled　up　to　the
ears。　Suzanne's　round；　white　face　was　puffy　with　fatigue；　and　her　dark
eyes；　generally　good…natured　and　hopeful；　were　dreary；　and　squinted
slightly；　as　she　tipped　the　Italian　waiter；　and　handed　her　mistress's
dressing…bag　and　rug　into　the　carriage。　The　waiter　stood　an　the
discoloured　step；　yawning　from　ear　to　ear。　Even　the　tip　could　not
excite　him。　Before　the　carriage　started　he　had　gone　into　the　hotel　and
banged　the　door。　The　horses　trotted　quickly　through　the　mud；
descending　the　hill。　One　of　the　tarpaulin　curtains　had　been　left
unbuttoned　by　the　coachman。　It　flapped　to　and　fro；　and　when　its
movement　was　outward　Domini　could　catch　short　glimpses　of　mud；　of
glistening　palm…leaves　with　yellow　stems；　of　gas…lamps；　and　of
something　that　was　like　an　extended　grey　nothingness。　This　was　the
sea。　Twice　she　saw　Arabs　trudging　along；　holding　their　skirts　up　in　a
bunch　sideways；　and　showing　legs　bare　beyond　the　knees。　Hoods　hid
their　faces。　They　appeared　to　be　agitated　by　the　weather；　and　to　be
continually　trying　to　plant　their　naked　feet　in　dry　places。　Suzanne；
who　sat　opposite　to　Domini；　had　her　eyes　shut。　If　she　had　not　from
time　to　time　passed　her　tongue　quickly　over　her　full；　pale　lips　she
would　have　looked　like　a　dead　thing。　The　coquettish　angle　at　which　her
little　black　hat　was　set　on　her　head　seemed　absurdly　inappropriate　to
the　occasion　and　her　mood。　It　suggested　a　hat　being　worn　at　some
festival。　Her　black；　gloved　hands　were　tightly　twisted　together　in　her
lap；　and　she　allowed　her　plump　body　to　wag　quite　loosely　with　the
motion　of　the　carriage；　making　no　attempt　at　resistance。　She　had
really　the　appearance　of　a　corpse　sitting　up。　The　tarpaulin　flapped
monotonously。　The　coachman　cried　out　in　the　dimness　to　his　horses　like
a　bird；　prolonging　his　call　drearily；　and　then　violently　cracking　his
whip。　Domini　kept　her　eyes　fixed　on　the　loose　tarpaulin；　so　that　she
might　not　miss　one　of　the　wet　visions　it　discovered　by　its　reiterated
movement。　She　had　not　slept　at　all；　and　felt　as　if　there　was　a　gritty
dryness　close　behind　her　eyes。　She　also　felt　very　alert　and　enduring；
but　not　in　the　least　natural。　Had　some　extraordinary　event　occurred；
had　the　carriage；　for　instance；　rolled　over　the　edge　of　the　road　into
the　sea；　she　was　convinced　that　she　could　not　have　managed　to　be
either　surprised　or　alarmed；　If　anyone　had　asked　her　whether　she　was
tired　she　would　certainly　have　answered　〃No。〃

Like　her　mother；　Domini　was　of　a　gipsy　type。　She　stood　five　feet　ten；
had　thick；　almost　coarse　and　wavy　black　hair　that　was　parted　in　the
middle　of　her　small　head；　dark；　almond…shaped；　heavy…lidded　eyes；　and
a　clear；　warmly…white　skin；　unflecked　with　colour。　She　never　flushed
under　the　influence　of　excitement　or　emotion。　Her　forehead　was　broad
and　low。　Her　eyebrows　were　long　and　level；　thicker　than　most　women's。
The　shape　of　her　face　was　oval；　with　a　straight；　short　nose；　a　short；
but　rather　prominent　and　round　chin；　and　a　very　expressive　mouth；　not
very　small；　slightly　depressed　at　the　corners；　with　perfect　teeth；　and
red　lips　that　were　unusually　flexible。　Her　figure　was　remarkably
athletic；　with　shoulders　that　were　broad　in　a　woman；　and　a　naturally
small　waist。　Her　hands　and　feet　were　also　small。　She　walked
splendidly；　like　a　Syrian；　but　without　his　defiant　insolence。　In　her
face；　when　it　was　in　repose；　there　was　usually　an　expression　of　still
indifference；　some　thought　of　opposition。　She　looked　her　age；　and　had
never　used　a　powderpuff　in　her　life。　She　could　smile　easily　and　easily
become　animated；　and　in　her　animation　there　was　often　fire；　as　in　her
calmness　there　was　sometimes　cloud。　Timid　people　were　generally
disconcerted　by　her　appearance；　and　her　manner　did　not　always　reassure
them。　Her　obvious　physical　strength　had　something　surprising　in　it；
and　woke　wonder　as　to　how　it　had　been；　or　might　be；　used。　Even　when
her　eyes　were　shut　she　looked　singularly　wakeful。

Domini　and　Suzanne　got　to　the　station　of　Robertville　much　too　early。
The　large　hall　in　which　they　had　to　wait　was　miserably　lit；　blank　and
decidedly　cold。　The　ticket…office　was　on　the　left；　and　the　room　was
divided　into　two　parts　by　a　broad；　low　counter；　on　which　the　heavy
luggage　was　placed　before　being　weighed　by　two　unshaven　and　hulking
men　in　blue　smocks。　Three　or　four　Arab　touts；　in　excessively　shabby
European　clothes　and　turbans；　surrounded　Domini　with　offers　of
assistance。　One；　the　dirtiest　of　the　group；　with　a　gaping　eye…socket；
in　which　there　was　no　eye；　succeeded　by　his　passionate　volubility　and
impudence　in　attaching　himself　to　her　in　a　sort　of　official　capacity。
He　spoke　fluent；　but　faulty；　French；　which　attracted　Suzanne；　and；
being　abnormally　muscular　and　active；　in　an　amazingly　short　time　got
hold　of　all　their　boxes　and　bags　and　ranged　them　on　the　counter。　He
then　indulged　in　a　dramatic　performance；　which　he　apparently
considered　likely　to　rouse　into　life　and　attention　the　two　unshaven
men　in　smocks；　who　were