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第116节

the garden of allah-第116节

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that tonight。〃

She saw him look at it steadily。

〃You remember;〃 she said; at the bottom of the avenue of cypressesat
El…Largani/Factus obediens usque ad mortem Crucis/?〃

〃Yes; Domini。〃

〃We can be obedient too。 Let us be obedient too。〃

When she said that; and looked at him; Androvsky felt as if he were on
his knees before her; as he was upon his knees in the garden when he
could not go away。 But he felt; too; that then; though he had loved
her; he had not known how to love her; how to love anyone。 She had
taught him now。 The lesson sank into his heart like a sword and like
balm。 It was as if he were slain and healed by the same stroke。

That night; as Domini lay in the lonely room in the hotel; with the
French windows open to the verandah; she heard the church clock chime
the hour and the distant sound of the African hautboy in the street of
the dancers; she heard again the two voices。 The hautboy was barbarous
and provocative; but she thought that it was no more shrill with a
persistent triumph。 Presently the church bell chimed again。

Was it the bell of the church of Beni…Mora; or the bell of the chapel
of El…Largani? Or was it not rather the voice of the great religion to
which she belonged; to which Androvsky was returning?

When it ceased she whispered to herself; 〃/Factus obediens usque ad
mortem Crucis/。〃 And with these words upon her lips towards dawn she
fell asleep。 They had dined upstairs in the little room that had
formerly been Domini's salon; and had not seen Father Roubier; who
always came to the hotel to take his evening meal。 In the morning;
after they had breakfasted; Androvsky said:

〃Domini; I will go。 I will go now。〃

He got up and stood by her; looking down at her。 In his face there was
a sort of sternness; a set expression。

〃To Father Roubier; Boris?〃 she said。

〃Yes。 Before I go won't youwon't you give me your hand?〃

She understood all the agony of spirit he was enduring; all the shame
against which he was fighting。 She longed to spring up; to take him in
her arms; to comfort him as only the woman he loves and who loves him
can comfort a man; without words; by the pressure of her arms; the
pressure of her lips; the beating of her heart against his heart。 She
longed to do this so ardently that she moved restlessly; looking up at
him with a light in her eyes that he had never seen in them before;
not even when they watched the fire dying down at Arba。 But she did
not lift her hand to his。

〃Boris;〃 she said; 〃go。 God will be with you。〃

After a moment she added:

〃And all my heart。〃

He stood; as if waiting; a long time。 She had ceased from moving and
had withdrawn her eyes from his。 In his soul a voice was saying; 〃If
she does not touch you now she will never touch you again。〃 And he
waited。 He could not help waiting。

〃Boris;〃 she whispered; 〃good…bye。〃

〃Good…bye?〃 he said。

〃Come to meafterwards。 Come to me in the garden。 I shall be there
where weI shall be there waiting for you。〃

He went out without another word。

When he was gone she went on to the verandah quickly and looked over
the parapet。 She saw him come out from beneath the arcade and walk
slowly across the road to the little gate of the enclosure before the
house of the priest。 As he lifted his hands to open the gate there was
the sound of a bark; and she saw Bous…Bous run out with a manner of
stern inquiry; which quickly changed to joyful welcome as he
recognised an old acquaintance。 Androvsky bent down; took up the
little dog in his arms; and; holding him; walked to the house door。 In
a moment it was opened and he went in。 Then Domini set out towards the
garden; avoiding the village street; and taking a byway which skirted
the desert。 She walked quickly。 She longed to be within the shadows of
the garden behind the white wall。 She did not feel much; think much;
as she walked。 Without self…consciously knowing it she was holding all
her nature; the whole of herself; fiercely in check。 She did not look
about her; did not see the sunlit reaches of the desert; or the walls
of the houses of Beni…Mora; or the palm trees。 Only when she had
passed the hotel and the negro village and turned to the left; to the
track at the edge of which the villa of Count Anteoni stood; did she
lift her eyes from the ground。 They rested on the white arcade framing
the fierce blue of the cloudless sky。 She stopped short。 Her nature
seemed to escape from the leash by which she had held it in with a
rush; to leap forward; to be in the garden and in the past; in the
past with its passion and its fiery hopes; its magnificent looking
forward; its holy desires of joy that would crown her woman's life; of
love that would teach her all the depth; and the height; and the force
and the submission of her womanhood。 And then; from that past; it
strove on into the present。 The shock was as the shock of battle。
There were noises in her ears; voices clamouring in her heart。 All her
pulses throbbed like hammers; and then suddenly she felt as weak as a
little sick child; and as if she must lie down there on the dust of
the white road in the sunshine; lie down and die at the edge of the
desert that had treated her cruelly; that had slain the hopes it had
given to her and brought into her heart this terrible despair。

For now she knew a moment of utter despair; in which all things seemed
to dissolve into atoms and sink down out of her sight。 She stood
quivering in blackness。 She stood absolutely alone; more absolutely
alone than any woman had ever been; than any human being had ever
been。 She seemed presently; as the blackness faded into something
pale; like a ghastly twilight; to see herselfher wraith; as it were
standing in a vast landscape; vast as the desert; companionless;
lost; forgotten; out of mind; watching for something that would never
come; listening for some voice that was hushed in eternal silence。

That was to be her life; she thoughtcould she face it? Could she
endure it? And everything within her said to her that she could not。

And then; just then; when she felt that she must sink down and give up
the battle of life; she seemed to see by her side a shape; a little
shape like a child。 And it lifted up a hand to her hand。

And she knew that the vast landscape was God's garden; the Garden of
Allah; and that no day; no night could ever pass without God walking
in it。

Hearing a knock upon the great gate of the garden Smain uncurled
himself on his mat within the tent; rose lazily to his feet; and;
without a rose; strolled languidly to open to the visitor。 Domini
stood without。 When he saw her he smiled quietly; with no surprise。

〃Madame has returned?〃

Domini smiled at him; but her lips were trembling; and she said
nothing。

Smain observed her with a dawning of curiosity。

〃Madame is changed;〃 he said at length。 〃Madame looks tired。 The sun
is hot in the desert now。 It is better here in the garden。〃

With an effort she controlled herself。

〃Yes; Smain;〃 she answered; 〃it is better here。 But I can not stay
here long。〃

〃You are going away?〃

〃Yes; I am going away。〃

She saw more quiet questions fluttering on his lips; and added:

〃And now I want to walk in the garden alone。〃

He waved his hand towards the trees。

〃It is all for Madame。 Monsieur the Count has always said so。 But
Monsieur?〃

〃He is in Beni…Mora。 He is coming presently to fetch me。〃

Then she turned away and walked slowly across the great sweep of sand
towards the trees and was taken by their darkness。 She heard again the
liquid bubbling of the hidden waterfall; and was again companioned by
the mystery of this desert Paradise; but it no longer whispered to her
of peace for her。 It murmured only its own personal peace and
accentuated her own personal agony and struggle。 All that it had been
it still was; but all that she had been in it was changed。 And she
felt the full terror of Nature's equanimity environing the fierce and
tortured lives of men。

As she walked towards the deepest recesses of the garden along the
winding tracks between the rills she had no sensation of approaching
the hidden home of the Geni of the garden。 Yet she remembered acutely
all her first feelings there。 Not one was forgotten。 They returned to
her like spectres stealing across the sand。 They lurked like spectres
among the dense masses of the trees。 She strove not to see their pale
shapes; not to hear their terrible voices。 She strove to draw calm
once more from this infinite calm of silently…growing things aspiring
towards the sun。 But with each step she took the torment in her heart
increased。 At last she came to the deeper darkness and the blanched
sand; and saw pine needles strewed about her feet。 Then she stood
still; instinctively listening for a sound that would complete the
magic of the garden and her own despair。 She waited for it。 She even
felt; strangely; that she wanted; that she needed itthe sound of the
flute of Larbi playing his amorous tune。 But his flute to…day was
silent。 Had he fallen out of an old love and not yet found a new? or
had he; perhaps; gone away? or was he dead? For a long time she stood
there; thinking about Larbi。 He and

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