the garden of allah-第113节

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〃To　meto　me〃　he　repeated。

Then　he　was　silent。

〃Boris；〃　she　said；　〃I　want　to　give　you　one　thing；　the　thing　that　you
have　lost。　I　want　to　give　you　back　peace。〃

〃You　never　can。〃

〃I　must　try。　Even　if　I　cannot　I　shall　know　that　I　have　tried。〃

〃You　are　giving　meyou　are　giving　me　not　peace；　but　a　sword；〃　he
said。

She　understood　that　he　had　seen　the　two　tents。

〃Sometimes　a　sword　can　give　peace。〃

〃The　peace　of　death。〃

〃Borismy　dear　onethere　are　many　kinds　of　deaths。　Try　to　trust　me。
Leave　me　to　act　as　I　must　act。　Let　me　try　to　be　guidedonly　let　me
try。〃

He　did　not　say　another　word。

That　night　they　slept　apart　for　the　first　time　since　their　marriage。

〃Domini；　where　are　you　taking　me？　Where　are　we　going？〃

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The　camp　was　struck　once　more　and　they　were　riding　through　the　desert。
Domini　hesitated　to　answer　his　question。　It　had　been　put　with　a　sort
of　terror。

〃I　know　nothing；〃　he　continued。　〃I　am　in　your　hands　like　a　child。　It
cannot　be　always　so。　I　must　know；　I　must　understand。　What　is　our　life
to　be？　What　is　our　future？　A　man　cannot〃

He　paused。　Then　he　said：

〃I　feel　that　you　have　come　to　some　resolve。　I　feel　it　perpetually。　It
is　as　if　you　were　in　light　and　I　in　darkness；　you　in　knowledge　and　I
in　ignorance。　Youyou　must　tell　me。　I　have　told　you　all　now。　You　must
tell　me。〃

But　she　hesitated。

〃Not　now；〃　she　answered。　〃Not　yet。〃

〃We　are　to　journey　on　day　by　day　like　this；　and　I　am　not　to　know　where
we　are　going！　I　cannot；　DominiI　will　not。〃

〃Boris；　I　shall　tell　you。〃

〃When？〃

〃Will　you　trust　me；　Boris；　completely？　Can　you？〃

〃How？〃

〃Boris；　I　have　prayed　so　much　for　you　that　at　last　I　feel　that　I　can
act　for　you。　Don't　think　me　presumptuous。　If　you　could　see　into　my
heart　you　would　see　thatindeed；　I　don't　think　it　would　be　possible
to　feel　more　humble　than　I　do　in　regard　to　you。〃

〃Humbleyou；　Domini！　You　can　feel　humble　when　you　think　of　me；　when
you　are　with　me。〃

〃Yes。　You　have　suffered　so　terribly。　God　has　led　you。　I　feel　that　He
has　beenoh；　I　don't　know　how　to　say　it　quite　naturally；　quite　as　I
feel　itthat　He　has　been　more　intent　on　you　than　on　anyone　I　have
ever　known。　I　feel　that　His　meaning　in　regarding　to　you　is　intense；
Boris；　as　if　He　would　not　let　you　go。〃

〃He　let　me　go　when　I　left　the　monastery。〃

〃Does　one　never　return？〃

Again　a　sensation　almost　of　terror　assailed　him。　He　felt　as　if　he　were
fighting　in　darkness　something　that　he　could　not　see。

〃Return！〃　he　said。　〃What　do　you　mean？〃

She　saw　the　expression　of　almost　angry　fear　in　his　face。　It　warned　her
not　to　give　the　reins　to　her　natural　impulse；　which　was　always　towards
a　great　frankness。

〃Boris；　you　fled　from　God；　but　do　you　not　think　it　possible　that　you
could　ever　return　to　Him？　Have　you　not　taken　the　first　step？　Have　you
not　prayed？〃　His　face　changed；　grew　slightly　calmer。

〃You　told　me　I　could　pray；〃　he　answered；　almost　like　a　child。
〃Otherwise　II　should　not　have　dared　to。　I　should　have　felt　that　I
was　insulting　God。〃

〃If　you　trusted　me　in　such　a　thing；　can　you　not　trust　me　now？〃

〃But〃he　said　uneasily〃but　this　is　different；　a　worldly　matter；　a
matter　of　daily　life。　I　shall　have　to　know。〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Then　why　should　I　not　know　now？　At　any　moment　I　could　ask　Batouch。〃

〃Batouch　only　knows　from　day　to　day。　I　have　a　map　of　the　desert。　I　got
it　before　we　left　Beni…Mora。〃

Somethingperhaps　a　very　slight　hesitation　in　her　voice　just　before
she　said　the　last　wordsstartled　him。　He　turned　on　his　horse　and
looked　at　her　hard。

〃Domini；〃　he　said；　〃are　wewe　are　not　going　back　to　Beni…Mora？〃

〃I　will　tell　you　to…night；〃　she　replied　in　a　low　voice。　〃Let　me　tell
you　tonight。〃

He　said　no　more；　but　he　gazed　at　her　for　a　long　time　as　if　striving
passionately　to　read　her　thoughts。　But　he　could　not。　Her　white　face
was　calm；　and　she　rode　looking　straight　before　her；　as　one　that　looked
towards　some　distant　goal　to　which　all　her　soul　was　journeying　with
her　body。　There　was　something　mystical　in　her　face；　in　that　straight；
far…seeing　glance；　that　surely　pierced　beyond　the　blue　horizon　line
and　reached　a　faroff　world。　What　world？　He　asked　himself　the　question；
but　no　answer　came；　and　he　dropped　his　eyes。　A　new　and　horrible
sadness　came　to　him；　a　new　sensation　of　separation　from　Domini。　She
had　set　their　bodies　apart；　and　he　had　yielded。　Now；　was　she　not
setting　something　else　apart？　For；　in　spite　of　all；　in　spite　of　his
treacherous　existence　with　her；　he　had　so　deeply　and　entirely　loved
her　that　he　had　sometimes　felt；　dared　to　feel；　that　in　their　passion
in　the　desert　their　souls　had　been　fused　together。　His　was　blackhe
knew　itand　hers　was　white。　But　had　not　the　fire　and　the　depth　of
their　love　conquered　all　differences；　made　even　their　souls　one　as
their　bodies　had　been　one？　And　now　was　she　not　silently；　subtly；
withdrawing　her　soul　from　his？　A　sensation　of　acute　despair　swept　over
him；　of　utter　impotence。

〃Domini！〃　he　said；　〃Domini！〃

〃Yes；〃　she　answered。

And　this　time　she　withdrew　her　eyes　from　the　blue　distance　and　looked
at　him。

〃Domini；　you　must　trust　me。〃

He　was　thinking　of　the　two　tents　set　the　one　apart　from　the　other。

〃Domini；　I've　borne　something　in　silence。　I　haven't　spoken。　I　wanted
to　speak。　I　triedbut　I　did　not。　I　bore　my　punishmentyou　don't
know；　you'll　never　know　what　I　felt　lastlast　nightwhenI've　borne
that。　But　there's　one　thing　I　can't　bear。　I've　lived　a　lie　with　you。
My　love　for　you　overcame　me。　I　fell。　I　have　told　you　that　I　fell。
Don'tdon't　because　of　thatdon't　take　away　your　heart　from　me
entirely。　DominiDominidon't　do　that。〃

She　heard　a　sound　of　despair　in　his　voice。

〃Oh；　Boris；〃　she　said；　〃if　you　knew！　There　was　only　one　moment　when　I
fancied　my　heart　was　leaving　you。　It　passed　almost　before　it　came；　and
now〃

〃But；〃　he　interrupted；　〃do　you　knowdo　you　know　that　sincesince　I
spoke；　since　I　told　you；　you'veyou've　never　touched　me？〃

〃Yes；　I　know　it；〃　she　replied　quietly。

Something　told　him　to　be　silent　then。　Something　told　him　to　wait　till
the　night　came　and　the　camp　was　pitched　once　more。

They　rested　at　noon　for　several　hours；　as　it　was　impossible　to　travel
in　the　heat　of　the　day。　The　camp　started　an　hour　before　they　did。　Only
Batouch　remained　behind　to　show　them　the　way　to　Ain…la…Hammam；　where
they　would　pass　the　following　night。　When　Batouch　brought　the　horses
he　said：

〃Does　Madame　know　the　meaning　of　Ain…la…Hammam？〃

〃No；〃　said　Domini。　〃What　is　it？〃

〃Source　des　tourterelles；〃　replied　Batouch。　〃I　was　there　once　with　an
English　traveller。〃

〃Source　des　tourterelles；〃　repeated　Domini。　〃Is　it　beautiful；　Batouch？
It　sounds　as　if　it　ought　to　be　beautiful。〃

She　scarcely　knew　why；　but　she　had　a　longing　that　Ain…la…Hammam　might
be　tender；　calm；　a　place　to　soothe　the　spirit；　a　place　in　which
Androvsky　might　be　influenced　to　listen　to　what　she　had　to　tell　him
without　revolt；　without　despair。　Once　he　had　spoken　about　the
influence　of　place；　about　rising　superior　to　it。　But　she　believed　in
it；　and　she　waited；　almost　anxiously；　for　the　reply　of　Batouch。　As
usual　it　was　enigmatic。

〃Madame　will　see；〃　he　answered。　〃Madame　will　see。　But　the
Englishman〃

〃Yes？〃

〃The　Englishman　was　ravished。　'This；'　he　said　to　me；　'this；　Batouch；
is　a　little　Paradise！'　And　there　was　no　moon　then。　To…night　there　will
be　a　moon。〃

〃Paradise！〃　exclaimed　Androvsky。

He　sprang　upon　his　horse　and　pulled　up　the　reins。　Domini　said　no　more。
They　had　started　late。　It　was　night　when　they　reached　Ain…la…Hammam。
As　they　drew　near　Domini　looked　before　her　eagerly　through　the　pale
gloom　that　hung　over　the　sand。　She　saw　no　village；　only　a　very　small
grove　of　palms　and　near　it　the　outline　of　a　bordj。　The　place　was　set
in　a　cup　of　the　Sahara。　All　around　it　rose　low　hummocks　of　sand。　On
two　or　three　of　them　were　isolated　clumps　of　palms。　Here　the　eyes
roamed　over　no　vast　distances。　There　was　little　suggestion　of　space。
She　drew　up　her　horse　on　one　of　the　hummocks　and　gazed　down。　She　heard
doves　murmuring　in　their　soft　voices　among　the　trees。　The　tents　were
pitched　near　the　bordj。

〃What　does　Madame　think？〃　asked　Batouch。　〃Does　Madame　agree　with　the
Englishman？〃

〃It　is　a　strange　little　place；〃　she　answered。

She　listened　to　the　voices　of　the　doves。　A　dog　barked　by　the　bordj。

〃It　is　almost　like　a　hiding…place；〃　she　added。

Androvsky　said　nothing；　but　he；　too；　was　gazing　intently　at　the　trees
below　them；　he；　too；　was　listening　to　the　voices　of　the　doves。　After　a
moment　he　looked　at　her。

〃Domini；〃　he　whispered。　〃Herewon't　youwon't　you　let　me　touch　your
hand　again　here？〃

〃Come；　Boris；〃　she　answered。　〃It　is　late。〃

They　rode　down　into　Ain…la…Hammam。

The　tents　had　all　been　pitched　near　together　on　the　south　of　the
bordj；　and　separated　by　it　from　the　tiny　oasis。　Opposite　to　them　was　a
Cafe　Maure　of　the　humblest　kind；　a　hovel　of　baked　earth　and　brushwood；
with　earthen　divans　and　a　coffee　niche。　Before　this　was　squatting　a
group　of　five　dirty　desert　men；　the　sole　inhabitants　of　Ain…la…Hammam。
Just　before　dinner　Domini　gave　an　order　to　Batouch；　and；　while　they
were　dining；　Androvsky　noticed　that　their　people　were　busy　unpegging
the　two　sleep