a room with a view-第42节
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Lucy was frightened。
〃And she agreed that baptism was nothing； but he caught that
fever when he was twelve and she turned round。 She thought it a
judgment。〃 He shuddered。 〃Oh； horrible； when we had given up that
sort of thing and broken away from her parents。 Oh； horrible
worst of allworse than death； when you have made a little
clearing in the wilderness； planted your little garden； let in
your sunlight； and then the weeds creep in again！ A judgment！ And
our boy had typhoid because no clergyman had dropped water on him
in church！ Is it possible； Miss Honeychurch？ Shall we slip back
into the darkness for ever？〃
〃I don't know；〃 gasped Lucy。 〃I don't understand this sort of
thing。 I was not meant to understand it。〃
〃But Mr。 Eagerhe came when I was out； and acted according to
his principles。 I don't blame him or any one。。。 but by the time
George was well she was ill。 He made her think about sin； and she
went under thinking about it。〃
It was thus that Mr。 Emerson had murdered his wife in the sight
of God。
〃Oh； how terrible！〃 said Lucy； forgetting her own affairs at
last。
〃He was not baptized；〃 said the old man。 〃I did hold firm。〃 And
he looked with unwavering eyes at the rows of books； as ifat
what cost！he had won a victory over them。 〃My boy shall go back
to the earth untouched。〃
She asked whether young Mr。 Emerson was ill。
〃Ohlast Sunday。〃 He started into the present。 〃George last
Sundayno； not ill： just gone under。 He is never ill。 But he is
his mother's son。 Her eyes were his； and she had that forehead
that I think so beautiful； and he will not think it worth while
to live。 It was always touch and go。 He will live； but he will
not think it worth while to live。 He will never think anything
worth while。 You remember that church at Florence？〃
Lucy did remember； and how she had suggested that George should
collect postage stamps。
〃After you left Florencehorrible。 Then we took the house here；
and he goes bathing with your brother； and became better。 You saw
him bathing？〃
〃I am so sorry； but it is no good discussing this affair。 I am
deeply sorry about it。〃
〃Then there came something about a novel。 I didn't follow it at
all； I had to hear so much； and he minded telling me； he finds me
too old。 Ah； well； one must have failures。 George comes down
to…morrow； and takes me up to his London rooms。 He can't bear to
be about here； and I must be where he is。〃
〃Mr。 Emerson；〃 cried the girl； 〃don't leave at least； not on my
account。 I am going to Greece。 Don't leave your comfortable
house。〃
It was the first time her voice had been kind and he smiled。 〃How
good every one is！ And look at Mr。 Beebe housing mecame over
this morning and heard I was going！ Here I am so comfortable with
a fire。〃
〃Yes； but you won't go back to London。 It's absurd。〃
〃I must be with George； I must make him care to live； and down
here he can't。 He says the thought of seeing you and of hearing
about youI am not justifying him： I am only saying what has
happened。〃
〃Oh； Mr。 Emerson〃she took hold of his hand 〃you mustn't。 I've
been bother enough to the world by now。 I can't have you moving
out of your house when you like it； and perhaps losing money
through itall on my account。 You must stop！ I am just going to
Greece。〃
〃All the way to Greece？〃
Her manner altered。
〃To Greece？〃
〃So you must stop。 You won't talk about this business； I know。 I
can trust you both。〃
〃Certainly you can。 We either have you in our lives； or leave you
to the life that you have chosen。〃
〃I shouldn't want〃
〃I suppose Mr。 Vyse is very angry with George？ No； it was wrong
of George to try。 We have pushed our beliefs too far。 I fancy
that we deserve sorrow。〃
She looked at the books againblack； brown； and that acrid
theological blue。 They surrounded the visitors on every side；
they were piled on the tables； they pressed against the very
ceiling。 To Lucy who could not see that Mr。 Emerson was
profoundly religious； and differed from Mr。 Beebe chiefly by his
acknowledgment of passionit seemed dreadful that the old man
should crawl into such a sanctum； when he was unhappy； and be
dependent on the bounty of a clergyman。
More certain than ever that she was tired； he offered her his
chair。
〃No； please sit still。 I think I will sit in the carriage。〃
〃Miss Honeychurch； you do sound tired。〃
〃Not a bit；〃 said Lucy； with trembling lips。
〃But you are； and there's a look of George about you。 And what
were you saying about going abroad？〃
She was silent。
〃Greece〃and she saw that he was thinking the word over
〃Greece； but you were to be married this year； I thought。〃
〃Not till January； it wasn't；〃 said Lucy； clasping her hands。
Would she tell an actual lie when it came to the point？
〃I suppose that Mr。 Vyse is going with you。 I hopeit isn't
because George spoke that you are both going？〃
〃No。〃
〃I hope that you will enjoy Greece with Mr。 Vyse。〃
〃Thank you。〃
At that moment Mr。 Beebe came back from church。 His cassock was
covered with rain。 〃That's all right；〃 he said kindly。 〃I counted
on you two keeping each other company。 It's pouring again。 The
entire congregation； which consists of your cousin； your mother；
and my mother； stands waiting in the church； till the carriage
fetches it。 Did Powell go round？〃
〃I think so； I'll see。〃
〃Noof course； I'll see。 How are the Miss Alans？〃
〃Very well； thank you。〃
〃Did you tell Mr。 Emerson about Greece？〃
〃II did。〃
〃Don't you think it very plucky of her； Mr。 Emerson； to undertake
the two Miss Alans？ Now； Miss Honeychurch； go backkeep warm。 I
think three is such a courageous number to go travelling。〃 And he
hurried off to the stables。
〃He is not going；〃 she said hoarsely。 〃I made a slip。 Mr。 Vyse
does stop behind in England。〃
Somehow it was impossible to cheat this old man。 To George； to
Cecil； she would have lied again； but he seemed so near the end
of things； so dignified in his approach to the gulf； of which he
gave one account； and the books that surrounded him another； so
mild to the rough paths that he had traversed； that the true
chivalrynot the worn…out chivalry of sex； but the true chivalry
that all the young may show to all the oldawoke in her； and； at
whatever risk； she told him that Cecil was not her companion to
Greece。 And she spoke so seriously that the risk became a
certainty； and he； lifting his eyes； said： 〃You are leaving him？
You are leaving the man you love？〃
〃II had to。〃
〃Why； Miss Honeychurch； why？〃
Terror came over her； and she lied again。 She made the long；
convincing speech that she had made to Mr。 Beebe； and intended to
make to the world when she announced that her engagement was no
more。 He heard her in silence； and then said： 〃My dear； I am
worried about you。 It seems to me〃dreamily； she was not
alarmed〃that you are in a muddle。〃
She shook her head。
〃Take an old man's word； there's nothing worse than a muddle in
all the world。 It is easy to face Death and Fate； and the things
that sound so dreadful。 It is on my muddles that I look back with
horroron the things that I might have avoided。 We can help one
another but little。 I used to think I could teach young people
the whole of life； but I know better now； and all my teaching of
George has come down to this： beware of muddle。 Do you remember
in that church； when you pretended to be annoyed with me and
weren't？ Do you remember before； when you refused the room with
the view？ Those were muddleslittle； but ominousand I am
fearing that you are in one now。〃 She was silent。 〃Don't trust
me； Miss Honeychurch。 Though life is very glorious； it is
difficult。〃 She was still silent。 〃'Life' wrote a friend of mine；
'is a public performance on the violin； in which you must learn
the instrument as you go along。' I think he puts it well。 Man has
to pick up the use of his functions as he goes alongespecially
the function of Love。〃 Then he burst out excitedly； 〃That's it；
that's what I mean。 You love George！〃 And after his long
preamble； the three words burst against Lucy like waves from the
open sea。
〃But you do；〃 he went on； not waiting for contradiction。 〃You
love the boy body and soul； plainly； directly； as he loves you；
and no other word expresses it。 You won't marry the other man for
his sake。〃
〃How dare you！〃 gasped Lucy； with the roaring of waters in her
ears。 〃Oh； how like a man！I mean； to suppose that a woman is
always thinking about a man。〃
〃But you are。〃
She summoned physical disgust。
〃You're shocked； but I mean to shock you。 It's the only hope at
times。 I can reach you no other way。 You must marry； or your life
will be wasted。 You have gone too far to retreat。 I have no time
for the tenderness； and the comradeship
